All Right, Evans?
by CokeBottleK
Summary: Part One of in-progress trilogy: The thing about being Lily Evans and James Potter was that you couldn't do anything without everybody else saying something about it.
1. Stupidity

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything of the Harry Potter universe. Cover art by burdge-bug.  
**

_This fic begins with the following characters in sixth year: the Marauders, Lily Evans, Alice Prewett, Marlene McKinnon, Severus Snape, Avery, and Mulciber**. **Seventh years will include Frank Longbottom, Rodolphus Lestrange, Bellatrix Black, Amos Diggory, Gideon & Fabian Prewett, and Bertha Jorkins. Regulus Black is a fourth year. (Not all of these characters are seen or even discussed right away, but they will come into the story at some point.)_

_Remus and Lily are Gryffindor prefects.  
_

_The events/memories of "Snape's Worst Memory" (OotP) and "The Prince's Tale" (DH) are relevant.  
_

_I think that covers the basics, and I will add any other facts to the beginnings of chapters as they come along. I just didn't want to disrupt the narrative flow.  
_

_Hope you enjoy! -K.  
_

* * *

**Monday, 5:26 P.M.**

"That was an incredibly stupid thing to do, James."

"I know it was, Moony," James said for what felt like the umpteenth time. He did know, too. He'd been sitting on the floor next to his bed for the past half an hour, thinking about how very much he _knew _and listening to Remus remind him, anyway.

"Give him a break already," said Sirius, who was sitting on the floor across from James. "Besides, Prongs, it wasn't bad for your first Muggle duel."

The grin that flickered across James's mouth was short-lived, though, as Sirius continued, "Not bad, but I don't know why you bothered with it in the first place. You've got a wand, you know."

"I _know_." James sighed and leaned his head back. "I just… forgot it."

"Said the pureblood."

"Oh, sod off."

Sirius barked a laugh. "Come off it, Prongsy," he cajoled. "I bet Evans was right impressed."

James groaned. If there was another thing he'd been thinking about for the past thirty minutes besides how much he _knew_, it was how much he wished Lily Evans hadn't been there at all.

"I don't think so," Peter said from his seat on James's bed. "Did you see her face after Lestrange got carted off to the hospital wing? She looked put-off, really..."

"Peter!" Sirius interjected. "Peter. Shut. Up."

Remus, however, wasn't having it.

"She should be put-off!" he said as he paced. "She was probably _embarrassed_, James, you can't keep playing the hero like that. She doesn't need it –"

"Oy, would you _sit down_?" Sirius interrupted. "What are you pacing about, anyway? You're not the one serving a week's detention."

"Neither would the two of you, if James hadn't thrown the first punch and you hadn't helped him."

"Look, Lestrange's fine, he's twice our size, and Slytherins practically live off their ability to draw blood –"

"I don't care that he's a Slytherin!" Remus shouted. "And it would appear that certain _Gryffindors _live off their ability to be idiots, so I wouldn't be so pleased with myself if I were you, Sirius!"

James groaned loudly. He'd had enough fighting for one day, and he didn't need to be the cause of a row between his best mates. Besides, Lestrange had done rather well in the fight and despite Madam Pomfrey's fussing, James still felt like his brain was trying to escape his skull.

Remus quit pacing and dropped himself on top of Sirius's bed. "I'm a prefect, you remember, and I look just as bad when I can't keep my mates from doing stupid things."

"Aw, Moony." Sirius reached up behind him to pat Remus's arm sympathetically. "You're uncharacteristically edgy. Wormy, when's the full moon?"

"It was a week ago…" Peter said slowly, and James snorted with laughter at Sirius's poor memory.

"Remember, Padfoot, you got into that house's backyard before realizing they had a wild turkey penned up there," James reminded him. "Have your injuries healed?"

"Seems like they have, and now he's reverted to a state of denial," Remus offered with a tired laugh.

"Shut it, you lot," Sirius said as his friends continued to laugh at his expense. He looked pointedly at James. "At least I didn't _forget I'm a wizard_."

"Too soon, Padfoot," James said. He thought of Lily again and added, "It's always going to be too soon."

"Touchy, touchy." Sirius grinned, guessing the direction of his friend's tortured thoughts. "I still think it was brill, though, even if Evans won't go out with you. You know she's got a soft spot for the Slytherins."

Remus frowned. "Nah, Padfoot, you saw how she dealt with it this afternoon," he said, shaking his head. "Who could blame her, either, after last year?"

James cringed at the memory, but Sirius was unperturbed.

"Don't look so guilty, Prongs," he said. "You're not the one who called her a – well, a you-know-what. That was all Snivellus."

"You don't think we sort of egged him on a bit?" James said, voicing the fear that had been plaguing him for the past few months. He probably loathed the greasy-haired Slytherin more than anyone, but that didn't mean he felt completely innocent in the decimation of Snape and Lily's friendship.

Sirius snorted. "'Course we did. We always do. Doesn't mean he's got to turn against the only person who was on his side."

"It's not your fault," Peter added, patting James's head in what was meant to be a consoling way, but it only served to fuel James's headache.

"Besides," Sirius went on, "did you see old Snivelly's face today? He looked right pleased when Lestrange was beating your head against that wall. That's why I jinxed him before I got Lestrange. Slimy git."

"And what did Evans think about that?" James wanted to know.

Sirius shrugged. "Dunno. I was busy saving your rotten life. Plus there was a lot of shouting. You know, I think Hogwarts is a rather excitable bunch."

James groaned again and buried his head in his arms. He felt like a right idiot, just like Remus had said, but he was always an idiot when it came to Lily Evans. The thing of it was, he hadn't even gone after Lestrange to impress her. Of course, it had been for her sake and all, but Remus was right again when he said she didn't need a hero…

He hadn't meant to land himself in detention, which was saying something, but he'd been trying hard to keep out of trouble. At least, most trouble, because where was the fun in making no trouble at all?

But he still hadn't meant to forget that he was a wizard and by extension, break Lestrange's nose with his own fist. And by extension he'd done a lot of other things he hadn't meant to do – like the detention and landing Sirius in there with him and making a complete tosser out of himself in front of Evans for the thousandth time (and "thousandth" was being generous).

But he supposed that's what he got for being a Gryffindor, although he didn't quite remember the Sorting Hat saying anything about how stupid it was to be brave.


	2. Earlier That Day

**Monday, 12:00 P.M.**

James had left Transfiguration with his fellow Marauders, laughing and joking and occasionally staring at the back of Lily Evans's head as she made her way to the Great Hall with her friends. He wasn't being too subtle about it, but at this point everyone just expected that James Potter would be staring at Lily Evans, even if that meant stepping on the backs of everyone else's shoes.

Just as they'd reached the entrance hall, a group of Slytherins emerged from their dungeon common room. They eyed the Gryffindor girls with contempt, which wasn't a surprise considering this particular Slytherin group consisted of Avery, Mulciber, Lestrange, Snape, and Sirius's cousin Bellatrix (the two of whom refused to acknowledge each other unless a fight broke out, in which case they used the opportunity to mock each other for the sake of a good show).

Lily ignored the group, keeping her eyes determinedly averted from her estranged best mate and the friends he'd forsaken her for. Marlene McKinnon did likewise, as did Alice Prewett – that is, until Mulciber shot a hex their way, causing Alice's books to fly out of her bag and hit her repeatedly upside the head.

Marlene was quick with the counterjinx, so the books fell, harmless, to the floor before they could do much damage. Lily too was quick with her wand, which she directed at the Slytherins. A hush fell over the throng of students who had been making their way to lunch as they stopped to watch what was sure to be a brilliant duel, or a row at the very least. The Mauraders were no exception (unless you counted the fact that they all had their hands clutching their wands, just in case).

"Which one of you was it, then?" Lily demanded of the Slytherins, her voice ringing out against the sudden, echoing quiet of the hall. "Mulciber, you've got your wand out. Too stupid to hide the evidence, are you?"

Mulciber sneered. "You've got _your_ wand out, Evans; no need to make snap judgments."

The Slytherins snickered, but Lily hadn't been discouraged.

"You must have missed the part where you're stupid and I'm clever," she countered evenly, her wand still pointing in their direction. "Now why don't you have a go while our backs aren't turned? Or haven't I egged you on enough?"

The Slytherins weren't laughing anymore. Mulciber and Avery were eyeing Lily's wand apprehensively. Snape was looking at a spot just beyond Lily's shoulder, as if he couldn't bring himself to meet her eye. Rodolphus Lestrange appeared haughty and Bellatrix sneered, but the tension was palpable despite their arrogance.

Lily raised her eyebrows. "No?" she said. "Right, then, Mulciber, ten points from Slytherin for using magic in the corridors."

A few Gryffindors cheered appreciatively, James whistled, and Sirius yelled, "Get it, Evans!"

Lily stowed her wand back in her pocket and turned away, making for the Great Hall again with Alice and Marlene, when Lestrange's voice rang out over the babble of talk that was beginning to overtake the students again…

"Walk away – good thinking, Mudblood!"

A few angry shouts came from the surrounding crowd, and James's grip fell from his wand as his fists clenched. Lily had paused for only a moment, but she shook it off and continued on her way, so she couldn't know that Lestrange had pulled out his wand…

"Oy! Prongs!"

"_James!"_

"Oh, dear…"

His friends' warnings fell on deaf ears as James ran at the Slytherins and his fist connected with Lestrange's face. There was a cracking noise and blood poured out of Lestrange's nose and over James's hand.

The watching students cheered, encouraging and jeering as the fight escalated. Lestrange had dropped his wand and was fighting James off with his own fists. Lily turned on the spot just in time to deflect the hex Bellatrix aimed at her, succeeding in making Bellatrix's face break out in ugly yellow boils.

"Hell, Lily, you'll get detention for that!" Alice groaned as the crowd cheered again.

"Rather detention than the hospital wing!" Lily said, a grin spreading across her face as she blocked Avery's jinx with a flick of her wrist, leaving him in a Full Body-Bind. "Now… Potter! _Where is your wand_, you complete dolt?"

But between the shouts of the crowd and the fact that Lestrange now had him in a headlock and was beating his head against the stone wall, James didn't hear Lily's amused admonition.

Sirius shot a Stunning spell at Snape then. "Not so funny now, is it, Snivellus?" he shouted before hitting Lestrange with the same spell. James was able to wriggle free from Lestrange's slackened hold then; he blinked several times to see stars erupt in front of his eyes.

"Aw, bloody… bloody… something or other," he mumbled. He looked down at Lestrange. "Reckon he'd look better with some boils like his girlfriend, eh, Padfoot?"

Sirius grinned wolfishly, his eyes darting to his cousin, who was still covering her face and failing to work out the counterjinx. "Reckon so," he said, and with a flick of his wand he had provided Lestrange with the same ailment.

James looked over to Lily, his vision swimming so that there seemed to be three of her. "All right there, Evans? Evanses…?"

She shot him a sort of halfhearted scowl, torn between amusement and annoyance and a bit of confusion as to why he was addressing her in plural form. James sent her a sort of salute then before losing his balance and blacking out.

* * *

**4:45 P.M.**

The next thing James knew, he was in the hospital wing.

His eyes flickered open to see the rest of the Marauders sitting around his bed. Sirius was leaning back in his chair, his feet resting on James's stomach. Remus had his arms crossed. Peter was picking at his fingernails.

"You're mad" was the first thing James heard, and it came from Remus.

"Watch it, Moony," Sirius warned, although he seemed pretty unconcerned. "Pomfrey said he needs _rest_."

"You've got your feet planted in his abdomen," Remus snapped.

"We've been sitting here 'round about five hours, I need to stretch my limbs a bit –"

_"Shhh."_ Peter pressed a finger to his lips. "Pomfrey's door just opened, she's coming…"

Madam Pomfrey bustled over to them then, her brow furrowed in irritation. "Black, Potter's got a concussion. Get your feet off him."

"It's not like they're on his _head_," Sirius pointed out, but dropped his feet to the floor, anyway.

Madam Pomfrey ignored his cheek and started fussing over James. "How's your head, Potter? I did what I could, but you were out when this lot brought you up here. McGonagall's in my office, she wants a word, but –"

"No _buts_, Poppy," interjected a crisp, stern voice. Professor McGonagall was walking towards the group around the bed, her spectacles flashing dangerously. "Potter, I assume you're well enough to hear that you've got detention this week."

James groaned. Leave it to him to get in trouble when he'd sworn to keep himself out of the worst of it.

"You see, Minerva, Potter needs more rest –"

"Don't be so dramatic, Potter," McGonagall said, ignoring Madam Pomfrey's objections. "Mr. Black will be accompanying you, as Lestrange has testified against him."

Sirius appeared rather bored; he'd clearly been given the news while James had been unconscious. But that didn't stop him from commenting nonetheless.

"Of course he's dramatic, Professor," he drawled. "After all, it is _me_ who'll be joining him, while Evans skips off without so much as a reprimand."

McGonagall shot him a stern look. "Mr. Black, I would like to inform you _yet again_ that Miss Evans used defensive magic –"

"Bollocks!"

"– while _you_ attacked Mr. Snape unprovoked," McGonagall went on, voice raised slightly. "And I fail to see the need to hex Lestrange beyond Stunning him, so that counts against you as well."

Sirius shrugged. "I wanted to ensure the continued romantic bliss of my dear cousin," he said. "I'm sure Lestrange would have broken Bella's heart if she'd been doomed to a life full of boils. Thought I'd even the score."

McGonagall frowned. So did Remus.

"Even so, Mr. Black, it's a week's detention each and twenty points from Gryffindor," McGonagall said, turning to leave. "You will both report to the dungeons tonight at eight o'clock. If you can manage, Potter."

James grunted his assent, ignoring the angry huffing noises Madam Pomfrey was making.

"Fine, Potter," she said as the hospital wing door shut behind Professor McGonagall. "Now sit up and take your potion. You should be all sorted for scrubbing the Potions dungeon, then."

James complied and within another ten minutes, Madam Pomfrey deemed him fit enough to leave.

"Try to stay out of trouble on your way to your dormitory!" she called after the four boys as they left the wing.

Remus snorted. "But how could we resist?" he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he shot a look at his troublesome friends.

"Moony's a tad put-off with us," Sirius said to James. "We'll be hearing it when we're back at the dormitory, mark my words…"


	3. That Went Well

**Monday, 6:50 P.M.**

"Prongs, are you going to hide your face in your lap 'til detention, or can we get some supper?"

"Is Evans going to be at supper?" James asked, his voice muffled.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "All I know is that Evans got to eat lunch while we sat around the hospital wing with your sorry arse."

James lifted his head to look at his friends. "To be fair, I didn't tell you to skip lunch."

"But we'd look like a right couple of gits if we didn't," Sirius said. "Besides, I had my fingers crossed that Pomfrey wouldn't be able to remove the boils, and I wasn't going to miss that. Also Remus wanted to yell at you as soon as he could."

"For good reason," Remus said.

"Sure, right." Sirius got to his feet and kicked James's shoes a few times. "Come on now, Prongs, I'm sure Evans isn't too sore; not like she got in trouble because of you or anything. And Peter hasn't eaten since breakfast, he looks practically emaciated…"

"You're the one that's been whining about food all day," Peter piped up.

"Wormtail, cheek me again and I'll eat you at the next full moon."

"Oh, for Merlin's sake, Sirius…" Remus sighed but chose not to comment further. "Let's go, Prongs, Madam Pomfrey will have all our heads if you don't eat something."

Resigned to the pressure, James stood and followed his friends out of the dormitory. They made their way to the Great Hall, occasionally hailed by a passing student who wished to congratulate them on the afternoon's excellent fight. Remus wore an odd expression at these times, like he couldn't decide if he should smile or not. Peter remained in awe at the fact that he was associated with James and Sirius at all. Sirius did his best to act bashful, and James merely mumbled his thanks as his thoughts continued to shift towards Lily.

Not that that was anything new, but his fantasies usually didn't involve his own humiliation.

James followed his friends to four seats at the Gryffindor table, and it wasn't until he'd pulled a dish of potatoes toward him that he realized who was sitting across from him.

"Surprised to see you here, Potter. I thought you'd given up magic in favor of a Muggle life."

James quickly masked his flinch and grinned across the table. "Ah, Evans, but what would I do without you?"

"Not punch people, I expect," Lily said loftily.

"Is becuff 'e wikes 'oo," Sirius said thickly through his mouthful of chicken and mashed potato.

Trying not to smile and failing miserably at it, Lily turned to Sirius. "_What?"_ she said, unable to mask the burst of laughter that accompanied the question. "And watch where you're spitting that food."

Sirius swallowed. "I _said_ it's because he likes you. And you can't tell me what to do, Evans, you're not my mother. Which is good, or else I'd end up with this bloke as my stepdad," he added, gesturing to James with a chicken leg.

"Assuming I'm going to marry this bloke?" Lily said, eyes still on Sirius.

"Why not?" Sirius demanded. "You've got to marry the bloke who defends your honor. Pay attention."

"Pay attention to _what_?"

"Not Sirius," James cut in, only slightly annoyed that Sirius was much better at making Lily laugh than he was. "It's odd, I'm the one who got his skull beat in, and he's the one suffering brain damage."

"You're such a wanker –"

"Watch it," Remus said.

Lily shook her head and turned back to James. "How _is_ your head, Potter?"

"Worse than Lestrange's nose, which is a right shame," James replied bitterly. "Can't decide if it was worth it or not."

"_Can't decide?"_ Sirius echoed indignantly. "Come off it, Prongs, it was –"

"Padfoot," Remus said, "look, this steak's undercooked. You love raw meat. Eat this."

Lily raised her eyebrows at James, who shrugged in a "Don't ask" kind of way and then changed the subject. "How's Alice? Mulciber got her pretty good with those books."

"She's all right," Lily said. "She had a bit of a headache, but Marlene was quick enough with her wand. They're off telling Frank about how brilliant the whole thing was. He missed it, poor bloke, but I suppose it's for the best, as I'm not sure what he would have done if he'd caught Mulciber hexing Alice."

"Right," James said, remembering that his fellow Gryffindor was rumored to fancy Alice Prewett. "You did rather well in his place, though."

A smile touched the corners of Lily's lips. "Mum always said I had a bad temper."

"Bit of a difference between a bad temper and holding your own against those idiots," James said, his eyes drifting towards the Slytherin table.

Lily followed his gaze. "They didn't used to be so bad," she said. "Not all of them, anyway."

James turned back to his dinner. "We get worse as we get older."

"You didn't," she said, and their eyes met again.

"Was that a compliment, Evans?" James asked, trying to ignore his suddenly erratic heartbeat.

Lily smiled. "Don't get cocky, Potter."

"Hate to break up this love fest," Sirius said loudly, "but James and I've got detention to get to."

James checked his watch. "Oh, right." He stood. "Well, erm… see you around, Evans."

"See you, Potter."

James and Sirius were in the entrance hall before either of them spoke. Sirius shot James a sidelong look and said lightly, "That went well."

And thinking that Lily had smiled at him without having first jinxed him into a face-full of tentacles, James had never enjoyed a walk down to the dungeons more.


	4. Plotting

**Monday, 9:03 P.M.**

The Slytherin common room was almost empty, save for the three figures sitting in front of the fireplace.

"Your cousin's a blood traitor if I ever saw one," Lestrange said roughly to Bellatrix.

She scowled. "You don't have to tell me, Rodolphus, I've seen the sort he hangs around with. Traitors and Mudbloods, the lot of them. My cousin was never known for his family loyalty."

"You reckon Regulus is on the same path?"

"He's in Slytheirn, at least, isn't he?" Bellatrix said. "I don't think he's got friends at all, really, but better that than mingling with the kind of riffraff Sirius got himself involved with. Have you noticed anything, Snape?"

Snape shook his head. "Regulus keeps to himself. He won't be hexing us any time soon."

"If that's what you call it," Lestrange scoffed. "At least Sirius remembered his place, unlike Potter. What kind of pureblood resorts to Muggle dueling? It's pathetic, an embarrassment."

"Weak," Bellatrix agreed, "but Potter's desperate about that Mudblood girl." A twisted smile began to snake its way across her mouth at the thought. "Lost his head. No wonder, since I doubt she's got enough magic in her to hold a candle to us… What are you scowling about, Snape?"

"I'm not," Snape protested as he made an unsuccessful attempt to smooth out his features.

"Oh, that's right," Bellatrix said. She took her time with the words, drawing them out, her smile widening with every syllable. "You were _friends_ with that Mudblood, weren't you, Severus? Fancied her, too, I bet, and now she's cozied up to Potter –"

"I never fancied her!" Snape interjected angrily. "Not that I care, but she's not 'cozied up' to anyone, either, least of all Potter. She hates him."

"You didn't see them at dinner?" Bellatrix antagonized him. She was sore about that afternoon's events, and Snape was an easy target on which to release her frustration. "Didn't seem too hateful to me. She was even laughing at the blood traitor's jokes –"

"Shut it, both of you," Lestrange ordered before Snape could retort. The first considered the other for a moment before continuing. "You're awfully defensive, Severus. Having second thoughts about the Evans girl, are you?"

"No," Snape said through gritted teeth. "What do I care about some filthy Mudblood?" He felt a slight pang in his chest as the slur escaped his lips, but he did his best to ignore it. Now was not the time to recount his wrongs.

Bellatrix snorted disbelievingly. "Prove it," she muttered.

"All in good time, Bella," Lestrange conceded.

Snape felt his stomach constrict painfully, wondering what exactly he'd be forced to prove, and he cursed himself. His fellow Slytherins had all been wary of him, testing his loyalty to see if it lay with them or his now estranged Gryffindor friend. He knew better than to let his guard down, even in the slightest, even for a moment. And now it seemed that he would be put to the test, whenever "all in good time" was.

"In the meantime, though," Lestrange was saying, "Severus, you should extend a hand to Regulus."

Snape nodded, hoping that reaching out to Regulus might mean they would forget about testing his loyalty when it came to Lily Evans. He ignored the part of him that told him his hopes were useless.

Oblivious to Snape's inner turmoil, Lestrange stood from his chair, ready for bed now that the wheels in his head were turning. Planning would start soon enough, and he knew he should get his rest while he could.

"There's a war going on outside," he added, looking pointedly at Snape as if he suspected that the younger Slytherin had forgotten. "Let the dirty blood distract themselves with how very clever and romantic they all are; they'll be all the weaker when this comes to a head."

"They'll be the first to go," Bellatrix said with a laugh. "Sirius among them."

"Let him," Lestrange said, knowing that Sirius was too far gone to be retrieved. It didn't matter, as long as they stopped Regulus from following in those footsteps. "But we can't afford to lose another Black to the wrong side."


	5. Pranked Potion

_First, wow, I just want to extend all my thanks to everyone who's read, followed, promoted, and reviewed so far, so THANK YOU_ **Conceited Prancer**, **stefanie437**,** saffron-ashley-elizabeth**,** GirlWithBook**,** JustTrippin**,** HoneyLake**, _the following Tumblr accounts:_** anobscureaspirant**,** fanficsunderthestairs**,** cupboard-underthe-stairs**,** lily-plus-james**,** rookwhore**, _and_** any & all anons**. _If I missed you, my apologies, and I wish you nothing but a lifetime of cookies and happiness._

_I would also like to say I'm sorry for the short chapters. I have this eye condition so sometimes it's very tiresome for me to keep my retinas glued to the computer screen for too long. I will have some longer chapters (like this one here), but really it comes down to what's happening and how I want it organized. The good news is, I tend to get more done when the chapters are shorter._

_Comments, questions, concerns that you don't want to post in a review? You can message me here or on my Tumblr - _**cokebottleglassesarecool**_._

_-K._

* * *

**Thursday, 8:58 A.M.**

"We're going to be late," Remus said as he led his friends across the entrance hall towards the dungeons. They had two minutes before double Potions started, all because James and Sirius had been stuck in detention until midnight and decided to have a bit of a lay-in.

"Who cares?" Sirius yawned hugely. "The less time we spend with the Slytherins, the better."

"Don't you live in a house full of Slytherins?" Peter reminded him.

James laughed, but Sirius was unperturbed.

"All the more reason to avoid them at school," he said. "Bunch of lying, scheming –"

"Said the Marauder," Remus muttered as they descended the steps into the dimly lit dungeon corridor. Then, more loudly, he continued. "Really, Padfoot, you're awfully prejudiced for someone who claims to loathe the Slytherins for the exact same reason."

Sirius looked affronted. "Are you calling me a hypocrite?"

It was James who answered him then. "Yeah, a bit, but don't you think it's better to dislike someone for being a Muggle-hating git than to actually _be_ the Muggle-hating git?"

Remus lifted his eyes to the ceiling. "I'm sorry for bringing it up at all."

"It's really too early to be philosophical," Peter agreed.

James shrugged. "Not like there's any love lost between Gryffindor and Slytherin, anyway."

"Hear, hear," Sirius muttered under his breath as they entered the Potions classroom.

Professor Slughorn shook his massive head at the four of them. "Boys, boys," he chided good-naturedly, "cutting it a bit close, aren't we?"

"Sorry, Professor," they chanted in unison as they took their usual seats in the back of the classroom.

Lily shot James a sort of exasperated half-smile when he passed her, and he felt his heart jump eagerly up into his throat. The rest of the Marauders rolled their eyes at the giddy look on their friend's face but didn't comment further.

As they pulled out the necessary ingredients that Slughorn had listed on the blackboard, Remus looked pointedly at James and Sirius and said, "See, you're wrong."

"Yeah, Moony, but I'm out of dragon claw, and I don't see how salamander teeth are _all_ that different –"

"Not about the ingredients," Remus interrupted, "although your potion's going to congeal if you do that, Padfoot; here, I've got extra dragon claw you can use. No, I meant you're wrong about Slytherins. Look at Slughorn, he's not so bad."

Peter nodded. "Even McGonagall might've docked us points for tardiness, and she's Head of Gryffindor."

Sirius snorted, causing some of his newly powdered dragon claw to scatter over the table. "That's only because Slughorn's got a soft spot for Prongs here."

James looked up from his Potions book. "What are you on about? Slughorn's got his favorites, and you don't see me skipping off to Slug Club meetings every other week."

"Well, no," Sirius conceded, "but you've got that whole 'fancying Evans' thing in common, so he must feel some sort of kinship."

James laughed. "Come off it."

"What? He must reckon you've got a good head on your shoulders, since you've spent the last year or so publicly announcing your affection. Me, I think you're a bit of a moron, but to each his own."

Remus looked about as unconvinced as James. "Slughorn never favored Snape much," he pointed out, "and Lily actually liked him."

James frowned at Remus's choice of words, but Sirius merely shrugged and said, "James has better hair."

"I got the impression last year that Lily thought it was stupid," Remus said lightly, his eyes on the ingredients he was measuring.

"She seems pretty friendly lately, though," Sirius remarked. He looked at James, who was refusing to get his hopes up. "The two of you have been pretty chummy the past few days. Guess Moony and Wormtail here were wrong about her being put-off with you after that stunt with Lestrange."

"But you're still mad," Remus was quick to say before his friends could get too smug.

"And she didn't look happy, either," Peter defended.

Sirius gave him a pitying look. "That's because you don't know anything about birds, Peter."

"What do birds have to do with anything?"

"Girls, Pete." Sirius rolled his eyes. "Point proven."

"You're awfully quiet, James," Remus said, looking across the table at his uncharacteristically silent friend. "Any thoughts?"

James shrugged. Lily might have been friendlier lately, but he didn't want to succumb to the delusion that she actually _liked_ him. That seemed premature, and he'd practically be asking to crash and burn if he let himself believe it.

"Well, I don't think Padfoot knows anything about girls, either," was what he decided to say aloud, and he held up a hand to deflect the mooncalf liver Sirius chucked at him.

"I dunno what I think, Moony," James went on. His eyes traveled to the front of the classroom where Lily was working. "All I know is that she seems to hate me a lot less than she did a few months ago. Good enough for me."

It was, too, and James was relieved to know that he wasn't lying. He'd spent enough time pretending not to care what Lily Evans thought of him. But the recent possibility that what she thought was positive made it so he didn't have to torture himself about it. It was bad enough that he still couldn't get her to go out with him.

_Baby steps, Potter,_ he thought, tearing his eyes from the back of Lily's head to concentrate on his potion. _You'll get there._

* * *

Snape watched as the four boys rushed into the Potions dungeon. Late, in total disregard of the rules, but of course Slughorn didn't bat an eye. Favoritism, Snape thought, but he didn't know what there was to get so excited about. Potter and Black were more arrogant than talented, and Pettigrew was only liked by association. The only one close to being a teacher's pet was Lupin, but there was something off-putting about him nonetheless.

But Lupin's oddities would have to wait to be discovered (something Snape was determined to do). For now, Snape had too much on his mind without worrying about Gryffindor favoritism, so he ignored the smile he saw Lily send to Potter and went back to his potion, thinking…

He had reached out to Regulus Black, much as he didn't want to. He thought that Lestrange was going a bit mad over his minimal position of power. Yes, it had been Voldemort who had instructed Lestrange's father to use his son as a recruiter, but Rodolphus was letting it go to his head. Snape was convinced that Voldemort had only chosen Rodolphus because his father was such an ally to the cause.

But it didn't matter, Snape reminded himself as he sprinkled daisy roots into his cauldron. The point was that Lestrange had been chosen, so it was Snape's job to do as he was told. If he did so well enough, it could be he who called the shots next year…

The thought gave him a momentary pang of guilt. It had only been a few months since Lily had rejected his apologies and severed their friendship. He hadn't spoken to her all summer. They had been back at school for nearly two months now, and the most attention she'd given him was pulling her wand on his fellow Slytherins.

Snape looked up from his simmering cauldron, his eyes shifting towards Lily across the room. She looked happy, he noted, and he wondered how happy she'd be if she knew what he was up to now.

* * *

Sirius elbowed James in the side to get his attention. "Hey, Prongs," he said, "looks like you and Slughorn might have some competition…"

"What're you on about?" James asked, irritated as it was because his potion was turning a sickly yellow color instead of the orange it was supposed to be at this stage.

Sirius nodded to the front of the room. "Snivellus has been staring at Evans for about three solid minutes, at least."

James whipped his head around, so he didn't notice the reprimanding look Remus shot at Sirius. He did, however, notice that Sirius was very right. He felt his jaw clench, but at the same time he felt ridiculous that this would put him so on-edge. The conflicting emotions only irked him further.

"So?" Peter said, giving up on his potion to join the conversation. "Lots of blokes stare at Evans. James doesn't have a monopoly on staring."

"Who's side are you on?" Sirius wanted to know. "You can go sit with Snivellus if you like, Wormtail, but come on, Prongs, what say we have a bit of fun?"

"Not during class, you're not," Remus protested.

"Come on, Moony, where's your sense of mischief?"

"My sense of mischief isn't in the mood for detention," Remus snapped back, "which, by the way, you're still serving."

"Only for a couple more days," Sirius said, clearly undisturbed by the fact.

"Are you aiming to scrub every inch of the castle before sixth year is out?"

"Yeah, maybe I am –"

"Don't be stupid."

"James," Sirius said, turning away from Remus and their pointless bickering, "think about it, mate. One second Snivellus is calling her a Mudblood, and the next he's watching her like a hawk."

"Don't antagonize him," Remus said, but Sirius wasn't listening and neither was James.

Maybe it would be stupid and reckless and unfair, James thought. But it had been those plus a whole mess of other things when Snape had attacked Evans that way back in June. Besides, they hadn't had any fun with Snape since the year began (unless you counted Sirius Stunning him the other day, which James didn't). So while Evans might not need a hero, a Marauder still needed his mischief…

"Why not?" he said, pulling out his wand with a careless shrug. "Not like my potion's up to scratch, anyway, might as well have some fun."

Sirius grinned, extracting his own wand from the inside of his robes. "Excellent."

Peter watched with excited anticipation. Remus frowned at his friends but said no more and went back to his work.

"Don't be so surly, Moony," Sirius said to him. "Give us this one and the next prank we pull will be more to your liking, I solemnly swear."

Remus merely snorted in reply.

Both James and Sirius hid their wands beneath the table, aiming them at Snape's cauldron, privately congratulating themselves on their mastery of nonverbal spells because it made pranking so much easier…

"Aargh!" Snape yelled as his cauldron leapt once into the air.

A few students looked up from their work, and Slughorn paused in his rounds to turn in the direction of the noise. "Problem, Snape?"

James, Sirius, and Peter all sniggered as they watched Snape struggle to figure out what had happened. He prodded his now motionless cauldron tentatively, then met Slughorn's curious gaze. "No, Professor," he said. "Everything's fine."

A minute later, though, everything certainly wasn't fine. Snape's potion began to bubble ominously before it emitted a stream of sparks, which made loud cracking noises when they landed.

"Good lord, man, what's all the racket?" Slughorn said, turning on the spot to stare, openmouthed, at the disaster that was unfolding. "What's happened?"

"I – don't – know –" Snape was struggling to contain his potion, prodding the cauldron with his wand, but that only seemed to make it angrier. It hopped up and down, spitting out more sparks and leaving angry scorch marks on the table and floor.

The class looked up from their own cauldrons again to watch as Snape's loudly lost its temper. A few – like James, Sirius, and Peter – laughed at the apparently untraceable antics, while others – like Lily – frowned.

As Snape's cauldron began to whistle obnoxiously and Slughorn tried to restore order to his classroom, Lily's eyes skirted around the room, looking for the source of the chaos. Plenty of people were laughing and losing their heads, she noticed, but only two were hiding their wands under their table…

She should have known.

With a resigned sigh, Lily took out her own wand and pointed it at the back table, muttered _"Expelliarmus!"_ and watched with satisfaction as James and Sirius's wands leapt out of their hands and came zooming towards her.

The boys watched their wands' progress to the front of the room, and Lily met their accusatory stares head-on. She shot them a mocking grin and waggled their wands between her fingers triumphantly before stuffing them in her bag. _Stupid boys, _she thought, and went back to her work. Marlene and Alice, who were sharing the table with her, exchanged knowing looks but didn't say anything; they knew better than to tease Lily's temper after a James Potter incident.

"Nice going, Prongs," Sirius muttered, annoyed that their fun had met such an abrupt end; Snape's cauldron became as stationary and quiet as it had been for most of the class period. Slughorn checked the potion but, finding no fault with it, simply shrugged and called his students back to order.

"It's not my fault!" James said indignantly to Sirius.

"She's _your_ girlfriend –"

"Sod off, Padfoot, she is not –"

"She won't be, either, if you keep that behavior up," Remus pointed out, satisfied that at least one of his friends was going to feel the consequences of his actions.

James scowled. "You can join Padfoot in that sodding off, Moony."

And with the exception of Peter's half-hearted admission of "Well, I thought it was rather funny," the boys did not speak to each other for the remainder of the period.

By the end of it, James knew that he'd have to get his and Sirius's wands back from Lily. And he was not looking forward to it one bit.

"I'll get them back," he promised as his friends made their leave at the sound of the bell. "Might as well let Evans have a go at me now, get it over with…"

He made his way to where Lily was gathering her things, passing by Alice and Marlene, the latter of whom muttered "You're in for it now, Potter." He sighed. Of course he was.

"Erm… Evans?" he said hesitantly, just in case she decided to shout at him right away.

"Potter," she replied coolly, not looking at him, and he felt like he'd been thrust right back into the previous school year. But at least she wasn't shouting this time.

"Mind if I get my wand back? Sirius's, too?"

Lily pulled the confiscated wands out of her bag and tossed them unceremoniously in front of him. She was working to restrain her temper, but James Potter was just so unbelievable sometimes, she knew this cold shoulder nonsense wouldn't last beyond the next sentence.

James, feeling victorious at the easy retrieval of the wands, asked, "Are you going to dock points for that one?"

"No," she said, still shoving things into her bag. "If I docked Gryffindor points every time you did something stupid, I'd run out of points to take away."

Ouch. Now this was definitely beginning to feel more like last year.

"Don't be so cross, Evans," James said, not willing to let it go. "You can't still be sticking up for Snivellus, can you? Not after last year."

"I don't want to talk about last year," Lily retorted hotly. Being betrayed by your friend of so many years wasn't something most people wanted to even think about.

"Fine, but it's not like he doesn't ask for it –"

"Of course he doesn't ask for it," Lily interjected, turning to face James now. "I know he's not perfectly innocent, but you wouldn't say that you or one of your mates _asks for it_ when Snape does something to any of you."

James knew he couldn't argue that, but he'd be damned if he didn't try. "You're making too much of a fuss about it," he said. "Nobody got hurt, it was just a bit of a laugh."

"Why is that always your excuse?" she demanded. "Honestly, Potter, why do all your laughs involve humiliating someone else?"

"Not all my laughs," he said, which was true. "You just like to yell at me so much that you ignore all the other ones."

"I don't like to yell at you, especially since that means you've done yet another senseless thing –"

"You're too uptight."

"And maybe you're too cavalier," Lily countered. "I'm not saying we should be all wound up all the time, but for Merlin's sake there's a war going on."

James cringed at the reality of her statement, but Lily mistook it for an expression of surprise. "This is my world too, and I know what's happening in it," she said, fueled by irritation. "Just because I'm Muggle-born doesn't mean I'm any less of a witch than you are a wizard, you know."

"Of course I know that," James said, but he didn't bother arguing their miscommunication more than that. They were already bickering and besides, he couldn't place the war's relevance to their argument. "But what's the war got to do with this, anyway?"

"It has everything to do with this," Lily said. She was riled up now, she could feel it and James could tell. "If you pay attention, you'll know there's only anything happening _outside_ Hogwarts because of the same senseless hate that you and Snape have for each other _in_ Hogwarts. It's a bad habit to leave school with."

Lily swung her bag over her shoulder then and looked James dead in the eye. "Something to think about."

Having said her piece and not interested in arguing further, Lily brushed by him, through the door into the corridor, and James was left alone with his very unsettled thoughts.


	6. Maybe

_I just thought you should all know that I will publicly acknowledge all new followers, reviewers, etc. every time I update a chapter (when applicable). Because I appreciate you all and I think it is important to acknowledge that. So, on that note, hello to_ **fiiinaliiina** _and_ **NotJustAStory**_,_ _and thanks for reading! I also want to throw _**stefanie437**_'s name out again, because she's totally rad._

_Another note before beginning… In Chapter 5, it is implied that Snape has yet to find out about Lupin's werewolfery (that's a neat word, isn't it? I just made it up). Well, I went back and found out that Snape actually discovered Lupin's secret in fifth year, and my fic begins in their sixth. I like to remain true to as much canon backstory as possible, but I overlooked this and I do __not__ plan on fixing it because it's a good plot point that I want to work with. I hope this does not distress anyone._

_And without too much further ado, here's Chapter 6 – it's a tad fluffy, but it still serves its purpose within the overall story. Enjoy!_

_-K._

* * *

**Friday, 8:15 P.M.**

James had been working alone for the past quarter of an hour. The teachers had gotten wise to him and Sirius way back in first year, so many of their detentions were served separately to avoid further catastrophe. So Sirius was off scrubbing another dungeon, or likely strolling through the underground corridors, as he preferred to save his detention work until the last hour for the thrill of it.

Usually, James would have joined him, but he really was trying to stay out of most trouble. Besides, he didn't want to interfere if Sirius got bored and happened to run into one of the better-looking prefects on patrol. It wouldn't have been the first time he was caught snogging in a broom cupboard when he was supposed to be detained.

There was only one prefect that James fancied a snog with, and after the stunt he pulled in Potions yesterday, he felt like he was back at square one with her. So he stayed behind and tried to figure out how Muggles got anything done when their cleaning methods were so completely _bonkers_.

He was just trying to figure out what good a non-magical stain remover was going to be on dried salamander blood when he heard the dungeon door creak open behind him.

"I'm working on it, Professor," he said quickly, not wanting to be caught lagging. "Only I can't see how this is going to –"

"If we're going to start calling each other by titles, Potter, I'd prefer something a bit more regal."

James spun on the spot, his heart doing that suddenly-erratic thing, to see Lily Evans closing the dungeon door behind her.

"Not that there's anything wrong with _professor_, of course," Lily went on as she tried to fit the door back into place. It was stuck, and James thought it would have been a much better use of his detention time if McGonagall had made him fix the door. "I just think _your majesty_ has a better ring to it. If I'm allowed to be picky, that is. Now what the bloody hell is wrong with this door?"

"It's, uh – it's stuck," James said, and he realized how dry his throat was. He swallowed and it felt like sandpaper. _What was she doing there?_ "You've got to give it a real good shove."

Lily kicked it but succeeded in nothing more than a sore toe. "Oh, blimey," she said, her face screwed up in pain. "Merlin's left… kneecap… that hurt."

"Kneecap?" Amused, James lifted an eyebrow.

She glared at him. "I think we both know what I meant."

"Sure, Evans. It's just a strange innuendo, that's all."

"Shove it, Potter."

"Oh, come on, now. Don't get cross," James said, although he was sure she was still sore about yesterday. She had to be. "I much preferred the Evans who was so chummy with me a few days ago."

"That Evans didn't just break her toe."

"I did tell you to give it a good _shove_, you know, not a _kick_."

"Come a little closer and say that to me, Potter."

"Sorry, you want me to come a little closer, is that what you said?"

"Oh, ha ha. You're so clever."

James smiled, doing his best to ignore that erratic heart thing. He wasn't sure if it was because Lily Evans had sought him out on her own, or because there was a niggling worry in the back of his mind that said she was there to murder him. He supposed it was probably both.

Lily put her hands on her hips and looked the door up and down, calculating what further injuries it was really worth. "I give up," she said before taking the few steps it took her to get to James. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to work out how Muggles get anything done," James said, scrubbing unenthusiastically at the salamander blood. "They must spend all their time cleaning."

"Most Muggles don't have to go at magical messes," Lily said. "Unless it's my mum and the dog got into my potions kit."

James laughed, but he kept his eyes on the stained desk he was trying to clean. Lily was far too close and she smelled far too good and he liked her far too much. And she might be there to kill him, so that certainly didn't help. "You have a dog?"

"Well, it wasn't our dog," she amended, hopping up to sit on the desk, which brought her that much closer. James had the wild thought that she was doing it on purpose, but he banished it quickly. "It was my sister's boyfriend's dog. Or his sister's dog, I think. Hard to say, really, because he's a very boring bloke so I always tune out when he's talking."

James chanced a look at her then, but found it was much easier to look at the congealed blood on the desk. Although that was rather close to her leg, so he wasn't sure how much easier it really was. He decided his best bet was to concentrate on talking, so he asked, "I take it you're not a fan?"

"His name is Vernon Dursley," Lily said. "Of course I'm not a fan. Everything you need to know is right there in his name. Nobody likes a Vernon."

"Nobody but your sister."

Lily shrugged, disconcerted. "She's an emotional masochist."

James smiled. "That bad, huh?"

"Worse."

"You're so _cheeky_, Evans."

"I like to think of it as charming, Potter."

"Bet your sister's boyfriend thinks so."

"He's a git."

"You used to call me a git."

"You're still a git."

"See, that's cheek," James pointed out. "But I should have known you'd say that, especially after what happened yesterday."

He regretted the words almost as soon as they left his mouth, but he knew that he would have had to say something sooner or later. She was being friendly again, but it wasn't enough; he had to know that it wasn't a trick, that she wasn't planning on hexing him. (Mostly he had to know that she wasn't mad at him anymore, but that was too sentimental so he shoved that thought to the back of his mind.)

Lily didn't respond right away, so James chanced a look at her. She was staring at her hands, her fingers twisted together in her lap.

"I mean…" He looked away again. "You were angry with me, weren't you?"

He heard her sigh. "Yes," she admitted, "but it's mostly because I don't understand it. You and Sev – I mean, Snape. You don't like each other, so why bother with each other at all? And that doesn't only go for you," she was quick to add. "I said the same thing to Snape more than once."

James pretended not to have noticed Lily's slip of the tongue that caused her to use Snape's given name. Losing a friend the way she had couldn't be easy. So he replied the same way he would have if he really hadn't noticed. "Oh, yeah? And what did he tell you?"

Lily shrugged. "He blamed you, mostly. I never got a straight answer."

"You seemed to be pretty content to agree with him, though." James couldn't keep the trace of bitterness from his voice.

Lily looked away from her hands and towards him then; he could see her out of the corner of his eye, and she was frowning.

"I dislike people on my own watch," she said coolly. "Snape had nothing to do with my feelings for you."

"And now?" James gave up on the salamander blood to meet her eye. "Because you've been a lot friendlier to me since the two of you quit each other."

"You were never one to be modest," Lily noted dryly, rolling her eyes, and James felt his lips twitch in response to her sardonic tone. "But, again, it wasn't up to Snape how I felt about you; that was always your responsibility."

"All right," James said, knowing she was right and kicking himself for taking so long to figure that out. "So how do you feel about me now, then?"

"Well…" She took her time, weighing her words and their consequences, but she'd really made up her mind about this already. "I think we're doing rather well as mates, don't you?"

"And if I asked you out?"

Lily smiled. "Don't push it."

James returned the smile and pointed an accusatory finger at her. "That's not a no."

"It's a probably not," Lily said. Leave it to James Potter to turn every table in his favor.

"Sounds like I'm moving on up, at last."

"Step by excruciating step," Lily agreed with a little nod.

James raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "Excruciating?"

"I imagine my constant rejections are rather painful," she explained. "Or am I just showing off my ego?"

"Oh, no, Evans," James said, shaking his head and placing a hand on his heart. "You wound me. Make no mistake."

Lily's face split into an even wider smile. "Excellent."

* * *

**Friday, 10:30 P.M.**

"Alice has a crush" were the words with which Marlene chose to greet Lily, who had just arrived back at the dormitory after spending some unprecedented time with James Potter and finishing her rounds.

"Let me guess," Lily said with mock curiosity, tapping her finger against her chin as if she really didn't know (even though everyone in Gryffindor knew, and the subjects of gossip were _still_ too shy to do anything about it). "Frank Longbottom?"

Alice's round face shone pink, but she was looking determinedly at her open Transfiguration book, refusing to acknowledge her friends' teasing.

But Marlene had never been one to let her friends off easily, so she continued, "Just wait 'til your brothers hear, Alice. Longbottom might be their mate, but –"

"Ooh, no." The mention of her older brothers was enough to make Alice snap her book shut and look up. "Fabian and Gideon don't need to hear about this, you hear, Mar?"

Marlene snorted. "Ravenclaws are notoriously clever, they'll figure it out."

Alice's blush grew, so Lily put a comforting hand on her shoulder and said, "It'll be fine, Alice."

"Not sure about that," Marlene said, enjoying herself. "Aren't the three of them off to Auror training next year? Accidental deaths, you know…"

"Mar!" Lily snapped, thoroughly annoyed with her now. Accidental deaths were all too common outside the walls of Hogwarts nowadays. "Come on, now, that's a bit much."

"You're right," Marlene agreed, holding up her hands in surrender because she knew Lily was right. "That was out of line. Don't get upset, Alice, you know your brothers adore Frank; I bet they're chomping at the bit for the two of you to get together."

Alice shrugged, trying not to think of what really could happen to her brothers and Frank Longbottom once they left the safety of the castle walls in June. But that was painful and she didn't want to talk about it, so she just said, "He's got to ask me out first."

"Why don't you do it?" Lily asked. "Go on, Alice, you know he'll say yes."

Alice laughed at the suggestion, one that made her nervous and her legs turn to jelly and gave her a slight panic attack whenever she thought of it. "The day I ask Frank Longbottom for a date is the day we'll find you snogging James Potter in a broom cupboard."

"So 'round about a month, then?" Marlene guessed.

She and Alice laughed, but the latter stopped abruptly when she saw the look on Lily's face. "Sorry, Lil," she said, another giggle escaping. "Guess I set you up for that one. But she's got a point, you know…"

Lily shook her head, rendered practically speechless. "You're both mad" were the only words she could bring herself to say.

"Notice she didn't say we were wrong," Marlene said, shooting a sidelong look at Alice.

"It was implied!" Lily exclaimed.

"Don't get so defensive," Marlene told her. "We don't care if you spend all of your classes undressing Potter with your eyes."

"Oh, I do not –"

"There's Quidditch tomorrow," Alice reminded them cheerfully. "Let's see how she does when she sees Potter in his uniform."

"I've seen Potter in his uniform a hundred times!" Lily shouted over Marlene and Alice's unnecessarily raucous laughter, but neither of them were listening to her, anyway.

"Isn't there a Muggle song about this?" Marlene wondered aloud once she had composed herself enough to talk.

"About _what_?" Lily asked bad-temperedly, figuring she wouldn't like where Marlene was going with the question.

"You know…" Marlene waved a hand around as if she would catch the answer in mid-air. "The one about the bird and the bloke and their uncontrollable attraction to each other despite how much they deny it?"

Lily rolled her eyes at the description. "Mar, you've just described the entire teen pop genre."

"Aaw, you two have a whole genre." Marlene sighed dramatically. "Adorable."

"We don't have an _anything_," Lily protested. "I don't fancy him."

"Not even a tad?" Marlene asked.

"He's quite nice, you know," Alice said.

Lily began picking at an imaginary hole in her bedspread to avoid looking at her friends' undeservedly smug faces. "Actually, he can be quite the little berk…" she began, but found that it was difficult to continue in that vein.

"Maybe," Marlene agreed, "but you're still blushing."

"And you're so matey with him, too," Alice added.

"That doesn't mean I fancy him," Lily pointed out, wondering why this bothered her so much. But she shrugged it off and continued. "I just don't see any sense in hating him. Because you're right, he is rather nice and he's good to his mates. He's funny, too, although he can go a bit overboard for the sake of a laugh. That's what bothered me most about him, you know that."

Alice and Marlene exchanged a look.

"Bothered?" Alice repeated. "As in… it doesn't anymore?"

"He's gotten better," Lily said, but she didn't wonder at her friends' questioning looks. James Potter's improved behavior had surprised her, too. "Not including that stunt in Potions yesterday, of course, but…"

Lily trailed off, mulling it all over. Alice and Marlene knew better than to interrupt her when she got that look on her face, which she was grateful for because it gave her more time to think in peace. So she lay back in her bed and stared up at the scarlet canopy, her mind churning away…

It was true that she hadn't liked what James had pulled in class; that's why she'd stopped it, after all. She didn't like anyone to be treated poorly, especially when it was unprovoked. Because it was one thing to stand up for yourself or your friends or what's right, but to attack someone for no reason at all…

It didn't sit well with Lily.

But perhaps a lot of it _did_ have something to do with what had happened between her and Severus (although not quite in the way that James Potter had insinuated). From the beginning Severus hadn't treated her sister with anything more than disdain, all because he said Petunia wasn't special the way he and Lily were. Lily might not have the best relationship with her sister anymore, but that hadn't made Severus's behavior excusable.

Maybe that should have tipped her off right away, Lily thought rather miserably. But she was only eleven at the time, and Severus had been the first connection to this magical world; that wasn't something she'd wanted to let go of. She supposed that was selfish, but all the same she hadn't wanted to end their friendship just because they disagreed on some things.

She just hadn't realized how important those things were.

And maybe that was why she felt so compelled to be friends with James Potter now. It was clear that they shared those important things – to not judge by blood, that such prejudices only caused unfounded strife. They both stood up for their friends, putting themselves in the line of fire for others' sake. They didn't have to think about self-sacrifice; it was just something they did.

And maybe their sacrifices weren't much now, Lily thought. But the point was that James, for all his cockiness, was just as selfless, too. She wondered how that could be, but more than that, she figured it was something a friend would know. And that was exactly what she intended to be – James Potter's friend. Severus might have let her down, but maybe James would surprise her.

Yes, she thought, her convictions set. That sounded plausible, since James Potter was so full of surprises as it was. She figured she could depend on him for at least that, and there was very little chance of her getting hurt in the process; that was something she didn't think James Potter was capable of – hurting her.

Lily blinked up at the canopy, surprised by that unbidden turn in her train of thought. What's more was that she knew it was true.

_See, Lily_, she thought, _he's surprising you already and he's not even trying…_

Alice and Marlene exchanged another look then, eyebrows raised as they silently wondered what Lily Evans was smiling about.


	7. Quidditch and Firewhiskey

_Hi there and thanks to_ **Anduskainen** _and _**DemiGoddess2012**_ for favoriting, _**just-nikki **_(I know you in real life!), _**bubblezgirly1515**_,_ **JamesFreakingPotter**_,_ _and_ **Nydevon** _for following,_ **natalie1668** _and_ **mayarox95** _for the favorites and follows,_ _and _**Artsynerd9067 **_for following and an enthusiastic review! Glad you're enjoying the story. Also thanks to _**JustTrippin **_and _**stefanie437** _for their reviews!_

_Now, for some questions…_

**stefanie437** _asked about the Prewett relationships: Molly Weasley was a Prewett and sister to Fabian and Gideon. From the information I could find, Alice Longbottom was also said to be a Prewett, but there is conflict about whether or not that's true. Were Alice and Molly sisters? No idea (probably not, really). But I'd already decided that I wanted Alice in the fic, and I also like my more __centric characters__ to be ones JKR has mentioned, so that's how I decided on Fabian and Gideon. During this very unsure and dangerous time, I wanted to add the dynamic of a healthy sibling relationship. James is an only child, Lily and Petunia aren't close emotionally or geographically, and Sirius has severed ties with his family. So the relationship between Alice and her brothers will be important, even if it's not canon._

_The reason that Molly isn't in the fic is because I'm fairly certain she wasn't in school during the Marauders Era. She didn't fight in the first Wizarding War, which is implied in OoTP ("The Woes of Mrs. Weasley") when Lupin says, "You weren't in the Order then." So we can assume she wasn't in their age group, at the very least._

**Artsynerd9067 **_asked for more of Snape's POV on the growing Lily/James relationship. No worries! I've got definite plans for this. It's going to be included throughout the fic, and you'll be seeing a major bit of it in a few chapters (and I really like how Snape's inner monologue panned out when I was drafting it). But yes, fear not, because the Snape/Lily relationship is a big deal and I will not skimp on it. Scout's honor. _

_All right, so that went on for about a page in Word, and this chapter is long enough as it is. So thanks for sticking with me, and here's Chapter 7!_

_-K._

* * *

**Saturday, 9:28 A.M.**

"You can't eat that."

James looked up from his breakfast, which consisted of an amount of starch that only a sixteen-year-old boy could handle. "What?" he asked through a mouthful of bacon, sausage, and hash browns.

Sirius made a face. "You're going to vomit all over the pitch."

"From thirty feet in the air," Peter added, wrinkling his nose when James stuck his tongue out at them and showed off his half-chewed food.

"You should try talking to Lily while you're eating, Prongs," Remus suggested dryly, not looking up from his copy of the _Daily Prophet_. "That'll be the way to her heart."

James shut his mouth immediately, swallowed, and looked around to see if Lily was in the vicinity. She was sitting a ways down the table, talking to Alice and Marlene, so he figured he was safe.

"You sure know how to get him to behave," Sirius said appreciatively to Remus, who acknowledged the compliment with a modest shrug. Sirius looked back at James. "Evans has got you twisted around her finger and she doesn't even know it."

"Wait 'til she agrees to go out with him and all that charm will fly out the window," Peter said.

James threw an orange at him.

"Sheesh, take a joke, will you?"

"He's just mad because he knows she'll never agree to it," Sirius said. James said nothing, which Sirius thought was odd since James always argued that point. He furrowed his brow, wondering what his friend could be hiding; but Sirius was never one to perpetually wonder in silence, so he said, "Something you're not telling us, Prongs?"

James shrugged, keeping his eyes on his plate. Sirius picked up the orange that had hit Peter in the chest and threw it back at James, who caught it.

"Damn your reflexes," Sirius cursed.

"I reckon I was a cat in a former life."

"Don't change the subject," Sirius ordered. James wasn't going to get out of this that easily. "What do you know that we don't? Come on, spit it out."

"Nothing, it's stupid," James said, finally looking up at his friends. Sirius had his arms folded across his chest, Peter looked confused, and Remus put down his _Prophet_ and quirked an inquisitive brow.

James sighed. "She came to see me last night. Evans, that is. In detention."

And he recounted their conversation, one that he'd been happily replaying in his head since she'd left him in the dungeons the night before.

When he was finished, Sirius whistled, and Peter and Remus were grinning.

"You think it's good, then?" James asked, hoping what he had been trying hard not to hope, just in case.

"I think it's promising," Remus said, "so long as you don't eat anything in front of her."

James returned his friends' smiles. That was good enough for him.

Feeling lighter than when he'd woken up that morning, James left the other Marauders to head down to the Quidditch pitch. He passed by Lily and gave in to the temptation to squeeze her shoulder as he did so; she turned in his direction and offered him a small smile and a wink.

Oh, yes, James thought as he exited the Great Hall. That was most definitely good enough.

* * *

Snape watched James Potter leave the hall.

More specifically, Snape watched James Potter leave his seat at the Gryffindor table. He watched him walk past Lily Evans. He watched him _touch_ Lily Evans. And he watched Lily Evans do absolutely nothing about it.

_When had that happened?_ he wondered, frowning. Since when did Lily Evans let James Potter get away with touching her? She was supposed to hate him, so since when did she act like she didn't anymore? Since when had she started smiling at him?

Snape shook his head, trying to rid himself of all those _since when?_s. They wouldn't do him any good; it wasn't as if he didn't loathe James Potter enough already, and if there was ever a time that Lily Evans didn't care what he thought, it was now.

But he still thought about it, anyway.

"Should we head down to the pitch, d'you think?" asked Regulus Black, who was sitting beside him, jarring him out of his reverie.

Snape looked up to see that the hall was slowly emptying around them. "Yeah," he said, rising from his seat. He wasn't really in the mood for Quidditch, but he knew his fellow Slytherins would be suspicious if he skipped out. "Let's go."

* * *

**9:50 A.M.**

It was the first Quidditch match of the season, and conditions were good. It was a breezy October morning, slightly overcast, and the ground was bone-dry from a lack of rain (good for kick-off, bad in the event that someone fell off their broom, James thought, but he'd take his chances).

It was Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff. James was familiar with the team; Amos Diggory – captain, Keeper, and resident Head Boy – had done a fair job with his recruits. His Chasers were agile, his Beaters broad, and his Seeker quick. Diggory had followed Quidditch protocol, but James was confident enough in his own team.

He watched them as they laced up boots and tugged on gloves in the locker room. Frank Longbottom and Cam Bradley were his fellow Chasers, and he'd be sorry to see them go once their seventh year was over in June; the same went for his Keeper, Joyce Gibbins. But Beaters Sarah Blake and Oliver Tipton, as well as Seeker Raiff Okerley, would be on the team well after James left, so he knew he'd be leaving Gryffindor in the right hands when the time came.

But he couldn't concentrate on that now, James knew. He had to focus, he had to prepare, he had to pep talk. He didn't have time to think about next year or the year after or the fact that maybe he shouldn't have eaten all that junk for breakfast or the way Evans had winked at him when he'd passed by her…

No. James shook his head forcefully. Definitely didn't have time to think about that. Get distracted by Lily Evans and you'd practically be begging for a Bludger to the head.

"All right," James said, pushing those thoughts to the back of his mind to be explored again later. "Ready?"

"And raring," Frank said with a grin.

"Hear, hear," Sarah added, and Oliver pounded his broomstick enthusiastically against the floor.

"Brilliant." James snapped his goggles over his head and led his team out of the locker room.

As soon as they stepped onto the pitch, the Gryffindor team was met with raucous cheers from the end of the crowd that was a solid wall of scarlet and gold. Meanwhile, the black-and-yellow clad Hufflepuffs were applauding as their own team approached.

"Captains, shake hands," ordered Madam Hooch as the teams met at the halfway point. James and Amos shook and the players mounted their broomsticks.

"On my whistle, then," Madam Hooch said. "Three, two, one –"

They were off, fourteen blurs of yellow and red, speeding towards their positions, chasing the Quaffle and dodging the Bludgers and keeping an eye out for the Snitch.

"And they're off," said the booming voice of seventh-year Bertha Jorkins, who was commentating. "Bradley's got the Quaffle, Cam Bradley of Gryffindor. She passes to Longbottom and – rather nice swerve around Davidson there – now the Quaffle to James Potter, captain of Gryffindor."

James ducked around another Hufflepuff Chaser, rolling his eyes at Bertha's commentary. She was always so superfluous with the details; then again, listening to herself talk was just something Bertha Jorkins liked to do.

"The Gryffindor Chasers are a tight group," Bertha observed. "Makes you wonder what Potter's going to do without Longbottom and Bradley next year. Of course, he could easily recruit his friends. Maybe next year we'll get to see if Sirius Black or Phillip Pettigrew are any good at sport."

"_Peter!"_ Peter shouted over the laughter of the crowd around him. "It's _Peter_, you daft cow!"

Bertha, however, was back to commentating on the match, and didn't bother to correct her mistake.

"That's a goal for Gryffindor," she said, a few seconds late since she'd been drawling on about next year when James skirted around Diggory and sunk the Quaffle.

The Gryffindors cheered, their euphoria overpowering the sound of the Hufflepuffs' groans. James and Frank high-fived each other as they flew back across the pitch.

"And it's Ruckers with the Quaffle now, Annie Ruckers of Hufflepuff," Bertha said. "I share a dormitory with Annie, you know, she's quite the bathroom hog – no need for rude hand gestures, Annie. That little display just cost you possession, and now the Quaffle's back to Bradley."

Sarah knocked an oncoming Bludger out of Cam's path, but she couldn't stop the oncoming Charlie Davidson of Hufflepuff, so Cam shot the Quaffle back to James, who was flying a few feet beneath her.

"Potter with the Quaffle again," came Bertha's magnified voice. "We all know where this is going, since Potter's much too self-indulgent to ever miss a shot –"

"Concentrate on the match, you hag!" James called out as he sped past the commentator's booth.

Bertha frowned. "Chasers, it seems, are quite aggressive players…"

But the rest of her commentary was drowned out as the Gryffindors exploded, James having made another goal.

"Don't make me give you detention, Potter!" Amos yelled from his position at the goal posts.

"Is that the best you've got?" James laughed. "Come off it, Diggory."

The match continued. Bertha commentated on unnecessary aspects as both Davidson and Ruckers managed to get around Joyce and evened up the score. Cam sunk a goal not long afterwards, putting Gryffindor back in the lead, albeit a slim one.

Despite the noise that was shaking the stands around him, Sirius's mind wasn't all in the match. He was looking across the rows of people to his far left, where he saw his brother Regulus. They saw each other every now and then, at meals and passing in the corridors, but they never exchanged so much as a look because Regulus was usually alone and Sirius didn't want to encourage his brother to start a conversation. But today Regulus wasn't alone, and Sirius was immediately put on-guard when he saw his company.

This time, when Sirius saw his brother, he was staring – fuming, and staring, and wondering what the ever-living hell Snape was up to.

"What's up, Padfoot?" Peter asked, noticing that not even a congratulatory cheer had escaped his friend's lips when Gryffindor took the lead again.

Sirius nodded in the direction of the Slytherins. _"That,"_ he said, scowling, "is what's up."

Remus followed Sirius's gaze and frowned at what he saw. "That's probably not good, is it?"

"Nope," Sirius said, but he tore his eyes away nonetheless. There was nothing he could do about it now, and he figured his temper might diffuse a little if he channeled it into the match. He'd take care of his brother later. "Hell, I wish Jorkins would just _shut up_…"

"She's the commentator," Peter reminded him.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Phillip."

Back in the air, the score was tied again, this time at forty-forty, and the game was heating up. Oliver was harboring a bloody nose from a Bludger he hadn't managed to best; Raiff was getting increasingly frustrated with the Hufflepuff's Seeker, who had been tailing him since kick-off; and James had found himself getting distracted again.

Lily Evans sure had a talent for whistling.

_Get a grip, Potter,_ he commanded himself and accelerated his broomstick. Raiff needed to catch the Snitch before A.) Oliver lost too much blood, B.) Raiff himself killed his Hufflepuff opponent out of pure annoyance, or C.) James did something stupid because he wasn't paying enough attention.

And look, there's a Bludger. James dodged it just in time. _See, Potter, keep it together now…_

He flew past Raiff and shouted, "Keep your hair on!"

"I'm going to catch the Snitch and _shove it down his throat_," Raiff growled, glancing behind him at his for-all-intents-and-purposes stalker.

James wanted to laugh but resisted, knowing that would be all the encouragement Raiff needed to do precisely what he'd threatened. He did, however, look behind him to see if the other Seeker had heard. He was only off his guard for a second, but it was enough.

The crowd gasped and Bertha – sounding rather pleased that something unpleasant had happened – said, "Ooh, and that's a Bludger to James Potter's shoulder. Don't know how he's going to keep sinking goals now."

"Lily. _Lily_," Marlene said to her friend down in the stands. "Stop clutching at your face, I can see your fingernail marks in your skin."

"What? Oh." Lily dropped her hands, not realizing what she'd been doing.

Alice rubbed Lily's arm reassuringly. "He'll be fine," she said, following Lily's gaze. "He's always fine. Just relax."

Lily frowned slightly. She knew Alice was right, but even from this distance, she could see that the damage to James's shoulder was nothing to relax about. But she was being ridiculous, she knew, because James Potter had sustained much worse injuries, on and off the Quidditch pitch.

And she better watch her reactions to him more carefully, unless she wanted Alice and Marlene to start teasing her about broom cupboards again.

"All right there, James?" Cam shouted as the game continued. "Should we call a time-out?"

"No, let's just finish this up!" James shouted back. He felt his shoulder throb painfully but he didn't think the damage was too bad; nothing Madam Pomfrey couldn't fix up with a wave of her wand. "You hear that, Raiff?" he shouted to his passing Seeker.

"Get the Snitch!" Raiff confirmed. "No shit."

"Gryffindor and Hufflepuff still tied at forty-forty," Bertha informed the crowd. "Longbottom has possession. Ducks a Bludger – you see that, Potter? Better take notes."

"Put your wand away, Padfoot," Remus said down in the stands, but he shot the commentator's booth a dirty look nonetheless.

Unaware of the Gryffindors' annoyance, Bertha continued. "Now it's Bradley with the Quaffle, quick pass to Potter, who catches with his injured arm and – oooh, now it's Ruckers in possession. Bad luck, Gryffindor."

James scowled and accelerated his broom. They needed the Snitch and he needed the hospital wing.

"Ruckers is on her way to the goal posts now," Bertha said, "and Gibbins is readying herself now, and – wait, what's that? Okerley's going into a dive, he's seen the Snitch!"

James turned on his broom to watch as Raiff pulled into a steep dive towards the ground, the Hufflepuff Seeker on his tail. The dive was too steep, really, James thought, and personally he couldn't see the Snitch at all…

Raiff pulled out of the dive just in time, but the Hufflepuff wasn't so lucky. He tried to brake at the very last second, and instead crashed into the hard-packed earth with a resounding _crunch_. But the Hufflepuffs' groans of disapproval were suddenly drowned out by the cheers and shouts from the Gryffindor end…

"Okerley's got the Snitch!" Bertha shouted, unable to believe it.

And indeed, Raiff was sitting astride his broom, his fist clenched over the tiny golden ball, its silver wings struggling to escape his grasp.

He looked at James. "I had it about two seconds before the dive!" he called. "But I had to make sure that that git down there –" he motioned to the ground where the offending Seeker was laying, clutching his nose – "wouldn't tail me again."

* * *

**7:00 P.M.**

The Gryffindors skipped dinner that night, choosing instead to remain in their common room for the party the Marauders had thrown together to celebrate the Quidditch team's first win of the season.

It was still early, but the festivities were in full swing. Madam Pomfrey had healed James's shoulder hours earlier, and he and his fellow Marauders had donned the Invisibility Cloak and snuck into Hogsmeade for supplies.

"I can't believe Rosmerta just _gave_ you the firewhiskey," Peter said for the third time, shaking his head as James popped a bottle of the stuff open.

James shrugged and Sirius said, "I reckon she fancies me."

"She's too old for you," Remus reminded him. He'd been reminding Sirius of the same thing for the past three years, but it never seemed to stick.

James laughed and took a swig of firewhiskey. It was warm and tangy and burned a little on the way down his throat, but he figured he'd earned it after that morning's match. Two goals, Bertha Jorkins, a Bludger to the shoulder, and an unmanageable Seeker, and… The firewhiskey bottle was pulled out of his hand.

Confused, James looked around to see Lily Evans standing next to his chair, her eyebrows raised and the bottle dangling between her fingertips.

"Wah… wah… _waaaaah_," Remus chanted ominously.

"Thank you for that, Remus," Lily said, her eyes still on James. "Potter, you can't bring this in here."

"Hate to break it to you, Evans, but he already did," Sirius informed her.

"Yeah, what's the big deal?" James wanted to know.

"The _big_ _deal_," Lily said, "is that there are first years here. Do you know how old first years are, Potter? Eleven," she went on before he could respond.

"Give me a chance to answer, why don't you?" James said, making a grab for the bottle. Lily held it a little higher, out of his reach while he was sitting down. "Come on, Evans, _I'm_ not eleven."

Lily sighed. She supposed, as long as none of the younger kids got a hold of them… "How many bottles are there?"

"About a dozen," Remus told her, and he lifted the bag that was sitting at his feet, "and they're all right here. I swear we won't let them out of our sight."

Sirius lifted his own bottle in a sort of toast. "Solemnly swear."

"Well… all right, then," Lily said. She wasn't terribly hesitant about it, not as long as Remus was in charge of the bottles. So she took a swig out of the one that was in her hand and said, "We're awful prefects, Remus."

He smiled. "Don't I know it."

Before Lily could say anything else, Marlene rushed up to her and grabbed her hand. "Lily, we need you for a moment, darling," she said, flashing an apologetic grin around at the Marauders. Then she spotted the bottle in Lily's hand. "What is that, firewhiskey?"

"_Stolen_ firewhiskey," James corrected, making another grab for it but Lily brought the bottle back to her lips so he couldn't reach. Besides, Lily had always been rather partial to the taste (although she'd sooner pass the bottle to a first year than admit that to James Potter).

Marlene ignored him and snapped her fingers at Remus. "Hey, Lupin, pass one of those over here, huh?"

"You needed something, Mar?" Lily reminded her friend.

"Right." Marlene took a long draw from the bottle Remus had given her. "Alice needs us. Come on."

As Marlene dragged Lily away, James called out, "Oy! Evans! Firewhiskey!"

Lily shot him a grin over her shoulder. "Sorry, Potter, it's been confiscated."

James turned back around in his seat, unable to help the small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. His friends rolled their eyes at him but couldn't help their smiles, either.

"Good thing you're mates now," Peter said, "or you'd be in a right spot of trouble with her."

"Oh, I don't know, Wormtail," Remus said with a one-shouldered shrug. "Lily's always been a lot more laid-back than you all think; it's just that James was always winding her up."

"Bet he's _winding her up_ now, too," Sirius said with a roguish grin.

James scowled at him. "Don't be an ass."

"Said James Potter." Sirius rolled his eyes, still grinning, and tossed his friend a new bottle of firewhiskey.

* * *

"Frank asked me out."

Lily had followed Marlene to the other side of the common room, where Alice was leaning against the wall for support, looking simultaneously radiant and like someone had just smacked her upside the head with a blunt object.

"Really?" Lily's face split into a smile. _Finally._ "When?"

"About five minutes ago," Alice said, returning Lily's smile but still looking terribly nervous. "We were talking about the match, you know, and I asked him how James's shoulder was and he said it was fine and then he just… Well, he sort of shouted it at me, to be honest."

Lily and Marlene laughed, and Alice – despite her shaken nerves – couldn't help but join them.

"Are you going to tell your brothers?" Marlene wanted to know. "Or can I do it? Oh, please, Alice, let me tell them that you've got a date."

Alice shook her head. "Nice try, Mar. But they'll find out themselves on Halloween, when Frank skips Hogsmeade with them to go with me."

"Halloween?" Marlene repeated, then looked at Lily. "You'll be on your own, then; I'm going with Benjy."

Lily shrugged. She didn't mind going to Hogsmeade alone, or not going at all. She was just glad that Alice and Frank had gotten over their he-doesn't-like-me-she-doesn't-like-me paranoia.

"_Or,"_ Marlene went on, and Lily didn't like her suddenly singsong tone, "you could go with James –"

"No." Lily took another drink of firewhiskey.

Marlene cocked an eyebrow, watching her friend guzzle down the alcohol. "You know his mouth was on that, don't you?"

Lily nearly spit out the liquid she'd just drunk, torn between amusement and disbelief at how immature Marlene's remark was. "What are you, twelve?"

"You're worse than Alice, you know that?"

"Hey," Alice protested, but her friends weren't listening.

"Why?" Lily asked. "What's so wrong with me not wanting to go to Hogsmeade with James?"

"Come on, Lil," Marlene said. "You two have made the leap from one-sided affection to friendship pretty quickly, and you've done it so well that it's like you never hated him at all."

Lily didn't quite see Marlene's point. "So?"

"_So…"_ Marlene sighed impatiently, blowing some of her hair out of her face. "I mean, can you say 'unresolved sexual tension,' or what?"

Definitely amused now, Lily had to laugh at that. Marlene wasn't making any sense at all, and there wasn't any tension between her and James anymore, let alone sexual. The thought of that made her a little uncomfortable, sure, but she couldn't say why. Not that it mattered, she told herself, because Marlene was just being her usual overreacting self.

There was nothing going on between her and Potter.

Lily drained half the bottle of firewhiskey.

Nothing at all.

* * *

**9:43 P.M.**

After nearly three hours of celebrating, most of the Gryffindors had made their way up to bed; they had to prepare themselves for tomorrow, when they'd be forced to tackle all the homework they'd neglected in the excitement of the year's first Quidditch match.

Lily and Marlene sat near the fire, which was dwindling down now. They were passing the last bottle of firewhiskey (which they'd nicked earlier when the Marauders were setting off Filibuster's fireworks and not paying attention to their stash) back and forth.

Alice had gone upstairs about half an hour ago, and they were giving her time alone to process what had happened with Frank before they followed her. They weren't talking much, having exhausted most topics of conversation and being generally exhausted themselves.

The Marauders were in a similar situation; Peter and Remus had retired to their dormitory, Sirius was staring out one of the common room windows, and James, tired of staring out at the grounds with him but not ready to go up to bed yet, walked over to the couch where Lily was sitting.

He slid himself over the arm of the couch on his back, scooting backwards until he was lying down with his head in Lily's lap. He grinned up at her, his head swimming slightly from the firewhiskey he'd been drinking all night, and said, "Hello, beautiful."

Lily looked down at him and lifted an eyebrow. "Who says that to someone when they're looking up their nose?"

"I like your nose," James said, tweaking it. Lily slapped his hand away.

"Gross," Marlene said from her seat in the armchair next to them.

James tilted his head back so he was looking at her upside-down. "What?"

"Nothing, nothing…" Marlene took a final draw from the bottle before handing it to Lily. "I think we've given Alice enough time to pretend she's asleep, so I'm off to bed." She got up and ruffled Lily's hair as she walked behind the couch. "See you in the A.M."

When she was out of earshot, James looked up at Lily again. "What's gross?" he asked, too foggy-headed to make out what Marlene had been talking about.

"Nothing, just like she said," Lily fibbed, just as foggy-headed but knowing precisely what her friend meant. She sipped at what was left in the bottle, her fingers absentmindedly playing with James Potter's hair. He was always rumpling it himself so she didn't see the harm in doing it, too.

James closed his eyes, reveling in the way Lily's fingers felt running through his hair. He never thought he'd be here like this; sure, he'd fantasized about it, but some lingering hint of it's-never-gonna-happen had always tainted those fantasies, that hope. Even though they were only friends, he was still so much more _with_ her now, whatever that meant. At any rate, he knew what he was thinking, and that was enough for him.

"Go out with me, Evans," he said quietly, his eyes still closed as her fingers continued to move through his hair.

"I'd still rather date the giant squid," Lily deadpanned, even though her heart had skipped a beat and her fingers didn't stop their caress. That didn't mean James Potter had to know that the giant squid was looking less and less appealing.

"Go on, give me a shot," James encouraged, not deterred in the least. "I swear I'll surprise you."

Of course he would. Hadn't she thought the same thing just last night? But still… "I don't much like surprises. I'm very jumpy."

James laughed and opened his eyes. "Jumpy, huh?" he said, considering the possibilities. Then, before he could talk himself out of it, James's fingers were at Lily's waist, dancing lightly over her shirt, and her fingers stopped running through his hair. She was laughing too hard to concentrate on anything except how to make him stop tickling her.

"I – I said _jumpy_," Lily said breathlessly, trying in vain to smack his searching hands away.

"Looks like you're ticklish, too." He loved that he got to touch her, even if she couldn't take him seriously because she was laughing so hard she couldn't breathe.

"Oh, James, stop," she begged, tears of mirth filling her eyes. She tried to ignore how much she liked the way his hands felt on her.

"Sorry, can't hear you over how hard you're laughing," James said.

But right then Lily managed to get a grip on his wrists and he pulled away, only so she could get a grip on them again, and the two of them became such an uncoordinated tangle of limbs that they rolled right off the couch and onto the floor with a loud _thump_.

Lily landed on top of James, and he was looking up at her and she was looking down at him and their hands were clutched together and they could feel their heartbeats pounding against each other and Lily felt her face flush uncomfortably and James tried to swallow his nerves but he just couldn't manage it…

"Well, erm… I have to go," Lily said suddenly, her voice breaking through what must have been the tension Marlene had mentioned earlier. She resolved then and there that she wouldn't tell Marlene a damn thing.

"Go?" James echoed, his heart dropping, disappointed, to settle somewhere in his stomach.

Lily untangled her fingers from his and scrambled up. She needed space, room to breathe air that didn't smell so strongly of James Potter. "Right," she said, "go. I have to go. To bed."

"Right." James stayed where he was, back against the rough carpet of the common room floor, looking up at her as she avoided looking at him. "Bed. So I'll… I'll see you tomorrow, then."

"Tomorrow." Lily nodded and started towards the staircase to the girls' dormitory. "So. 'Night."

"'Night."

And she was gone.

James stared up at the ceiling now. He released one long, measured breath, trying to return his heart rate to normal. He didn't see that happening anytime soon, though, not after having Lily Evans on top of him, not after having his hands all over her.

_Get a grip, Potter,_ he told himself for the second or third or perhaps it was hundredth time that day. So he pushed himself up off the floor and looked across the common room to see if Sirius was still awake, anything to distract him from going up to bed and succumbing to Evans-induced insomnia.

Lucky for him, Sirius was still in the same chair James had left him in almost half an hour ago. He was still staring out the window, oblivious to what had happened. James was sure of this, as Sirius hadn't made one scathing or sarcastic or suggestive comment while it was going on.

Come to think of it, Sirius was acting a bit odd…

James approached him, not quite sure how to handle this or if he should; he knew what Sirius could be like, and sometimes he had to work it out for himself. Not because it was necessary, but because he insisted upon it.

"You going to bed?" James asked when he reached his vacant-eyed friend.

Sirius shook his head, eyes still staring blankly out at the grounds. "No," he said. "I'll see you tomorrow, Prongs."

James wondered where his friend's head was at, but he knew better than to ask when Sirius was in one of his moods, which seemed to be the case. So he said simply, "All right, mate. You let me know if you need anything."

Sirius nodded this time. James frowned slightly, but knew that this was the best he was going to get out of Sirius for now. Best to let him deal with it in his own time, and he'd come around to the rest of the Marauders when he was ready. So with that thought to comfort him, James climbed the stairs to his four-poster, his head reeling with the events of that evening…

Firewhiskey and Lily Evans were quite the combination.

He hoped Sirius was okay.

And what the devil was going to happen next?

* * *

**A/N:** _And nooooow I know why JKR always said the Quidditch scenes were the hardest to write. But I hope I did well enough that you enjoyed this one. Next couple of chapters will probably be more war-centric and on the shorter side; this one took a lot out of me (in a more or less good way, but still). _

_Until next time, then, lovelies… -K._


	8. Recruiting

_Hello and welcome and thank you:_ **Theunnamedpony93**_,_** cynjoe**_,_** BeccaxoRupert**_,_** romiofinchel24**_,_** mingygirl12**_,_** nacho5**_,_ **Nikki** **Fish**_,_ _and _**Fangirl79**_! Thanks to _**stefanie437**_, _**JamesFreakingPotter**_, _**nacho5**_, and _**DemiGoddess2012 **_for their reviews._

_One review mentioned that in OotP, Remus said that Lily started going out with James in seventh year after his head deflated a bit, which is spot-on. I have plans to have his character fluctuate, so no worries there. However, I do take a firm stance in saying that James started his transition in sixth year, and I always thought that this is when he and Lily began their friendship. In order for her to eventually get together with James, I think that Lily would have to have that foundation first, especially after the animosity she felt towards him before. __This is something that will come up again later__, so I will say that I think things started between them in sixth year, even though they weren't officially together until seventh._

_As for the length… I might split sixth and seventh years into two separate fics, so seventh year would be a sequel to _All Right, Evans?_. From the feedback I've gotten so far, everyone has said to let the story guide me; for now, the plan is to do just that. I won't decide if it should be a two-parter until sixth year is over, and I'll post another A/N when I make my final call. Much thanks to _**DemiGodess2012**_ for the suggestion, and Tumblr users _**cupboard-underthe-stairs**_ (ff's _**stefanie437**_), _**honey-lake**_ (ff's _**HoneyLake**_), _**arrogantpotter**_, and _**crazyshannonigans**_ for their input on that! If you have any opinions, please feel free to let me know in a review or message (here or Tumblr at _**cokebottleglassesarecool**_)._

* * *

**Wednesday, 5:00 P.M.**

Bellatrix Black was not in the mood for any of the things she was expected to deal with.

Rodolphus had been on her case about her sister, Narcissa. "Get her to join the cause," he kept saying. Bellatrix had lost count of how often he'd nagged her, and every time she just bared her teeth in frustration. _How many times_ did she have to tell him that Cissy wasn't cut out for such work? She shared their ideals, respected what Voldemort stood for, but she was much too passive-aggressive to pick up her wand and rally with them.

And that was just fine with Bellatrix. The fact that Narcissa supported the cause from the sidelines was enough. Besides, she'd started seeing quite a bit of Lucius Malfoy over the summer (something their mother was thrilled about, since she'd been trying to get them together since Narcissa became old enough to date). Malfoy was a Voldemort insider, and Narcissa's connection to him would ensure her safety from anyone who might doubt her loyalty.

That was something, Bellatrix thought as she walked alone over the Hogwarts grounds. It was more than could be said for their eldest sister, Andromeda, who had just been blasted off the family tree. Running off with a common Mudblood… Bellatrix scowled and kicked at a patch of grass. _Eloped_, that's what Andromeda's letter had said, a letter that their mother had forwarded to Bellatrix so she didn't have to look at it anymore.

Andromeda had been so smug about it, too, Bellatrix thought. She was _pleased_ at the opportunity to besmirch the Black family name in such a way, _proud_ that she could rebel against the family's wishes. Between her and Sirius, the Black name would soon become nothing more than a bad joke.

"At least we got to Regulus before it was too late," Rodolphus had reassured her earlier that day. That, too, was something, Bellatrix supposed. But really, what good was a fourteen-year-old? And Regulus had no special talents to speak of; he was more or less as worthless as his brother.

But she supposed she'd have to take what she could get.

And what she could get was Rodolphus, who she didn't really care for despite their allegedly romantic relationship; Regulus, who was useless; one sidelined sister and the other traitorous; Avery and Mulciber, who were more brutish than intelligent; and Snape, whose former indiscretion in the shape of the Mudblood Evans wasn't something Bellatrix was going to forget.

So, really, she didn't have much.

Bellatrix stood at the edge of the Forbidden Forest now, scowling up at the yew tree that towered over her. She was itching to get out of this place, full of dirty blood and dirty blood lovers, where it was all hunky-dory as long as Dumbledore ran the show. When you were trapped inside the Hogwarts walls, it felt like there wasn't a revolution going on at all.

And that was something that would have to change, even if Bellatrix had to implement that change herself. Even if that meant loving Rodolphus and trusting Snape and getting Narcissa involved… If they were useless, she'd make them useful, whatever got her to where she wanted to be.

Steeling herself for all that she would have to do, everything she'd have to sacrifice, Bellatrix turned away from the yew tree. She pulled her collar up against the chill breeze that danced across the grounds and made her way back up to the castle, a looming shadow, bleeding red as it was silhouetted by the setting sun.

* * *

Snape was sitting alone in a back corner of the library, pouring over his Defense Against the Dark Arts essay and wondering if this class would really do anybody any good once they left Hogwarts. He supposed he'd have to wait and see for himself.

But he had to admit that the subject of his essay would probably be useful; one couldn't deny the power of a fully-formed Patronus. He himself had been able to conjure one since last year, a feat that lost some of its significance since Potter had managed the same thing. And whatever James Potter did, it was somehow better than the exact same accomplishment by anyone else.

Snape realized he'd ripped a small hole through his parchment, having scratched his quill so fiercely against the surface of his essay. A slight frown line appeared between his eyebrows as he mended the parchment with a quick wave of his wand. That done, he went back to work, caught up in thoughts of Patronuses.

Of course, Lily Evans had managed to conjure hers last year as well. Snape felt that familiar flare of irritation as he recalled how similar her Patronus was to James Potter's – the stag and the doe. He didn't know why it irked him so much; it hadn't mattered, after all, since Lily thought so lowly of Potter that something like similar Patronuses would hardly make her change her mind. She wasn't stupid.

Although… Snape's frown deepened as he stared down at his essay, his quill hovering over it as he lost himself in thought.

Patronuses aside, Lily certainly didn't seem to hate James Potter anymore. He'd seen them together – the smiles exchanged whenever Potter was late for class, that touch before the Quidditch match on Saturday… Snape scowled at the memories. That touch and those looks were absolutely plaguing him.

He supposed it wasn't much to go on, not by itself, but there had been other hints, too. They were more subtle, things friends would do, like walking to class together when Potter wasn't tardy and laughing at each other during breaks and once or twice Snape even saw Lily slip her arm casually through James's.

_She was supposed to hate him._

And as much as he tried, Snape couldn't shake all of those _since when?_s. He just didn't get it, and it wasn't like he could ask. But that feeling of betrayal was still there, because he felt like he was being replaced, like Lily had traded him in. And it was worse than that, even, because she'd never laughed with him the way she did with James Potter, and they had been friends for so much longer.

Why hadn't she ever smiled at him like that? They had been friends – _real_ friends – and she had never been so at ease with him, not the way she was with Potter.

Snape felt a slight pressure in his hand and looked down to see that he'd clenched his fist, crushing the quill he'd been holding. He thrust the crumpled mess of feathers away from him, frustrated by his lack of concentration. He was just thinking that he'd finish his essay back in the common room when he heard a familiar voice whispering close by.

"Knock it off, Mar, I'm trying to work on this."

"Work, schmerk." That would be Marlene McKinnon, then, Snape thought. He shifted his chair to better hear the voices that were coming from behind the shelf next to him.

"Come on," Lily's voice said, "you know I'm lousy at Transfiguration theory."

"So tell me what happened Saturday night and I'll let you get back to it."

Snape could practically hear Lily rolling her eyes when she said, "Nothing happened, for the hundredth time."

"Don't give me that, Lily Evans," Marlene said. "Frank told Alice that James was useless at practice on Sunday because he was so moon-eyed. You know you're the only one who can do that to him, so spill."

Snape felt his throat constrict painfully but he couldn't stop listening.

"I don't make him _moon-eyed_ –"

"God, Lil, what are you, blind? And don't pretend you don't like it, either; I've seen you two the past few days, and – oh my god."

There was a pause before Snape heard Lily's voice again. "What?" she asked.

Yes, Snape thought, what was McKinnon on about that had rendered her so suddenly speechless?

"You're going out with him, aren't you?" Marlene's voice hissed excitedly. "Oh my god, you finally caved!"

The blood was pounding so loudly in Snape's ears now that he feared he might miss Lily's response, so he was relieved when he heard her chuckle quietly.

"Of course I haven't," she told her friend. "I hardly know him well enough, and we're just friends. Where'd you get the idea that we're anything but?"

"Oh, I don't know…" Marlene's voice dripped with sarcasm. "First you're all matey, and then you're left alone for one night and the next thing anybody else knows, you two are flirting in the corridors and James is falling sideways off his broomstick."

"We're not flirting anywhere!" Lily protested, but even Snape could tell that she was unsure about that. "And did he really fall off his broom?"

"Mhmm." Marlene sounded satisfied. "Well, he managed to get a grip at the last second, but still. And now look at you, with that idiotic grin on your face. You are so transparent."

Snape couldn't listen anymore. He shoved his things back into his bag, tuning out the rest of the girls' whispered conversation. He couldn't entertain the possibility that Lily had gone from loathing Potter to fancying him in a mere matter of months – a matter of days, really, it seemed. He couldn't believe she'd be so stupid.

He hoisted his bag over his shoulder and hurried out of the library. He'd had enough of obsessing over what was going on in Lily's head, especially since it all seemed to revolve around him believing all those things she used to say about James Potter, things that were clearly a lie, a charade. He didn't know why she'd bothered with the pretense at all, if she was just going to change her mind as soon as she couldn't resist Potter batting his eyelashes at her anymore.

Simmering with anger now, Snape continued his way back to the dungeons. He would find his fellow aspiring Death Eaters there, and he'd prove to them that there was no longer anything holding him back. He belonged in Voldemort's inner circle just as much as the rest of them.

Lily Evans couldn't make him feel guilty about that anymore.

* * *

**6:17 P.M.**

Sirius wasn't at dinner.

"What d'you reckon's up with him?" James asked his friends who had shown up at the Gryffindor table. He craned his neck to get a better view of the doors to the Great Hall, sure that Sirius would appear there. "He never misses an opportunity to eat."

"Dunno," Remus said, but from the tone of his voice and the dark look that passed over his face, James thought that Remus most certainly _did_ know.

"What is it?" he asked, looking from Remus to Peter, who looked equally as disturbed. "Come on, what have I missed?"

"Snape and Regulus were at the match together on Saturday," Peter told him. "Sirius was rather put-off about it, and I don't see Regulus at the Slytherin table now, either."

James followed Peter's gaze across the hall to the Slytherin table and, sure enough, there was no sign of Regulus.

Snape and Regulus… That must have been what Sirius was so bothered about Saturday night, James thought, and he was suddenly hit with a wave of guilt. He'd been so preoccupied with Lily that he hadn't troubled himself to ask Sirius about that again.

And he needn't have worried about Lily at all, he thought, stabbing at the baked potato on his plate. They'd just gone back to normal after the weirdness of Saturday; neither of them had mentioned it and although it was slightly disappointing, James decided it was better that way if it meant Lily still wanted to be friends.

But even if she hadn't, even if everything was weird, even if she went back to hating him again, James knew he should have been more worried about Sirius. And he hadn't been. And he felt like such an ass because of that.

"Has Sirius mentioned it since?" James asked the others, both of whom shook their heads in response.

"If he's not showing up for meals, it must be getting to him," Remus noted. "We should talk to him."

"Yeah." James dropped his fork so it clattered loudly against his plate. He didn't have much of an appetite anymore. "Look, I'll go on ahead and find him. I feel like a right git for not knowing about this sooner."

"You're not –" Peter began, but James cut him off.

"Yeah, maybe not, but I still feel that way." He stood from his seat and messed up Peter's hair. "But thanks, Wormtail. I'll see you lads later."

James started down the hall, walking between the Hufflepuff and Gryffindor tables, when he passed by his Seeker, Raiff Okerley, sitting with a group of his fourth-year friends. James was struck with a sudden idea that would perhaps help him reassure Sirius.

"Hey, Raiff," James said, doubling back to where Raiff was sitting.

"Cap'n." Raiff acknowledged him with a nod, his mouth full of food. James grimaced, wondering if that's what he'd looked like on Saturday when he'd been shoveling food into his face. He made a mental note to never let that happen again.

"Got a question for you," James said, and Raiff motioned for him to continue. "Right. So. You got any double periods with the Slytherins?"

"Sure." Raiff swallowed and wiped his mouth on the back of his sleeve. "Why?"

"You know Regulus Black?"

"Your mate Sirius's brother?" Raiff nodded. "Yeah. He doesn't talk much or anything, just sort of keeps his head in his book and does his work. Seems a bit boring to me."

James nodded. It wasn't much to go on, especially since it wasn't as though Snape would share those double classes, so Raiff couldn't know if the two were friends. But if Regulus just kept to himself – if he wasn't cursing Muggle-borns or shouting his allegiance to Voldemort or whatever else – it might be enough to put Sirius's mind at ease. So he thanked Raiff and bid him good-bye, and then he was off to the common room again.

When James arrived, it only took him a minute to locate Sirius, as most of the House was still down at dinner. His absentee friend, however, was sitting slumped in an armchair, staring into the fire that crackled merrily in its hearth.

"Hey, mate," James said, taking the chair next to Sirius. "Missed you at dinner."

Sirius shrugged, not breaking eye contact with the fireplace. "Don't have much of an appetite," he said shortly.

"That doesn't sound like you."

Sirius merely shrugged again.

James sighed. It didn't seem that Sirius was going to cooperate with any preamble, so James decided it would be best if he just jumped right into it. "The boys told me about your brother and Snape," he said, looking sideways at Sirius, who kicked moodily at the carpet.

"Figured they would," he said. "So I guess you've figured out the real reason I wasn't at dinner, then?"

"Erm… no, I hadn't gotten that far," James admitted.

"Oh. Well." Sirius brought his gaze to James's for a moment before dropping it back down. "I caught up with him on my way to the Great Hall. Regulus, I mean. Asked him if I could have a word."

James didn't say anything. He didn't want to deter Sirius from telling the whole story, especially since family wasn't something Sirius was usually so open to discuss.

"He looked pretty suspicious, but who could blame him? Not like I've spoken to any of them for about six months now, ever since I left." Sirius gave a weak little laugh and ran a hand through his hair. "But he said okay, so I pulled him aside and asked him what the hell he thinks he's doing."

"That's the way to get answers," James said, unable to help himself.

Sirius allowed himself half a smile at that. "Yeah, well, you know me," he said. "Short temper and all that. Anyway, I got around to telling him that Snape's no good and that he's gonna land himself in a heap of trouble if he keeps on this way. And d'you know what the little berk said to me then?"

James shook his head, even though he knew Sirius wasn't really waiting for a response.

"He told me that it wasn't my business what he did," Sirius went on, his face hardening as he spoke. "He said that Bellatrix was right, that _I'm _the one who turned against the family, so what right do I have to come along and tell him what to do? He told me that it was me and my mates who'd end up in trouble."

He laughed again – bitterly this time – and shook his head. "I dunno what's gotten into him. He said that I don't know what I'm talking about because I left home and didn't have a clue what was going on with him or anybody else."

James whistled, long and low. "What'd you say to that?"

"I told him that he's fourteen and an idiot. Don't think he liked that."

"I bet."

"But what's he playing at, palling around with Snivellus?" Sirius demanded, slamming his fist against the arm of his chair. "D'you think Snape's just trying to have a go at me? Maybe surprise jinxes aren't enough anymore, now he's trying to get to me through my brother…"

James didn't answer. He didn't think that was Snape's intention, but he also didn't want to tell Sirius what he really thought. Nobody wants to hear that their brother might be on the Death Eater path, after all, even if it is your best mate who tells you. In fact, James thought that might make it worse.

Besides, he thought Sirius was thinking along those lines already and just didn't want to say it out loud. He looked far too worried to be seriously considering the possibility that it was all a big joke. Sirius could handle a joke, even if it was at his expense.

Lestrange, Bellatrix, Snape, Avery, Mulciber – they all knew what that particular Slytherin gang was like; if anyone would be joining Voldemort's ranks, it would be them. So no matter why anyone else joined that Hogwarts clique, chances were that it wasn't going to end favorably.

"Well, if it helps any, Raiff says your brother mostly keeps to himself in double periods," James said weakly, feeling that it wasn't going to do any good, after all.

"Yeah, Regulus has always been a quiet kid," Sirius agreed, but he wasn't buying it, either. "I dunno. Doesn't really matter, does it, what he's like? He's just a stupid kid. He's easy, y'know? They'll have no problem getting him to join up with… whatever it is they're up to."

James didn't know what to say to that. It had been everything that had run through his head, but he couldn't bring himself to tell Sirius that he was probably right; he couldn't bring himself to lie to him, either, so he figured silence was the best option.

So they sat together, staring at the fire, not speaking, both of them wondering if things could get worse and knowing that there was no possible way that they wouldn't do just that.

* * *

**10:30 P.M.**

Once again, only a few Slytherins were left in the common room, but this time Lestrange, Bellatrix, and Snape were accompanied by Narcissa, who didn't much feel like being there at all.

"No need to look so broody," Bellatrix snapped at her. She hadn't wanted to bring Narcissa into this, but she'd decided during her walk that evening that it would be better this way, lest she lose another sister to some flight of fancy. She didn't think that Narcissa would succumb to any such whims but, then again, she hadn't thought Andromeda was capable of it, either.

Narcissa scowled. "What are you going to do, keep me up all night until I agree to help you?"

"You don't have much to do, you know," Lestrange cut in. "Your connection to Malfoy is enough outside, but we need you here, too."

"For what, precisely?" Narcissa demanded, her pale eyes flashing with annoyance. "You know I'm not a threat to the cause, Rodolphus, but I'm not going to obsess myself with fishing out all the Mudbloods in this place –"

"You can't ignore it, either," Bellatrix growled. "Sit around and pretend like it's not happening, Cissy, and you'll end up just as bad as Sirius and Andromeda."

"That's rubbish and you know it –"

"Enough." Lestrange rubbed his forehead with his thumb and index finger, exhausted by the sisters' needless bickering. This was getting them nowhere. "Narcissa, you must be prepared to take Bella's place next year, and help the others to recruit. Regulus is too young, and Avery and Mulciber, well… they're not the most reliable."

Narcissa looked at Snape then. "What, you can't handle this yourself?"

"Not with Potter and his friends on our tail, no," Snape said, disgusted by the fact that he had to consider the Gryffindors a threat. But he'd be stupid to deny it, no matter his personal feelings for them. "Black's on his guard now that Regulus has joined us, and he won't let it go easily."

"So you want us to start a full-scale war here, then?" Narcissa demanded, looking around at the others as if waiting for one of them to tell her it was a joke. "You want to attract that kind of suspicion before you've even left school?"

Bellatrix snorted. "It's not so much suspicious as it is blatantly obvious, Cissy. And fear is a better recruiter than anything else."

Narcissa sighed and leaned back against her chair. She knew it was no use, that she'd have to agree if she wanted to get any sleep. Besides, enough of the family were turning into a bunch of stinking blood traitors without her making a fuss about this, too.

"We just want to be sure that you're ready to pull your wand out if you have to," Bellatrix said, leaning forward in her seat to get a better look at her sister. "You can't walk away from a fight."

"Fine," Narcissa said, knowing that her mind was pretty much made up for her. "Not like I have a choice, really, but I suppose I'd rather be a help than a hindrance."

She thought of Lucius then; he'd told her how much easier things would be if she'd only cooperate with the pureblood ideals. "Show some pride," he'd said to her in his last letter. She might not want to get her hands dirty, but maybe she'd have to; maybe she still had something to prove, despite her pureblood status.

After all, what was the use in being born to a pureblood family if it didn't put you in a superior position? The power balance was being disrupted, and by extension there had been an undue amount of chaos exploding outside the walls of Hogwarts.

Perhaps the inside walls of the castle needed a little shaking up as well, Narcissa thought, her gaze locking onto her sister's. Perhaps it was time to remind the Mudbloods and blood traitors that things weren't so tidy outside of Dumbledore's Muggle-loving haven.

Bellatrix's face split into a grin as she shared the look with her sister. Yes, she thought, pleased. It was time for the Mudbloods to learn where their place really was, because that lesson was long overdue.

* * *

**A/N:** _Just a little note to address the way much of this chapter is written: the Slytherins' monologues are not without a point. I feel that most of these particular characters have a sort of disconnect with one another, and they're more or less using each other on their quest for power. It's convenient for them to stick together, but I don't feel that they have any real emotional connection (aside from Bellatrix and Narcissa). So I feel that they wouldn't confide in each other when it comes to the thoughts they're having here, especially Snape, who's torturing himself over Lily._

_This emotional disconnect has nothing to do with the fact that they're Slytherins.__ I'm not predisposed to categorize Slytherin House as evil and unfeeling or anything else. It's because of the characters themselves; they could be in any House and I'd make the same judgment. It just so happens that JKR put them in Slytherin, so I'm keeping them there._

_Overall, I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, but it had to be done and after doing several drafts, this felt like the best way to go about it. I hope it kept your interest well enough, and things are about to get more eventful, I solemnly swear. So stick with me, lovelies! _


	9. Hogsmeade

_Just a little note that I felt would be appropriate to go here: Whenever I'm drafting in Lily's POV and she's trying to figure out her feelings, I listen to Carrie Underwood's "This Time." I usually don't go for the cheesy pop music, but I have to make the exception here, and I suggest you play it while reading if you're so inclined. _

_Enjoy! –K._

* * *

**Friday, 4:03 P.M.**

"Evans! Hey – _Evans_!"

Lily released a heavy sigh as she heard the unmistakable footsteps of James Potter running to catch up with her. It had been a long week, and all she'd wanted was to get out of her final lesson of the day so she could find some peace and quiet. And now, only three minutes since the bell sounded, she knew that was going to be so much harder to achieve; if there was one thing James Potter's presence didn't guarantee, it was peace and quiet.

"Yes?" she said tiredly when James had slowed his step to match hers. She didn't stop walking, but continued down the crowded corridor on her way to Gryffindor tower; she was tired and she wanted a nap and she wasn't going to let James slow her down.

"Go to Hogsmeade with me tomorrow?"

Merlin, he didn't waste any time.

"Sorry, Potter, but I've got a prior engagement," Lily said.

"Oh, yeah?" James grinned, not believing her for a second. "What's that, then?"

"Date with the giant squid."

Now it was James's turn to sigh. Not this old bit again… _"Lil-yyyy,"_ he whined in his most drawn-out voice.

"_Ja-aaames,"_ Lily mimicked him.

James elbowed her playfully. "Go on, go to Hogsmeade with me," he pressed. "I know that Prewett and McKinnon are _actually_ priorally engaged –"

"Priorally?" Lily echoed incredulously. "You just made that up."

"I'm top in the class, I can do whatever I want," James said smoothly, figuring that that was a fair justification. "As I was saying, you don't have anyone else to go with tomorrow, so why not cave for an afternoon and go with me?"

"Because I don't feel like feeding your ego."

"Perish the thought." James pressed a hand to his heart mockingly. "I know you're much more partial to starving it –"

Lily couldn't help a laugh. "It could use a bit of starving, don't you think?" she pointed out, shooting him a reprimanding look. "It's bordering on morbid obesity, after all –"

"You're evading the question!" James accused.

"I already said no!" Lily argued as they mounted the staircase that would take them to Gryffindor tower.

"No, you said you've got a date with the giant squid, and I know that's not true," James reminded her. "You don't want to say no so you're dancing around it –"

"Fine," Lily said. She acknowledged that he was right about her evading the question, but she'd rather eat Bubotuber pus than admit that she actually wanted to go out with him. Because she most certainly did not. "No, James, I don't want to go to Hogsmeade with you."

Determined to be pushy, James tried a different tactic. "Come on, we're friends, aren't we?"

"Friends don't go on dates."

"So it doesn't have to be a date," James conceded. He hopped onto the stair in front of Lily, blocking her path. "Come with me and the boys – Sirius, Remus, Peter – they'll make sure I keep my hands off you. Well, all right, Remus will make sure," he amended when Lily shot him another look.

"Hmmm…" Lily pressed her lips together, thinking. Yes, they were friends, and it would do her some good to get out of the castle for an afternoon. And if they weren't alone, no one could say that Lily Evans was caving on the James Potter front.

"All right," she said at length, giving in to what she considered to be a compromise. She saw the triumphant look that passed over James's face and pointed a warning finger at him. "But don't get any ideas, Potter, or I swear I'll hex you."

"Oh, I don't doubt that," James said, stepping aside to let her pass. He knew she meant it, but that didn't mean he was going to stop smiling. "Not for a second, Evans."

* * *

**Saturday, 12:00 P.M.**

Lily was beginning to wonder if this was the best idea.

She was leaning against the wall outside the Great Hall, waiting for James and the others to come downstairs so they could leave. She was chewing on her lip and tugging at the ends of her hair, but she didn't know what she was so nervous about. It wasn't a date – they weren't even going to be alone, that's why she'd agreed in the first place – _so what was her deal?_

Maybe it had something to do with the smug looks on Alice and Marlene's faces last night when she told them how she'd be spending her Saturday. Their "We knew it, hahahahaha" attitudes didn't exactly put her at ease.

Of course, they were wrong, Lily assured herself. It's not like there was anything to know about. It's just that when they got those looks on their faces, Lily felt like there really was something going on.

But there wasn't. They were only making her paranoid.

Nothing was going on between her and James Potter, unless you counted the fact that they were friends. Lily scuffed the toe of her boot against the stone floor and scowled at it. But nobody was interested in other people's friendships, so they could all just sod off. After all, no one had batted an eye when she'd spent so much time with Snape –

No, she told herself forcefully, cutting off her own train of thought. No use thinking about that. Her friendship with Snape was different from her friendship with James in so many ways, and it wouldn't do her any good to compare the two. She knew that if she did, her bitter feelings towards Snape would skew the balance; she would give James too much credit, she'd sidestep his poor judgment, she'd blame it all on Snape when it wasn't entirely his fault. And while Snape hadn't been fair to her, she wasn't about to stoop to his level, even if she did so only in her private thoughts.

Lily released a measured breath, watching the marble staircase as the Marauders descended it. They were friends, she told herself once again as James Potter smiled at her. And she wasn't going to let that get complicated by over-thinking it.

* * *

**11:50 A.M.**

"Moony, are you _sure_ you feel up to going out?" Peter asked, looking at Remus with concern.

"I'm fine," Remus said, but the shadows under his eyes said differently. "I'll be up all night, anyway. Might as well enjoy myself before the full moon comes out. _Oow-oow-ooooh!_" he howled in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Sirius clapped a hand on Remus's shoulder. "Yeah, Wormtail, relax," he said jovially. Unlike his werewolf friend, Sirius looked forward to their monthly escapades with an almost contagious fervor. "Don't be such a killjoy."

Peter stuck his tongue out at the pair of them. "Just expressing my concerns," he said. "Besides, we could use a little seriousness, couldn't we? Don't tell me I'm the only one getting annoyed with Prongs's whistling."

"Fair point," Sirius allowed. He walked across the dormitory and banged on the bathroom door. "Come on, mate, what are you doing in there? Hate to break it to you, but you're still going to be ugly, no matter how long you fuss in the mirror…"

Sirius's admonitions were drowned out by an increased volume in James's whistling.

"He's probably messing with his hair," Peter said, rolling his eyes.

Remus nodded. "Making sure it lays in just the right sort of disarray."

"Evans thinks your hair is stupid!" Sirius shouted, pounding on the door some more. "And you're going to make us late to meet her –"

The door was flung open then, and Sirius, who was in mid-knock, accidentally hit James in the face.

"Ouch." James straightened his glasses and gave Sirius a look of reproach. "You didn't have to hit me."

"Whatever gets you moving," Sirius said. "Now let's go, your lady awaits and all that."

Peter squinted his eyes at James and commented, "You know, Moony, I think you were right. His hair is _charmingly_ disheveled, isn't it?"

James scowled as his friends laughed. "Oh, shut up, you lot."

The four boys started on their way down to the entrance hall, three of them still sniggering at James's expense. James, however, decided that he was in too good of a mood to pay them any more mind than he already had.

"So, Prongs, it's full moon tonight," Sirius said once he stopped laughing.

"'Course, I remember," James said.

"Just wanted to make sure you knew you couldn't make a night of it with Evans –"

There was a loud snort of derision from behind them, effectively cutting off the rest of Sirius's sentence. The four turned around to see Severus Snape (who had only been within earshot long enough to hear Sirius's last comment) as he rounded the corner, Regulus Black on his heels. Sirius scowled at the sight of them.

"Something funny, Snivellus?" James asked coldly.

Regulus averted his eyes from the group, choosing instead to stare at his shoelaces. Snape, however, met their stares with a sneer.

"Where you're concerned, Potter?" he said. "Always something funny…"

"Clever." James rolled his eyes. "Why don't you run along and find your little Death Eater friends, Snivellus, I'm sure they're dying to hear about your latest verbal triumph over me."

"Why don't you run along and find your little Mudblood girlfriend, then," the other snapped, shoving his way past the group with Regulus in tow.

James moved to whip his wand out from his pocket, but Remus caught his arm in a viselike grip.

"Don't bother," he muttered as they watched Snape and Regulus's retreating backs. "He's not worth it."

"Lily is," James retorted hotly, furious at Snape for continuing to act like he wasn't in the wrong for treating her that way, and she hadn't even been there to defend herself this time. That's why he was pulling the hero act, he told himself, because she couldn't do it herself then; that was all there was to it.

"And she wouldn't want you to bother with him, either," Remus reminded him. "Besides, I'd rather you avoid detention tonight, if you could."

Remus released James's arm then, confident that he wouldn't run after Snape for a fight now, and he was right. With one last scowl in the direction Snape had disappeared, James turned back to his friends. Lily would be furious if James picked a fight with Snape, even if it was the latter who instigated it. Even if Lily had nothing to do with it, James couldn't abandon Remus for detention. He'd made a promise to his friend, and he would keep it.

James turned to Sirius then. "You all right?"

Sirius didn't meet his eye. "Fine, whatever, you know…" He trailed off, then shrugged. "Stupid prats."

The others nodded in agreement and continued on their way downstairs. They didn't say much on the walk. Peter and Remus were casting concerned looks in Sirius's direction, and both Sirius and James were busy fuming about what just happened.

Thoughts of Snape fled from James's mind for the most part, though, when they hopped off the marble staircase and he caught sight of Lily.

She was leaning against the far wall, smiling and waving at acquaintances as they passed by her on their way to Hogsmeade. She was dressed for the cool weather – boots, jeans, sweater, and a gray hat that covered her mane of red hair, which she'd bundled into a hair tie at the nape of her neck. She tugged at the strands that had managed to escape the confines of her ponytail, her brow furrowed when she wasn't acknowledging passersby. James felt the familiar flutter of his stomach and he wondered what she was thinking so hard about.

Remus, seeing the look on James's face, nudged Sirius with his elbow. "Chin up, Padfoot," he said in an undertone. "Let's have a laugh at our mate, eh?"

"Oh, this should be good," Sirius muttered, a smile creeping across his mouth as he watched James rumple his hair nervously. Sirius couldn't help the shout that escaped his suddenly grinning lips."Oy! EVANS!"

James jumped slightly at the volume of Sirius's shout, and Lily looked exasperatedly on as the group approached.

"Late," she said, tapping the face of her wristwatch with mock impatience. She crossed her arms over her chest and cocked an eyebrow at them. "Giant squid's never kept me waiting."

"Well, apparently you agreed to a date with him," James said. "Friends, I'm afraid, are always running late."

"What is it with you and the squid, anyway?" Sirius wanted to know as the group left the entrance hall for the cool sunshine outside.

Lily turned her head to look at him. "How d'you mean?"

"What do you see in him, exactly?" Sirius extrapolated. "I mean, I guess I can see the appeal of the tentacles, but –"

"Sod off, Padfoot." James shoved him as Remus and Peter roared with laughter. James tried not to laugh too hard himself, worried that Lily wouldn't be impressed.

But Lily's lips had twitched in response, although she didn't bother responding to the comment. Instead, she turned to James and said quizzically, "Padfoot?"

James shrugged. "Just a nickname."

"Hmm." Lily looked around at the rest of them. "Do you all have nicknames, then?" she wanted to know as they continued down the path that would take them to Hogsmeade.

"Yup. Moony –" Remus pointed to himself – "Wormtail –" then to Peter – "Padfoot, as you now know –" to Sirius – "and Prongs," he finished, pointing to James.

"Prongs?" Lily spun on her heel so she was walking backwards, all the better to study James. "Like… a fork?"

The Marauders laughed at the connection, even though it didn't have anything to do with the nature of James's nickname at all. It was just that no one had ever called them out on what they called each other, so now that it was happening, it struck them all as rather strange that no one else had asked about it before.

Still walking backwards, Lily flung her arms upwards, crossing them over the top of her head to keep her hat from flying off with the breeze. She smirked at James, who felt like his heart was about to burst out of his ribcage, all because of the way she looked right then: arms over her head, stray hair dancing over her face, openly laughing at her own joke…

"Evans, would you _quit_?" he demanded as they passed through the front gate and onto the High Street.

"Quit what?" Lily blinked innocently, truly unaware of what he was on about.

Well, James certainly couldn't tell her, not without sounding like the world's biggest prat. So he just groaned "Aaargh!" and tousled his hair again.

Behind them, Sirius and Peter made gagging noises. Next to them, Remus rolled his eyes. "He wants you to stop being cute," the latter supplied. James felt his face flame.

"Oh, _really_?" Lily said with another smirk, spinning back on her heel. She might insist that nothing was going on between them, but she certainly enjoyed teasing James nonetheless.

Lily tucked her arm through Remus's and asked somberly, "I guess he likes them ugly, then?"

Sirius snorted and Peter said, "Who's 'them'?"

Lily glanced back at him. "You know… Girls. If he wants me to stop being cute, I can safely assume that he prefers not-cute, can't I?"

"You're assuming that there's a _them_," Remus explained, ignoring the scandalized look James shot him.

Lily's nose twitched as she screwed up her face in concentration, trying to figure out what they were playing at. "I think I'm missing something," she said.

"You are," James said quickly, before his friends could humiliate him further. "You're missing everything. It's very complicated, Evans, very boring…"

Lily shrugged, unconcerned by the boys' oddities. "All right, then," she said, tilting her face up so she was looking at Remus. "Come on, then, Moony; let's see if we can be good prefects and get some people into trouble."

"Yes, it's high time we've started abusing our power," Remus agreed.

The pair of them skipped off, arms still twined together, Lily's free hand gripping her hat so it would stay on her head. James smiled as he watched them go; he loved how effortlessly Lily was fitting into his life. Even if she wasn't intending it to mean anything, it still meant something to him.

"Jealous, are you?" Sirius said with a wink as he and Peter moved to walk on either side of James.

"Nah," James said honestly. "Wish she'd go out with just me, though, so you lads could quit making me sound like such a git –"

"You make yourself sound like a git," Peter interjected.

James laughed and flung his arms over his friends' shoulders as they walked. "Ah, you know me well, Wormtail," he said, and they continued their way up the road.

As they walked through Hogsmeade, their playful moods started to dissipate a little. Posters plastered the windows of shops, all with photos or warnings about what was happening outside Hogwarts: warnings against dementors and Inferi and the growing threat of Voldemort's followers; pleas to implement the "buddy system" and to seek shelter before dark fell; tips to detect those who had fallen prey to the Imperius curse; anything that would help aid in self-defense.

"Well, this is a cheery picture, isn't it?" Sirius noted darkly as they moved into the heart of the village.

"You don't think any of them are here now, do you?" Peter asked nervously, hands twitching, eyes darting around the streets that were packed with their fellow students.

"What – dementors, Inferi?" James shook his head. "Voldemort would be mad to send any of his lot into Hogsmeade, right under Dumbledore's nose. 'Course, I suppose you'd have to be mad to do what he's doing, anyway, but still…"

James trailed off rather uselessly as they entered the Three Broomsticks. The pub was crowded with chattering villagers and Hogwarts students, but the boys were able to locate their skipping friends quickly enough. Lily and Remus had obtained five butterbeers and a booth by one of the windows that lined the walls, and the others hastened over to join them.

"You see all that out there?" James asked as he slid into the seat next to Lily. "Mad, isn't it?"

"Yes, and we were just listening…" Remus cocked his head to the side, and James, Peter, and Sirius all looked around in that direction. At a table diagonal from theirs sat professors Slughorn, McGonagall, and Flitwick, none of whom seemed to notice that their conversation was being monitored by some of their best students.

"…says it's getting worse," Slughorn was saying. He shook his head sadly. "Personally, I've a mind to stay out of the whole mess."

"That's not very progressive of you, Horace," McGonagall scolded. "You know full well who's got your best interests at heart, and our side could use all the help we can get."

"Hear, hear," Flitwick said, lifting his glass in a toast to McGonagall's words.

Slughorn, however, frowned slightly and said, "That's all fine and good, Minerva, but all the same, I'm not quite sure I'm on board with Dumbledore's latest plan –"

"As I said, Horace, all the help we can get," McGonagall interrupted him. "And I don't know what there is to disagree with; it's not as if he's sending anyone underage to the front lines. He's only just talked to Longbottom and the Prewetts."

The Marauders and Lily all exchanged looks at the mention of their friends' names. Frank, Fabian, and Gideon were all of age, but for what, exactly, was Dumbledore seeking them out?

"They were quick to join," Flitwick was saying approvingly. "And I must say, it is helpful to have so many purebloods on our side. Not that it matters, of course, but you know it's much easier when you've got some of the majority on your side."

"Quite right." McGonagall nodded. "We all know well enough that blood hardly matters. Dumbledore's got ideas for next year as well, and –"

"You really think this will continue that long?" Slughorn asked.

McGonagall shot him a look. "Of course I do, Horace, and pretending that it won't last isn't a risk we can afford to take," she said. "Now, as I was saying, Dumbledore is quite disappointed that some of the students he has in mind won't be of age until next year." She brought her gillywater to her lips and sipped before continuing. "But there's nothing to be done about that but wait."

"Who's he got in mind?" Slughorn asked, curious to see if any of his Slug Club members had made the cut.

"Well…" McGonagall leaned forward slightly, and the table nearest them mimicked the motion (James tried to ignore the fact that Lily was leaning against him in her efforts to hear their professors). "He's looking to discuss the matter with Potter and Black, of course. Pettigrew as well, he's quite loyal. Lupin, as Dumbledore says that he'll be useful in ways we haven't been able to infiltrate yet –"

James, Sirius, and Peter all glanced at Remus, who shrugged. Lily looked at him curiously, not knowing at all what McGonagall could mean, but he merely pressed his fingers to his lips before pointing back to their whispering teachers.

"– and Lily Evans. Exceedingly bright girl, as we're all aware, and she's bound to keep the rest of them on their toes," McGonagall finished.

"Evans?" Slughorn repeated, a worried look glinting in his eyes. "Now, don't look at me like that, Minerva. It's only natural that I should be concerned."

"Yes, as she's Muggle-born," McGonagall said sarcastically. "You didn't bat an eye when I mentioned the others' names."

"Don't go assuming I'm prejudiced," Slughorn spluttered. "Not at all, my dear, not at all. She's just in a delicate position, you know, and I'm not sure that I agree with Dumbledore there."

"All our side's in a rather delicate position, though, aren't we?" Flitwick pointed out. "Minerva's right; the more help we can get, the better, and there's no sense in bypassing those who would be the most helpful. It's entirely their choice, too."

Slughorn coughed. "Well, Filius, I think it's a rather unfair call. Seventeen-year-olds, all eager to go out and do something, of course they'll say yes."

"They'll be doing something worthwhile, at any rate," McGonagall said. She checked her watch then. "Much as I'd like to debate this further, I've got a meeting in half an hour. We should be heading out."

The professors stood to leave, and the students they'd just been discussing all straightened in their seats and stared determinedly at their butterbeers, as if that would shield them from their teachers' sight. Fortunately, Slughorn, McGonagall, and Flitwick all left the pub without sparing a glance in their direction.

Sirius whistled. "Hot damn."

"You can say that again," James said. He shot a look across the table at Remus, wondering how his friend really felt about what McGonagall had said about him. Remus, however, wasn't giving anything away.

"What do you think they were talking about, exactly?" Peter asked the group at large.

"No idea," Remus said, "but if Dumbledore's behind it, it must be brilliant."

"Think you'll help him, then?" James asked. "When he comes 'round, I mean."

Remus shrugged noncommittally, shooting a meaningful glance at Lily, which James took to mean that it wasn't something they could discuss while she was there. After all, there were few people who knew about his condition, and his usefulness to Dumbledore's cause no doubt had something to do with his lycanthropy. It wasn't something he felt like divulging to anyone else just yet.

"I'm sure we'll all be jumping for the opportunity to fight," Sirius said. "That's got to be what it is, doesn't it? And I agree with McGonagall; this thing isn't going anywhere, it'll probably just get worse. I'm itching to land a few Death Eaters in Azkaban…"

"You all right, Lily?" James asked, turning to her. He found it odd that she hadn't voiced her opinion yet.

"Huh?" Lily met his eye, and he noticed how distracted she looked. "Oh – yeah, I'm fine. I just…" She caught her bottom lip with her teeth and looked down at the tabletop. "It's all very strange, listening to them talk about us like that."

"They've definitely got high expectations for you," Sirius said, winking at her. "Keep us on our toes, indeed."

Lily smiled, but the joke wasn't enough to assuage her uneasiness completely. It wasn't that she wouldn't be willing to fight; really, fighting was all she wanted to do, especially if it was under Dumbledore's instruction. It was her "delicate position" that she was suddenly worried about, but she wasn't sure if it was something she could bring up to any of the boys sitting with her. They were all pureblood – blood traitors, sure, but it wasn't quite the same as the sort of outcast she was.

"Hey…" James's voice was a low whisper in her ear, a clear sound against the faraway noises of the rest of the pub. "Are you sure you're okay? You look a bit off."

"You did want me to stop being cute," Lily reminded him in an undertone, trying to diffuse the tension.

James wasn't buying it. He caught her chin in his hand and forced her to look at him. "Don't let it get to you," he told her, his eyes searching her face for some sort of tell, some hint of what was going on inside her head.

"Let what get to me?" Lily tried to ignore the response she had to his touch – warmth, a tingling sensation that danced all the way down her spine…

"What Slughorn said." James shoved thoughts of how soft her skin was to the back of his mind. "You're not delicate in the way he meant, you know, you're not defenseless. You're damn well good enough to fight them, just like the rest of us. Understand?"

Lily nodded, swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat at his words. What was it with James Potter and this newfound talent to be so… so… agonizingly perfect to her? _Or perhaps it's not a newfound talent at all, _suggested an unbidden voice in the back of her head. _Maybe you're just paying better attention now._

"I – you know, I've got to run by Scrivenshaft's," Lily said. She gently removed James's fingers from her chin. "You don't have to come with," she added, her voice returning to its normal pitch when Sirius groaned loudly at the prospect of going to look at school supplies. "I'll be back in twenty minutes, tops."

"We'll be here," James told her as she scooted out of the booth. Lily nodded and made her way through the crowd of students and out the door.

She walked along the road, grateful for a little bit of peace so she could get her head back on straight. She knew they were right – McGonagall, Flitwick, James… and she knew Slughorn hadn't voiced his concerns out of disdain or any doubt of her abilities. But it was sort of the curse of the Muggle-born, that no matter how much you proved yourself, some people still thought you'd wake up one day and your wand wouldn't work for you anymore. At least, that's the best explanation Lily had come up with to describe how some people felt about witches like her.

But there were still others who could care less what her family tree said, Lily reminded herself. She wrapped her arms around herself to block against the chill wind that had picked up since they'd been in the Three Broomsticks. It was comforting to know that she'd surrounded herself with people who cared more about what she was capable of than what her blood type happened to be.

Of course, she hadn't always surrounded herself with people like that, Lily thought, her mind straying to Snape again. He'd said it didn't matter, but in the end it had mattered so much that their friendship couldn't withstand it. _Filthy little Mudblood…_ Lily felt a slight prickling in her eyes, but she forced the tears away. What Snape thought didn't matter; Alice and Marlene didn't care that she was Muggle-born, and neither did Remus or Peter or Sirius or James…

It was odd that she had so quickly accepted them as friends. But perhaps their acceptance of her was why it was so easy to be friends with them in the first place.

She shook her head as she reached Scrivenshaft's and walked through the door, a bell tingling merrily as she did so. Lily busied herself for awhile by browsing the shelves – stacks of parchment, bundles of quills, bottles of ink… It was an easy distraction. She heard the shop door open but didn't think anything of it until the newcomer spoke.

"You've certainly changed your tune."

Lily jumped slightly, nearly upending a stack of books on the shelf in front of her. She took one long, steadying breath to steel herself for a confrontation, then turned so that she was face-to-face with her former best friend.

"What on earth are you on about now?" she demanded, not bothering to gloss over her words and instead letting them hit Severus Snape with the coldness she felt towards him.

"Some company you've got today," Snape said, his eyes dark with disapproval. "Skipping around Hogsmeade with that Lupin. I've told you about him, and you just don't listen –"

"Yes, he was looking particularly furry this afternoon," Lily replied flatly. She knew that Snape wouldn't give up this obsessive need to prove that Remus Lupin was a werewolf. It didn't matter to her if it was true or not, so much so that she didn't bother to think of it at all.

Snape scowled at her flippancy. "It hasn't just been today," he said, as if Lily didn't know perfectly well whose company she'd been keeping recently. "I don't know what's gotten into you. Potter's only using you."

"Using me for _what_, exactly?" Lily snapped, her temper flaring dangerously.

"To get what he wants!"

"And what's that?" Lily demanded. "Tell me, please, what James Potter wants from me, and I'll be sure not to give it to him in the event that it upsets you."

"Don't be thick. You know he fancies you –"

"So _what_?" Lily had to force herself to keep her voice down. She was so tired of this argument; they'd revisited it time and time again and it was so bloody _pointless_. "What's it to you if he fancies me? Me and you, we're not even friends anymore, so what do you care?"

Snape knew that he couldn't answer that head-on, so instead he replied, "Just curious about the sudden change of heart. Looks like all Potter had to do was break somebody's nose, and then you'd be all over him –"

Lily whipped out her wand, pointing it threateningly in Snape's face and hoping against hope that the proprietor of the shop was too busy to notice the unfolding row.

"I don't think I like what you're insinuating, _Snivellus_," Lily said. She lingered over the last word, not caring how petty it might be to do so. She'd had it with his treatment of her – friends one second, enemies the next, and he was _still_ trying to tell her what was good for her.

"You don't have to threaten me," Snape informed her, sounding braver than he felt. "If you're that desperate for friends, fine, waste your time with the lot of them."

"I have other friends, you know," Lily shot back, not knowing why she was defending herself instead of simply walking out of the shop. "Alice and Marlene. But I suppose you don't count that, them being blood traitors and all."

"Seems like those are the only types you're interested in," Snape pointed out with a sneer.

"Right, well, as neither Alice nor Marlene fancy me, you don't see them as much of a threat, do you?"

Snape's derisive grin turned abruptly into another scowl. "It doesn't make a difference to me who you end up snogging," he spat. "I thought you had a bit more self-respect, that's all."

Lily shoved her wand back into her pocket. "It's still none of your business, so bugger off."

She shoved past him then, like she should have as soon as he walked in. Her emotions were teeming, overflowing past her self-control, but she couldn't help but pause at the door and turn her head to look at Snape one last time.

"Last year, you told me that James and his friends weren't as great as everyone thought," she said, trying to meet Snape's eye but he was too intent on avoiding her gaze. "And you were right, because really, they are so much better than all that."

And that being said, Lily pushed the door open and marched out, not looking back. She could care less if he stayed there or if he came after her or if he tried to curse her. She almost prayed that he did the latter; she'd love an excuse to pull her wand on him again…

Lily was so caught up in her own furious thoughts that she walked smack into James, who – along with the other three – had left the Three Broomsticks to look for her when her allotted twenty minutes had come and gone.

"Whoa," James said, his hands moving to Lily's shoulders to steady her. "Watch your step, love."

"Right, sorry." Lily wouldn't meet his eye, and her body was stiff and tense under his hands.

James frowned as he studied her. "Lily," he said, crouching slightly so they were eye level, but he still couldn't capture her gaze. "Lily, look at me. What happened?"

She shook her head, trying to prevent the rest of her body from shaking as well but unable to manage it. James felt her quiver under his hands and his frown intensified.

Remus nudged James and nodded over the top of Lily's head. James followed his friend's gaze and caught sight of Snape, who had just walked out of Scrivenshaft's and – after a fleeting glance in their direction – was heading in the opposite direction.

James scowled; Snape was really working on crossing him today, wasn't he?

"I think I'll head back up to the castle," Lily said, stepping out from under James's grip. "Sorry to ditch you. I'm just not in the mood for… outside."

"Lily –" James began, but Sirius cut him off.

"I've got it, mate. I'll walk with Evans and meet you lot back here in a bit," he said. He placed his hand in the center of Lily's back and led her away from the group, ignoring James's reproofing look.

"You don't have to do this," Lily protested as Sirius kept his hand firmly pressed against her back.

"Oh, yes, I do," Sirius assured her as they walked. As soon as they were out of earshot of the others, he continued. "You're going to tell me what happened with Snape."

Lily shot him an irritated look. "I don't have to tell you anything."

"No, you don't," Sirius agreed. "But let's face it, Evans; you can tell me, or you can tell James. And as much as I want to kill Snivellus, I wouldn't actually do it. James, on the other hand… just give him a reason, and you've always been reason enough for him."

"I don't have to tell anybody anything," Lily said, determined to ignore the slight thrill that shot through her body at the insinuation of James's feelings for her. That was the last thing she needed right now.

Sirius sighed, aggravated with the debate. "If you tell me what happened, I'll run off and tell James that it's not worth getting detention over," Sirius told her. "He won't like it, but he'll listen. And I've got a personal interest in what Snape's up to, so it'd be _lovely_ if you'd cooperate, even though I understand that redheads have notoriously short tempers…"

"What's your interest, then?" Lily asked suspiciously.

"Slimy git's putting ideas into my brother's head," Sirius replied easily. He'd suck it up and say whatever it took to figure this out. "So would you mind terribly telling ol' Padfoot about your life and your feelings?"

Lily rolled her eyes. And James had the audacity to call _her_ cheeky; just look at his best mate. But she could understand Sirius's concern for his brother if nothing else, even if she didn't see a connection between that and what had just transpired between her and Snape. Regardless, she let her guard down and told Sirius everything.

"…so, you know, it wasn't that big of a deal," Lily was finishing the story as they reached the gates that would lead her to the castle. "He was just on one of his tangents about you lot – James, mostly. It's like he forgot for a moment that we're not friends anymore, like he thought I'd tolerate it. It was stupid, Sirius, really nothing to worry about."

Sirius was frowning, thinking over what she'd told him. "It could be, though," he said, stopping to lean against one of the wrought-iron poles that constructed the gate. "Maybe he's trying to get back in your good graces."

Lily snorted contemptuously. "Wrong way to go about it."

"Well, last thing he knew, you hated James," Sirius reminded her. "Now you don't, and that's probably not something Snape's adjusted to, because he doesn't get it. Maybe he doesn't know how else _to_ go about it but to harass you."

"I suppose, but he still doesn't have any right to stick his nose back in my life like that."

"I know it, Evans," Sirius agreed. "But I think they're up to something, that whole gang of Slytherins, and maybe this is all part of it."

"You think so?" Lily asked, knowing that she didn't really have to, especially since she had the same suspicions.

Sirius nodded, a grim look crossing his face. "I sure do, and I'm going to get to the bottom of it," he said. "Mark my words, they're going to regret messing with us by the time I'm through with them."

"Don't do anything stupid," Lily warned.

The grim look passed and Sirius grinned crookedly at her. "Or what, Evans?" he teased. "How many points will you dock me?"

"Joke all you want," Lily said, "but at least don't get caught, you hear?"

Sirius lifted an eyebrow as he considered her. Of all the things she could have said, and that's what came out of her mouth?

"I reckon Remus was right about you," he said, shaking his head disbelievingly and continuing before Lily could ask what Remus had said. "You fit right in with us, you know that?"

Lily couldn't help the smile that blossomed at his words. It was nice to know that she fit in just like that. She'd never been a social outcast or anything; if you didn't count blood status, she was rather well-liked overall, but somehow this felt much better than any of the other times she'd fit in somewhere.

"Well, thanks," she said, feeling noticeably better since leaving Scrivenshaft's. "You should get back to them. And remember what I said."

"Right, right." Sirius waved a dismissive hand. "Don't sweat it; the Marauders don't get caught unless we want to."

"Mhmm…" Lily started her way through the gates then, but turned when Sirius called her name.

"Evans!"

"What?"

Sirius considered her for another moment. "This doesn't have anything to do with anything else," he finally said, "and if you tell anyone I said this, I'll deny it. But… just don't write James off, all right?"

Lily blinked, confused. Where had that come from?

"I know you think he's a… Well, a bunch of things that he probably really is," Sirius went on. "But he's not a bad guy, and I think you know that or else you wouldn't be wasting your time with any of us. I just thought you should know that…" He struggled for a moment to finish his thought, then swore. "Shit, Evans, I feel like a right prat saying any of this –"

"I won't tell anyone," Lily promised.

"You swear?"

Lily grinned, thinking of what he'd said last weekend when she'd reprimanded them about the firewhiskey. "Solemnly swear."

"Nicely done." Sirius returned her grin, far more pleased with Lily Evans than he'd ever expected to be. "All right, then. I'll just say that if you ever want to give him a chance, do it; don't talk yourself out of it. You got that?"

"Yeah," Lily said, her mouth suddenly dry. She didn't know where these nerves where coming from whenever James Potter's feelings came up, but she didn't like them and didn't know what to do with them and she didn't think this was the time to discuss her options.

So instead, she decided to make good on her solemnly swear, and she held out a pinky for Sirius to take in his own, which he did. They shook once, sealing the deal, and Lily felt like she might have just gotten herself into a whole mess of trouble.


	10. Consequences of a Full Moon

_Hello, _**ayeshamoola**_,_ **scared of clouds**_, _**Flowers in a letter**_, and _**BillieJamesPotter**_!_

_My readers and reviewers are an embodiment of perfection, and as one said, yes, Sirius is quite the Jily shipper. In fact, I've always felt that James's friends shipped Jily even more than he did (partly because they were tired of him moping around about Lily but, hey, whatever makes your OTP work for you, right?)._

_I also just want to thank everyone for their support. Whether you read, review, follow, favorite, or everything, I appreciate every email I get telling me that any of these things have happened. They all make me smile and my heart figuratively burst into little heart-shaped pieces of confetti. It also makes me want to write for you even more, just as you ask, and that means the world to me._

_I appreciate and consider all suggestions, and I'm so thankful for how constructive those suggestions have been. Sometimes I get too caught up in my own thoughts, and you guys keep me on my toes and make me a better writer. So thank you, I adore you, and here's the next installment of ARE._

–_K. _

* * *

**Saturday, 6:30 P.M.**

The Marauders had returned to the castle for the Halloween feast. Despite the giant jack-o-lanterns, swarms of decorative bats, and the general excitement, the boys' moods were more subdued than usual.

Remus wasn't eating much; he tended to lose his appetite when he was this close to a transformation. It had gotten better since his friends had joined him as Animagi, but the transformation itself was still far from bearable. Thinking about it only made his stomach ache with nerves and trepidation. Still, though, he tried to keep his chin up, even if it was just for his friends' sake. So he sipped at his pumpkin juice and brought up the conversation they'd eavesdropped on earlier.

"I'd help, to answer your question from earlier," he said, looking at James. "If I'm stuck with this condition, I might as well do something useful with it."

James smiled at his friend. "Good man, Moony," he said.

"What do you think Dumbledore would have you do?" Peter wondered aloud.

"Recruit the werewolves, I suppose," Remus said with a shrug. "I don't know how well he expects that to go, of course, since Greyback's got such a head start, not to mention the element of fear. After all, I wouldn't threaten to go after anybody's kids if they didn't do as I asked."

"Yeah, well, not everyone can be pleased with the way Greyback handles things," James reassured him. He knew that Fenrir Greyback was a sore subject with Remus, considering it was his fault that Remus was so diseased in the first place.

"If only that made a difference." Remus set his goblet down, thinking that perhaps this wasn't the best conversation to embark on the night of a full moon, after all. "You know, I think I'll go to the hospital wing now," he went on, rising from his seat. "Pomfrey will be expecting me soon, anyway."

"All right, mate," James said, concern touching his voice. "We'll see you in a bit."

Remus acknowledged the plan with a smile and left, not noticing that Severus Snape's eyes followed him all the way out of the hall. But Snape's gaze didn't go unnoticed by everyone.

"What's he looking at Remus like that for, do you think?" Sirius asked the remaining Marauders, his eyes glued to the Slytheirn table.

James shrugged disconcertedly; Snape never missed a chance to glower at them. "Whatever it is, I wouldn't worry about it."

"He's up to something, Prongs," Sirius insisted. "I know it, and so does Evans."

James perked up at the mention of Lily. "Oh?" he said, his eyes moving down the Gryffindor table to where she was sitting with her friends, looking as if she were in a better mood than when she'd left Hogsmeade.

"_Oh,"_ Sirius echoed. "She seemed all right about us sticking our noses where they don't belong, too, as long as we don't get caught."

"Is that right?" James said, his eyes still on Lily. "Well, isn't she just full of surprises…"

"That she is," Sirius agreed. He winked at Peter, who rolled his eyes. "I think she's growing rather fond of you, too, Prongs."

"Oh – well, you know, we're friends," James muttered, feeling the color creep into his face.

Peter laughed. "Not like you to be so modest."

"I just – I don't want to get my hopes up," James admitted, feeling stupider by the second. "Let's just say she barely tolerates me for now, eh?"

"And you're okay with that?" Peter said, unconvinced that his confident friend would be willing to accept anything less than undying affection from Lily Evans.

"Baby steps, Wormtail," James said. He wondered when exactly _baby steps_ had become his mantra. It wasn't the cleverest thing he'd ever come up with, but he had to admit it was the only thing keeping him sane in the Evans department.

James fell silent then, caught up in his thoughts. Fancying Lily Evans wasn't easy, and he'd had about two years to figure that out. It wasn't so bad in fourth year, when he'd just realized that she was very pretty and she smelled rather nice and he started staring at her quite a bit. But he couldn't _talk_ to her – God, no. He could stare at her and daydream about her and show off in front of her all he liked, but talking to her had been an entirely unapproachable option.

Then the summer had come and gone, and his confidence had grown about as much as he had. He was good-looking and good at things and people liked him, so why shouldn't Lily Evans? But after having asked her out about sixty-three times (an estimate that was courtesy of his friends), it seemed that Lily wasn't going to like him just because everybody else did.

And that just didn't make sense to fifth-year James.

He supposed it did now, though, James admitted privately. He still didn't completely get it, especially now that they were friends and it was going so well. But what he did know was that Lily really didn't like or dislike anyone because of what anybody else said, just as she'd told him during his detention. She'd figured out how to like James Potter on her own, so maybe she'd figure out how to _like_ him, too.

With that thought to comfort him, James brought himself back to the present, and what he found there was that Sirius had disappeared.

"Where's he gone off to?" James asked Peter.

"You've got to start paying better attention," Peter advised him. "I think he's still rather put-off about Snape; he muttered something about needing to be alone, said he'd meet us at the Whomping Willow later."

James frowned slightly. Sirius's dark mood had hardly disappeared over the past week, and James didn't blame him for that. But he was worried about how Sirius would ultimately handle it if he kept running off to brood by himself, if he continued to shut his friends out, if that anger he felt bubbled too close to the surface…

"We should go look for him," James decided, shaking off his concerned thoughts in order to take more efficient action. "Did he say where he was going?"

Peter shook his head. "Good thing we've got the map."

The boys left the Great Hall. James ran his fingers along Lily's back as he passed her, and ducked when she threw a small decorative pumpkin at him in retaliation. He spun on his heel like she had earlier and shot her a cheeky wink. Lily determinedly ignored the tingles running back and forth between her shoulder blades where his fingers had been.

"Prat," she muttered, turning back to the self-satisfied faces of Marlene and Alice. "And you two just keep your mouths shut."

"Not a word, Lily dear," Alice said in a singsong voice. Marlene mimed zipping her lips shut and grinned.

James and Peter reached their dormitory, the former snatching the Marauder's Map from a drawer in his bedside table. He tapped it with his wand and recited, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." Ink flowed over the formerly blank parchment, a spider web of corridors and classrooms and little black dots that represented the inhabitants of Hogwarts.

"I don't see him anywhere," James said a minute later, his brow furrowed as his eyes scoured the map.

"Maybe he's in the Room of Requirement," Peter suggested. "You know it's Unplottable, so the map wouldn't be able to tell us."

"Yeah," James said, but he couldn't shake his worry. "Maybe…"

He tucked the map into an inside pocket of his robes, unsure of what to do next. He thought they should look for Sirius, but if the map couldn't find him, it was unlikely that he and Peter could do it themselves. Perhaps they should just head down to the Whomping Willow and wait for Sirius there.

Deciding that it was their only real option, James tucked the Invisibility Cloak into his pocket with the map, and he and Peter left the dormitory. The common room was filling up with the people who were done at the feast, and after a cursory look around, James was relieved that Lily wasn't among them; he really couldn't afford the distraction right now.

As soon as they were about to make their way through the portrait hole, it opened to reveal Sirius, who looked much happier than he had been lately. Usually this would put James at ease, but under the current circumstances…

"What are you so pleased about?" he asked as soon as he caught Sirius's eye.

"Well, hello to you, too, Prongs," Sirius replied, looking rather affronted by his friend's greeting. He looked at Peter. "And Wormtail, good evening, mate. Glad to see that one of you still has his manners."

James, however, wouldn't let himself get sidetracked. "Where've you been?" he demanded. "We couldn't find you on the map."

"Don't get your knickers in a twist," Sirius said. "You must not have been looking hard enough. I popped by the library."

"You never go to the library," James said, ignoring the fact that he really hadn't looked hard enough. To be fair, though, the library was the last place he'd expected Sirius to be.

Sirius shrugged. "I fancied a stroll about the shelves."

"Bollocks."

"All right, fine." Sirius rolled his eyes at James's inexplicably sore attitude. "Snape left the feast while you were daydreaming, so I followed him and caught him outside the library. Which, as you know, is right off the hospital wing. Where, as you know, our friend Remus was headed when he left."

James felt his heart drop slightly; he wasn't sure why, but he wasn't going to let Sirius go anywhere until he found out.

"What did you do?" James asked, his voice low as he tried to control the panic that was settling in with each passing second. He knew Sirius far too well.

"Nothing at first," Sirius said evenly. He didn't understand what James was so wound-up about. "But he heard me coming and pulled his wand on me. I sort of just laughed it off, you know, and I told him he'd be wasting his time on me –"

"_What did you do?"_

"What is your _problem_?" Sirius wanted to know, completely befuddled by James's behavior.

James worked to control his temper, but the panic was settling in so fast now that it was hard to keep himself in check. "Just tell me," he said through the sandpaper-dryness of his mouth.

"I told him how to get into the trail under the Willow," Sirius said. "Told him he'd find something more interesting than whatever curse he was planning to use on me. Hey, where are you –"

But James didn't hear the rest of Sirius's question (although he knew where it was going, he at least didn't have time to waste answering it). He ran past him, through the portrait hole, down the corridor and a flight of stairs...

He couldn't let this happen – whatever it was that was going to happen. James knew that Snape would listen to Sirius, knew that his insatiable need to know anything that could hurt the Marauders would spur him to take that secret passageway to the Shrieking Shack. James knew that Remus would be in full transformation when Snape arrived, and he knew what that meant, and he knew what it would do to Remus when he woke up as himself tomorrow morning.

He tore down another corridor, streaking past students on their way back to their common rooms, all of them so blissfully unaware of the storm raging inside of James's head as he ran.

He understood why Sirius had done it, and if it weren't for what it could potentially mean for Remus, James wouldn't blame Sirius for a second. But it could mean only terrible things, and James couldn't let any of them happen, no matter how much he thought Snape deserved whatever he got… The point was, Remus didn't deserve to be responsible for it. Sirius was just too angry over Regulus to see that.

James took the marble staircase two steps at a time, nearly tripping over his own feet in his urgency. He glanced around the entrance hall as he went, slowing down, making sure the coast was clear of any teachers who might stop him; he didn't have time to explain, and so few people knew about Remus's condition as it was, and he didn't want to get Sirius into any trouble, no matter how stupid he'd been.

Fortunately, James was able to make it through the hall and out the giant oak doors without detection. He was out on the grounds now, the lawns bathed in the orange glow of the nearly set sun. He hurried over the long expanse of grass, his heart pounding in his ribcage, a pain forming in his side…

The Whomping Willow was in his sight, its branches uncharacteristically immobilized, and Snape was nowhere to be seen.

James broke into a run again.

By the time he reached the tree, its branches were thrashing wildly as per usual, threatening to bruise or scratch or possibly decapitate anyone who dared get too close.

"Damn it," James cursed under his breath, dodging a fist-like branch that swung at him. Without Peter and his rat form to help get to the knot at the base of the trunk, this was going to be more difficult than James thought.

He searched the ground frantically for a substantial branch. Finding one, he used it to poke the knot and the tree ceased its violent motions immediately. James hastened to lower himself into the hidden tunnel beneath the tree, and he resumed his run as he made his way through the narrow, suffocating path, his ears strained for any sound – footsteps, a howl, a scream…

James was at the tunnel's end before he caught sight of Snape. He was right outside the entrance that would lead him into the Shrieking Shack, his hand on the door that would put him right in the path of a fully grown werewolf.

"_Stop!"_ James yelled as Snape turned the doorknob.

But it was too late. The door was only ajar, but it was enough for Snape to see what was behind it. Too shocked to move, Snape stood there, astonished that he'd been right all this time and fear rooting him to the spot.

James slammed his body into the door, closing it just as the wolf sprang towards Snape's frozen from. He struggled to keep the door shut against the massive animal who was determined to get through to them, driven mad by the scent of blood so close…

"You – nosy – _git_," James growled at Snape, his breathing ragged from all the panicked sprinting he'd been doing.

"He's – Lupin – _he's a werewolf_," Snape said, his eyes so wide that they were in danger of popping out of his head.

"And you were almost killed," James spat. He pounded his shoulder against the door so violently that he was sure it would bruise. The wolf gave way enough for James to lock the door and ensure all of their safety.

That settled, James took a threatening step towards Snape. "You better keep your mouth shut about this," he warned.

The fear of being attacked having dissipated with James's locking charm, Snape's expression changed from one of alarm to fury at the other's words.

"Is that a threat, Potter?"

"I'd take it that way if I were you, Snivellus." James found that now that Snape's life wasn't in any danger from Remus's wolf form, he rather felt like mauling the greasy Slytherin himself. "Now I suggest we get out of here and head to Dumbledore's office."

"And why should I do that?" Snape said, his voice dripping with a loathing that he didn't bother trying to disguise.

"Because I won't have you running off to the rest of your sick little friends to tell them what you've just seen," James told him, certain that Dumbledore would never allow it. Going to the headmaster meant landing Sirius into a load of trouble, but it was risk James had to take. Whatever the punishment, it was the least Sirius could do for Remus at this point.

Snape couldn't argue with James without getting jinxed, so the two made their way back down the tunnel in silence, James fuming and Snape marveling at the fact that he'd been right about Remus Lupin all along.

When it was all said and done, Dumbledore made Snape swear that he wouldn't tell anyone what he'd seen. Gryffindor had been docked twenty points, and Sirius was given a month's detention for risking Remus's secret and putting another student in danger. While Sirius was still furious and determined to get his revenge on Snape one way or another, both he and James felt that the punishment was mercifully lenient.

At least, it seemed that way until they saw Remus again.

* * *

**Sunday, 10:32 A.M.**

"I'm going to kill you!"

Remus had just arrived back in the dormitory after a long night, a night that he remembered well enough. After what Dumbledore had told him that morning, it seemed that it was going to be a long day, too.

Upon entering the boys' dorm, Remus's eyes had fallen immediately on Sirius, and he moved as if he was about to attack. James and Peter recognized the danger and caught each of his arms, holding him back. Sirius stared on, wide-eyed, as Remus struggled to free himself.

"Come on, Moony –" he began tentatively, but Remus cut him off.

"_Don't call me that!"_ he spat, furious. "You selfish, arrogant, idiotic _prat_."

"He asked for it!" Sirius shouted back. "Snape's been looking for a fight for ages, and you know it! So don't stand there and act like this is all my fault –"

"It is your fault!" Remus said. He pulled himself free of James and Peter's hold, whipping his wand out as he went. He pointed it, shaking slightly, at Sirius. "I don't care what Snape asks for; you don't have to give it to him. You don't have to _use me_ to get even!"

Sirius took a step back, but his expression said that he was still determined to win this row. "I wasn't using you," he said, although he knew in his heart that wasn't true. "Snape's been sneaking around, trying to figure you out, and –"

"And now he has!" Remus interrupted him again. "He _knows_, Sirius, and it's your fault, all because you want to get back at him for getting to your brother –"

"Can you blame me?" Sirius demanded. "Regulus is fourteen, and Snape's digging his greasy claws into him."

"So, what, you were going to get him killed by your werewolf friend?" Remus wanted to know. The hand holding his wand was shaking violently now, and his voice was equally unsteady. "You were really going to put that on me, Sirius, all so you could get your revenge?"

Sirius didn't answer; he didn't have anything to say.

James moved forward and lowered Remus's arm. "Come on, mate," James said in a low voice, trying to calm him down. "Snape's fine, right, he –"

"I don't care about Snape!" Remus rounded on James then. "You and Sirius, you think this is all about your stupid feud. But I've got news for you, James – when you use me to get Snape where you want him, it's a lot more complicated than some juvenile power pyramid!"

"Hey, I'm not the one who sent Snape after you," James reminded him. "I went after him, didn't I?"

"Don't pretend like you didn't consider leaving him to it," Remus shot back, all sense of reason lost. "You're so busy trying to one-up him, all because he used to be friends with Lily, and you can't stand that –"

"That has nothing to do with this!" James argued, lying through his teeth but he'd never admit it.

"It has _everything_ to do with this," Remus said. "You know it, James; you know you'd have gotten over the guilt of letting me maul Snape; he'd be out of the way and you wouldn't be constantly competing with him for no reason."

"It's – I'm not – I'm not _jealous_ of him, if that's what you're getting at," James said.

Remus snorted derisively. "Of course you are. Did you hear yourself last year, always talking about why Lily bothered with Snape, wondering what he had that you didn't, obsessing over the fact that she might always prefer him to you. You were _insanely_ jealous! Snape got to be close to her and she wasn't falling for any of your tricks. You drove us all crazy!"

"Don't drag me into this," Peter said.

"Don't get me started on you now," Remus told him. "You're just as bad as these two – encouraging them – you hate Snape just as much as they do."

"So do you!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Not enough to get him killed!"

"Well, he's not dead, is he?" Sirius pointed out. "And you know I'm sorry, Remus; I'm sorry that he found out. I was stupid and rash and angry –"

"_You're_ angry?" Remus's voice had dropped to a deathly whisper as his eyes bore into Sirius's. "Try transforming into an uncontrollable monster every month, Sirius, and then tell me about how angry you are."

And with that, Remus spun on the spot and stormed out of the dormitory, leaving his friends to sulk in their inconsolable guilt.

* * *

**A/N:** _I mentioned this in a previous chapter update, but just a reminder that I know Snape found out Lupin's secret in their fifth year. I hadn't double-checked the canon before deciding I wanted to work with that plot point, so I had to tweak it a bit. Despite that mistake, I think it will work well to add a certain tension to my story, and I hope you'll all appreciate that as well._

_This chapter was originally supposed to be longer, but I decided that the next couple of points I want to go through need a chapter all to themselves. Anyway, I think this one offers enough emotional turmoil for one go. See you all for 11!  
_


	11. Evans This, Potter That

**iluv2bcrazee**_,_** WerrnogWeasley96**_,_** . .Books**_,__,_** JadeZinniaMarchetta**_, _**thatnerdnextdoor1**_,_** speedtexter**_, _**Dazzled11**_, _**SophieJBlakey **_–__glad to have you all!_

**stefanie437 **_gave me the loveliest review in Chapter 10. It's so, so spot-on with what I've been trying to convey. And yes, I've always imagined that Remus was a bit of a Bruce Banner type rather than a I-like-books-and-rules-and-I'm-not-at-all-upset-by-my-lycanthropy-and-its-negative-effects sort of guy. _

_For everyone else who reviewed, I just have to say… I did that "Aw, shucks" thing where I blush and scuff my shoes and can't look you straight in the eye because you've given me the good self-esteem feels._

_A Chapter 7 review mentioned that they were rather sure that James played Seeker, not Chaser. However, the film adaptation of PS/SS got it wrong; James Potter was, in fact, a Chaser. (Granted, he was playing with a Snitch in OotP, but the Snitch would be an easy thing to hide once you stole it, so I'd chalk it up to that.) Anyway, it's a common misunderstanding, since the film said James was a Seeker, and the books never explicitly say; if you check out the Harry Potter Wiki page, though, it will link you to JKR's statements on the matter._

_Now, for a little quote to keep in mind during this installment of ARE: __**"**__**James always suspected Snape harbored deeper feelings for Lily, which was a factor in James's behavior to Snape.**__**"**__ – JKR, in a 2007 interview with ._

_I've got another long chapter here. It's like as soon as I acknowledged how short the first few were, the rest of them just started going on for pages and pages and I didn't have the heart to split them up. Anyway, hope you like it, and hit me with your reviews if you've got any!_

_Much love to you all… –K._

* * *

**Tuesday, 1:20 P.M.**

"Alice, I never got a chance to ask you how your date went on Saturday."

"Oh, right. Well, that's all right, Lily, I know – OUCH!"

"Are you okay?" Lily asked, looking up from the teacup she was supposed to be Charming.

Alice was shaking her hand, trying to dislodge her own teacup, which had clamped its jaw around her finger. "Damn cup," she snarled, finally succeeding in shaking it off. "I gave it teeth instead of legs."

Marlene, who was sitting on the other side of Alice, laughed heartily at her friend's mistake.

"It's not _funny_, Mar," Alice snapped. She waved her wand and shot her flesh-hungry teacup at Marlene, who said _"Reducto!"_ and succeeded in blasting the offending cup into little flower-patterned pieces.

Alice sighed but didn't bother arguing since the spell was such a pain, anyway, and Charms was too much of an excitable class for Flitwick to notice that she'd called it quits.

"So," Lily said pointedly before Alice and Marlene could have a go at each other, "how was it?"

"It went well," Alice told her, a bubble of happiness surfacing in her chest, successfully dissolving her annoyance. "He's sweet. He tried taking me to Madam Puddifoot's and I started laughing because, well, you know, it's _Puddifoot's_…"

"Ah, well, Longbottom's nothing if not eager to please," Marlene chimed in.

Lily laughed. "I expect he was just trying to do what he thought you wanted, Alice," she said, poking her legless teacup with her wand to no avail. She was distracted and didn't much care about bestowing mobility upon a teacup. "Granted, he was off the mark, but how could he have known?"

"That's what I thought, too," Alice agreed. "Anyway, he started laughing too. We talked about how mad everyone is, wanting to get together in a small space to snog each other –"

"Disgusting," Marlene supplied, pulling a face.

Alice nodded. "Precisely."

"Really," Lily said, "who wants to go for a snog someplace where you can hear a bunch of other people sucking face two feet away? Anyway, Alice, go on. Did he kiss you?"

"Somewhere private?" Marlene added, her mind still on the madness of Madam Puddifoot's.

Alice blushed furiously at the question, and she became suddenly very interested in her fingernails. "Well, um, yes, as a matter of fact," she mumbled, embarrassed. "We were walking back and we were shooting off those Filibuster firecrackers, just talking, and then he sort of caught me mid-sentence."

"Did he use tongue?"

"_Marlene!"_ Lily laughed again.

"What?" Marlene said innocently. "I've been tongued loads of times –"

"Oh, don't say it like that," Lily pleaded, still chuckling. "It doesn't sound like you're talking about kissing at all."

"Maybe I'm not," Marlene said haughtily, causing Alice to gasp and Lily's jaw to drop. She couldn't keep a straight face after that. "All right, I was," she admitted. "But come on, Prewett, don't hold out on me; did he do it or not?"

"Um… a bit."

"Ha!" Marlene jabbed her teacup rather forcefully in her exuberance. "I'm telling your brothers."

Alice shoved her. "Shut up."

Marlene grinned and looked over at Lily. "What about you, then?"

Lily stared resolutely at her motionless cup. She recognized that tone, and she didn't care for it one bit. "What about me?"

Marlene sighed, exasperated by her friend's obvious dodging. "We know about all that Snape business," she said. "You were upset and we respected that for two whole days – don't _smirk_, Lily, two days is quite the feat for us – so now you owe us Potter information."

"Shh!" Lily flapped her hands wildly in Marlene's direction to silence her. She looked over her shoulder to see if James had heard, but he was too busy racing teacups with Sirius. Relieved, Lily turned back to her friends and said, "There is no Potter information."

Alice and Marlene groaned in disappointment, and Lily rolled her eyes. "What is it with you two?"

"What is it with _you two_?" Marlene countered. "You and Potter. Seriously, you need to find yourselves a nice broom closet and just shag it out already."

Lily gaped at her. "Shag _what_ out?" she said, even though she was sure that wasn't what she meant to come out of her mouth.

But it was too late; Marlene was already flourishing her wand, searching for the right words. "You two are so fraught with sexual electricity," she explained. "Every time you're together, it's like – _whoosh_." She waved her arms in a windmill motion. "It just gets hotter, and it is _very uncomfortable _for everyone in the general vicinity. Just the way he looks at you, even… it's maddening. A little pathetic, too, to be honest."

"Be nice," Alice told Marlene, then turned to Lily. "It's just one of those things, you know? Everybody's dying for you two to get together."

Lily frowned at her teacup, but she wasn't really seeing it. "What about what _I_ want?"

Marlene snorted. "Oh, you want it, too."

"Well, thanks, Mar, but I'd rather figure that out for myself," Lily snapped, thoroughly annoyed now. Why couldn't everyone just get off her back? "I quite like being his friend, and that should be good enough for everybody else because it's none of their business, anyway."

"All right." Marlene held up her hands in a gesture of surrender. "I was just saying, don't dismiss the idea."

It was Lily's turn to snort. "Do you and Sirius get together to chat about this or something?" she wanted to know. "Because he said the same thing to me on Saturday."

"Ha!" Marlene said again, pleased. "That's brilliant. But no. I'll tell you something, if I got a chance to talk to Black, I don't think I'd actually waste time talking…"

Lily smirked, despite Marlene's request that she refrain from doing so. "I'll put in a good word for you. Just don't sneak off during my patrols; I don't want to be the one who finds you with your knickers around your knees."

Alice laughed and Marlene adopted a dignified expression. "Please," Lily," she said, waving her wand and breaking her own teacup, "I've got a bit more class than that."

* * *

James heard Lily's laugh several times during Charms, and he wished it was enough to make him feel better. It wasn't, and that was how James knew he hadn't felt worse in a very long time.

Remus hadn't spoken to any of them since Sunday. He'd skipped classes and meals and he kept his bed hangings drawn. The worst of it was that James knew it was all their fault, so they couldn't shrug it off and wait for Remus to realize that he'd overreacted, because he hadn't so there was nothing for him to realize at all.

Even though James had gone after Snape, Remus was still right about everything he'd said. He'd been suffering through the feud for years; even though he didn't care for the Slytherins, he would have been content with ignoring the lot of them. But his friends weren't so easily satisfied, so he'd stood by while the battle ensued, and the culmination of that battle could have meant terrible things for Remus. It was no wonder he'd had enough.

"D'you think he'll ever come around?" James asked miserably.

"Yeah," Sirius said, although he didn't sound entirely convinced. "He's got to. We've been friends too long."

"He's just got to cool off," Peter agreed. "Hope he does soon; I can't manage Charms without him."

"Aw, come on," James said as his own teacup skipped happily around the desk. "It's not hard."

"Maybe not for you two," Peter said as Sirius's cup joined James's.

The two cups were getting ready for a race when James heard his name from a few desks in front of them: "…you owe us Potter information," Marlene McKinnon was saying. Lily hushed her friend and peeked over her shoulder at James, who pretended to be distracted by his teacup. His heart had started a pleased little jig and he strained to hear more, but the girls had lowered their voices too much.

Sirius had heard it, too, and looked at his hopeful friend. "She's getting to be as bad as you," he teased. "Evans this, Potter that…"

"Really," Peter said glumly. "She better watch herself around Moony, or she'll get a telling-off as well."

Sirius nodded, but didn't make eye contact with either of his friends. "Too right."

James frowned. He'd tried not to think too much about what Remus had said about him being jealous of Snape, but it hadn't been working because it was true, to an extent. He _had_ resented Snape and Lily's friendship. He wouldn't admit it out loud, but he'd been so paranoid last year, thinking that he'd wake up one day to find out that they were suddenly more than friends. That was partly why he'd asked her out so much; maybe Snape wouldn't want to bother competing, if James was constantly on Lily's tail about going out with him.

It had been stupid and poorly thought-out, James knew that now. Snape had been too invested in the Dark Arts; even before he'd called Lily the M-word in front of all those people, it was unlikely that their relationship could have withstood their fundamental differences for much longer.

But none of that really mattered right now, because what it all boiled down to was that Remus had once again been right: James was so consumed by envy that he still carried it around, and it didn't only affect him and Snape.

He needed to get it out of his system, James thought, his eyes straying to the back of Lily's head. He had to get it off his chest, or if might very well affect Lily as negatively as it had affected Remus. James had made one too many mistakes because of Snape, and he refused to lose his friends as a result.

* * *

**4:17 P.M.**

Lily sat alone in the courtyard, her legs up on the bench and her arms wrapped around her knees, a book open in her hands. She hadn't had enough alone time lately, so she'd shaken off Alice and Marlene after their final lesson in order to get some.

But while Alice and Marlene might have granted her the courtesy, Lily should have known the silence wouldn't last. After all, most of the people she knew were hardly capable of that peace and quiet she'd been starved of recently.

"LILY."

"EVANS."

Lily sighed and looked up from her book to see the Prewett brothers marching towards her, Frank Longbottom following along in their wake. The Prewetts looked a bit put-off, and Frank appeared to be battling a combination of exasperation at them and apology towards Lily.

"No need to shout," Lily informed them as they reached what she'd foolishly thought to be a secluded bench.

"There's every reason to shout!" Fabian proclaimed. He snatched the book from Lily's hand and flipped through it. "What is this, what are you reading?"

Lily grabbed the book back from him. "That _can't_ be why you're yelling at me from across the courtyard."

"It's not," Frank said before either of his friends could speak. He rolled his eyes. "They want to –"

"SILENCE," Gideon ordered, "you dirty sister-snogger."

"You mangy cad," Fabian added.

"Betrayer of friendship!"

"Traitor of trust!"

"Ooh, that was a good one," Gideon said appreciatively. "Traitor of trust. I like that, it's catchy."

"Oh, why, thank you, it just came to me, you know –"

"Is this about Frank and Alice?" Lily interrupted. "Because I'm not getting in the middle of it, if it is. And I know it is, actually, because it's the only thing that makes sense."

Fabian stuck his tongue out at her and Gideon said, "She's so _clever_, isn't she?"

"They've been insufferable lately," Frank told Lily. "I can't get a moment's peace."

"I know the feeling," Lily assured him. She'd been experiencing it enough lately that she was much more familiar with it than she'd ever cared to be.

"Well, apparently, that's not the only thing you know," Fabian accused. "You knew about the traitor and our sister, and you didn't say a word!"

"Nothing, nada, zip," Gideon chirped.

Lily looked from one brother to the other. "So?"

"_So?"_ Fabian echoed incredulously. "_So_, Lily Evans, you are an accessory!"

"An accessory to what, exactly?" Lily asked, unable to keep herself from laughing at their absurdity. "Alice is free to go out with whomever she likes."

"Thank you," Frank said, but he was drowned out by Gideon's yell of "She is free to date NO ONE."

"Not until she's thirty," Fabian amended.

"Not until she's dead," Gideon revised further.

"Not until we, her brothers, have been dead a hundred years, when our bodies have decomposed so thoroughly that they are one with the soil."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Well, then, she'd never date," she said, "which I'm sure is what you're getting at, but too bad. The deed is done."

Both brothers rounded on Frank then.

"Deed?" Gideon said. "What deed?"

"Surely not _the_ deed," Fabian said.

"Don't be thick," Frank told them. "We've been on one date, and I rather like living, which I'm sure would cease immediately if you found out that I'd done that with her."

"What's Longbottom done?" a sneering voice said from behind Lily. "Surely nothing with _that_ filthy thing, or were you talking about a different 'her'?"

Fabian and Gideon's playful expressions fell immediately, to be replaced by looks of utmost loathing. Lily turned to see Bellatrix Black, accompanied by her sister Narcissa and cousin Regulus. That was a rather new development, Lily thought. She stood from her seat and she felt Frank and the Prewetts step closer, surrounding her.

"What's it to you?" Frank said, his eyes dark as they took in the Slytherins.

Bellatrix grinned. It was a twisted expression that didn't do justice to her good looks; if anything, it seemed to distort her beauty. Her face was only meant to scowl.

"Just making sure that the Mudbloods aren't dallying with real wizards," Bellatrix said, looking Lily up and down.

"Watch it, Black," Gideon snarled, his wand at the ready.

"Aww, what, the Mudblood can't defend herself?" Bellatrix said, her expression changing to one of mock surprise.

Lily's wand came out at the provocation. She was hardly aware of the crowd that was beginning to form around them, all keeping their distance but watching nonetheless.

"Don't you have another filthy word to throw at me?" Lily asked furiously. "_Mudblood_'s sort of losing its touch, don't you think?"

"I haven't tired of it yet," Bellatrix said conversationally. Her wand slipped out of her sleeve and into her hand. Lily felt Frank and Fabian shift slightly, and she knew their wands were out now as well.

"Have you just come looking for a fight, then?" Lily went on, trying to postpone a duel long enough for a teacher to come along and put an end to it. She felt her blood boiling, but the last thing she wanted to do was get in a fight because the Slytherins threw the same insult at her for the thousandth time.

It wasn't worth it, she told herself. But she kept her wand pointed at Bellatrix Black, anyway.

"Don't be silly," Bellatrix said, her own wand pointing menacingly at Lily's throat. "We're trying to show Regulus how to deal with your kind."

Regulus's eyes glanced from Lily to Bellatrix, his expression slightly panicked at having his name thrown so unexpectedly into the fray.

"Her kind's just the same as yours or ours," Fabian said, disgusted by every word that fell from Bellatrix's lips.

Bellatrix scowled. "Don't you try to put her on the same level as me, Prewett," she spat. "Your level, fine, since your family's so caught up in Muggle-loving that they might as well toss their wands away and join them. It would do us all some good."

Lily couldn't stand it anymore; she might want to put the self-satisfied Slytherin in her place, but she knew that it wouldn't do her any good.

"Why don't you run off, go talk about how great it is to be a pureblood?" Lily suggested, shoving her wand back in her pocket. "Go on, go rave about that mad tosser you're all so eager to join…"

Lily made to turn then, to walk away from the Slytherins and the fight they were trying to incite. But her words had toppled Bellatrix's already ill temper over the edge.

The curse hit her – fast, painful – Lily felt the blood pour from the gash that had materialized down the side of her neck…

She fell to her knees, her hands shaking violently as they moved to the injury, trying to stem the flow of blood. In front of her, Frank and the Prewetts had retaliated, shooting hexes at the Slytherins and dodging the ones shot at them. Lily couldn't tell which jinx hit who; the only things she could register were the shouts of the fighters and the crowd, and jets of light as they exploded around her.

She was losing too much blood – it was dark and sticky against her skin, and there was too much of it. There was a dull roar growing louder in her head, and everything was getting darker, her vision was swimming and she felt like she was going to be sick and _why was she still bleeding?_ The pain was blinding, excruciating.

Her body slumped over completely; she felt the cold stone as it met her overheated skin, and the blood was still pouring. The darkness was consuming her and everything sounded as though it were coming from very far away…

"_Lily!"_

* * *

**4:34 P.M.**

James had wandered rather aimlessly after his final lesson, looking for Lily. He'd decided that he needed to clear his head with her first, and then he could find Remus and fix things between all the Marauders. It wasn't much of a plan, but it was better than sitting around and waiting for things to get better by themselves; if anything, they probably would have gotten worse.

So he walked around the corridors, hoping that he would run into Lily, but once he saw a Lily-less Alice and Marlene, he called quits on his navigational skills and pulled out the Marauder's Map. His eyes scanned the parchment, locating her out on the grounds; her dot was stationary, so he imagined that she was sitting outside, hiding, her nose stuck in a book.

The image made him smile more genuinely than he had in two days, and he tucked the map back in his pocket as he left the castle to find her.

Of course, he hadn't expected to find her quite like this.

The first thing he saw when he came upon this particular area of the courtyard was the crowd. They'd formed a circle around whatever was happening in the center, but no one seemed to want to get too close; when James caught sight of the jets of light, he didn't wonder why.

Lily had to be there somewhere, he thought, pushing his way through the throng of shouting students. He saw Frank Longbottom and the Prewett brothers, dueling fiercely with some of the Slytherins; everyone involved seemed to have retained some injury, but it was hard to tell what exactly they were since everyone was covered in blood.

As the image of all that blood settled itself comfortably into James's mind, he saw her: Lily was lying motionless behind Frank and the Prewetts. From what he could see of her, her skin was chalk-white and blood was streaming out of a gash in her neck… more blood than was covering anyone else, more blood than all of them combined…

"_Lily!"_

James rushed forward and fell to his knees at Lily's immobile side. Her eyes were shut and her breathing was shallow. James turned her carefully onto her back, suddenly unaware of the fight raging behind him.

"Damn it," he swore as he got a good look at her. There was too much red; it was falling from her neck and caking her skin – her hands, her jaw line, her shoulder and down her arm…

There were more shouts and James felt the ground shudder violently beneath him. The spells had stopped flying, and James turned to see a clear, rippling mass of something that now separated the Slytherins from James, Lily, and the others. Someone must have shot a barrier there…

"What on _earth_ –" It was a livid Professor McGonagall, followed closely by Dumbledore and Slughorn.

"Calm, Minerva," Dumbledore said, recognizing the fury in his colleague's voice and placing a hand on her shoulder.

"_Calm?"_ McGonagall repeated the word as if she'd never heard it before. "Never, in my entire time at Hogwarts, have I witnessed such a display of careless, _moronic_ –"

"Professor!" James yelled. He didn't want to shout at her, but under the circumstances he thought it was the most appropriate thing to do. "Professor, it's Evans; she's hurt. I don't – I can't wake her up."

McGonagall's fury dissipated when she came forward and saw Lily's too-still body. She bent down and took her pulse. "It's there," she murmured. "It's not much, but there's something."

Dumbledore turned to Slughorn. "Horace, take your students to your office and wait for me there," he instructed. "I will deal with everyone separately."

Slughorn nodded and motioned for the Slytherins to follow him. Bellatrix tossed a furious look over her shoulder, but there was something oddly triumphant in the movement when her eyes fell on Lily. James's hand itched for his wand, but he knew it wasn't something he could risk. Not then, anyway.

"Is she all right?" Fabian asked anxiously. He was holding his arm up to his nose, stemming his own flow of blood with his sleeve.

"She will be," McGonagall said. She looked at James. "We need to get Miss Evans to the hospital wing immediately; Potter, could you carry her?"

James nodded. He slid his arms beneath Lily as gently as he could and lifted her; her body was limp and warm against his, and her head lolled against his shoulder, blood trickling down her neck and over the front of his robes. He didn't care about the blood, but this wasn't exactly how he'd pictured the first time he got to wrap his arms around her.

"You three –" McGonagall began, turning to the others, but they stood their ground.

"We want to make sure she's all right," Frank said, and the Prewetts nodded fervently.

"Then off you go," Dumbledore said, ushering them all forward. "Minerva, if you could disperse the crowd, please…"

McGonagall obliged, shooing away the surrounding students, all of whom were clamoring to get a good look at Lily's injury. "Fight's over, move along now…"

James made his way through the courtyard, Lily still in his arms, Dumbledore, Frank, and the Prewetts trailing behind. He tried to ignore the fear that was rising in his chest, tried to bury it; if he let it take over, he'd lose his head completely, and he couldn't afford to break right now. He had to make sure everything was going to be okay.

When they arrived at the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey gasped audibly at the sight of Lily, hardly batting an eye at Frank and the Prewetts' minimal injuries. She had James lay Lily down on a bed at the end of the wing, away from any prying eyes that might pass by to get a look at her condition. She drew the curtain around the bed, forcing the others to wait on the other side of it.

"Don't give me that look, Potter," Madam Pomfrey said as she did this. "I can't take care of her with you breathing down my neck."

James scowled but Madam Pomfrey drew the hangings, anyway.

Dumbledore's twinkling blue eyes surveyed each of the boys in turn, landing on James last, and he said, "Explain."

"I'd love to, Professor, but it wasn't me this time," James told him, slightly offended by Dumbledore's assumption. Had the consequences of the duel been less dire, James would have felt rather proud, but that level of confidence failed him as he wondered what was happening behind that curtain.

"It was us, Professor," Frank inserted. "Well, it was Black, mostly…"

And he regaled Dumbledore and James with the details of the fight they'd only seen the end of. When Frank was finished, Dumbledore studied him quietly for a moment and then asked, "So, Mr. Longbottom, it was the Slytherins who instigated the ordeal?"

"Depends on your definition of 'instigate,'" Gideon answered for Frank. "I pulled my wand out first, but it was a precautionary measure, really –"

"Mr. Prewett, do you consider it self-defense when you've been given nothing to defend against?"

"_Nothing to defend against?"_ Fabian repeated incredulously. "All due respect, sir, but were you listening to Frank at all? Black attacked as soon as Lily put her wand away, all because she called Voldemort a mad tosser, which is a right side better than what the lot of them call her –"

Dumbledore held up a hand to stop Fabian's impassioned explanation. "Miss Black will be held accountable for her actions," he assured the boys. "I have to say, though, that I am rather disappointed in you three –" his gaze fell on Frank, Fabian, and Gideon – "considering what we discussed the other day."

"How could you possibly be disappointed?" Frank demanded, enraged. "This _is_ what we talked about! Defending our side, fighting against Voldemort and all his bollocks prejudices. The only reason we fought at all was because Lily was lying on the ground, blood spouting out of her, and the Slytherins were throwing curses as soon as that gash opened in her neck!"

James was beginning to feel ill as he listened to Frank and the Prewetts defend their position. But more than that, he found himself feeling equally as angry – angry that Dumbledore wasn't listening, angry that he hadn't been in the courtyard from the beginning…

"This is mad," he said, his eyes finding Dumbledore's. "This whole thing. It's insane. What are you doing here, Professor, scolding us when none of the Slytherins are stuck in the hospital wing? They're always picking fights, always the first to throw a hex, and all the while they're muttering under their breath about _filthy Mudbloods_ –"

"Mr. Potter." Dumbledore's voice was its usual calm, but the twinkle had gone from his eyes. "I am quite aware of your position on the matter. However, that does not excuse hatred and intolerance –"

"They hated us first!" James exploded. His hands were balled into fists at his sides, his fingernails digging painfully into his palms. "And in case you haven't noticed, _our_ hatred and intolerance hasn't lost them any blood!"

Before Dumbledore could respond, the curtain opened behind them and Madam Pomfrey reappeared, giving them all highly disapproving looks but not commenting on the volume of the row anymore than that.

She looked at Dumbledore. "I've managed to stop the bleeding," she told him, "but I'm not sure that there's anything I can do for the cut itself. I've never seen a curse like it before."

Dumbledore nodded, a frown line appearing between his brows. "I'll set off for Slughorn's office now," he said. "I'm sure Miss Black would be happy to tell us what the curse was."

His eyes flickered once again over the four boys, but he said nothing more and, with a sweep of his robes, he walked down to the end of the hospital wing and left it, the door swinging shut behind him.

James turned back to Madam Pomfrey. "Is she awake?" he asked, his heart pounding wildly against his ribcage, his stomach twisted in unpleasant knots.

"No, but she will be," Madam Pomfrey said. She turned to the others. "You three, come along, I'll fix you right up."

Fabian and Gideon clapped James reassuringly on the back as they followed the nurse back down the ward. Frank grasped his shoulder and said, "She'll be all right."

James nodded. "Frank," he said as his friend made to move past him. "Thank you. I just – I wish I'd been there, too."

Frank gave him a heartening smile. "Anytime, mate," he said. "As long as we're around, you don't have to worry about leaving her alone."

"Yeah," James said. He knew that Frank was right, but he wished he'd been there, anyway.

As Frank followed the others to the other end of the hospital wing, James pulled back the curtain surrounding Lily's bed and stepped behind it. He dropped himself into the chair beside her, elbows on his knees as he leaned forward, watching her anxiously.

She was still so pale, he observed. The gash on her neck was clean, but it stood out bright and jagged against the translucent hue of her skin. The cut ran a crooked line from the space behind her ear all the way down to her shoulder, and James was sure it would scar.

But she was breathing, he saw; the faint but steady rise and fall of her chest comforted him. He could see her face, eyes still closed, but her breath still fluttered out from between slightly parted lips. He ran tentative fingers down the side of her face. Her skin was soft, flawless, and only slightly warm, her body temperature having returned to normal with the help of Madam Pomfrey.

The nurse reappeared as soon as the thought crossed James's mind. He heard her, but refused to tear his eyes away from Lily's face.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said stubbornly, sure that she'd come back to kick him out.

Madam Pomfrey sighed. "I expected as much," she said, "but you've got some visitors of your own."

James turned at that, and saw Sirius, Peter, and – surprisingly enough – Remus. He swallowed nervously. "Hey, chaps," he greeted them uncertainly, his eyes on Remus.

"I've agreed to let them stay," Madam Pomfrey said grudgingly. "But ten minutes _only_, and then I must insist that you all return to your dormitory –"

"I told you, I'm not leaving," James interrupted, causing her to sigh again.

"Yes, Potter, I know. But the rest of you, ten minutes."

"Sure, sure," Sirius said unconcernedly, waving her away. The nurse glared at him for a moment but left them for her office, the door snapping shut behind her.

The boys were quiet for two solid minutes before any of them spoke, and it was Remus who broke the silence.

"I'm sorry, James."

James shrugged, his eyes still on Lily. "I should have been there."

"You can't be with her all the time," Remus told him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah," James said, "I s'pose that would get rather insufferable, wouldn't it?"

"Not that you're not insufferable enough as it is," Sirius piped up. He shoved his hands in his pockets and frowned at Lily's unconscious form, a dark look passing over his face as he thought about what had gotten her there. "My cousin's a piece of work, isn't she?"

James felt the anger rise in his throat. "I'll say," he said. He looked around at his friends. "How'd you find out about this, anyway?"

"We saw Slughorn and the rest of them heading down to his office," Peter told him. "So, naturally, our curiosity was piqued and we listened at the keyhole, put the pieces together."

"We ran into Frank and the Prewetts on our way here, too," Remus said. "They filled in the blanks."

"Right." James's eyes were only on Remus now. "But I've got a blank for you to fill in, too."

Knowing where James was going with this, Remus said, "You didn't think I'd stay angry with you forever, did you?" he said, a wry smile moving across his lips. "Mind you, it would have lasted longer if not for the extenuating circumstances."

James wasn't quite sure what to say to that. Remus had every right to be angry for as long as he liked, and yet here he was, forgiving them all just like that, all because one of his friends fancied a girl who'd been carted to the hospital wing, courtesy of the same feud that Remus had been raging about only two days ago.

So James didn't say anything at all. He stood up and pulled Remus into a tight hug, trying to convey everything he was feeling into the simple gesture – his regret, his apology, and his thanks. Remus returned the embrace, patting James twice on the back before they pulled apart.

"You lot are always there for me," Remus said. His eyes slid to Sirius then. "No matter how incredibly selfish you can be."

"Come on, Moony," Sirius said, his desire to get things back to normal overriding his still fresh guilt. "I told you, I'll do your laundry for the rest of term to make it up to you."

Remus rolled his eyes. "An apology that would hold a lot more weight if the house-elves didn't already do the laundry."

"It's the thought that counts, isn't it?"

Remus's retort was cut off by the sound of footsteps rushing up to the end of the ward. The boys looked around to see a frantic-looking Alice Prewett and Marlene McKinnon as they made their way towards them.

Alice made an odd squeaking noise when she saw Lily, her hand moving to cover her mouth as her eyes brightened with unshed tears. Marlene looked on, stony-faced as she thought of who had done this to her friend.

"Frank told us," Marlene answered the Marauders' unasked question. "Fabian and Gideon, too. They found us at dinner. I'll tell you, I've never seen the three of them look more murderous…" She shook her head. "Never thought I'd be scared of Longbottom and the Prewett boys, but there you go."

She looked at James then. "They told us about how you lost it with Dumbledore, too. I'm surprised he didn't stick you in detention for your bad mouth."

James frowned at her. "You would've said the same thing as I did, McKinnon," he pointed out.

"Oh, I'm sure I would have said worse," Marlene agreed. "That wasn't an insult, Potter; I think Dumbledore's too soft on the mad purebloods, too."

"Oh." James felt a little guilty then. "Right. Sorry."

"Whatever." Marlene brushed it off good-naturedly. She looked at Sirius next. "Speaking of murderous things, though, I've come up with ten successful ways to kill your cousin and get away with it. Interested?"

Sirius grinned at her. "Very."

Alice shot the pair of them a reprimanding look. "Don't joke," she said, her eyes shining. "You think it's funny, but that's the sort of thinking that got Lily here in the first place."

"It's not funny, and I'm not joking," Sirius told her, but he was sure to keep his voice softened so as not to upset her. Alice hadn't done anything wrong, and she really was right; it just didn't lessen his anger at the situation. "My family thinks it's the worst thing to be a blood traitor, but they don't think twice about spilling any."

"So maybe you should be above that," Alice snapped. "I know you're mad, but join the club. Getting back at the Slytherins isn't going to solve anything."

"Maybe not," Sirius said, "but it would sure make us all feel better."

"Speak for yourself."

All of them whipped around at the noise. The words had been spoken quietly, hoarsely, but there was no mistake: Lily had opened her eyes and was looking at them expectantly, waiting to be acknowledged.

"Oh, Lil, are you all right?" Alice asked hurriedly, her hand moving to push Lily's hair back in a comforting gesture. James felt a sense of longing tug at his stomach muscles, but he stayed back, letting Alice and Marlene fuss over their friend.

"Fine," Lily said, her voice still quiet. She looked at Sirius. "I told you not to get yourself in trouble, didn't I? That includes not killing anyone."

Sirius couldn't help but grin. "You told me not to get caught."

"You're much too narcissistic to not brag about pulling off murder."

"Glad to see that your sense of humor hasn't been damaged, Evans."

Lily returned his smile, and James felt the pull in his stomach again.

"Are the others okay?" Lily asked, looking around at the group. "Frank and Fabian and Gideon? I know they were fighting."

"Of course they're okay," Marlene said, taking one of Lily's hands in hers. "They're pissed, but relatively unscathed."

"Do me a favor, Alice," Lily said. "Distract Frank by snogging him, right, and then your brothers will forget about the Slytherins, too."

Everyone laughed and Alice said, "I'm sure I could talk him into it, yeah."

The sound of laughter spurred Madam Pomfrey, leading her out of her office and towards the crowd around Lily's bed. She was carrying a bottle of medicine and wearing a frown.

"All right, you lot," she said as she approached, "your ten minutes are more than up, I think. Everyone run along. Except _you_, Mr. Potter," she added impatiently when James opened his mouth to protest. She wasn't in the mood to argue with an emotionally exhausted teenage boy.

Alice and Marlene hugged Lily and told her they'd be back to see her the next day. Remus said he'd take over her patrols for however long she was in the hospital wing, and Peter (blushing slightly) told her to get better soon. Sirius hooked pinkies with her and shot her a wink before turning to James and saying, "Don't give me that look, Prongs; Evans and I have an understanding."

James rolled his eyes at Sirius's purposefully smug attitude, and then the group left the hospital wing, leaving James sitting next to Lily's bed as Madam Pomfrey applied dittany to the gash.

"Do you know what it was? The curse, I mean," Lily asked the nurse, trying to distract herself from the sting of dittany on her injury.

"The headmaster sent a note along a bit ago," Madam Pomfrey told her. "It wasn't something he'd heard of, but he got what he needed from Miss Black and the rest of them. It's too late to avoid scarring, but the dittany should help with the pain, at least."

"He didn't happen to mention any punishment, did he?" James asked, although he already knew the answer.

"I didn't think to ask," Madam Pomfrey said. She stuck the cork back in the bottle of medicine. "That should do for now, Miss Evans. You'll stay the night, of course, and we'll discuss what to do with you from there tomorrow."

Lily nodded and, satisfied that her orders hadn't been met with any protest, Madam Pomfrey went back to her office, leaving James and Lily alone.

Lily looked at him curiously, as though she were trying to figure something out. James waited for her to speak. "That was you, wasn't it?" she asked at length.

"Er… what was me?"

"You yelled my name," Lily went on. "Right before I passed out in the courtyard, I heard you. You must have just gotten there."

"Oh." James ruffled his hair sheepishly. "Yeah, I guess that was me, then."

Lily offered him a sympathetic smile. "I'm sure I was something of a fright, wasn't I?"

"Well, seeing you like that scared me half to death, if that's what you mean," James blurted without thinking. He felt his face flush. Perhaps that had been too much.

"Oh." Lily's face went pink and she wasn't sure what to say next; that is, until she spotted the bloodstains on James's shirt collar. "They didn't get you too, did they?"

"What?" James looked down to see what Lily was staring at. "Oh – no, they didn't. That's, um, that's from you." His face grew hotter. "McGonagall, she – she asked me to carry you to the hospital wing, and you were still bleeding…"

_Oh, God, why are you still talking?_ he wondered furiously. _Shut up, shut up, shut up. _"So, uh – so that's that."

Lily wrinkled her nose. "That's unpleasant – someone else's blood on you, I mean," she said, stumbling over her words. "Sorry about that."

_What are you sorry for?_ she demanded internally. _You were unconscious, you couldn't help where your blood went!_

"Don't be," James insisted. "So does it – does it hurt? Your neck?"

_Stupid prat, of course it does! You saw all that blood. It nearly gave you a heart attack, remember?_

"A bit, yeah," Lily said. "The dittany helps. Does it look terrible?"

_No, Lily, there's a big red line streaking down your neck, and it's not noticeable at all. In fact, you've never looked better._

"No," James said, more or less honest. "Well, I mean, the cut itself, it's – it's pretty wicked. But you don't look terrible. You're –" _Gorgeous, smart, beautiful, funny, perfect, please will you let me kiss you?_ – "it's not bad."

That was good enough for Lily, and the way he was staring at her was making her slightly uncomfortable, and the fact that it was the sort of discomfort that she somehow liked made it worse, so she changed the subject.

"I'm surprised Pomfrey let you stay," she said. "She usually kicks everyone out. We need our rest, you know."

James smiled. "I told her I wasn't going anywhere."

"Oh." _Bad subject change, then,_ Lily thought. _Stupid, stupid, stupid…_

James could tell that something was bothering her, and he had a feeling that it was the same something that was bothering him, but he didn't want to push his luck because he couldn't afford to get his hopes up because that's when he messed everything up. He wasn't going to do that anymore.

"I actually – I wanted to talk to you about something," he said, resolved to talk to her about what he'd sought her out for earlier. "That's why I came looking for you after classes today, but, well, considering everything…" He trailed off with a shrug.

"Right." Lily's mouth was dry. He wasn't going to ask her out, was he? That seemed like something James Potter would want to talk to her about, and what better time to do it than when she was lying in a hospital bed? She couldn't jinx him or hit him or run away and really she could hardly say no to him, since she was stuck here and he'd just keep pestering her.

But did she even want to say no anymore?

_Yes, of course you do, don't be stupid, _her sensible side told her. _He punches people in the face and he badgers you constantly and he stares at you and he's always trying to catch you off-guard by touching you and making you feel good about yourself. You do not want to go out with him._

Lily shook her head to clear it, to shut herself up. "So then," she said, drowning out the voice inside her head with her real one, "what is it?"

"I – well, I understand if you don't want to talk about this," James said, suddenly realizing what he'd be asking of her if he brought this up._ Damn it._ "You know, actually, maybe this is a bad time for it –"

"No, tell me," Lily said, genuinely interested. "You have to; you've made it sound far too interesting for me to shrug it off now."

James rumpled his hair again; he always did it when he was nervous, and nothing was more nerve-wracking than Lily Evans.

"All right," he said, dropping his hand into his lap. "I wanted to talk to you about… about Snape."

Lily's brow furrowed. "Oh." _Quit saying that! Do you not know words?!_

"It was something Remus said the other day," James continued, fumbling as he tried to properly articulate his thoughts. "He was right, of course, Remus is always right, and it made me think about you – about me and you, and how I acted last year. I thought that maybe if I didn't talk to you about it now, it'd come back to bite me in the ass, you know."

"Okay." _Oh, great, you've added an extra syllable. You're making great strides, Evans._

"Okay, so…" James's hands ran through his hair again, making even more of it stand on end. "So I guess, the thing is, I was – I was always sort of jealous of Snape."

"_What?"_ Lily said, astonished that James would feel that way, that he would actually admit it out loud. "What – why would you be jealous?"

"Because." _Well, that's a lousy answer, you big idiot._ James scuffed his shoes against the floor. "You know, because he was your friend and you hated me and I know I was a great prat, but I wanted to know you so bad…" _Shut up, shut up, she's going to punch you._

"James…"

The sound of his name on her lips made James's heart skip around his chest, up and down his ribcage, jumping from his stomach to his throat and back again.

Lily struggled to say more. "Me and Sev – Snape – we were friends," she said, her words coming out in a stream-of-conscious sort of way. "Look what happened to us, though. That's nothing to be jealous of."

"Well, right, I wasn't then," James said. "I'm not anymore, not so much. But it was like… he got to be around you, and the closer I got to you, the more hexes I got hit with. Understandably and all, and I'll tell you, Evans, it's a privilege to stare down the end of your wand –"

Lily laughed and James noticeably relaxed.

"Well," she said, and she held out a hand for James to take, which he did, "you can know me now, if that's any consolation."

James smiled and ran his thumb over the back of her hand, warm and steady and real in his own. "I think I can feel better about that, then, yeah," he said.

Then he took a chance and lifted her hand, turning it slightly and pressing his lips against the inside of her wrist. He felt her pulse pick up speed to match his heartbeat.

Lily swallowed the inexplicable lump that had formed in her throat. "Okay," she said. "I'm – I'm going to go to sleep now."

"All right." James didn't let go of her hand.

"Are – you're staying, then?"

He nodded.

"Okay."

Lily fell asleep a little while later, lulled into a peaceful slumber as both of James's hands enveloped the one of hers he'd been holding. When she was asleep, he brought her hand back to his lips and kept it there, closing his eyes, losing himself to her scent and the feel of her skin against his.

* * *

**A/N:** _Well, there you have it. I've been waiting to write this chapter for awhile, and I'm quite fond of how it turned out. Hopefully I've given you equal parts action/intrigue/fluff here; I've been trying to strike a better balance between the two, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity to play with that._

_Before I leave you, I wanted to mention another review that said that James should be angrier about all the Snape business. I avoided that here because I felt that, under the circumstances, he wasn't going to go off on Lily about it. But I completely agree and, rest assured, it's coming. That sounds ominous, doesn't it? Ah, well… ;)_


	12. Tension

**HermioneAmaraHuang**_,_** gabster-amy**_,_ **ClubDead**_, _**wisegirl26**_,_** nezy**_,_** Jen2626**_, _**dancingsnow**_,_ _and__, welcome to ARE! Thank you to everyone who reviewed as well – your feedback always makes my day! I'm so, so glad that you're liking the story so far, and I hope my appreciation for you is properly conveyed. Because I love you. So… there's that._

_If you are so inclined, I would suggest you play "What If" by School Boy Humor when you get to the final scene in this chapter (dinner in the Great Hall). I don' t know what it is, but the chorus was especially helpful in that Jily interaction, although I have yet to pinpoint exactly why._

* * *

**Two Weeks Later**

Per Hogwarts tradition, the details of Bellatrix's attack on Lily had circulated within hours of its occurrence, and the consequences resulted in a full-out war between the Houses. The tension was such that each House was equally as likely to be jinxed by another. The only rivalry that withstood its history was Gryffindor versus Slytherin; no other stereotypes held, and everyone was fair game if they were antagonistic enough.

The ensuing fortnight was an absolute disaster. The Heads of Houses lectured their students so often, and so many detentions were given and points docked that they broke Hogwarts records. Some people stayed out of fights, others instigated them, and still others defended against them. The corridors were an accident waiting to happen, curses and defensive spells flying, injuring their intended victims as well as passersby.

Raiff Okerley missed a week of Quidditch practice due to the fact that his arms and legs had switched places on his body, all thanks to a run-in with Avery; Raiff swore he'd kill him the next time Gryffindor and Slytherin competed on the pitch. James didn't argue, only reminded his Seeker to get the Snitch first and revenge later.

Fabian and Gideon were each given a week's detention after it was discovered that they'd locked Mulciber in the Vanishing cabinet on the fourth floor. Although Mulciber didn't resurface until another week after the attack, the Prewetts had such an aversion to subtlety that there had been plenty of witnesses to testify against them.

Peter wound up in the hospital wing without his nose, which resulted in James, Sirius, and Remus hexing Rodolphus Lestrange so thoroughly that he resembled a giant cockroach by the time they were through with him. The same day, Bertha Jorkins had the audacity to mock Lily's scar in front of Marlene, who lost Gryffindor twenty points after she hexed Bertha's head to inflate twice its normal size.

But the best – in everyone's minds but the Slytherins' – occurred the week after Lily left the hospital wing, and her bed was taken by Bellatrix Black. Although most of the castle's occupants hadn't been present, the general consensus was that Bellatrix had flicked her wand threateningly in Lily's direction, once again muttering "Mudblood" under her breath, and Alice Prewett – sweet, considerate, even-tempered Alice – had snapped and set Bellatrix's hair on fire.

"She's completely bald!" Sarah Blake reported gleefully to the Gryffindor common room that evening. "Oliver and I were visiting Raiff when she came in, robes pulled over her head and all that, but I got a look at her just before Pomfrey pulled the curtain around her bed."

"Well done, Alice!" Sirius congratulated her, slapping her appreciatively on the back.

"I'm surprised at you!" Marlene said, beaming with pride. "You're the one who's been telling us to keep our cool, and there you go, setting people on fire."

Alice shrugged sheepishly. "Well, you know, what else was I supposed to do?" she said, looking at Lily. "I mean, really, I saved her from getting another detention or worse, since she's got them for the rest of the year for using that curse on you."

"No complaints here," Lily assured her. She ran a finger absentmindedly along the length of her scar.

James hated seeing her so self-conscious about the mark; she'd been tracing it obsessively for days. So he caught her fingers in his and said, "Stop doing that."

"Not like I'm making it worse," Lily said. She tugged her hand free from James's grip. "And quit manhandling me."

"I am not _manhandling_ you, Evans; you're so touchy."

"You're the one who's _touchy_ –"

Marlene groaned and Sirius said, "Merlin, would you two just make out already?"

"That's what I keep saying." Marlene nodded vigorously.

"I think Sirius and Marlene want you to get together more than James does," Remus said, grinning over at the usually bickering pair on the couch.

Lily felt her face heat up and she refused to look any of them in the eye. James, however, looked rather smug and exchanged a wink with his friends.

Lily, Alice, and Marlene all went up to bed a little while later. James waited until he heard their dormitory door close upstairs before turning to face the boys.

"Right, so, I think recent events call for a few pranks," he announced. "What do you say?"

"What sort of pranks?" Remus asked cautiously, but there was a definite hint of excitement in his voice as well.

"Nothing to worry about," James assured him. "But there's been so much dueling lately, and I think everyone could use a bit of cheering up –"

"Everyone but the Slytherins, I hope," Sirius said. He scowled as he thought of his family.

"Hear, hear," Peter chimed in, rubbing his reattached nose.

"Of course," James said with a nod. "I mean, someone has to take one for the team, after all, or else none of us would get any laughs."

He paused to offer the other Marauders a mischievous grin. "Everyone's expecting a fight, and I'm not disinclined to giving them what they ask for, but…" He shrugged. "We might as well have a little fun while we're at it, too."

* * *

**Thursday, 8:50 A.M.**

Lily wore her hair up that morning. It had been two weeks and she was already tired of feeling so self-conscious about the scar on her neck; she was going to prove that to the Slytherins in double Potions, although she expected they could care less about how she felt.

It was, she thought, the principle of the thing. And that was very important to her.

So when Narcissa Black walked past her desk, smirked, and said, "Nice scar, Evans," Lily didn't even look up from the Potions ingredients she was arranging when she replied flatly, "Isn't your boyfriend a Death Eater?"

Narcissa's smirk was immediately replaced by a scowl. "Watch it," she warned in an undertone, "if you know what's good for you."

Lily raised her eyebrows. "Funny, I've heard Voldemort's not much good for anyone…"

Narcissa looked as though she wanted to say something else, but she was interrupted by the appearance of Professor Slughorn. There was no use attacking one of Slughorn's favorite students right under his nose, so Narcissa settled with a contemptuous look and stalked off to sit with her fellow Slytherins.

"What _is_ it with that family?" Marlene said, watching Narcissa walk away.

"They're all completely mad," a new voice joined the conversation, and Lily looked up to see Sirius drop his bag into the chair across from hers. "Trust me. If I weren't just as good-looking as the rest of them, I'd reckon I was adopted."

James laughed as he took the seat next to Lily. "Padfoot also shares the notorious family modesty."

"What's with the nicknames?" Alice asked, looking up from her cauldron with a curious look.

The four boys exchanged glances and Remus said, "You're all rather keen on that. Lily asked the same thing a few weeks ago."

"You're all so fascinating; how could we resist?" Marlene deadpanned as she crushed her beetles into a fine powder.

"Careful, McKinnon," Sirius advised. "You're inflating our egos about as much as you inflated Jorkins' head."

"I didn't do that much," Marlene said. "Not much to do, really, her head's rather big already. Don't you think so, _Phillip_?" she added, looking at Peter with a crooked grin.

Peter took the joke in stride. "You'd think for someone who gets into everybody's business, she might've bothered to learn my name."

While the others engaged in a healthy dose of verbal abuse, James chanced a glance at Lily. She was wearing her hair up loosely, so some of it fell out of the band and there were wisps of red sticking out here and there around her ears, her temples, the nape of her neck… Still, though, it was secure enough that her scar stood out in plain sight.

"I did it on purpose," Lily told him. She'd felt his eyes on her; she'd experienced the sensation so many times that it had developed into a sort of sixth sense. "I'm not going to give them the satisfaction of hiding behind my hair."

"Good," James said, and he meant it. "I'm glad. It's – yeah."

Lily smiled. "Thank you; that was a very astute observation."

"Right, well, you sort of said it all." James felt his face redden slightly. He'd really lost his cool over the past couple of weeks, ever since the day Lily went to the hospital wing. He didn't know what it was; sure, he'd always been a little flustered around her, but he'd been fumbling a lot more recently. One minute he could be taking her hand smoothly and subtly, and the next he was tripping over his words like he didn't know how to use his tongue anymore. _What was that about?_

Lily nudged him in the side. "I was just kidding, James."

"Yeah." James shot her a smile, trying to maintain a hold on his confidence. "I know. Sorry, Lil, I'm just a bit –" _Stupid? Infatuated? What?_ – "tired."

"Okay." Lily returned the smile, although hers was more hesitant, more concerned. She racked her brains, but she couldn't seem to pinpoint anything she'd done wrong. Perhaps he really was tired… but of course she didn't believe that.

_Smooth move, Prongs,_ James thought as he and Lily both went back to their work. What was with him lately? Things were just the same between him and Lily – they were _good_. He was almost exactly where he wanted to be with her, so where was all this angst coming from?

He didn't have much time to dwell on it, though. Remus had caught his eye and jerked his head in the Slytherins' direction; Avery and Mulciber had left their cauldrons unattended as they went to the store cupboard.

James grinned and tapped his wand twice against the desk, signaling Sirius and Peter as well. They'd all agreed that Potions was the best class in which to execute mischief: People were too distracted by the complexity of the assignments, and once the prank was at its finishing stages, it caused the most commotion. It was the ideal place to catch the Slytherins off-guard and give everyone else a show.

On the pretense of needing ingredients they didn't have, Sirius and Peter went to the store cupboard as well, pausing so briefly at the unattended cauldrons that no one noticed. James and Remus followed suit. The Marauders were much quicker than Avery and Mulciber, so the plan went without a hitch.

As soon as Avery and Mulciber returned to their seats, James and Sirius exchanged a nod, hid their wands beneath the desk, and once again demonstrated their prowess with nonverbal spells.

The flames beneath both Avery and Mulciber's cauldrons started to hiss, much like Snape's had done the first time the Marauders tried a variation of this prank. They weren't quite sure what to expect this time around, as they hadn't tested the affects of Filibuster's fireworks in any standard sixth year potions. But they had decided that – on short notice and the fact that they'd pulled something like this off before – it was worth the risk.

The fires had begun to spark now, turning from orange to bright green, and the contents of the cauldrons started whistling at an ear-splitting decibel…

The entire class was looking around at the noise, and Slughorn had adopted an expression of greatest trepidation. He wasn't prepared to deal with another bout of exploding cauldrons.

"Now, boys," he began, but it was too late: the cauldrons were screeching now, and a plethora of blue and silver stars were bursting forth, exploding as they hit the ceiling, sending a shower of red-hot sparks raining over the Slytherins.

The Gryffindors roared with laughter as the Slytherins yelled and covered their heads to avoid any possible injury. Lily joined in her House's jubilation, but she'd caught sight of James's wand and shot him an exasperated look nonetheless.

"Come on, Evans," James muttered, slipping another firework out of his sleeve and pushing it into her hand. "You know you want to."

Lily bit her lip to keep from smiling at the opportunity. She was going to refuse; she was content enough to watch the Slytherins' misery without partaking in it, too. Besides, she was a prefect and – well, maybe that wasn't such a good reason not to do it, she thought, catching sight of Remus as he inconspicuously shot another firework into Avery's cauldron. It exploded in a spurt of gold and green, and the residual smoke coated Avery's face in a thick layer of black dust.

"Go on." James nudged the firework more insistently into her palm. "You're not going to get caught."

"That's not really the point, though…" Lily began hesitantly, but she trailed off when she looked across the room at Narcissa Black. "Well, all right," she changed her tune immediately and pulled out her wand. "Really, what could it hurt?"

James grinned as he watched Lily aim the firework at Narcissa's cauldron, resulting in a resounding _bang_ that blew the cauldron to bits, sending half-brewed potion splattering over the front of Narcissa's robes. She screamed as the liquid met her skin, her hands and face breaking out in hundreds of tiny purple pustules.

"Eurgh." Lily pulled a face. "I guess it hurt quite a bit, after all."

"Yes, I didn't anticipate that," James remarked with an air of mock judiciary. "Oh, blast, Slughorn's coming over. Evans, Moony, Padfoot, wands away…"

All of them stuffed their wands hastily back into their robes. Luckily enough, the fireworks had produced such a fine haze of smoke that Slughorn couldn't see the Gryffindors clearly until he was right in front of their desk. He was holding the remnants of a Filibuster's in his hand, looking at each of the falsely innocent-faced students in turn.

"Would it be such a wild guess to accuse any of you of this?" he asked them, one eyebrow raised in the universal teacher's gesture of I-know-you-did-it-so-don't-bother-telling-me-otherwise.

"Bit wild, yes," Lily said, jumping at the chance to get them out of trouble; Slughorn would never expect this sort of behavior from her. "We're just as surprised as you are, Professor, honest."

"Hmmm…" Slughorn regarded her shrewdly, lips pursed. He was less suspicious of his favorite student than he was of the boys who shared her table, but when his eyes fell on the uncovered mark on her neck, he thought better of questioning further.

He sighed heavily and looked around at his classroom: Scorch marks and sparks and little fires dotted the Slytherin half of the dungeon. Smoke everywhere, and cauldrons were melted or blown to bits. Whatever was left of their potions was useless, and Slughorn was not in the mood to run another mediating session between the Houses, so he gave up and dismissed the students. If they were going to kill each other, he'd much rather they did it off his watch; he needed to be left alone with nothing but a bottle of mead for company.

"That was brilliant," Sirius decided when they'd walked up the stone steps and were out of earshot of Slughorn. "Short-lived, but successful."

"Wicked nonetheless," Peter agreed.

Alice shook her head, but her disapproval was betrayed by the hint of a smile. "You're all a bit cocky, aren't you?" she observed. "You could have easily been caught."

"'Course not!" Sirius said, ruffling Lily's hair. "Not with Evans watching our back. You're a lifesaver, by the way. Really, bravo, using your influence for the good of mischief and all that."

"I like to keep myself out of detention," Lily said. She reached up to fix her hair, pulling out the band, and flinching when James pushed the loosened hair away from her face.

"Sorry," James mumbled, immediately regretting the impulse; he pulled his hand back and stuffed both fists in his pockets.

"Oh, um – no," Lily said hurriedly as she scooped her hair back and tied it. "You just – you caught me off-guard, that's all."

All of their friends rolled their eyes at the exchange; would this incessant dance of theirs never cease? But there wasn't much time to be exasperated by the lingering, ever-present spark between Lily Evans and James Potter. As soon as the group rounded the corner to the next corridor, an infuriated shout rang out behind them.

"_Potter!"_

"Fantastic," James said in a pleased undertone, then turned and said, much louder this time, "You called?"

A pustule-free Narcissa Black was marching towards them, her wand drawn. She was followed by Snape, Avery, and Mulciber, the latter two still sporting evidence of their miscreant cauldrons.

"You two-bit, dirty prat," Narcissa growled as they approached. "How'd you manage to weasel your way out of that one?"

"Weasel my way out of what?" James said innocently. "Seems like you just had a little bit of an acne problem, Black, but it cleared up. I understand that you'd be self-conscious about it, but there's no need to blame me –"

He flicked his wand quickly then, deflecting whatever spell Narcissa shot at him. He frowned at her. "Really, now, that was unnecessary –"

"You think you're all so clever, don't you?" Narcissa cut across James's admonition. "Pulling your stupid pranks, getting yourselves out of trouble because you hang 'round this Mudblood –"

"I've had about enough of that word," Sirius said coolly, his own wand pointed at Narcissa now. "Don't second-guess me, _Cissy_; I'd love nothing more than to curse a fellow Black."

Narcissa sneered, and she'd never looked more like Bellatrix. "What is it with you boys?" she wanted to know. "First it's Longbottom and the Prewetts, now it's you two. I expect the others, as well," she went on, gesturing to Remus and Peter. "Interesting, really, because I never figured Evans to be much of a slag…"

"Grow up, why don't you?" Marlene shot back. She grabbed Lily's arm to prevent her from pulling out her own wand, which she'd been on the verge of doing to shut the Slytherins up once and for all.

"What's the problem?" Narcissa caught Marlene's defensive maneuver, and her voice had adopted the same mock curiosity that Bellatrix was so wont to demonstrate. "Go on, McKinnon, let the Mudblood show us what she's made of."

"Let _go_, Mar," Lily snarled at her friend, but she didn't wait for her to loosen her grip. With a great jerk, she was able to free her arm of Marlene's hold; she thrust her hand into her robes and pulled out her wand, all the while advancing on Narcissa. She jabbed the end of her wand into the base of the Slytherin's throat.

"You want a go at me?" she said, her voice low, her temper boiling over the edge of reason. "Take it. Free shot. Or do you lot have to wait until we look the other way before you grow a backbone?"

Before Narcissa could do anymore than sneer, Lily was blasted back by Mulciber. "Pay better attention and you won't be caught unawares," he suggested harshly.

Lily straightened, virtually unscathed by Mulciber's hex, but still undeniably fed up. She'd had it – had it with being called a Mudblood, had it with the Slytherins and their cowardly attempts to one-up her and everyone else…

"_Expelliarmus!" _she shouted, managing to Disarm Narcissa and Mulciber, catching their wands as they flew towards her. "Pay better attention and you won't be caught without your wands."

Mulciber looked furious, but Narcissa appeared more or less unruffled as she turned to Snape and Avery. "Well, go on," she said to the former, "hit her with that curse again, why don't you?"

Lily felt the color drain from her face at Narcissa's words; her eyes fell on Snape, who once again refused to meet her gaze. Behind her, Alice's hand covered her mouth in surprise, Marlene was scowling, and the Marauders exchanged knowing looks; James felt the blood pounding in his head as he waited for an explanation that he wasn't sure he needed.

"What are you on about?" Lily demanded of Narcissa, her voice shaking slightly and her wand still pointing at the group. "Snape didn't curse me, it – that was Bellatrix –"

"Using Severus's spell," Narcissa finished for her. "Haven't you figured that out yet? Odd that the teachers think you're so clever, since you clearly can't put the pieces together when you're hit with an unfamiliar spell."

Lily's wand moved so it was aimed solely at Snape. "So that's it, then?" she said furiously. "Your mad obsession with the Dark Arts could have killed me. Or was that the intent? Have another go, Snape, see if you can finish the job –"

James came forward then, taking Lily by the arm and pulling the confiscated wands out of her hand; he could feel how violently she was shaking, and he marveled at the fact that it wasn't disabling her in some way.

"Lily," he said, his voice low and soothing; he'd never seen her so shaken and he knew he'd have to keep his cool if he wanted her to do the same. "Come on, now, walk away; they're not worth it."

"No." Lily shook him off. She too could feel her body reacting so angrily, but it was an odd sensation, like it was happening outside of her, like the feeling was only secondary to the storm raging inside her head: Reminding her that Snape had been her friend, that for so long he'd been the only one she could confide in, he'd been the one to tell her about Hogwarts, about what she was, and that it didn't make a difference what family she came from…

But it did matter. Lily felt the pain and betrayal prick at the corners of her eyes. It had mattered so much that it could kill her, so much that she had to be afraid every day to walk down the corridors, and who knew what was waiting for her when she left Hogwarts for good?

She was breaking. She could feel it, and she shoved her wand back into her pocket as she turned away, walking past James and her friends. She didn't want them to see her lose it, she wanted to be alone, and she was thankful that none of them tried to stop her.

James looked after her for a moment before advancing on the Slytherins. He thrust Narcissa and Mulciber's wands at them. He didn't believe for a second that they would go after him; even if they did, they were still outnumbered. In any case, he didn't give a damn about Narcissa or Mulciber or Avery.

He grasped Snape's shirt collar, his fingers curling into a fist as they held the Slytherin in place. The fury pounding in his head was the culmination of everything that had happened the past few weeks – Snape watching Lily in Potions, harassing her in Scrivenshaft's, crafting the curse that had sent her to the hospital wing… He was surprised that he didn't do anything worse than put his hands on Snape but that, he figured, could wait for another day.

"Do yourself a favor, Snivellus," James said, his voice low so that the other Slytherins couldn't hear, his fingers tightening on Snape's collar, "and stay away from her. Don't think about her, don't talk to her, pretend she doesn't exist."

"Afraid of a bit of competition?" Snape shot back, his voice matching James's in anger and volume.

James offered him a dubious half-smile. "Don't kid yourself," he said. "You were out of the game as soon as that filthy name came out of your mouth last year."

Snape's eyes flashed at the memory, but he wouldn't let the regret sound in his response when he said, "I wouldn't get ahead of myself if I were you, Potter."

"Me and her, that's none of your business. Stay out of it," James warned, "and away from her."

He released his hold on Snape and strode off, not caring enough to make sure none of them would retaliate. He had a feeling that they'd had their fun; Lily was gone, at least, so they couldn't toss around that tired insult, which seemed to be the only thing they had in their arsenal. He was suddenly glad, too, that he hadn't let Snape get mauled by Remus during the last full moon – not just for Remus's sake, but for James's as well, because now he could take care of Snape himself.

"Calm down, James," Remus said as he rejoined the group. James didn't realize how on-edge he was. "Let's get back to the common room, all right, you need to cool off."

James didn't say anything, but allowed his friends to lead the way back to Gryffindor tower. As soon as they were through the portrait hole, Marlene headed straight for the girls' dormitory. Alice looked at the boys and said, "We'll let you know how Lily's doing. I wouldn't worry too much. She's – well, she's resilient."

James watched the girls traipse up the stairs to their dorm, damning the founders for their trick staircase that would send him shooting back down if he tried to follow them. He didn't want to hear how Lily was doing; he wanted to see for himself, he wanted to do something about it…

"Don't let it get to you, Prongs," Peter said bracingly.

James pushed an agitated hand through his hair. "Get to me? What's getting to me?" He sighed, knowing exactly what Peter meant but too wound-up to pull himself together. "I think I'll go up for a bit before Transfiguration," he told his friends. "I'll just meet you lot there."

The others nodded, figuring it would be best not to argue right then. James left them, dragging his feet up the steps to his dormitory, wondering all the while how a few fireworks could have made everything go so wrong.

* * *

**6:27 P.M.**

"Lil, get up." Marlene's voice sounded far away.

"I don't want to." Lily's refusal was muffled, her head buried beneath a pillow.

"Come on." Alice shook her shoulder gently. "Let's go to dinner."

"I'm not hungry," Lily lied as her stomach growled.

Marlene rolled her eyes but Alice shot her a look, so she mimed zipping her lips and allowed Alice to take the lead on that one. "Of course you're hungry; you skipped lunch."

"I'm fine."

"_Lily."_ Marlene's voice was pleading now. "Dinner's over in half an hour."

"Go without me."

"We would, but James has been dogging us all day since you didn't show up to your classes," Marlene said, clearly annoyed at the memory. "I don't want to deal with it again."

"So tell him to shut up."

"You know just as well as we do that that doesn't work."

"_Fine."_ Lily threw the pillow off her head. If dinner was over in half an hour, she didn't really run the risk of seeing anyone she didn't want to see. She pulled her hair from its band and let it fall around her shoulders, once again shielding her scar from view; after that morning's events, she wasn't feeling as confident as she had when she'd woken up.

She followed Alice and Marlene down to dinner, engaging in their conversation as minimally as possible. Between the emotional exhaustion and the fact that she'd laid in bed all day, she felt positively awful and the last thing she wanted to do was go to dinner. She might avoid any unpleasant encounters at this time, but there would still be people there, and Lily was finding that she didn't like people very much anymore.

She was thankful, then, that the only person waiting for them at the Gryffindor table was Frank Longbottom. He offered her a small, reassuring smile as she took the seat across from him. She was grateful that he chose not to pry (although she was sure Alice had already filled him in and told him not to mention it). She was just thinking that maybe she could eat in peace, after all, when someone else plopped down in the seat beside her.

Or not.

"How are you feeling?" James Potter asked without preamble. Marlene shot him a dirty look from across the table, but he didn't pay her any mind.

"Lousy," Lily said, keeping her eyes downcast as she rolled her vegetables around her plate. "And yourself?"

"Feeling a bit more vindictive than usual," he said lightly, his eyes casting a cursory glance at the mostly empty Slytherin table, "but otherwise all right."

"You're so chivalrous," Lily remarked, unable to keep the sarcasm out of her voice.

James shrugged, allowing the false compliment to roll off his shoulders. "If the Sorting Hat fits…"

Lily raised her eyebrows at her mashed potatoes. "Clever."

"Thanks. I've been working on that for the past five years."

"What do you want, James?"

He tilted his head to look at her, seeming to weigh the possible answers before he spoke again. He'd been asking himself that same question all day, trying to figure out why he felt so tongue-tied around her lately, trying to come up with a way to make her forget about how awful everything was. He'd already decided he couldn't make it go away, so helping her to push it to the back of her mind was the only option he had. And if helping her happened to help him, too, well, all the better.

He decided to take the plunge. "Go to Hogsmeade with me."

Lily turned and met his gaze. _Not this again…_ "What?"

"You asked me what I wanted," he reminded her, "so I told you."

She frowned. "Are you asking or demanding?"

"Asking," James said. "It only sounds demanding because I have to retain this socially constructed masculinity."

Lily smiled in spite of herself. "You're completely tiresome."

"I know." James took another chance and pushed her hair back from her face so the mark Bellatrix had made was once again visible. He tucked the hair behind her ear and leaned forward to whisper in her ear, "And you're completely beautiful."

The heat rose in Lily's face and she resolved not to look across the table, just in case Marlene or Alice or Frank were watching.

"You make it really hard to be your friend sometimes, James," she told him in an undertone.

"So be more than my friend." His breath was warm against her ear.

Lily felt her heart pick up speed. Oh, she didn't need this right now, she thought, closing her eyes. Not today. Today was a terrible day for him to do this.

James realized that he'd pushed too far; he leaned back to give her some space and said, "Okay, maybe that was too much. Forget that for right now."

_Ha,_ that little voice in Lily's head laughed weakly. _Fat chance of that happening._

Unaware of what was going on in Lily's head, James continued talking. "Just... It doesn't have to be a date," he said. As much as that's what he wanted, he would forgo it for now if it meant making her comfortable with the idea of being alone with him. "It can just be us, being friends. I know you're dealing with a lot, and I want to be able to do what Alice and Marlene do for you, but you have to let me try."

He knew that's what he wanted, knew that was why he'd been so incompetent with her lately. He'd seen the way Alice had pushed her hair back, the way Marlene had taken her hand that day in the hospital wing, and he'd seen how relaxed it had made her. If only he could offer her that same comfort, he could get his head on straight again.

Meanwhile, Lily couldn't process all of this – it was one thing to consider everything James said, and quite another to figure out how she felt about it. On the surface, she was so touched, and she had this incredible urge to throw her arms around him and disappear in his arms… but it couldn't possibly be that simple; there had to be more to it.

But the fact of the matter was, Lily didn't want to explore her feelings beyond the pure simplicity of them. She was so tired, and she felt so terrible, and all she wanted – for just a second – was to feel the complete easiness of spending time with someone like James. If she wanted to rationalize it, she could do so later.

"Okay," she said, and suddenly those two syllables felt like they were enough.

James blinked, taken aback; he was so used to her rejections that he wasn't quite sure what to do now that she'd deviated from the Lily Evans norm.

"Okay?" he repeated, making sure that he'd heard her correctly.

"As long as you know… it's not a date," Lily was sure to add. She didn't know if she was ready to take that leap, and now was not the time for her to figure it out.

"Yeah," James said, and he suddenly felt like all of his insides were too big to be contained by his outer body. He couldn't decide if this was a good thing or not. "Yeah, okay; not a date, then."

"Right." Lily turned back to her dinner then, ignoring the know-it-all look Marlene was giving her. She might not have it all figured out yet, but one thing was certain, and that was that she felt like things were a little easier, a little better, and for right now that was all she needed.

* * *

**A/N: **_So I think this chapter turned out all right; it was one of those things that needed to get done, building social pressure and all that. Anyway, hope you liked it – let me know what you think! _


	13. Unforgivable

_Thanks to newcomers _**Jerry Side**_,_** happypandabear**_,_** Fangirl79**_,_** Tandrele**_,_** simplyme-dana**_,_** littletinyHPfan**_,_** XelatheGreat**_,_** junicorn123**_, _**Hplover1234567,** _and all the anons. All of you – newbies and oldies – flooded my inbox and it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and thank you so much for that._

_Just a couple of points brought up in reviews: Someone asked if Voldemort and Bellatrix were the same age; I have absolutely no idea how old Bellatrix is and I wanted to use her, so I figured… meh. She is likely older than I've portrayed her, but I don't know her specific age._

_Someone else mentioned that Alice's maiden name was Fortescue. I couldn't find any source that was able to pinpoint exactly what her name was, but the most common answers I found were Fortescue and Prewett. I decided on Prewett so I could include Fabian and Gideon, and so I could implement that solid sibling relationship._

_Anyway, the reviews are so absolutely lovely; you guys are fantastic and supportive and insightful and all good things in this world. Thank you so much for your feedback, and I hope what I have planned won't disappoint you._

_Three quotes (you'll know them when you see them) have been inserted from _Deathly Hallows_ and _Order of the Phoenix_; those particular bits are not in any way my original creation, and all credit goes to J.K. Rowling._

* * *

**Friday, 7:00 P.M.**

Snape sat alone in his dormitory, staring up at the green velvet canopy of his bed, brooding over yesterday morning's events.

It wasn't his fault, he told himself for the thousandth time. How was he to know that Bellatrix would use his curse on Lily? He shouldn't be blamed for it. As far as he was concerned, Lily had just latched onto this information so she could have another reason to resent him, another reason to think James Potter was better – was _worthy_…

He scowled as he thought of Potter, the way he'd ordered him to pretend Lily didn't exist. Who was Potter, Snape wondered, to tell him what to do, to act like he had jurisdiction over who talked to Lily Evans?

_Bet she wouldn't like that,_ he mused, remembering how she'd reacted whenever he said something disparaging about Potter and his friends in regards to her. She'd said that she wouldn't let them get to her, that she knew Potter was arrogant and she didn't care that he fancied her.

Well, Snape had known that was a load of waffle for awhile now, considering how chummy she and Potter had become. More than chummy, really, since Potter had it in his fat head that he had some claim on her. Snape couldn't help but think that perhaps the only reason Lily hadn't fallen for any of Potter's rubbish before was because of him; now that they weren't friends anymore, she was free to give in the same way everyone else in this God-forsaken school had.

He kicked at a bedpost to relieve some of his irritation. He wanted to stop obsessing, but how was he supposed to when every time he tried, it seemed that they all had another run-in? It was impossible to keep it out of his head when there was always some fresh new memory for him to stew over. That wouldn't end, either, he knew, thinking of how angry everyone was – Bellatrix, mostly. None of them would be the first to back down, and Snape knew too much about the Gryffindors to expect them to do so, either.

They were all prepared for war.

* * *

"Where's Snape?" Bellatrix demanded of Avery and Mulciber, who were playing chess in a corner of the Slytherin common room.

Avery shrugged. "Up in the dorm, I expect," he said, not taking his eyes off the board.

"He's been rather unpleasant lately," Mulciber added. "Figured we'd just leave him to it."

Bellatrix scowled and slammed the chess board shut, scattering black and white pieces across the table and over the floor. A few of the knights' horses neighed loudly at the disturbance, and a queen shook her fist angrily up at Bellatrix, who ignored her.

"What was that for?" Mulciber demanded.

"I've about had it with you two," Bellatrix snarled. "You think that nothing matters, that you can just sit around and act like everything's fine, never _mind_ that we've got Mudbloods and blood traitors hexing us left and right –"

"It's not like we're not doing anything about it!" Avery protested. "You got Evans a couple of weeks ago, didn't you? And Rodolphus got that Pettigrew bloke, and –"

"And we were still humiliated by the lot of them!" Bellatrix said, thinking of her formerly bald head and Rodolphus's resemblance to a giant insect. "We're not doing our jobs if they think they can keep winning duels. We're too soft, and Snape's not helping!"

Mulciber returned her scowl. "What do you want us to do about it?" he asked. "It's not our problem that he's got such a hard time cursing his old Mudblood friend."

_"Make it your problem," _Bellatrix hissed. She'd about had it with Lily Evans and her gang of protectors, and she wasn't going to stand by while Snape continued to let them slide. "Don't just 'leave him to it.' How can Rodolphus and I leave the Dark Lord's business in your hands next year if you're too stupid and lazy to take care of it?"

"Quit acting like we're not helping at all!" Avery shot back. "We've got the Carrows interested now, haven't we? No thanks to you, by the way, not after you hit Alecto with that _Conjunctivitis _curse and she couldn't see for a week."

Bellatrix didn't bat an eye at the memory; Amycus and Alecto Carrow might be of some use to the cause, but that didn't mean they weren't a couple of annoying twits.

"So you managed not to botch up a recruiting," Bellatrix said, her voice dripping with false praise. "Bully for you. But it's not just about getting them to join, you pathetic dunce – it's about keeping them on their toes, reminding them that they've got a job to do."

She fingered the end of her wand, making sure to linger over it so that the two morons in front of her remembered who they were talking to. "Snape needs a little reminding."

"Rodolphus has been talking about testing him for _ages_." Avery rolled his eyes. "Why doesn't he do something about it?"

"Never you mind what anyone else is doing," Bellatrix snapped. "Just do as you're told. Make yourselves useful, or we'll find a way to dispose of you."

Mulciber and Avery exchanged a look. If it were anyone else threatening them, they'd call their bluff and shrug it off; but when Bellatrix Black was on your case about something, it needed to be rectified immediately.

"Fine." Resigned to the reality of the situation, Mulciber looked up at Bellatrix. "What do you want us to do?"

* * *

**9:15 P.M.**

James lay in his bed, taking it in turns to study the Marauder's Map and whatever Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Bean he was about to pop into his mouth. He watched the black dot marked _Lily Evans_ as it meandered its lonely way down corridors as she did her rounds. He nibbled on a red-speckled bean and pulled a face when it reached his taste buds.

"What was it?" Peter asked, watching James as he used his teeth to scrape the flavor off his tongue.

"Hot sauce." James tossed the half-filled bag of beans onto Peter's bed. "I'm well-shot of those, mate, so have at it."

"I dunno…" Peter eyed the bag speculatively; he always had the worst luck with Bertie's.

"Go on," James invited. "I've been through half of them and they were all disgusting – horseradish and mold and all that. There can only be good stuff left."

Peter shot him a doubtful look. "If you're so sure, why don't you finish them yourself?"

"Because, Wormtail, I'm a jellybean pansy." James went back to the map, his gaze following Lily's dot.

Sirius noticed the way his friend's eyes were glued to the parchment. "Stalking Evans, I presume?" he asked in a tone of mock curiosity, as he knew perfectly well what James was up to.

"Just checking up," James said, glossing over the truth of Sirius's assumption. "But I've been thinking a lot about what you said in the hospital wing that day –" he looked at Remus – "about how I can't always be there. You're right, I can't, but I can make sure nothing bad happens when she's alone."

Remus rolled his eyes at James's incessant heroics. "What are you going to do, go charging off to break more noses?"

"You know, it was strangely satisfying," James reminisced aloud. "I'm not about to snap my wand in half or anything, but something about direct contact… It's like, _I_ was the one who broke Lestrange's nose, and I didn't need magic to do it."

"Drunken power syndrome," Sirius deduced wisely. "Happens to Muggles all the time."

Remus snorted and flipped a page in his Transfiguration book. "You're so completely full of it," he said.

"All right, well, sometimes it happens," Sirius said. "I think so, anyway. Something about government officials and dictatorships… We've talked about it in Muggle Studies."

"How is that class, anyway?" Peter asked as he inspected a suspiciously bright pink jellybean.

"Not bad, considering I only started taking it to piss off my parents. You lot ever hear about the Muggle postal service?" Sirius shook his head, still amazed by something he'd learned a year ago. "It's mad. Brilliant, but I don't know how they manage it."

Remus smiled slightly as he continued outlining his essay. "You need to get out more, Padfoot."

"Well, it _is_ bonkers, Moony," Sirius said, looking to James for some backup. "What d'you think, Prongs? Helloooo?" Sirius snapped his fingers in James's direction when he didn't answer. "Earth to Prongs."

But James wasn't listening. He was hardly breathing, and he was certain his heart had stopped beating properly as soon as he saw it…

Lily wasn't alone anymore.

* * *

Lily yawned hugely as she wove through her usual patrol route. It wasn't particularly late – only a bit past nine, if her watch was right – but she'd never been so emotionally or physically exhausted. Even after a row with James or a run-in with the Slytherins or a very boring meal attended by her sister's boyfriend, Lily had never felt so drained.

She'd nearly opted out of rounds; she was sure she could get out of it if she batted her eyelashes enough at Head Boy Amos Diggory (who was nice and good at his job, Lily thought, but very distractible when you put a girl in front of him). In the end, though, she'd decided to suffer through patrol – partly because she felt obligated as a prefect to suck it up, and partly because she didn't feel like flirting with Diggory. He was nice, sure, but…

_Oooh, no,_ Lily thought, shaking her head as her mind began to wander. _Don't go down that road again. The only reason you didn't force yourself to laugh at Diggory's jokes is because you're a prefect and rounds are just part of the job. It's got nothing to do with you maybe possibly fancying James Potter._

_Or, you know, maybe it does._

"Argh!" Lily clutched at her hair, shaking her head more vigorously to get those voices out of it. It was exhaustion, she told herself forcefully. _You're just tired._

_Also, hopelessly besotted._

Very, VERY tired.

Lily kicked at the plinth of a nearby suit of armor. She didn't understand how she could be so simultaneously furious and weak-kneed whenever she thought about James Potter. It was so much easier when she could just shout at him and threaten him, and now he was making her laugh and she'd actually agreed to spend time alone with him. It was all so complicated now, no matter how simple she wanted it to be, because it couldn't _possibly_ be as simple as she wanted…

Why did he have to go and grow up?

_You mean, why did he have to go and do exactly what you wanted him to?_

She sighed at the thought. It was so like James Potter to do exactly the wrong thing at the wrong time, so like him to know just how to push her buttons.

_Stupid prat, _Lily thought as she kicked at the stone floor.

She was about to round the corner for her last corridor when she heard a voice behind her, and suddenly her romantic life didn't seem like such a problem.

"Well, well, boys… Looks like we've found ourselves a Mudblood."

Lily's hand reached for her wand as she turned, but she'd been caught so off-guard that she wasn't quick enough this time: She was slammed against the stone wall, trapped beneath one of Mulciber's beefy arms that he'd pressed into her throat.

"What'd I say about paying attention, eh, Evans?" he said, his breath hot and putrid on her face. "Not so cheeky now, are you, without your blood traitor pals to stick up for you."

Unable to escape his iron-like grip or reach her wand, Lily did the only thing she could think of and spit in his face.

Mulciber scowled and released her so he could wipe the spit from his eye. "Bad move, Mudblood," he snarled, jabbing her with his wand. Still out of breath, Lily didn't have time to defend herself from his Full Body-Bind, and she fell to the floor, her skull cracking against the stone.

She saw Avery's face next as it loomed over her. "You know, she's really not bad-looking," he observed as his eyes roved up and down her immobile body. "Maybe Potter's onto something."

Lily stared furiously up at them, her mind reeling with a pounding ache and plans of revenge. They might get their way tonight, but she'd make sure they didn't walk away from the ordeal unscathed, even if she ended up being a bit late in self-defense.

"Save it, Avery," Mulciber said. "Leave it to Potter to ruin pureblood integrity himself."

Avery shrugged. "Just saying," he muttered, pulling out his own wand and pointing it at Lily. "And in case it starts to hurt too much… _Silencio!_"

Lily felt a slight panic at his words. If _what_ started to hurt too much? Because whatever it was, it must be painful enough that they'd have to stifle her screams.

Avery turned his head and said, "All right, Snape, it's your turn."

If she could move, Lily was sure that her eyes would have widened in shock as Snape's face was the next to come into view. Her hands itched for her wand as she looked up into the face of her old friend.

"Go on," Mulciber encouraged, gesturing down at Lily. "You heard Bellatrix; this one's all yours."

Snape shot him a disgusted look. "I heard her just fine," he snapped. "That doesn't mean she hasn't lost her head. Who does she think she is, barking orders –"

"It was Rodolphus's idea," Avery interjected. "They'll quit nagging when it's done, at least. Just do it already so we can get out of here."

"_I've got it,_ Avery…"

Snape's eyes and wand found their way to Lily, still and silent and furious at his feet. He was torn. This was so unnecessary; he didn't have to do this, not to her. This was just Bellatrix's way of getting back at the Gryffindors without having to incriminate herself in the process. She couldn't afford any more trouble, not after the _Sectumsempra_ incident, so she was putting this task on him.

Snape's black eyes bore into Lily's green ones, and he saw no fear in them – challenge, defiance, contempt, betrayal, those were all present, and Snape knew that last feeling all too well.

He had to do it. His grip tightened on the handle of his wand. He'd made his choice weeks ago, that day in the library when he'd overhead Lily and McKinnon whispering about Potter, acting like she'd never hated him at all, actually considering a potential relationship with him… Snape's fingers tightened around his wand again, his knuckles whitening, as he let all of her lies sink in…

"_I know James Potter's an arrogant toerag,"_ she'd told him.

"_I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid,"_ she'd said to Potter that day by the lake.

"_You make me SICK."_

He clearly didn't make her sick anymore. Perhaps now she liked the way he messed up his hair and the way he tailed her like an insufferably lovesick puppy. Maybe she was flattered by the way he tripped over himself trying to impress her. Maybe it didn't matter so much that he humiliated everyone else because he was James Potter and he could get away with it…

"_Crucio!"_

The word was barely a whisper, choked out from between his lips, but it was enough.

Lily's scream was silent, but the pain wasn't any less real. Her insides erupted in a blaze of fire, consuming her… This pain was so much more than the gash Bellatrix had sliced into her neck. Lily could feel it everywhere – her head was throbbing, her brain bashing itself against her skull; imaginary razors cut their way over her body; her skin was too tight, unable to restrain her throbbing insides as the fire ate its way through her…

And then, all at once, it stopped. Lily's eyes were closed and she felt the cold floor against her back. Her breath was ragged and her heart was hammering in her chest, but the pain was gone. She started to regulate her breathing – inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. The breaths were shallow and it hurt to take them in such a measured way, but she could feel her heart rate returning to normal.

She opened her eyes and struggled to sit up, and as she did so, she felt a pair of hands take her by the arm –

"Lily, it's me," a voice behind her said, and she recognized it as Remus's. "Just want to make sure you're not about to curse me."

"Thanks," Lily said, her voice soft, as Remus helped her to her feet. She looked around the corridor and found it empty. So many questions were running through her head and she didn't know where to begin, so she asked the one that was the most all-encompassing: "What happened?"

"I'm not sure you want to know," Remus said, although he was certain she _did_ want to know; he just couldn't tell her. "Come on, I'll take you back to Gryffindor tower."

He started to lead her in that direction, and Lily found that she was too weak to stop him and demand answers. But that didn't mean she wouldn't try to get them.

"I want to know," she told him as they walked. "One second I feel like I'm going to spontaneously combust, wishing I'd just die already, and the next it's all over and everyone's disappeared. How?"

But Remus merely shook his head and continued to lead her down the corridor, shooting a cautionary glance over his shoulder every now and then.

"Remus." Lily's voice was pleading.

"James will explain," Remus assured her. He didn't care whether or not James wanted to; he thought that Lily deserved to know, and James had certainly earned the right to be the messenger.

When they got back to the common room, they found it deserted, as most of the House had their last Hogsmeade visit before the holidays to look forward to tomorrow. Lily was glad for it; she didn't much feel like company. She and Remus sat together in silence for quarter of an hour – Lily chewing her thumbnail and Remus staring unseeingly into the dwindling fire – before the portrait hole opened behind them.

They both turned quickly to see James and Peter enter the common room, supporting Sirius between them. They all looked a little worse for wear: Sirius winced as they crossed the threshold, Peter was sporting a fantastically bloody nose, and James had the makings of a black eye blooming on his face. Lily and Remus were up in a second.

"What's wrong with him?" Remus asked, his eyes on Sirius.

"Mulciber," Sirius answered, flinching. "Son of a bitch broke my rib."

Hearing this, Lily frowned at the other two. "Why didn't you take him to the hospital wing?"

"Pomfrey would ask too many questions," Peter said thickly through his bloody nose. "Couldn't risk it."

Lily pulled her wand out and pointed it at his face, sighing when he recoiled. "Don't squirm," she said. "It's broken; I'm going to fix it." She waited for Peter's permissible nod, then aimed her wand at his nose and said, "_Episkey!_ There. Better?"

Peter nodded again. "Thanks."

"Think you could manage me, too, Evans?" Sirius requested, teeth clenched against the pain.

Lily nodded, the end of her wand hovering over his midsection. She wasn't sure how adept she'd actually be with a broken rib, but she'd always managed rather well with broken bones in general, and Sirius was looking rather pale.

Sirius felt a wave of relief wash over him as Lily's spell healed his rib. "See?" he said, grinning at her. "We don't need the hospital wing."

"Not now, you don't," Lily agreed, but she still looked unhappy as her eyes fell on James. "What did you do?"

"Well, that's our cue to head up to bed," Remus said quickly, motioning for Sirius and Peter to follow him. "See you, Prongs."

James watched as his friends ran up the stairs to avoid a possible row, leaving him and Lily alone in the common room. _Wimps_, he thought, frowning after them.

"Well?" Lily prompted impatiently. She'd been through hell and back the past few weeks, and tonight had plunged her right back in the thick of things; she'd earned some answers, and she'd be damned if James Potter didn't give them to her.

"We found ourselves a bit of trouble," James told her, trying to shrug it off even though he could tell by the look on her face that it was a futile effort.

"Clearly." Lily touched the bruise that was forming on his face. "Does it hurt?"

James's heart leapt as her fingertips met his skin. "Not bad," he said. "I got Snape better than he got me, anyway."

"You're going to get into trouble for that," she said, dropping her hand back down to her side. "The whole lot of you."

"Nah." James shook his head. "Something tells me that they won't go running for Dumbledore or anyone else, considering they got what they deserved. Speaking of…" James caught Lily's chin in his hand so he could get a good look at her. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah," Lily said, although she didn't know why she felt the need to lie so blatantly. "Just – that was – I don't know."

James's hands moved so they were holding Lily's face, and she felt a sudden, strange pull in the pit of her stomach as their eyes met.

"Tell the truth," he urged gently. "What was it they got you with?"

Lily shut her eyes; she couldn't look at him when she told him. She didn't know why the prospect of telling him filled her with such dread, but she knew nothing good could come from it. After all, James had come running with his friends on his heels before he even knew specifically what had happened, and –

Wait a minute.

Lily opened her eyes and regarded him curiously. "How did you know they were following me?"

James looked taken aback for a moment, but he recovered quickly and offered her a small smile. "All in good time," he said, knowing that he'd have to tell her sooner or later, but right now later was preferable. "Now tell me what it was."

"It –" Lily took a deep breath. "It was the Cruciatus, James, but –"

"_What?"_ James released his hold on her, his hands balling into fists. "Are you _kidding_ me?"

"No, of course not –"

James turned away from her, kicking a chair so violently that it toppled over with a loud _thud_.

"God _damn_ it!" James continued to kick at the upturned chair, venting his anger. If he had known… "I am going to _kill him_. Crazy, sick, cowardly little slime ball –" Merlin, those words were not enough.

"James." Lily's hands were on his shoulders, and she turned him back around to face her. "Please, don't do anything; you've already done enough and I don't even know what –"

"I have _not_ done enough!" James raged, and he couldn't help the strained laugh that escaped his throat. How on earth could she think he'd done enough?

"Yes, you have!" Lily argued, and she felt her own anger spark. "They used an Unforgivable Curse on me totally unprovoked. What do you think they'll do if you go after them again? I can't go running off to a pureblood every time I'm attacked!"

James scowled. "You're not running off to anybody," he said. "I asked, you told, and now I'm going to snap his greasy little neck –"

"No, you're not."

"For Merlin's sake, go to Dumbledore, at the very least."

"_No."_ Lily's face was set, determined. She'd promised herself that she'd take care of this. She didn't need anyone to protect her, and she didn't want to land anyone in detention or get them expelled because what would that prove? It proved she could talk, not that she could fight on her own merits. On some level, she knew it was unreasonable, but lately she'd found that reason was becoming such a useless thing.

James stared down at her, just as defiant. "This. Is. _Insane_," he said through gritted teeth. "They can't just walk away."

"I expect they didn't, since you took the initiative," Lily said. "But now it's my turn to defend myself, all right?"

"I don't like it."

"You don't have to like it. I'm going to do it, anyway."

James released a long, slow breath. He could tell there would be no talking her out of this, no matter how mad it was; she wasn't going to budge. He was torn, too, between leaving her to it and telling her that she was off her rocker and going to Dumbledore himself.

Lily was still looking up at him, watching as a myriad of emotions passed over his face. "James," she said, and her voice was quiet now, "you've got to let me do this. Leave it alone."

"I don't think I can just forget about it."

"_Try."_ Lily wanted to kick him. "You've done enough – broken noses and stayed with me in the hospital wing all night and God knows what you did tonight. It's my turn."

James looked at her, trying to steady his breathing. _This is insane,_ he thought again. Here was this girl – this fantastic, clever, talented girl that he was completely mad about – and all he wanted to do was continuing breaking noses if it meant no one would pull their wand on her again. And she wouldn't let him.

_Well,_ a voice in his head piped up, _that's part of the reason you're completely mad about her in the first place, isn't it? _

"Fine," James said, but he wasn't happy about it; he knew he wouldn't leave the whole act of revenge solely to her. "But you're certifiable if you think I'll stand idly by if they pull that again. Got it?"

Lily nodded. "Got it," she agreed.

That was fair, she thought, and she couldn't pretend like James Potter hadn't one-hundred-percent saved her skin tonight. That realization hit her hard, and all she wanted to do was make him understand how much it meant to her, so she said, "Now, if you could just come here for a minute…"

Lily took a step forward to close the gap between them, then wrapped her arms around his waist and held on tight. She pressed her cheek against his chest and shut her eyes against what felt suspiciously like tears, although she didn't know what she would be crying about. She felt his arms come around her, warm and reassuring, and there was something so simply, inexplicably _right_ about it, too.

James held her, his anger fading as quickly as it had come. He couldn't be angry, not like this, not when this, right now, was so unbelievably perfect – the way she'd reached out for him first, the way she fit into his arms, the top of her head tucked beneath his chin… He turned his head so his face was buried in her hair, and she smelled so strongly of pomegranate and a little bit of cinnamon.

She was letting him hold her, she was melting into his arms like she'd wanted to do last night at dinner. And it was so, so easy.

After a minute of neither of them wanting to let go, Lily felt James's lips brush the top of her head. A slight tingle crept up her spine, a tingle that turned into a jolt when his lips pressed against her temple. She untwined her arms from around him and slid her hands up the front of his shirt to grip at his shoulders. Her heart pounded rather frantically in her chest when his lips, slightly parted now, ran slowly down the side of her face. One of his hands cupped her chin and his lips were moving over her jaw line and she felt like her stomach had disappeared completely, drowning in a sea of erratic butterflies…

His mouth was a breath away from hers now and he paused, his half-closed eyes flicking from her eyes to her mouth as if he were asking permission, making sure it was okay and this is what she wanted. Lily felt her own lips part slightly and her eyes begin to close because this was _exactly_ what she wanted, and James's fingers were caressing down the side of her neck, over her shoulder, down her back, gripping her waist and bringing her closer to him –

"Oy, Prongs! What're you – oh. Well then."

Lily and James sprang apart, blushing furiously, to watch as Sirius spun on his heel and walked back upstairs. He whistled innocently as he went, pretending that he hadn't seen a thing, but the damage was done.

James turned back to Lily and opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off.

"So, I'll – I'll see you tomorrow," she stammered, unable to meet his eye now. Why was it, every time she got physically close to him, she lost the ability to speak and had the insane urge to run very far away?

"Lily…"

"I'm very tired," Lily continued, the words falling from her curiously tingling lips. "I'll just, you know, I'll meet you in the entrance hall tomorrow and we'll – we'll go to Hogsmeade and – we'll go. So. Good night."

She stood on her toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek so quickly that James didn't have time to react. He watched her walk away, up the steps to the girls' dormitory, annoyed with himself. If he'd only been quicker, turned his face into hers to make that chaste little peck into the sort of kiss he'd wanted to share with her for the past two years…

He shook his head. It was okay, he told himself as he made to follow in Sirius's footsteps up to his own dormitory. He had all day with her tomorrow, all to himself, and at least now he knew that she wanted to kiss him back.

Still, though, that didn't stop James from removing one of his shoes and throwing it at Sirius as soon as he entered the dormitory.

"Ouch!" Sirius rubbed his head where the shoe had hit. "Look, mate, sorry for interrupting what I'm sure would've been a _fantastic_ snog, but how was I supposed to know what you were up to?"

"Next time, when I've been missing for half an hour because I'm alone with Evans, just assume that you're not supposed to barge in, right?"

Sirius threw the shoe back at James, who sidestepped it easily. "After two years without making any headway, I thought you were having another row," Sirius pointed out.

"Well, we sort of were, at first," James admitted, flopping down on his bed. "Once she told me what they did to her, and she didn't want me to do anything about it, but come on – Snape used the Cruciatus Curse, and –"

"He _what_?" Remus said, startled.

"Yeah." James felt the fury begin to build in him again. "She doesn't want to do anything about it but get back at them herself, either. She won't even go to Dumbledore."

"That's mad, James; she has to."

He shook his head. "She won't, and whatever she's got planned for the Slytherins, she'll do to us if we run off to Dumbledore for her."

"I don't blame her," Sirius said. He caught Remus's eye and added, "Come on, Moony, could you? They're constantly egging her on, saying she can't do anything without us blood traitors backing her up. 'Course she wants to prove herself. I say let her, and we'll be waiting 'round the corner if she needs us."

"You _did_ say James has to quit playing the hero," Peter reminded him.

"That's different," Remus said. "Punching Lestrange isn't the same as going to Dumbledore because Snape did something illegal."

"I know it, mate," James assured him. "And it drives me crazy, okay, but Padfoot's right, too."

Remus sighed; he, too, knew that Sirius was right, but it didn't necessarily make him feel better about letting an Unforgivable Curse go unreported. He could tell that James felt the same, and in the end they had to let Lily make her own decision. She knew what was good for her.

Remus dragged an aggravated hand through his hair, a habit he picked up every now and then from spending so much time with James. "Well," he said on a heavy sigh, "I s'pose we won't be able to run to Dumbledore once school's over, anyway."

"Right you are, Moony," Sirius said. "Anyway, I reckon Evans couldn't be too bothered with us if we decided on a little more revenge ourselves."

James raised an eyebrow at his friend. "You sure about that?"

Sirius nodded. "Sure am," he replied confidently. "After all, what I've got in mind won't cause the Slytherins any _terrible_ physical pain."

"What exactly have you got in mind, then?" Remus asked with a grin, prepared to give the plan a go-ahead before he even heard the details. There was a time and a place to be a prefect, and here and now wasn't it.

"Well…" Sirius hopped off his bed and headed for the door. "If you gentlemen would accompany me to the kitchens, I think we've got some mischief that needs managing."

* * *

**A/N:** _This might have been a bit heavy in the drama department, but I didn't feel right about eliminating the use of the Cruciatus Curse. Drawing upon the insights of the reviews I've gotten, it seemed that all of you would recognize the point of having this happen. Besides, hey, it's fanfiction, and occasionally things get out of hand._

_And before you say anything, I know that James and Lily don't get together until seventh year. I know. But there is a plan at work here, so just let it unfold, and I will take your angst and your feels on a magic carpet ride. Or something._


	14. First Snow

**Sparklemonster**_,_** ClaireBear1982**_,_** krml7054**_, _**shockla**_,_** Annunminuialiel **_,_** BalletandBooks**_,_** Demigod Bluez**_,_** ladybug99 **_– Hello! _

**ClaireBear1982 **_did some digging and found that Bellatrix was born in 1951, so that means she most definitely wasn't at Hogwarts during the Marauder's Era. Then I did some further research of my own and found that the birth order was actually Bellatrix, Andromeda, Narcissa, so that's a bit off in my fic as well. That was an unfortunate miscalculation, but for the sake of the fic, I probably wouldn't be able to stick solely to canon, anyway. *shrugs* It happens. And much thanks to Claire for checking up on that!_

_Thanks to everyone else who reviewed, and I'm glad that the almost-kiss was so well-received. Once again, you're all brilliant and lovely and you make my heart feel the way James Potter's does about Lily Evans; if that's not adoration, I don't know what is._

_Note on this chapter: The heading of the Marauder's Map is taken directly from the _PoA_ chapter of that title, and is therefore in no way my original wording._

_I think that's all I needed to say. So… *jazz hands* –K._

* * *

**Saturday, 11:07 A.M.**

When the Marauders entered the Great Hall before making their way to Hogsmeade, they were greeted by an opaque sky and snow flurries dancing over the enchanted ceiling above them.

"Excellent," Sirius said, grinning as they took their seats at the Gryffindor table. "I challenge you all to a snowball fight once Prongs gets back from his date this afternoon."

"It's not a date," James told him. No matter what had – or rather, _almost_ had – happened last night, he knew he had to keep this in mind. If he didn't, he'd be in major danger of making a great big idiot out of himself, as per usual, and _usual_ was the last thing he wanted to be today.

Sirius shrugged as he poured ketchup over a plate of sausages. "Have it your way," he said, "but I'm still going to nail you with a snowball."

Peter laughed. "Promising day," he observed. "First snow of the season, last Hogsmeade visit of the semester, Prongs's date –"

"Not a date."

"Prongs's not-a-date, then," Peter rectified. "And look at that, the Slytherins are enjoying their lunch, not a care in the world."

The other three exchanged mischievous grins and looked around at the Slytherin table. Of course, it was a given that they'd be eating; they had no reason to be suspicious of the food in front of them. All the same, though, the Gryffindor boys were looking forward to quite a show.

As they watched the Slytherins, Lily entered the hall alone, Alice having already left for Hogsmeade with Frank, and Marlene holing herself up in the library to work on the essays she'd been neglecting. So Lily sought out the Marauders and, finding them, dropped herself into the seat next to James.

"What are you all staring at?" she asked, catching them by surprise.

"Oh, you know, just checking out the other side's injuries," Sirius replied nonchalantly, the first of the group to collect himself. He tore his eyes from his family's table and settled them back on his plate.

"Laughing at them, more like," Remus said without regret; he'd been feeling steadily less sympathetic towards the Slytherins as of late.

"Hmm." Lily tilted her head a bit to get a better look at the Slytherin table. Mulciber had a noticeable lump on his temple and it looked like one of his teeth had been knocked out; Avery had a large, pulsating welt over his left eye; and Snape was sporting two black eyes and his nose looked more crooked than usual.

"Blimey, you did them in," she said, impressed and not feeling a bit guilty about it. She nicked a kipper from James's plate.

"Sure did," James said, "and you'd think that would mean my food was safe, but all right."

Lily shrugged. "You had the last one."

"'Had' being the operative term here…"

"You could go to Hogsmeade by yourself, you know," she threatened lightly.

James pushed his plate towards her. "Eat all of this."

"Such a gentleman, Prongs," Sirius said, and swiped the toast from James's plate.

"Not you, you dolt," James said. He reached across the table to smack Sirius upside the head. "I'm not going on a – on a –"

Lily raised her eyebrows at him. "On a what?" she pressed, grinning as she watched him struggle to get control of his words.

"A not-a-date," Peter said. "What?" he asked when James shot him a look and everyone else laughed. "You weren't answering; you were blubbering. Thought I'd help you out."

"Speaking of help…" Sirius's eyes were on the Slytheirn table again. "Looks like our pureblood pals could use some."

The other four looked around to see what Sirius was talking about and, sure enough, utter chaos had unfolded at the table at the other end of the hall.

Amidst the platters of food and flasks of pumpkin juice, the Slytherins were slumped over the table, moaning and clutching their stomachs. Some of them were covering their mouths with their hands, their faces swollen with whatever it was they were trying to keep inside their mouths. Others weren't so lucky and had lost control completely, and as a result they were doubled over, their mouths open as they vomited out seemingly never-ending showers of glitter. Some stayed put at their seats, others had fallen to the floor in exhaustion as the glitter continued to pour out of their mouths, and still others were running from the hall in a vain attempt to be sick in private.

The rest of the hall had erupted in raucous laughter. The teachers were rather panicked, rushing down from their table to try and stop the glitter, clearing away the mess runaway Slytherins had made across the hall, leading others outside and towards the hospital wing.

"Oh, you're all a bunch of morons!" Lily choked through her own laughter. It didn't take a genius to figure out who was responsible.

"What? Come on, it's right impressive, isn't it?" Sirius said as he watched Rodolphus Lestrange rush out of the hall after Bellatrix, both of whom left a trail of sparkling red-and-gold behind them.

"Would've been more brilliant if you hadn't made them ralph our House colors," Lily pointed out.

The laughter somewhat faded from the Marauders' faces as the truth of Lily's words sank in. There was a moment of silence as they all regarded each other, their brains churning away as they considered their next move.

"Oh, bugger," Peter said, the first to break the silence.

"Didn't think that through, did we?" Remus observed.

Sirius checked his watch with an unnecessary flourish. "Oh, look at the time," he said as he leapt from his chair. "We'll be late for the thing."

"Indeed," James said, grabbing Lily's hand as he jumped from his own seat. "Come along, Evans, our not-a-date awaits…"

And the five of them hurried out of the hall, slipping a little on the glitter that hadn't been cleared away, careful not to look over their shoulders in case any of the teachers caught their eye and ordered them back inside for questioning.

They continued running after they'd passed through the double doors out onto the grounds, cold air whipping at their faces, snowflakes sticking to their eyelashes, the thick layer of snow crunching beneath their feet as they hurried down the lane to the gates.

"Okay – all right – stop," Lily panted once they'd reached the gates. She dropped James's hand as she doubled over, supporting herself with her palms against her thighs, a stitch in her side as she fought to catch her breath.

"Tired, Evans?" James said as he slumped against one of the gate's iron posts, his breathing just as shallow as hers.

"I – am never – running – again," Peter wheezed.

"I think we're going to have to start submitting our plans in writing to Lily before we actually go through with them," Remus said, coughing into his sleeve. "Then we won't have to book it anywhere."

"I don't understand why you thought red and gold was a good color combination," Lily said, shaking her head as they resumed their walk into Hogsmeade.

"S'pose we were feeling prematurely smug," Sirius said.

"Happens sometimes," James said.

"When you're as brilliant as we are, that is," Sirius added.

Lily rolled her eyes as the boys congratulated themselves on another successful prank and a daring getaway. She couldn't quite help her smile, but that didn't make the lot of them any less ridiculous.

After another minute and a pointed look from James, the three other boys took the hint and made their way into Zonko's Joke Shop, bidding James and Lily farewell as they went.

"Don't forget what happens when we get back on the grounds!" Sirius shouted after the pair of them, the reminder followed by the tinkling of a bell and slamming of a door.

Lily looked up at James inquisitively. "What happens when we get back on the grounds?"

"He's going to bombard us with snowballs," James told her. "Fair warning, Padfoot takes no prisoners. Last Christmas he hit my dad with a barrage of them, which was a poor idea in retrospect, since Dad made us shovel the walk afterwards. Can't blame him, really, since he nearly slipped and broke his leg trying to run away from Sirius."

"Sirius spent Christmas with you?"

"Oh." James's face fell a little as he thought about his best friend's former home life. "Well, yeah. He's always spent a lot of time at my house. He actually – he moved in with us this summer. You know how his family is."

"Right," Lily said, thinking of Bellatrix and Narcissa. They might have only been Sirius's cousins, but they were a good example of what to expect from the Black family; she didn't imagine Sirius's home life had been any better. "Well, that was nice of your parents, taking him in."

"Yeah," James said, smiling fondly as he thought of his parents. "Yeah, they're great. And Sirius is technically family, anyway; we're some sort of cousins, I dunno exactly how or anything. But that's what happens when your family's hopped up on pureblood mania – you all end up related."

"But your parents, they're not –"

"Nah," James said, realizing where Lily was going with this. "My dad's an Auror, actually; you don't get many of them who support anything Voldemort stands for. That'd be pretty counterproductive."

Lily nodded as she took her hat from her pocket and tugged it over her ears, which had already begun to sting with cold. "That always seemed like something I'd like to do after Hogwarts," she said as they walked. "Being an Auror, I mean."

"Yeah?" James turned to look at her. Her skin was tinged pink and there was snow stuck in her hair and dusted over her shoulders, and there was something so purely innocent about the way she looked that made it hard for him to believe that she wanted to run out and fight the Dark Arts. He knew it was a shallow interpretation, since really, fighting Voldemort seemed like the sort of thing that Lily Evans was exactly suited for. "You could talk to my dad, if you'd like."

Lily shot him a smile. "I might take you up on that."

"I hope you will. God, my mother would love you."

She laughed at the tone of his voice. "Is that a bad thing?"

"It's a potentially humiliating thing," James said. "For me, anyway."

"Ouch."

"Not because of _you_," James said, elbowing her playfully. "It's just my mum, you know? She'd exchange two words with you and then be on my back about you for the next month. 'Oh, James, have you spoken to Lily recently? You should invite her to dinner. Such a lovely girl. It's no wonder she doesn't want to go out with you, your room is a mess…'"

James was careful to skirt around the fact that his mother had actually said most of these things to him. She'd been repeating herself like mad ever since last year, when he'd lost his head and told her all about Lily Evans and how she didn't like him back.

"Sounds just like my mum," Lily said, laughing, totally oblivious to the truth behind James's words. "Marlene came 'round this summer and you happened to come up in conversation. I swear, Mum was on the other end of the house but she came racing into my bedroom, all 'James Potter? Who's that? Is it a _boy_? Do you like him – oh, I'm sure he'd go out with you if you'd just do something about your hair –'"

"Pause for a second." James held up a hand to stop her, his jaw sore from smiling so much. "How'd I manage to come up in conversation, now, hmm?"

"Don't get too excited," Lily scoffed. "We were talking about Quidditch and that led to you and that led to me complaining about you."

If it were physically possible, James's smile widened. "You still talked about me," he teased, nudging her repeatedly with his elbow.

"Oh, shove off," Lily said, pushing his arm away, but James caught her by the hand and pulled her to his side, throwing his arm around her shoulders as they walked.

"Potter…" she began threateningly.

"Yeah, yeah," James sighed, but he kept his arm around her. "It's not a date. I know."

Wanting to get out of the cold, they made their way into the Three Broomsticks. It was crowded as usual, and by the time they'd found their way to a deserted back table, they'd been spotted by quite a few curious onlookers.

"Potter and Evans…" Lily heard Bertha Jorkins whisper none-too-quietly to her friends. "That's interesting, isn't it? You know, if he hadn't been chasing her since forever, I'd say it was a pity thing. I mean, you've seen that ugly scar on her neck, haven't you?"

"You would _think_," Lily said loudly as they passed Bertha's table, "that having your head double in size would give you a better appreciation of the merits of _shutting up_."

Bertha shot a dirty look in her direction, but said nothing more about it, instead turning back to her friends to gossip about someone else who probably didn't deserve it.

"Don't you just love it when she commentates the Quidditch matches?" James said as they sat down. "She's so _insightful_."

Lily snorted. "I don't know why they let her keep at it."

"Oh, I expect she's blackmailing the professors with a bunch of dirty laundry they don't want the rest of the student body to know."

They spent a happy minute abusing Bertha Jorkins, as was custom whenever she came up in conversation, when they were interrupted by the Prewett brothers.

"All right, so listen up," Fabian said without any attempt at a preface, sliding into the seat next to James. "Have you seen Alice?"

"Not this again," Lily groaned.

"Don't get cheeky with us," Gideon said, poking her face. "We were on their tail for a good ten minutes before they left the castle, then this git –" he pointed to his brother – "got distracted by McKinnon's legs as she made her way to the library."

Fabian appeared totally unfazed by Gideon's observation. "She's got fantastic stems, what can I say?"

"Bet she did it on purpose," Lily said. "I was wondering why she was shortening her skirt this morning."

Fabian slammed his palm down on the tabletop. "You women are so _devious_," he declared, looking at Lily as if it were all her fault that he'd been sidetracked by Marlene's shorter-than-usual skirt.

"Watch it, Prewett," Lily said, prodding him with the end of her wand.

"So I take it you haven't seen them, then?" Gideon asked, then sighed at the look on Lily's face. "You wouldn't tell us if you did, either, would you?"

"Nope," Lily said as she lifted her butterbeer to her lips.

"Damn it," Gideon said genially, and he and Fabian stood to leave. "Well, kids, we're off to find our sister and ruin her life. Enjoy your date."

"It's not a date," Lily and James said in unison, causing the Prewetts to exchange smirks.

"_Riiiight,"_ they said and, still grinning, disappeared into the midst of the pub.

James surveyed Lily over the top of his butterbeer and said, "You know, I think we'll be getting a lot of that."

"Yeah." Lily shrugged one shoulder, not meeting his eye, running a finger around the top of her bottle. "I know."

Of course she knew. The thing about being Lily Evans and James Potter was that you couldn't do anything without everybody else saying something about it.

"Does it bother you?"

Lily looked up at him, surprised; she hadn't been expecting that question. "I –" she began, but she didn't actually know how she felt about it. "I don't know."

James nodded. He could deal with uncertainty, especially since he was sure that, not too long ago, her answer would have been a resounding yes. "Okay. So do you want to know how I knew where to find you last night?"

"That was an abrupt change of subject."

Now it was James's turn to shrug. "Looked like you needed one," he said simply (besides, he thought, he'd been planning on showing this to her today). He pulled the blank parchment that contained the Marauder's Map from his pocket, unfolded it, and smoothed it out on the table between them.

Lily lifted a speculative eyebrow. "I don't even have anything clever to say," she admitted, wondering how on earth a spare bit of parchment could have told James that she was in trouble.

"Well, that's a first, isn't it?" James observed flippantly as he took his wand from his sleeve. He looked around the pub, but for once everyone was too engrossed in their own lives to pay attention to them. So James tapped his wand against the parchment and said, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

Lily gasped as the formerly blank parchment came to life; it was as if an invisible hand were drawing quick, intricate lines that crisscrossed and intersected to form a map… A map, if she were not mistaken, of Hogwarts and all its inhabitants, which were all identifiable by name as they lounged in their common rooms, studied in the library, or wandered over the grounds and hallways.

"This – it's incredible," she said, her fingers tracing over the corridors. "Where did you _get_ this?"

For his answer, James simply tapped the heading that wove its way over the top of the map, and Lily read it aloud: "'Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers, are proud to present the Marauder's Map.'"

Lily's jaw dropped as she looked up at James. "You _made_ this?"

James nodded. "With a substantial amount of help from Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, and Padfoot, yeah," he said, grinning at the look on her face.

"This is completely outrageous," Lily muttered, totally in awe, as she continued to run her fingers over the surface of the parchment. "I can't believe you pulled this off – well, no, of course I can, but still… And what are all these?" she asked, pointing out a few areas with which she was unfamiliar. "I've never been down those corridors."

"That's because they're not corridors," James told her. "They're secret passageways. We found most of them between first and third year, and we added them to the map as we went."

"So _that's_ how you manage to sneak in and out of Hogsmeade," Lily deduced, her eyes following the little black dots now. "That's rather creepy, you know, spying on people like this."

James feigned offense. "We don't _spy_, Evans," he said, "but we have to know when the coast is clear, don't we? And it's not my fault if we occasionally catch Sirius in a broom cupboard with some bird or other, and the rest of us just _happen_ to skip down to said cupboard –"

"Oh, yes, what happy accidents those must be," Lily said. She knew better than to believe that.

"Well, to be fair, he got me back for all those happy accidents last night."

Lily felt the heat rise in her face at the mention of what had almost happened last night. She should have known it would come up, but she'd really had her fingers crossed that it wouldn't, that perhaps he would forget – _yeah, right_ – or maybe they'd just be able to avoid it through the aid of mutual embarrassment.

"Erm – yes, I suppose he did," she said, still staring fixedly down at the map but not really seeing it anymore. Her heart was pounding so hard in her chest that she didn't think she'd be able to concentrate on anything but slowing it down. "Anyway, James, that's an extraordinary bit of magic you lot conjured here."

"It has its benefits," James agreed, his eyes steady on Lily's face as he measured her reaction to his previous statement. She was absolutely mortified, he realized, and the realization disappointed him. But he shook it off, figuring he could change her mind as long as he kept telling himself _"Baby steps."_

The pair left the Three Broomsticks not long after, Lily still shaking her head disbelievingly at the Marauder's Map. James tried to keep his head in the here and now instead of the there and later when he might be able to convince her that there was nothing embarrassing about an almost-kiss, and in fact they should go for the real thing this time.

They wandered around the village, ducking into shops whenever they got too cold. James found little ways to touch her every so often – brushing snow from her shoulders, shoving her when she laughed at his expense, grabbing her hand and pulling her along when he thought she was moving too slowly. Lily, meanwhile, was doing the same, albeit less consciously; but James took note of every kick to his shins, every time she pushed his face exasperatedly, every ruffle of his hair, and the one time her fingers lingered a little too long on his face when she took his glasses off to clean them.

Perhaps he was making too much of the little things, James thought. But then Lily took his hand and he thought that it couldn't hurt to get his hopes up a _little_ bit.

"Aren't your hands cold?" she asked as she did this, realizing then that he wasn't wearing any gloves.

"I've got weather-proof skin," he replied. "Can't you tell?"

Lily pulled James's hand up to her face to better inspect it, running her fingers over the calluses there. "Quidditch?" she guessed.

"Quidditch," he confirmed. He removed his hand from hers so he could slide his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his side as he did so. He took note of the fact that she didn't reprimand him this time.

He tugged at the end of her hat. "Did you knit this?"

"Ha!" Lily snorted, amused. "I can't knit to save my life. My sister made this for me before we stopped getting along. Petunia's always been good at this sort of thing, although when she made it, it was a bit big – like falling-over-my-eyes big, but I grew into it."

James smiled at the image. "Why don't you get along anymore?" he asked. "Is it that git boyfriend of hers?"

Lily turned her head slightly to look at him, an expression of total bemusement on her face. "You remember that?"

"Sure," James said, nonplussed. "Who forgets a bloke called Vernon?"

"Hmm…" Lily pressed her lips together. _There he goes again, surprising you._ "Well, no, it's not Vernon, although he'd be much more tolerable if I didn't have to laugh at him by myself. Petunia and I just sort of… grew apart, I suppose."

James nodded. He could tell there was more to it than that, but it was clear that she didn't want to talk about it. He supposed that when she did want to, she'd bring it up on her own; he was pushy enough, so he decided to let this one slide.

They made their way back up to the castle, and they were just passing the frozen lake, trudging their way through the snow that blanketed the grounds, when a shout rang out somewhere behind them –

"Watch it, Potter!"

James turned just in time to get a snowball straight to the face. Lily burst out laughing – a loud, infectious sound – as James sputtered, shaking the snow from his face and hair.

"That's not exactly what I meant by _watch it_," Fabian called out from his perch in a nearby tree. "Black's been plotting this attack for the past half an hour. Thought I'd give you a heads-up but _blimey_, you're stupid."

"_Stupid?"_ James echoed incredulously. "Next time try shouting _'Duck' _instead, huh? And at least I'm not hiding up a tree!"

Fabian shrugged. "To each his own, mate, but better watch yourself, because Black's got a pile of snowballs waiting right behind my tree here."

"Shut _up_, Fabian!" Sirius shouted, whirling out from behind the tree, his arms full of snowballs that he began pelting in James and Lily's direction.

Lily managed to duck the onslaught of flying snow, but she wasn't prepared for the surprise attack from behind: Marlene slammed into her, tackling her so she fell face-first into the snow.

"Aren't you supposed to be _studying_?" Lily shouted. Marlene laughed wildly as she rolled off Lily and sprang to her feet.

"I was," she said, "but that library's so stuffy. So I came outside for a bit of fresh air and I was ambushed by this lot." She jerked her thumb behind her in the direction of the boys. Fabian had climbed down from his tree and joined his brother in pelting snowballs at Sirius, who was still busy attacking an unprepared James.

"Where are the others?" Lily asked cautiously, still sitting in the snow at Marlene's feet.

"Peter and Remus are just over there," Marlene said, turning her head to make sure she was pointing in the right direction. "Alice and Frank haven't gotten back yet, but I expect – _aargh!_"

Lily had gotten to her feet, a mound of snow in her hands, and thrust it into Marlene's face as she turned back around.

"_Ha!"_ Lily exclaimed triumphantly, and she took off running in the opposite direction before Marlene could retaliate.

Meanwhile, James was sopping wet from the torrent of snowballs Sirius had waiting for him. "Hell, Padfoot, give me a minute to catch my breath, why don't you?"

"No prisoners!" Sirius roared, and James was hit with another snowball and the same words he'd used to warn Lily of Sirius's mad winter sport technique. James was able to find a reprieve, though, since right then Frank and Alice came into view, and Sirius took the opportunity to assail more unsuspecting victims.

"Damn it, Black!" Frank yelled good-naturedly as Sirius hit him twice in quick succession. At the sound of their friend's voice, Fabian and Gideon perked up and gladly joined Sirius in the attack on their little sister's boyfriend.

James was shaking his clothes clean of the blanket of snow covering him when he saw a streak of red about to fly past. _Oh, no,_ he thought with a grin, she wasn't going to run away that easily…

"Not so fast, Evans!" James caught Lily around the waist and pulled her back against his chest. His arms wrapped around her from behind, and he was sure to lock her in a steel-like grip so she couldn't escape. He'd been at the receiving end of one too many of Lily Evans's expert hexes to let her go with her hands free.

"You're _cheating_, Potter!" Lily exclaimed as she attempted to wriggle free of James's hold. She merely succeeded in making him do an odd sort of waddle as he moved with her, refusing to loosen his grip.

If she was honest with herself, Lily quite liked being caught in James Potter's arms, but the middle of a serious snowball fight was no time for such revelations. So she shook it off, but couldn't help laughing as she failed to shake _him_ off.

"I'm not _cheating_, Evans," James argued, the breath from his teasing voice warm on the back of her neck. "We both know you're much cleverer than me, so I'm only exerting physical force in order to gain the upper hand."

"You're such a brute." Lily tried elbowing him in the stomach but failed as he continued to hold her prisoner.

"You're only sore because I'm winning."

"You're not _winning_," Lily said, and using the challenge in James's tone to fuel her resolve, she wriggled so violently that both of them lost their footing and slipped, all tangled limbs, into the snow.

Lily felt the wet shock of snow as she fell into it, and James's sudden weight on top of her knocked the wind out of her completely. Lily thought that it was much more pleasant to fall on top of James on the common room floor; it was much less cold and much less breathtaking.

"Blimey, Evans, you got me a right good kick in the shins on the way down…"

"Nothing you didn't deserve," Lily retorted, her voice strained as she caught her breath. "And blimey yourself – how many Chocolate Frogs have you shoveled down? You're _heavy_."

"It's all muscle, I work out," James protested, and Lily was overcome with such a laughing fit that James could do nothing but smile at her.

It was then that the full weight of the situation hit him, as heavily as he'd hit Lily a moment ago, as heavily as she'd hit him when they'd toppled off the couch in the common room and he didn't do anything about it. This was his second chance – or was it third? Did last night count? He didn't know, but whether it did or not, right now was his saving grace, and maybe this time none of his friends would get in the way.

He was freezing, dripping wet with sweat and snow, and he was lying on top of Lily Evans. Laughing, pink-nosed Lily Evans, who had snow in her hair and her hands on his chest. He wondered if she could feel the erratic beating of his heart beneath the layers of material he wore to stave off the cold. But then he wasn't cold at all – in fact, he was nervous and sweaty and overheated and his mouth was dry and he was sure his heart was about to burst right out of his chest – right through the skin and bone and muscle and every single sweatshirt he was wearing –

"_James."_ Lily's voice came crashing through his panicked train of thought. "Get up, you clumsy dolt, before I get pneumonia."

"_Clumsy?"_ James repeated, although he was still finding it very hard to talk as his tongue was suddenly much too heavy. "You're the one who tripped."

"Because you're a rotten cheat," Lily said, failing miserably in her attempt to ignore her own pounding heart as she looked defiantly up into those brilliant hazel eyes. Eyes that were much too close and were looking at her with the oddest expression and she knew she was looking back at him the same way… "Now did you hear what I said about the pneumonia?"

"Evans, it's just a bit of _snow_." James didn't really think about what he said. He was too caught up in thinking about how he could do it, he could do it right now, and really what was the point in _not_ doing it, he wanted to so badly and she was so bloody perfect, and he could swear that she was looking at him the same way he was looking at her, and…

He didn't miss another beat. He caught her lips with his, if only for a second, but still he felt her lips move with his, both pairs chapped with cold and parted ever so slightly, both on the edge of moving with the most insane urgency, with the kind of speed and desperation to rival both their heartbeats, when –

_Fwump!_

A snowball hit James square in the back of the head.

* * *

There were few people in the courtyard that late afternoon. Most of the castle's occupants were either still in Hogsmeade or tending to homework they didn't want hovering over them during the holidays. But that didn't mean the Gryffindors had the grounds to themselves.

Severus Snape scowled as he watched them – the Prewett brothers, enchanting snowballs only to have them blasted out of their hands by their sister and Frank Longbottom. Pettigrew, Lupin, and McKinnon, all dodging each other's lighthearted attacks. Sirius Black, undeservingly arrogant in everything he did… Snape's scowl intensified. Black, pompous as he was, couldn't hold a candle to his pig-headed best friend.

James Potter, who had his arms wrapped around her. James Potter, who was making her laugh. James Potter, who was kissing her out in the open, in front of everyone so he could be sure that he was properly showing off his trophy…

Snape ignored the voice in his head that said she wouldn't let James Potter do any of these things if she didn't want him to. He didn't know what else he'd expected. After it was all said and done, had there really been any doubt in his mind that she wouldn't let James Potter do those things?

He turned away from the scene, avoiding any feelings that weren't his hatred for the lot of them. Who were they to act so carefree, to not have the weight of war on their shoulders? Who were they to laugh and touch and kiss while death was waiting on everyone's doorstep? How could anyone be that arrogant, to smile while war waged just outside the castle walls? There was a war _inside_ the castle, and still they acted like there was nothing to hold them back.

Snape shook off these thoughts. It was nothing to him if they chose to blatantly disregard the tragic reality that awaited all of them outside of Hogwarts. He had too much to do to spend his time scowling at carriers of dirty blood.

He would have to keep that in mind, Snape knew, and still simmering somewhere beneath the edge of total loss of composure, he began to trudge his way back up to the castle.

* * *

"Blast it, Padfoot!" James roared, his voice hoarse as he rolled off a breathless Lily. He pulled out his wand and shot a series of relatively harmless sparks at Sirius, who was doubled over in laughter a few yards away.

The mingled sounds of curses and laughter echoed oddly in Lily's head. She stared, wide-eyed, up at the clear gray sky, suspended in a state of shock and disbelief and this strange but undeniable tingle in the pit of her stomach…

Oh, she wanted James Potter to do that again.

And he wanted to do it again, too; in fact, he hadn't wanted to stop at all, ever, James thought as he scrambled to his feet and ran at a still-laughing Sirius. He was going to kill that mangy mutt…

"Oy!" Sirius yelled, unprepared for James's full-body tackle. They rolled in the snow, Sirius blocking the punches James threw at him. "What, are you going to snog me, too, Prongsy?" he mocked, still laughing despite James's anger.

"We weren't snogging, you sorry excuse for a best mate!" James said. "You miserable wanker, the next time you transform in front of me, I'm going to skin you and turn you into a fur coat –"

"Don't get your knickers in a twist." Sirius succeeded in kicking James off him then. The latter fell back into the snow, red-faced and out of breath and trying to hold onto the feeling of Lily's lips under his.

"What were you going to do, anyway? Lay in the snow with her all night?" Sirius demanded, still chuckling.

James scowled up at the sky. "Would've been pleased with an uninterrupted minute, at least."

"If I'd given you a minute, you never would've stopped," Sirius pointed out. He stood, brushing snow off him so it cascaded down his legs. "Now get up and go tend to Evans, I think she's died of shock or perhaps an unanticipated bout of disgust."

James's head popped up and he looked over at Lily, who was still lying in the snow where he'd lost his head completely and given into that nagging impulse that had been plaguing him since puberty hit.

He got up, shoved Sirius so he lost his balance and landed back in the snow, and ignoring his friend's curses, James strode over to Lily and stuck out a hand for her to take.

"Evans," he said, "up, or you'll catch pneumonia."

Lily blinked up at him, not taking the hand he offered. She felt suddenly defenseless, weak-kneed, and vulnerable. These were not feelings to which Lily Evans was accustomed, and she'd be damned if she let James Potter get away with it.

"What," she began in a deathly whisper, "the _bloody hell_ was that?"

James took a moment to recover from the hostility in her voice. Then he crouched down so he was sure only she could hear him and said, "_That_ was something we are going to do again. Good enough?"

"No, it bloody well is not." Lily sat up and shoved him away. She needed some space before she lost it and initiated the _again_ herself. "What – is – wrong – with – you?" she demanded, emphasizing each word with a smack to James's head.

"Quit hitting!" James caught her wrists so she'd stop. "You're not stupid, Lily, you know what that was, and I don't have time to sit here and explain to you all the things that are wrong with me."

"You're insufferable."

"You're just mad because you want to do that again, but you don't want to want to. And that's just too bad because I have waited far too long to do that to let that idiot –" James motioned his head in Sirius's direction – "ruin it."

Lily glared at him. It was one thing to admit that he was right, because she _did_ want to do that again. But it was a completely separate matter if he thought he could make that call for her because it was what _he_ wanted.

"You can't tell me what to do, Potter," she said, her voice low and dangerous and indicating that she'd love nothing more dearly at the moment than to curse him into oblivion.

James noted the renewed use of his surname; more than that, he recognized the ice behind it. "So we're back to cold formalities, then, I see."

"I'll be cold with anyone who thinks they can make my decisions for me." Lily jerked her wrists from his grasp. "I'm not going to hop into a broom cupboard with you just because it's what _you_ want to do."

"Ah, Evans, I didn't say a word about any broom cupboards."

"Nor have you given any indication that you take my feelings seriously!" Lily snapped, loudly enough for their surrounding friends to turn their hands curiously in their direction.

Fabian and Gideon exchanged half amused, half nervous looks; Alice was biting her nails; Frank shuffled his feet uncomfortably and tried not to stare; Marlene narrowed her eyes, wondering if anyone should intervene; Peter stood behind Remus and peeked around the taller boy's shoulder; and Remus and Sirius exchanged a look that clearly said, _Here they go again_.

But neither James nor Lily noticed that their friends had stopped their snowball fighting to watch the row that was unfolding in the middle of the grounds.

Lily stood, brushing snow from herself more aggressively than was necessary. "For Merlin's sake, I'm not some toy for you to control."

"I never said you were!" James said indignantly, standing with her.

"No, of course not," Lily scoffed. "You only told me what _I_ wanted, what _I_ was going to do, and then you laughed at me when I protested."

"I didn't laugh!" James argued, knowing that he hadn't really laughed but he might as well have for all the good it would do him now. "I didn't mean it like that."

Lily stared at him, steely-eyed and arms folded across her chest. How had everything gone so wrong? James wondered wildly. Damn his adolescent impulses; he should have known they wouldn't do him any favors. And the worst of it was, he still wanted to do it again, because even as angry as Lily was with him and he was with her, she was still that same brilliant and gorgeous and funny girl…

"Look, Evans," he said, trying to keep it together, "one second I'm kissing you and the next my idiot friend –"

"Right here, mate!" Sirius called out, but James ignored him.

"– is hitting me with snowballs and ruining that second for me," he went on. "So excuse me if I wanted to give it another shot."

"It's not about what you want!" Lily said, jabbing him in the chest with a finger. "It's that you took it upon yourself to tell me what I wanted as well!"

So much for keeping it together, James thought as his anger piqued again. He might tear his hair out. "Well, _don't_ you?"

Lily didn't want to tell him, but he was looking at her so expectantly and she knew she wouldn't be able to lie. "Yes, all right?" she admitted, her voice low again as she looked up at him. "But –"

"So what does it matter that I'm a raving lunatic?"

"It _matters_," Lily said, and her eyes locked with his, "because you're too selfish to care about how I feel. You can't take no for an answer because you can't fathom why on _earth_ anyone would say no to you. It's always about you, and that's always been what matters. The only reason you're such a raving lunatic is because you _still_ don't see that."

And with that, Lily turned on her heel and marched back up to the castle, leaving a stunned and speechless James Potter in her wake.

* * *

**A/N:** _Again, I know they don't get together until seventh year. I'm not much for head canons, but I'm rather stubborn in the belief that they totally made out before they made it official. There's so much UST between them that it was bound to happen. So. That is that, and I will see you for Chapter 15. –K._


	15. Perspective

**My BFF Luvz MickeyG**_,_** Rebeccaruthodell**_,_** dreadlocks32**_, _**Rubies and Diamonds**_,_** Leafbug**_,_ **Somebody**_, and the anons, your presence thrills me and I'm glad you're enjoying the story enough to follow it._

_I wish I could properly express how happy you all make me. Seriously, I get the biggest, goofiest grin on my face whenever I get your reviews, favorites, and follows. Like the kind of smile you get when you read fluff or fall in love or your pizza is delivered earlier than you expected. In short, you're all the best._

–_K._

* * *

**The Next Week**

Things were not going well.

No matter how much anyone would have liked to say otherwise, the Slytherins weren't stupid; they'd put the pieces together (not that there were many pieces to choose from) and figured out who had Charmed their lunch to transform into projectile glitter vomit. They retaliated so fiercely over the next few days that the hospital wing was overrun with students, and poor Madam Pomfrey was in over her head.

"Not another one!" she groaned every time a student came in, nursing some bleeding, pulsating, tap-dancing, or any number of other types of injury. But they continued coming, in and out of the hospital wing like clockwork, and Madam Pomfrey didn't think the holidays could come soon enough. The past semester had given her quite enough to deal with, and she desperately needed the break before she tackled the rest of the year.

McGonagall cornered the Marauders at breakfast Monday morning, looming over them with the sternest of looks on her face. It was clear to the boys that their Head of House was looking for someone to punish, if only to give the nurse some sense of justice.

"Would any of you _happen_ to know what caused the sparkling illness that overtook the Slytherins last week?" she asked, her voice tinted with sarcasm because she knew they had an exact idea, just as much as she knew they'd deny it.

"No idea, Professor," Sirius said solemnly, a grave expression on his face. "We'd send our regards to the afflicted, but they seem to have recovered nicely."

McGonagall sighed. Despite her suspicions, she had no proof that the boys had done anything, so she said, "We have three days until you leave for the holidays. Three. Days. Try to stay out of trouble."

She walked away then, shaking her head and praying that for once they would listen to what she said.

"I didn't think we were _that_ obvious," Sirius said as soon as she was out of earshot.

Remus shrugged. "It's been almost six years; I think she can recognize our style by now."

"Style?" Sirius repeated, flabbergasted; he'd always imagined that they were aloof enough to avoid such detection. "We have a _style_?"

"Sure," Peter said. "It's called 'How to Humiliate Slytherin.'"

"'The Musical,'" Remus added.

Sirius wrinkled his nose. "We don't sing about it."

"A major miscalculation on our part, I think," Remus said. "Think of all the missed opportunities. I mean, if you want to liven a place up a little, there's nothing like spontaneously breaking out in song and dance."

Sirius thought about it, but in the end he decided that Remus was mad, and he told him so. Then he looked at James. "I think Moony's getting a bit loopy, don't you?"

James shrugged. He hadn't been terribly invested in the conversation, not since Lily had walked in and was determinedly looking anywhere but in his direction. His friends followed his gaze, although they could have guessed where it was directed.

"Don't sweat it, Prongs," Sirius tried to cheer him up. "She'll come around."

"I dunno." James pushed his plate away, his appetite having disappeared a long time ago. "I think I really blew it this time."

"I don't think so," Remus said.

"Neither do I," Peter agreed. "You've done some really stupid things before, and none of those stopped her from being your friend now."

That was true, James thought, and he perked up ever so slightly. _Then again…_ "But this time it was about her," he pointed out. "Before it was because she thought I was a prat to everyone else, but now it's like… I hurt her. Directly. And that's different."

Remus studied his friend. He'd never seen James so downtrodden; he'd always managed to bounce back after Lily's rejections. Sure, sometimes it took a couple of hours and a few let-James-win-at-Exploding-Snap sessions, but he always snapped out of it. He wasn't this time, and it seemed to Remus that it was because he actually recognized what he'd done wrong. About time, really, he thought, because it had always been obvious that Lily Evans didn't stand for being pushed around, and James was notoriously pushy.

"Look, James," Remus said at length. He looked meaningfully across the table at his glum-faced friend. "We had a prefects' meeting last night, and I talked to Lily. Not about you or anything, but it was obvious that she didn't have her head in this week's patrol schedule. She looked about as miserable as you, to be honest."

"Really?" James said, his voice taking on that old hopeful quality it always did when he tried and failed with Lily Evans. He knew it was wrong to want her to be miserable, but the knowledge that maybe she was lifted his spirits nonetheless.

Remus nodded. "Really. I think you should talk to her."

"Right," James said, and his eyes followed Lily as she left the hall with Alice and Marlene. "Yeah. Talk to her. I can do that."

As it turned out, though, talking to Lily was turning out to be just as difficult as getting her to go out with him. James felt like he'd been thrust back into fifth year all over again.

"Come on, Evans," he said as he followed her out of the library later that afternoon. He'd been waiting outside of the Restricted Section for half an hour, and he wasn't going to let her walk away without listening to him first. "I just want to talk, all right, you can hex me as soon as I'm done."

"I could hex you now," Lily retorted, working furiously to keep her temper in check. "Quit following me."

"Five minutes, Lily, I swear that's all I need –"

"Yeah, well, I only need five _seconds_ to land you in the hospital wing for the rest of the week," she snapped, her temper slipping. _Keep it together,_ she told herself. She wasn't sure what she'd do if she didn't, but she assumed it would be between hitting him and kissing him, and she didn't like those odds.

"Lily –" James caught her arm and spun her around to face him, but she was too quick: She pulled her wand out with her free hand and pointed it right at James's heart.

"Don't," she said, and she could tell that her voice was about to break. "I am so mad at you right now that I don't know what to do with myself, so just… don't."

She pulled her arm out of his grip and walked away, trying very hard not to break into a run. She _was_ mad, and she _didn't_ know what to do with herself, but she knew there was more to it than that and it wasn't something she was prepared to handle. When it came down to it, Lily had deduced the following: She didn't know how she felt, so she didn't know what she wanted, so she didn't know what to do. And letting James Potter talk to her wasn't going to make any of that easier to figure out.

"Just listen to what he's got to say," Alice pleaded later in the common room. "Go on, Lil, you know he wants to make up for what he said."

Marlene scoffed as she flipped aggressively through her Ancient Runes book. "I say let him grovel," she said, annoyed with James Potter as well as her homework. "He's a great big prat. He can suffer a bit longer."

Alice frowned at her. "You're not helping, you know," she informed her ill-tempered friend before turning back to her dejected one. "Just give him a chance, why don't you? You've been so unhappy; it's clearly bothering you –"

"Yes, but that's not all that's been bothering me," Lily said, which was true enough. "There's just so much going on here, what with the Slytherins and all, and I can't deal with James on top of everything else."

"The Slytherins can go straight to hell," Marlene said, annoyed with them as well. "Don't let them get to you."

"Yeah…" Lily decided that a noncommittal response was best, as she hadn't told Alice or Marlene about the Cruciatus incident.

Part of her wanted to, but she just couldn't go through with it. It had been hard enough to convince James to let it go; she knew her friends wouldn't be so amendable to her wishes. Besides, things were bad enough between them and the Slytherins, and Lily just wanted all of them to get home for the holidays in one piece.

So she tried to ignore everything that was bothering her. When she walked down the corridors alone, she kept a firm grip on her wand and her head held high. She didn't respond to the Slytherins' jeers or Bellatrix's sick little smiles; she pretended that her bag ripped of its own accord when Avery shot a Severing hex at her, and she acted like Rodolphus Lestrange was just another brick in the wall when he whispered "Mudblood" as he passed her.

There were few instances in which she almost broke. Once, when she turned the corner and came face-to-face with Snape, alone for the first time since he'd used an Unforgivable Curse on her. She managed to ignore him for the most part, but she couldn't help her twitch and that was breaking enough for her.

And then, of course, there was every time she ran into James, who was all, "Come on, Evans" and "Lily, please" and "Five minutes, that's all I want." And all she wanted was to say okay and forgive him and let him kiss her again; if only she could fit a good jinx in there somewhere, too.

But she couldn't do it. She was tired, and she was angry, and she just wanted the week to be over so she could go home and spend the next three weeks clearing her head. _Just get through this week,_ she kept telling herself. _Get through the week, and you can deal with all of this later. _There was too much to deal with, and she wanted it gone so she could sleep and not be tempted to hex everything that moved. But, as was custom, everything was just _begging_ for a good hex.

This was most notably demonstrated by an interruption in the form of Sirius Black, who plopped himself down at the study table next to her on Wednesday night. Lily had hidden herself away in the library, wanting to make herself as inconspicuous as possible before she took the train home to King's Cross the next day.

She recalled the fact that the Marauder's Map rendered everyone absolutely conspicuous, so maybe she shouldn't have been surprised that one of the Messrs. had found her.

"Evening," Sirius greeted her jovially as he took the empty seat. His eyes scanned the pile of books she had surrounding her. "Don't tell me you're doing homework. We leave tomorrow."

"Just trying to keep a low profile," Lily muttered.

"And how's that working out?"

"Absolutely spiffing."

Sirius laughed and leaned back in his chair. "I sense a bit of sarcasm there. And when I say 'sense,' I mean that it's practically drowning me as it drips off your tongue. And when I say 'drips,' well, more like _pours_…"

"Can I help you, Sirius?" Lily cut across him pointedly. "I've got rounds in about ten minutes, so I don't have time to sit here while you can't figure out what you're trying to say."

"Right." Sirius raised his hands in a gesture much like Marlene's signature surrender. "So listen, you've got to talk to James."

"No." Lily slammed the book she wasn't reading shut. She'd about had it with everyone telling her what she _had_ to do.

Sirius frowned. When he decided to take matters into his own hands, he hadn't betted on it being easy by any means, but he also hadn't expected to be met with such hostility. After all, _he_ wasn't the one who had tried to unceremoniously ravish her in a pile of snow.

"You know, I've heard his apology about a hundred times now," Sirius told her. "He wrote it down, and he'd have it memorized if he didn't freak out and change it every thirty seconds, and he practices on us. If you don't throw anything at him or tell him to 'shut it, for Merlin's sake,' it really does only take five minutes."

Lily would not be amused. "I don't care how long it takes. I don't want to hear it."

Sirius let his chair fall back on all four legs. He was beginning to understand how Lily Evans drove his best mate so up-the-wall crazy, and he'd only been talking to her for two minutes. _Guess it's time to bring out the big guns,_ he thought. _A little sooner than anticipated, but you've got to work with what you're given._

"Evans, you promised – you _pinky swore_ that you wouldn't talk yourself out of giving him a chance," Sirius reminded her. "I'm not saying that you have to start snogging him on every available surface or anything. Just give him a chance to apologize so you can go back to being those overly flirtatious friends that none of us can stand, because it's so much more tolerable than the two of you being all woe-is-me."

"You're overdramatizing."

"Evans, it's been four days and you're both driving the rest of us crazier than you've been the past two years," Sirius drawled. "That doesn't need overdramatizing; it's just the way it is."

Lily pursed her lips and thought about how Alice and Marlene had reacted to the situation. "Marlene thinks I should make him grovel."

"Where have you been the past couple of years?" Sirius wanted to know. "He's _been_ groveling. McKinnon doesn't have her head screwed on right at the moment; she's distracted by all the sexual tension between me and her, that's all."

Lily rolled her eyes, but a small part of her thought Sirius might be right. At least, Marlene had never made it a secret what she'd like to do to him if she got the chance. But Lily certainly wasn't going to be the one to validate Sirius Black's egotism and anyway, she was too irritated with him to joke around.

"Really, Evans, does this mean _nothing _to you?" Sirius demanded as he stuck his pinky out. "You promised, you pinky swore, you said 'I solemnly swear.' You can't go back on one of those, let alone all three."

"My anger is currently defying your pseudo-logic," Lily informed him. What she didn't tell him was how badly she wanted to revert to that promise, that she was practically there already, but admitting that would mean admitting that she'd been wrong. And she knew that wasn't the case, but she didn't know how to find that happy medium where she and James were both right.

She sighed heavily and rubbed her forehead with her thumb and middle finger. "Look, I'll think about it, okay?" she said wearily. "I've had a hell of a time lately, that's all."

"Yeah," Sirius said, "I know. We all do, James especially."

"Right." Somehow Lily was managing to feel worse than she had all week. "Well, I've got rounds, but I'm sure I'll see you on the train tomorrow."

Sirius nodded. "See you, Evans."

"See you," Lily said, and she left the library, her mind swimming with everything she didn't want to deal with.

She wanted to forgive James, and she knew it, but for some reason that only made her angrier. Maybe it was all the pressure she was already under, but the last thing she wanted right then was to once again lose the upper hand. Not that she had much of an upper hand when it came to James, she reminded herself as she walked. They both felt lousy, so she didn't see how either of them could really be superior to the other right now. And if talking to Sirius only made her feel worse, she couldn't imagine how she'd feel if she talked to James.

In the end, though, Lily knew that she'd have to talk to him. But when she almost rammed into him as they both rounded the same corner, she didn't expect it to be so soon.

"Oh – sorry," James said. He took a step back to keep himself from grabbing her and snogging her senseless; he didn't think that would convince her to forgive him, considering his latest indiscretion.

"For nearly mowing me down, or for being an insane git all week?" Lily shot back before she could think about what she was saying.

James flinched but recovered quickly. "Both," he decided, "although 'sorry' doesn't really cover the apology I had in mind for the git thing."

Lily crossed her arms, trying to keep them from wrapping themselves around James's neck and kissing him. She told herself that she didn't want to do it, no matter how often she'd been imagining how his lips had felt against hers.

"Okay, so…" James dragged a hand through his hair and Lily tried to ignore the way her fingers itched to do the same. "I know that what I said the other day was stupid, but you've got to realize –"

"I don't have to realize anything," Lily interrupted. Yes, being angry was much better than giving in to any of those other impulses that were nagging at her so insistently. "You're the one who acted like such a sodding jerk."

"I _know_ that," James said. This was already turning into a disaster. _Go figure. _"Just let me explain."

"There's nothing to explain. You were a jerk, I'm mad, the end." Lily brushed by him then, and James nearly lost his cool completely.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice teetering on the brink of desperation as he watched her walk away. "I am so incredibly sorry, Lily, you have no idea."

Lily wasn't buying it – not much, anyway. "You're always sorry," she said, spinning back around to look at him. "All of you. You do something stupid and then you're sorry and you expect me to be fine with it."

James's desperation gave way then, allowing a hint of annoyance to creep in. "_All_ of us?" he repeated, and he knew where this was going but he pressed on, anyway. "What do you mean, all of us?"

"Well, you, for starters. And last year, with Snape –"

_Bingo_, James thought, and he frowned.

"This is about you and me," he said. "I'd like it if we could keep Snape out of it."

"I can't," Lily said, and now she was the one who was pleading. She needed him to understand. "Not really. It's all a little too similar."

"_How?"_ Not for the first time recently, James thought he'd rip his hair out with the sheer frustration of it all. "How on earth is it the same? Don't tell me he kissed you too, or I'll –"

"Oh, would you stifle your needless jealousy for one second?" Lily gave in to the temptation to stamp her foot; she figured she might as well meet James's childish behavior with her own. "No, he never kissed me. Even if he did, I'd tell you that it was none of your business, just like I've told him time and time again that it doesn't matter what he thought about you fancying me."

"So is that all this is? Still? It's just me fancying you and you putting up with it?" James didn't think he could take that, not now, not after the past couple of months. Lily Evans's tolerance wasn't going to cut it anymore.

Lily felt a slight tug at her heart at the prospect of this being nothing more than a one-sided relationship again. But that didn't make her any less angry with him, and right now she knew she had to hold tight to that anger if she wanted to get her point across.

So instead of falling apart and giving in, she said, "That's not what I said! You're putting words in my mouth and getting distracted by 'Oh, no, Snape better not have kissed Lily, even though I couldn't be reasonably angry about that since I don't own her and I better stop being a great prat right now.'"

"It's like you read my mind, Evans," James replied dryly, unable to resist rolling his eyes at her dramatics.

Lily scowled and jabbed him in the chest. "Try reading mine."

"I'm not much for Legilimency," James said, his voice low as he took a step towards her, catching her prodding hand in his, "but I think I could take a guess."

Judging by the way he was looking at her, Lily guessed that he'd be right, but she wouldn't say that out loud. No, she wasn't finished being angry with him yet.

"See, Potter, this is what I was talking about when I said you don't listen," she said, acting more put-together than she felt. It was hard to concentrate when his callused fingertips were running over the back of her hand, sending jolts of pleasure up and down her arm. "Look at you, right now, putting the moves on me instead of figuring out what you did wrong –"

James lifted an eyebrow as his fingers continued their light caress. "I know what I did wrong and I said I was sorry."

"Well, I'm still mad." Lily's heart jumped into her throat as James's thumb skimmed over the inside of her wrist.

"You need to give me a chance to make it up to you."

"And what if I'd given Snape a chance?"

"This isn't about Snape, and if you want me to stifle my jealousy, I'm going to need you to quit encouraging it," James told her. He slid his hand from hers down to her wrist, and he felt the slamming of her pulse. _Good._ "What Snape did was different, you know it, and that's all I'm going to say about it. I kissed you and you kissed me back; I messed it up by being an idiot and now I'm trying to fix it, but you're too stubborn to let me."

"I didn't – I didn't _kiss you back_ –" Lily spluttered, lying through her teeth and she knew it. So did James.

"Oh, yes, you did." He took half a step closer so she had to tilt her head to look up at him. "And I bet you'd do it again, too."

Despite her frantic nerves, Lily narrowed her eyes. "I'm not going to go out with you."

"I'm not asking you to," James said, knowing he'd end up doing just that. All in good time, though. "I just want to prove that you'd kiss me back."

"I don't want to."

James smiled. For the first time in a long time, he didn't care how much she hated his arrogance, because right now it was the only thing getting him through this.

"I'm guessing what's on your mind again, Evans," he said, "and it's telling me that you most certainly _do_ want to."

Lily swallowed, hard, her face reddening beneath his unfaltering gaze. "I'm mad at you."

"You want to be."

"Close enough."

His hands cupped her face then, his lips were a breath away from hers, and by now she had no intention of stopping him.

"Not for me," he murmured, and his mouth was on hers.

This kiss was different from the first one – it was fast, almost frantic, definitely desperate; it unleashed every single last feeling of pining and want, every glance and innocent touch that they'd both wanted to turn into so much more.

James's lips urged Lily's apart, and their teeth clashed once or twice before their tongues tangled together. He backed her into the stone wall, pressing his body into hers, his hands moving to clutch at her waist. Lily's hands roamed over his arms, tracing the lean muscles, caressing over his shoulders before she twisted her fingers in his hair. She felt his warm breath against her skin whenever they broke apart for a second of air, and the sensation sent a thrill shooting up her spine. She pulled his head down so his lips came crashing against hers again, her hands sliding over the front of his shirt.

James groaned softly when Lily nipped at his bottom lip, flicking her tongue over it to soothe the slight ache. He pushed her more insistently into the wall and kissed her harder. He didn't think he'd ever be able to get enough of her, and getting as close as he could to her still wasn't close enough.

Their breathing was ragged as it mingled together, and James's mouth left hers momentarily to trail down the smooth skin of her neck.

"I thought you'd be cross with me forever," he breathed, the words muffled against her skin. The cinnamon-and-pomegranate scent that seemed to radiate from her was clouding his mind. "For ages, at least."

"I'm still cross," Lily told him. She felt the familiar tingle in her stomach as James's chuckle reverberated against her ear. "Just you wait, as soon as we're done snogging, I'm going to –"

"Oh, I have no intention of being done," James said before his lips took hers again.

The tingle in Lily's stomach spread farther, up to her head and down to the tips of her toes. She was caught between the rough stone wall and the rough lines of James's body, and she was sure that she would melt between them. And suddenly, after so many days of wanting to be at this point and finally getting there, she couldn't stand any hesitancy from either one of them.

Her hands slipped out of his hair and back down his shoulders to his shirt collar. Her fingers worked at his tie, loosening and unknotting until it came apart and she had a clearer shot at the buttons on his shirt. She popped the first few of them and her hands dipped beneath the fabric, roaming over his heated chest.

James groaned into her mouth at the skin-on-skin contact and he couldn't take it anymore, either. His hands moved from her waist to her stomach, and he tugged her shirt free of its waistband so his hands could wander over her lower back, around to her abdomen, his thumbs skimming just beneath the front of her skirt…

Lily pulled her mouth from his and James blinked down at her, confused.

"Did I –" he started to say, but Lily pressed her fingers against his lips to quiet him. Her brow was furrowed as if she were concentrating on something, so James stayed silent, and after a moment he heard what had caught Lily's attention so fully.

Footsteps.

And if neither of them were much mistaken, those footsteps were just around the next corridor.

"Oh, blast it, that'll be another prefect," Lily whispered, her voice husky. "I'm supposed to be doing rounds. You have to go."

James didn't need telling twice. He removed his hands from beneath her shirt and stooped to catch her lips once more with his, quickly this time.

"See you tomorrow, then, Evans," he said with a grin, then took off in the opposite direction the footsteps were coming from.

Lily gave him a few seconds' head start before she made to follow him, but the footsteps that had interrupted the most out-of-this-world kiss of her life were much closer than she'd thought. Before she could round the corner, she had been joined once again in the corridor, and this time by someone much less welcome.

Bertha Jorkins stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Lily, and the latter cursed Dumbledore for appointing this particular Hufflepuff prefect. Bertha, however, appeared to be restraining her utter glee as she took in Lily's appearance.

"Flushed face, untucked shirt, and hair's an absolute bird's nest," Bertha noted without preamble. "Merlin, Evans, who have you been snogging?"

"Don't be daft," Lily said in her best impression of flippancy, trying to inconspicuously flatten her hair. _Damn James Potter._ "I'm only on rounds."

"You're supposed to break up snogging sessions, you know, not have one of your own."

"I wasn't –"

But before Lily could protest further, there were more footsteps coming around the corner and, to Lily's horror, they belonged to Amos Diggory. Just what she needed…

"Jorkins, Evans," Amos said, inclining his head to each of them in turn. "Taking a break?"

"Of sorts." Bertha regarded the newcomer with narrowed eyes and pursed lips, like she was trying to figure out if this was a significant development. "This your first time down this corridor, Amos?"

"Erm… yes," Amos said, looking uncertainly at Lily, hoping for some nonverbal explanation for Bertha's tone. Lily stifled a groan. "Why? Any trouble?"

"Not sure," Bertha said, her eyes burning into Lily now, searching for any hint that might give her away. "Evans, you're rather flushed. Something bothering you?"

_Nothing but a nosy Hufflepuff leech._

"No, Bertha, I'm fine." Lily tried not to have the words bite so viciously off her tongue, but it was a tough concession. "The corridor's clear, too, so I don't know what you're fussing about."

"Right, Jorkins, everything looks fine," Amos cut in. Lily wished he'd shut up; Bertha might start suspecting something if he kept jumping to Lily's defense. "You do look a bit off, though, Evans. Why don't you go back to your dorm? We can finish your route."

Lily nodded, grateful for the excuse to get the bloody hell out of there. She took the corner that James had rounded in order to avoid walking past Bertha. She was furious and embarrassed and she wanted to jinx that stupid gossip so her tongue would swell or her voice would vanish, but that wasn't a pleasure she could risk. Bertha Jorkins didn't need a vendetta as an excuse to ruin your life, after all; she just needed to be bored, and she was always bored. Lily shuddered to think of what Bertha would come up with now that her interest had been so clearly piqued.

And Lily couldn't help but curse James Potter in the process, although she couldn't quite help the grin on her face as she did so.

Perhaps things weren't going so terribly, after all.


	16. On the Train

_Many enthusiastic salutations to _**WordWings**_, _**quixote9**_, _**GinnyWeasley5**_,_** Rebeccaruthodell**_, _**Skywing17015**_, _**WingDawn98**_, _**MaDdii-LeiGh**_, __and_** Proud Voracious Reader**_!_

_Hello, hello, you lovely people. Sorry about the longer-than-usual wait; I didn't have many notes for this chapter so much of it had to be done from scratch, so I got a bit caught up in proper plot points and edits and such. But here it is now, all done and polished; hope you enjoy! Your reviews make my heart melt into a puddle of unparalleled happiness, gratitude, and affection. Can't get enough of you!_

–_K. _

* * *

**Thursday, 7:30 A.M.**

"Up, Lil!" Marlene's voice shouted from some distance away. "Up, up, _up_!"

Lily groaned into her pillow, but Marlene was having none of it. She leapt onto Lily's mattress and started jumping up and down with an unparalleled fervor.

"I want breakfast!" she shouted, catching Lily's legs a few times with her bouncing feet. "And then we get to go home and all my essays can shove it!"

Lily flipped over onto her back and kicked her enthusiastic friend. "I'm skipping breakfast," she declared, her voice hoarse from exhaustion and the very pleasant memory of a certain Gryffindor's draining kiss. "Come get me when it's time to catch the train."

"Fat chance!" Marlene laughed and jumped gracefully from Lily's bed onto the floor.

"And why's that?"

Alice shook her head in an exasperated but amused sort of way. "We know James went looking for you on your rounds last night," she said, "and he came back looking rather pleased with himself, so –"

"So I bet you really _forgave_ him, didn't you?" Marlene chimed in. She winked heartily at Lily as the latter struggled to disentangle herself from the bed sheets.

"If you're using forgiveness in its most literal sense, then yes, I did," Lily informed her. She was determined to keep her mouth shut about the whole thing until she could talk to James in private.

"Come on," Marlene urged, poking every part of Lily she could reach as the sleep-deprived redhead attempted to get dressed. "Don't hold out on us. Did he kiss you again?"

Lily shot her an exasperated look. "Mar, if you want breakfast, you have to let me put pants on."

"Mm_hmm_." Marlene smacked her lips triumphantly. "Evading the question, now, are we? He snogged your brains out."

"Oh, shove off," Lily laughed along with Alice. She pulled a sweater over her head and felt her hair succumb to the static cling. "He apologized, I accepted. All there is to it."

Marlene's face fell slightly. "How tremendously disappointing," she said, then shrugged it off. "Ah, well. Always time for snogging when we get back. Now are you ready yet? I'm famished."

"I'm ready," Lily said, attempting to flatten the sweater-induced frizz that was her hair. "Jam your hype, all right, we can go."

When the girls had traipsed down the stairs to the common room, it was to find the Marauders lounging around in front of the fire, toasting bread to eat and throw at each other.

"Could you make more of a mess?" Alice said, shaking her head at the crumbs littering the carpet around them.

"Probably," Peter said, "but Padfoot's always been rather good at fetch."

Sirius laughed loudly at that. "That I am, Wormtail," he said. He pushed the chair he was using as a footrest away from him and gestured toward it. "Go on, Prewett, stick around and make sure we clean up after ourselves. Have a seat."

"Take a load off," James added.

"Take off your coat and stay awhile," Remus invited.

"No can do, boys," Marlene said. "Breakfast awaits."

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, McKinnon," Sirius suggested lightly.

Marlene paused on her way to the portrait hole. "And why not?"

Sirius caught the bread Remus tossed at him. "Because Slytherins, that's why," he said, showing off his half-chewed toast. "Reckon they were trying to get us back for the glitter vomit, so they put a pretty heavy dose of Hiccupping Potion into our pumpkin juice."

Alice looked at him suspiciously. "How do you know that?"

"We know everything," James replied. He moved his legs so there was more room on the couch next to him, looked at Lily, and pointed at the seat. "Evans. Sit."

"I'm not a dog, Potter," Lily said. She smacked his pointing hand but took the seat, anyway.

"Nothing wrong with dogs," Sirius said, and James grinned at him.

Not listening to their conversation beyond "Hiccupping Potion," Marlene groaned and dropped herself to the floor next to Sirius's chair. "Someone toss me a bit of toast, eh?"

As the rest of them ate and laughed about the Slytherins' less-than-stellar attempt at meeting them prank for prank, James stretched his legs out again so they lay over Lily's lap. She turned her head to look at him and she smiled at his state of dress.

"James, your tie is a mess," she observed.

"Yeah, I'm not so great with those." James raised his eyebrows at the toast in his hands before he popped it into his mouth. "And I had a run-in with some bird last night who _insisted_ on untying it."

Lily shoved his foot and he looked up at her. She pressed a finger to her lips in an unmistakable "Shut it or I'll jinx you" motion, but James merely rolled his eyes; no one was paying them any mind. After a cursory look around, Lily had to admit he was right.

"So you can't fix the thing yourself? Come here," Lily said, back to talking about James's tie. She took hold of the mess of fabric around his neck and tugged gently to bring him closer.

He grinned crookedly at the motion. "Sheesh, Evans, wait 'til we're somewhere private."

"Oh, shut up," Lily said as she worked to untie his hopeless knot. "And _some_ _bird_'s the one who's got to deal with the Bertha Jorkins rumor mill now," she added in an undertone, "so your tie is really the least of my problems."

"Ahhh, so that's who I've got to thank for that untimely interruption," James said, making a mental note to hex Jorkins at the next available opportunity. "Anyway, you're the one who told me to scram. Probably would've been easier to just let her see us –"

"Don't be thick." Lily smoothed his tie out before she began tying it properly. "It's not so bad, I suppose. You know Bertha, she'll be on to the next bit of gossip soon enough. I didn't give her much to work with."

Lily was careful not to mention who else had shown up after James left the night before. She'd figured out by now that James was the jealous type, and she didn't think it would do her any good to provoke him right now. Unless Bertha's suspicions didn't die out over break, Lily decided that James didn't need to know the details; if, however, Bertha was her usual relentless self… Well, Lily would cross that bridge when she came to it.

"She'll make something up, though," James said. He was a bit worried about how Lily would deal with yet another useless stressor.

Lily shrugged. "It wouldn't be anything incriminating against you, at least, so don't worry about it. It's my own rotten luck that she caught me with just-snogged hair. There now." She tightened the knot in his tie. "Fixed."

"Thanks," James said, admiring her work. "How'd you learn to do it the Muggle way? Good trick."

"My dad's a Muggle," Lily reminded him, "and he's just as hopeless as you are. Mum taught me."

"Right." _Stupid,_ James thought_, you knew that well enough. _"Now, back up for a second, to what you said before. What's incriminating?"

"You know…" Lily flourished her hands a bit, searching for the right words. "Something that speaks against you in some way –"

"Not the definition," James said. "I meant, what's incriminating about this situation? I _like_ you, Evans; I couldn't give a damn who knows."

Lily felt that all-too-familiar, Potter-induced blush creep into her face at his words. She already knew that, of course, but hearing it still had that effect on her. She wondered if she'd ever be able to take it in stride, and she sincerely doubted it. But that didn't mean she was ready to announce the fact to the rest of the school.

"It's just that it's nobody's business what I do or who I do it with," Lily told him. "And whatever it is we're doing, I don't want anyone else involved until we've got it figured out. I don't need the whole school's input."

"Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves here," James said. He wasn't sure what there was to figure out, but he thought Lily might be overestimating their peers' interest. "The whole school's not going to care."

"Come off it, James," Lily said. "We've been putting on a show for them for ages. Of course they're going to care that we're suddenly secretly snogging –"

"Say that five times fast –"

"– instead of publicly fighting," Lily went on, ignoring him. "You know they're all going to want to put their two cents in, too, and before you know it their opinions are going to matter more than ours. I _don't_ want to end up hating you again, James."

James frowned at the prospect of being on Lily Evans's hit list again. No, that was something he certainly didn't want, but all the same… "Aren't you making this a lot more complicated than it needs to be?" he asked.

"No," Lily said, determined to get her way this time. "I want to keep doing – this – with you. I just don't want everyone else making it their business. Have you told Sirius? Remus, Peter?"

James shook his head. "Sort of wanted to keep it to myself for a bit," he admitted a little sheepishly.

Lily smiled. "That is uncharacteristically sweet of you."

"I don't know what you're on about; I'm always sweet."

"Yes, that's what my sore back is telling me," she teased.

"Oh, yeah?" James leaned in a little closer to make sure she caught the emphasis he placed on his next words. "Maybe next time you push me up against the wall and we'll call it even."

Lily laughed and pushed his face. He grabbed her hand and pressed a kiss to the inside of her wrist, and Lily felt her pulse skip happily at the gesture, which had quickly become one she very much enjoyed.

"You like when I do that, don't you?" James said, unable to hide his self-satisfaction as he linked his fingers through hers. He didn't mean to be so cocky this time, but he couldn't help it when he saw the effect he had on her – the slight intake of breath, that blush, the surprise that lit up her eyes when his lips touched her bare skin…

"Oy!" Sirius's shout jolted them back to reality, reminded them that they weren't alone. "What are you two whispering about over there?"

"Oh, nothing," James replied airily. "Just that Evans reckons you're better-looking than me."

"That so?" Sirius winked at Lily. "You're looking particularly ravishing today, Evans, has Prongs told you?"

James threw a pillow at him, and for once Sirius was able to catch his friend's projectile weapon instead of getting injured by it.

"Only joking, Prongs," Sirius assured him, tossing the pillow in the air. "Not like you've got dibs or anything, though, so you better watch what you throw at who."

"_Whom,"_ Marlene corrected him, and Sirius nudged her with his foot.

Meanwhile, Remus was watching James and Lily with an odd expression on his face, as if he were studying them, trying to figure something out. Lily noticed it first and, realizing that her hand was still caught in James's, she quickly disentangled her fingers and tried to look innocent, but the motion didn't go unnoticed by Remus. He lifted an eyebrow and a small smile crossed his lips, but he said nothing.

* * *

**9:00 A.M.**

The Hogwarts Express had just pulled out of the station, and Lily watched as the snowy countryside began to flit past the window of the compartment she shared with Marlene and Alice.

"Merlin, I'm glad term's over," Marlene said, stretching her arms over her head. "I was well-shot of it a month ago, at least."

"Oh, I don't know," Alice said. "I rather liked this term."

Marlene snorted. "Yes, what with all the curses being tossed about, I don't know who could resist Hogwarts 1976."

"I think she was talking about Frank," Lily supplied, "but thanks for the reality check, Mar, really."

"_Ahhhhh…" _Marlene nodded slowly as she considered this. "Right then. Well, okay, Alice, I'll give you that. You and Frank have been dodging each other for ages, so I suppose in that respect, I rather liked this term as well."

"So sweet of you, Mar."

"Well, you know, I'm nothing if not agreeable in the face of love."

Lily allowed their conversation to dissolve into a meaningless hum as she continued to watch the snow-capped mountains turn into forested hills and cottage-spotted knolls. She couldn't say she was paying much attention to the scenery, either, though. Her mind was wandering down dimly lit corridors, and the cushioned seat behind her felt more like rough-hewn stone; phantom hands held her in place, and there was a slight pressure on her lips, and…

Marlene coughed loudly. Too loudly, Lily thought as she was jerked forth from her daydream. She looked around to find that both her friends were staring at her.

"What?" she said. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I was just asking what you had planned for the holidays," Alice said, trying to hide her amused grin as Lily snapped herself out of whatever state she'd been in.

"Oh, well…" Lily gave herself a little mental shake to get her back in the moment. She had to steel herself against instances such as these; if she let her guard down over the holidays, her mother would be all over her. "Nothing out of the ordinary. I'm sure Petunia will have her boyfriend come 'round for dinner, so there's that to look forward to."

Marlene laughed and Alice looked sympathetic. "Is he that bad, Lil?"

"He's very _dull_," Lily said. "I don't know that he talks about anyone but himself. Pompous, he is, and –"

"Lord, take out the dull bit and he sounds just like Potter," Marlene said with a smirk.

Lily kicked her. "Potter's much better than that."

"Ooh, sounds like someone's getting defensive about the bloke she fancies –"

"How _old_ are you?"

"Been around long enough to know when someone's in denial, that's for sure."

"Aargh!" Lily groaned and slumped against her seat. If this is what things were like now, she couldn't imagine how they'd all react once she and James decided it didn't need to be a secret anymore.

_Once?_ a little voice in her head repeated. _Someone's ready to commit. Little fast, don't you think? Well, maybe not, since his hands have already been up your shirt._

Lily shut her eyes and begged herself to shut up.

When she heard the compartment door slide open, though, her brain only got louder and she was certain that everyone would start wondering whose heart was hammering so thunderously. _Oh, James Potter…_ The boy was nothing but trouble.

* * *

"Does _no one_ stay at Hogwarts over the holidays?" Sirius lamented once they'd passed their fifth consecutive and full compartment.

"Might've helped if you didn't spend so much time on your hair," Remus said. "We could have been the first ones on the train by about yesterday."

Sirius made to trip him but caught Peter's ankle instead. "Whoops," he said as Peter stumbled. "Bad luck, Wormtail, sorry about that."

Peter scowled at him but didn't bother retaliating, and the boys continued their way down the train, their patience depleting. It didn't help when they stuck their heads into the Slytherin compartment where Regulus was sitting with Snape, Avery, and Mulciber. Sirius's hand twitched towards his wand, but Remus shoved him along, whispering, "Not really the place for a duel, Padfoot," and Sirius was forced to agree.

A few compartments along, though, James peeked into the window and a grin broke out across his face.

"Jackpot," he said.

"Finally." Sirius slid the door open. "Hello again, ladies, mind if we sit? You do owe us for the tip-off about the Hiccupping Potion, after all."

Marlene rolled her eyes. "No need for the guilt trip, Black."

"You're such a doll, McKinnon." Sirius tweaked her chin before dropping himself into an empty seat.

The rest of the Marauders followed. Lily shifted slightly, uncomfortably, wishing that James had sat next to her instead of across from her so she wouldn't be so tempted to stare at him. James noticed the way her eyes kept flitting back and forth from his face to her lap and he smiled. Remus watched them both, and no one else noticed a thing.

Sirius looked around the compartment as if he expected someone else to be there. "Where's Frank?" he asked, his eyes falling on Alice. "Fabian, Gideon?"

"They said they're staying at Hogwarts for the holidays," Alice told him, and she looked rather glum. "Said they wanted to get a head start with their N.E.W.T studying, but…" She chewed at her lip. "I don't think that's the whole truth. They were all a bit shifty about it when they told me."

"D'you think it's got anything to do with what we heard McGonagall and them talking about on Halloween?" Peter asked, looking around at the Marauders and Lily.

"What are you on about?" Marlene asked. She too turned to Lily, who was looking distinctly guilty now; she'd all but forgotten to tell her friends about the conversation she and the boys had overheard in the Three Broomsticks.

She tried to avoid Marlene's expectant gaze, but it was either look at her or look at James, so in the end it wasn't a tough call for Lily to make.

"I'm sorry!" she said. "I am, Mar, but what with the Snape thing and all, I just… forgot."

"Forgot what?" Alice prompted.

Sirius shook his head. "Evans, Evans…" he clicked his tongue disapprovingly.

"Oh, shut up," Lily said to him before turning to her friends, explaining what they'd heard from McGonagall, Flitwick, and Slughorn over a month ago.

When she was done, Marlene whistled. "Well," she said. "Well, well, well. That's something, isn't it?"

"Is it?" Sirius said skeptically. "Seems all right, I s'pose, but we don't know a whole lot right now. Might just be some mad idea Dumbledore's cooked up."

"I bet it's that, yeah," Marlene acknowledged, "but Dumbledore's mad ideas are usually brilliant, too, aren't they?"

"Don't mind Padfoot," Remus said from his seat next to Lily. "He's just anxious to get started."

"I think we all are," James pointed out. "Being at Hogwarts feels like a waste sometimes, when we could be out doing something more –"

"I don't think you'd be saying that if you were actually out there," Alice said. Thinking about what all this meant made her worry for Frank and her brothers, and she found that her temper was all but shot. "We've only got a year and a half left, but there's still a lot to learn that would help us."

"You-Know-Who's not waiting," Peter said. "Look at the Slytherins; loads of them are recruiting for his side –"

"The less Dumbledore mimics Voldemort, the better," Alice said, her voice rising along with her sense of panic. "And it's only another year. I think we can all handle it, however meaningless it might seem to you. _I'm_ certainly not prepared to run off and get killed."

"Hey." Lily leaned forward and took Alice's hands in hers. "It's all right, love. Nobody's dying."

"Of course they are." Alice blinked back tears as she looked at her friend. "Every day, whether they're fighting or not, and now I find out that my brothers and my boyfriend have decided to throw themselves into the thick of things? Right, Happy Christmas, the people you love might be dead by the time you get back to school."

Marlene wound a comforting arm around Alice's shaking shoulders. "They'll be at Hogwarts when we get back," she promised. "Bet they'll be waiting at the station."

Remus nodded. "Dumbledore won't have them do anything too dangerous yet," he assured her. "He probably just wants to keep them close, talk to them some more –"

"Fat lot of good that'll do me," Alice said. She had her eyes focused on the ceiling now, not looking at any of her friends, trying to keep most of the tears in. "Maybe _I_ want to keep them close, if they're going to be running around, trying to be heroes next year. Who knows what could happen to them?"

"Alice." For the first time in awhile, Lily was completely unaware of the way James was looking at her, or that he was looking at her at all; all of her concentration was focused on Alice Prewett. "Look at me, please, because I've got something important to say."

It wasn't so much Lily's words as it was the tone of her voice – that steady, determined tone that sent a wave of calm washing over Alice – that made Alice lower her watery gaze to the fiery green one that was set on her.

"Good." Lily's fingers tightened over Alice's hands. "Now, you said it yourself – people are dying, whether they're fighting or not. But you know your brothers, and you know Frank, so you know that they can't just sit by and watch that happen. If they're going to die, they're going to want to do something about it so other people won't have to die, too. And maybe they won't have to go that far. But you've got to remember that while you're sick with worry for them, that's how they feel about you, too, and that's why they're doing this in the first place. They're doing it for you and for people like me, because it's _so wrong_ that we have to be afraid all the time."

Alice nodded and swallowed the lump in her throat. Lily was right – Alice knew Fabian, Gideon, and Frank, and they wouldn't be happy if they weren't doing something about what was going on; they couldn't stand to keep quiet when so much hate was happening. They'd proven that, hadn't they?

Lily reached out to hug her, and Alice returned the embrace. "It's just so reckless," the latter said, thinking of how Lily had ended up in the hospital wing not too long ago.

Lily smiled – a sad gesture in the face of something so true. "Well," she said on a sigh, "it wouldn't be worth much if it wasn't."

Sometime later, Lily had propped her feet up in James's lap, rested her head on Remus's shoulder, and fallen asleep. She was spent from the previous night and overly emotional morning.

When her breathing was even and steady and very much indicative of a deep sleep, Remus looked at James. "You want to trade spots?"

James shook his head, his eyes on Lily and his hands rubbing her ankles, content with where he was and what he was doing in regards to Lily Evans. It was much easier to look at her when he was sitting across from her – the way the stray hairs in her face fluttered slightly when she exhaled, the hint of a smile on her lips, the subtle flex of her fingers every so often as she fidgeted in her sleep. Of course, he'd keep all of these thoughts to himself, since he was very well aware that the boys would take the mickey out of him if he waxed thus poetic. But he couldn't help it; she was such a firecracker one second, and out like a light the next, and he couldn't help but watch the transition in some state of wonder.

Besides, he thought as his hands continued to slide over Lily's ankles, it was somehow comforting to watch Lily and Remus together. Maybe it was because they had been friendlier long than she and James had been, and that meant that Lily really did like them; it had only been James's past indiscretions keeping her from extending her friendship further. Or maybe it was because Remus never let anyone so close, yet he was at ease whenever Lily demonstrated any small physical warmth, like taking his arm or falling asleep on his shoulder. Remus was so adverse to physical contact or emotional closeness, and the fact that he was so ready to let Lily in the way he'd let the Marauders only cemented James's affection for Lily. It was important to him that his friends were treated with that sort of care, especially Remus, who wouldn't say it out loud but his feeling of detachment was palpable. Maybe he could relate to Lily in some way; after all, James thought ruefully, they were both something like outcasts as far as much of the Wizarding world was concerned.

Marlene was watching James, somewhat suspicious because she was always suspicious of James Potter, but mostly amused; just because Lily couldn't see the way he was staring at her didn't mean the rest of them were asleep, too.

"James, you're such a twit."

James's head jerked; he'd been so preoccupied that he hadn't expected to be addressed, least of all insulted. "What? I am not."

"Yes, you are," Marlene laughed. "Do you see yourself? _Ever?_ Or are you always so distracted by Lily that you never consider the way everyone else is looking at you?"

"What?" James was confused now. "What are you talking about?"

That only made Marlene laugh harder, so Alice took over. "Don't mind her so much," she said, rolling her eyes at her inappropriately giggling friend. "She's been on Lily's back about you for months. Years, really, but Lily's only been paying attention recently."

Sirius nudged James encouragingly. "See, Prongs, we told you she was warming up to you."

"Obviously," Marlene piped up again. "She just won't admit it."

"Oh, I dunno…" James tried to hide his smile as he thought about last night, which had been admittance enough for him. But he'd promised not to tell, so he kept the thought and the smile to himself.

Lily shifted then and she opened her eyes, which were promptly narrowed at Marlene. "Would you _mind_," she said, her voice heavy with sleep, "not discussing me unless you are quite sure that I'm unconscious?"

"Aw, but knowing that you're eavesdropping's half the fun!" Marlene said. "Besides, you had to get up somehow; we're just pulling into the station now."

Indeed, the train was slowing down perceptibly now. The Gryffindors stood, stretching and shrugging on coats, gathering their belongings as the train pulled to a stop. There was much noise and jostling in the corridor as students milled out, vying to exit the train and get home to their families and three homework-less weeks.

As luck would have it – more specifically, James Potter's impossible, ridiculous luck – he and Lily were the last two left in their compartment. As soon as the sole of Peter's shoe disappeared around the corner of their door, James took his opportunity. He spun Lily around to face him, swallowing her gasp of surprise as his mouth descended upon hers.

"Ooh, no," Lily said, tearing her lips away almost immediately. Her hands were on James's chest, gently pushing, but he didn't seem to notice, as his lips were now moving over her neck. "James – _oooh_, okay, no, _James Potter_ –"

Lily could hardly keep up with her mingled acceptances and protestations, not when his tongue was doing delightful things to the spot behind her ear. "Somebody's going to see us."

"Like I give a damn," James growled, and he bit at her earlobe. "Everybody's off the train now, anyway, and I've wanted to do this since I stopped doing it last night –"

"You're so –"

"Charming?" James suggested, his lips moving and his tongue flicking over her jaw. "Talented? Handsome? An _unbelievably_ good snog –"

"Actually, I was going to say modest," Lily said sarcastically, and she turned her head to catch his wandering mouth with hers. Everyone _was_ off the train, after all…

Although, much to both their dismay, that turned out not to be the case. A loud cough interrupted them, and they sprang apart to see Severus Snape standing in the doorway, regarding James with a look of utmost loathing, his eyes once again avoiding Lily's.

James's hand moved for his wand; this was the first time he'd been alone enough with Snape since the Cruciatus incident, and he'd love nothing more than to exact revenge right then and there. Lily, however, caught his wrist and looked at Snape.

"Something you want?" she asked coolly, keeping a firm grip on James. She didn't need this situation to get worse; they were so close to getting home in one piece.

"I'm looking for Lupin," Snape said to James. "Seen him?"

"I wouldn't, if I were you," James said, ignoring Snape's last question.

The Slytherin smirked. "I very much doubt that Remus Lupin would pull his wand on me, if that's what you're getting at, Potter."

"We agree on something for once, then," James said. He knew better than anyone that Remus wouldn't start a fight unless he had to. "But I wouldn't second-guess me right now, Snivellus."

"Oh, I might," Snape said, and his eyes shifted to Lily for half a second before settling back on James, who scowled.

"What do you want with Remus, anyway?"

"It's not what I want," the other snapped. In fact, attempting to recruit Remus Lupin was very close to the _last_ thing Snape wanted; he knew it would never work, but the order had come from Voldemort, who had it from Fenrir Greyback that there was a werewolf at Hogwarts. Voldemort wanted all the Dark creatures he could get, so the task of recruiting the boy had fallen on Snape, but by no means did that make it Snape's place to disobey that order.

"See to it that you don't bother him, then," James said, turning away. Snape, recognizing defeat for the time being, did likewise, and the Gryffindors heard his footsteps fade away down the train.

Lily looked at James, who appeared suddenly spent. "What was that about?"

"Dunno." James ran his fingers through his hair; he might not know, but he sure could hazard a guess. He'd have to talk to Remus. "Anyway, listen, forget him…"

On an impulse, James pulled his sweater over his head.

"What are you doing, Potter?" Lily asked warily, her eyes darting over the bare skin of James's stomach as his button-down caught on his sweater.

"Relax, Evans; I'm not about to try and shag you on the train." James folded the sweater and stuffed it into Lily's bag. "Just want you to take that home with you."

"Why?" Lily was definitely suspicious now, and it made James laugh.

"_Relax_, all right?" he implored. He framed her face with his hands and kissed her soundly on the lips. "It's just something a bloke does for his secret girlfriend."

"We're not –"

"Yeah, we're having a difference of opinion," James said. "Now let's get off this train before I _do_ try to shag you on it…"

James grinned and left the compartment. Lily rolled her eyes and followed him.

"There you are!" Marlene said as soon as Lily and James had set foot on the Muggle platform on the other side of 9 ¾. "What kept you?"

"Misplaced my bag," Lily lied easily before deterring her friend's attention from that particular topic. "Are you off, then?"

"As soon as I detach Mum and Dad from their mates." Marlene hugged Lily fiercely. "Have a good holiday, yeah? And James, my parents are off talking to your parents, so I suppose that means I'll see you and Black at New Year's." She looked back at Lily. "You should try to get away, too, come stay at the Potters' so I've got someone to shoot firewhiskey with."

Lily laughed off the invitation; she didn't need to mix alcohol and James Potter again. Marlene gave her another swift hug and a "Happy Christmas" before running off to find her misplaced parents.

"Something to think about, you know," James said in regards to Marlene's suggestion, but Lily only shook her head as they walked off together, looking for their own families.

They bid good-bye to Alice, who was with her parents and looking significantly happier than she had for that brief period on the train; Peter, who was listening impatiently as his mother jabbered on about the holiday they'd be spending in France ("Wormtail hates France," James confided to Lily); and Remus, who hugged them both before setting off.

"Thanks for letting me use you as a pillow," Lily said to him, and Remus smiled.

"I'd say anytime, Lily, but as Prongs is standing right here…" Remus clapped his friend on the shoulder and his smile broadened. "Well, you know."

"Before you go, Moony…" James took his friend's arm and looked at him seriously, and Remus realized immediately that whatever James was going to say was important. "Snape was looking for you. I dunno what it was about, but –"

"Can't be anything good, can it?" Remus glanced around the station but didn't see any sign of Snape. "Bet you five Galleons I know what it is, too."

James nodded. "Keep your money, mate, because we're on the same page."

Remus left then and James frowned after him, not looking forward to what they might expect when they returned to Hogwarts in January.

Lily elbowed him. "Are you going to tell me what that's about?"

"Nope," James said. He spotted his parents and grabbed Lily's hand. "Let's take your mind off that, eh? Come on and meet my parents."

He dragged Lily over to an older couple who were standing a few yards away. The woman was slight, with startlingly blue eyes and flecks of gray streaking her dark hair; the man was tall, reedy, and bespectacled, and he had an unlit pipe stuck between his teeth.

"James, there you are!" the woman called when she'd caught sight of him, a note of impatience touching her otherwise affectionate voice. "You haven't found where your brother's gone off to, have you?"

"They always call Sirius my brother. He might as well be, right?" James whispered to a quizzical Lily. Then, louder, "No, Mum, haven't seen him. Dad, where'd you get that thing?"

The man pulled the pipe out of his mouth and regarded it fondly. "Nice, isn't it?" he said as his son and the pretty redhead he was hauling around reached them. "It's a Muggle pipe, quite different from ours, and I found myself rather taken by it."

James took the pipe from his father's hand, turned it upside down, and shook. "Dad, there's nothing in it."

"You're so _critical_, James," his father said reproachfully. "Rude, too. Who's your friend?"

"Oh, right." James had been distracted by his father's most recent Muggle flight of fancy. "Mum, Dad, this is Lily Evans. She –"

But his introduction was cut short by his father's booming voice. "Lily Evans!" he exclaimed, and swooped her up into a hug. "Charlus Potter, love, and it's such a pleasure to finally meet you!" Sure enough, after the past few months of listening to his wife and son talk of nothing but the girl James fancied, Charlus was glad to be able to put a face to the name.

"Oh –" Lily's laugh burst forth in a bout of surprised pleasure when Charlus released her. "Well, thank you."

"Dorea Potter," the woman said warmly, kissing Lily's cheek, "and you'll have to excuse my husband, dear. He's an affectionate sort, but that's the Potter men for you. Although I'm sure I don't have to tell you that," she went on, looking meaningfully at her mortified son.

"Erm…" Lily looked uncertainly at James, and she was suddenly aware of what Dorea was hinting at. Her face reddened. "Oh! Well, we – we're not –"

"Lily's not my girlfriend, Mum," James came to the rescue, looking just as embarrassed. "Just friends, you know." He had to avert his gaze from his parents' then, since he couldn't help his shifty look; after all, he was sure that "just friends" didn't usually linger on an empty train or bite each other's earlobes or anything else he thought of doing when he looked at Lily Evans.

"Oh, well, I'm so sorry, dear," Dorea said, rather flustered herself now. "But –" her eyes fell on James – "isn't this the girl you told me about?"

"_Mum!"_ James groaned; introducing Lily to his parents was not turning out to be one of his best ideas, and he wasn't sure what mad impulse had spurred him to do so.

"Don't mind my wife and son," Charlus said conspiratorially to Lily. "They go on like this for ages, especially when it's about you –"

"Dad, my god, enough." James grabbed Lily's hand again and began to pull her along. "Come on, Evans, where's your parents, then?"

Lily had spotted her mother and sister not too far off, but the idea of Petunia Evans and James Potter didn't do much to encourage her. "Bad idea," she said, but James had followed the direction of her gaze and figured it out himself. "Really, you don't want –"

But they were within earshot of Petunia and Mrs. Evans now, so Lily thought it best to keep her remaining protestations to herself, however much she would have liked to do otherwise.

"Mrs. Evans, hello," James said upon reaching the pretty auburn-haired woman. He released Lily's hand to shake her mother's. "James Potter."

"Violet Evans," Lily's mother said, smiling as the rather scruffy but undeniably well-to-do boy introduced himself. "James Potter, you said? Oh, yes, I've heard of you."

Lily blushed furiously. "Hardly," she muttered, trying to take James's smug expression down a peg before she turned to her sister. "Hey, Petunia, how're you?"

"Fine," Petunia said, and the two shared a rather strained hug. When they broke apart, Petunia's pale eyes took in James's appearance disapprovingly as he chatted with their mother. "That your boyfriend, then?"

"Er – no –"

"What happened to that Snape boy you used to hang 'round with?"

Lily frowned. Since she and Petunia didn't get on so amicably, Lily had never told her about the falling-out with Snape; in fact, she hadn't talked to her family about it at all. It hadn't been something she wanted to discuss by the time she got home last summer.

"No, Petunia, I –" But Lily's explanation was cut off by the appearance of Sirius Black, who Petunia was studying as critically as she'd studied James. Lily thought Petunia must be having a field day, mentally insulting all of her younger sister's freak friends.

"Oy, mate, fair warning," Sirius was saying to James, "your parents are right hacked off about your poor manners. They're coming now –"

"Sirius, love, you can't just tear off through the station and expect us to keep up with you!" Dorea chastised affectionately. "Dorea Potter," she said to Violet as soon as they were within handshaking distance. "My husband, Charlus, and you've met our boys, it seems… They're incorrigible, boys. Do you have any?"

"No, only my daughters." Violet returned Dorea's handshake and smile. Her eyes moved to Petunia then and she added, "Although, well, I suppose we'll have a son-in-law soon enough –"

"_What?"_ Lily said, cutting across Dorea's congratulations. She snatched her sister's hand and, sure enough, there was a diamond sparkling on her finger. "Oh, Tuney…" Lily groaned. "What'd you go and do that for?"

"Lily!" Violet hissed, appalled at her youngest daughter's behavior. But she was hardly heard over James and Sirius's laughter; Charlus smacked them over their heads to shut them up.

Petunia looked annoyed. "I was going to tell you at dinner," she said to Lily, "but it seems that Mum couldn't contain her excitement long enough."

"Oh, well, it _is_ very exciting, dear," Dorea said warmly. "Who's the groom?"

"His name's Vernon Dursley," Petunia said, her pride at having snagged such a catch of a man overriding her distaste for her sister's world.

Sirius snorted; James kicked him. Lily, meanwhile, was frowning.

_Engaged!_ she thought, hardly able to believe it. _To Vernon, of all people, and now he'll be a permanent fixture. Oh, Petunia can't have had her head on straight when she accepted that proposal…_

James saw the unhappy look on Lily's face, and he decided to take his second opportunity to get her alone. He slipped his hand through hers and tugged to get her attention, shaking his head at Sirius's questioning look. He wasn't worried about anyone else, since his father was admiring his Muggle pipe again and the others were invested in wedding talk.

"James," Lily began as he led them away from their chatting families, but he cut her off.

"No worries, Evans," he said. "Just want to give you a proper good-bye, that's all."

Lily's frown disappeared and her heart skipped as James pulled her behind a pillar, away from any eyes that might know them, and neither of them could care less about the Muggle ones that didn't.

"Are you terribly upset right now?" he asked earnestly. Now that he had her more or less alone for what would be the last time for weeks, he was eager to get past the pleasantries.

"If that's your roundabout way of asking if you can snog me, it's complete rubbish," Lily informed him. She stood on her toes and snaked her hand over the back of his neck. "And we've got about a minute, I expect, so you'd better get on with it already."

But before James could fulfill that suggestion, Lily's lips had already enveloped his. His eyebrows shot up in surprise, but it didn't take him long to get over that and reciprocate. He kissed her back, and he thought he should let her initiate more often, because this time the kiss was so unhurried, like they had all the time in the world to do nothing but this. It was slow and tortuous and draining the way her lips moved against his, applying pressure and parting just enough for him to feel her warm breath dance across his lips and over his tongue, which tingled and ached to taste her.

"Lily…" he murmured against her mouth and he kissed her harder. The whisper had been quiet beneath their mingled breathing but Lily heard it nonetheless; the sound of her name spoken so softly, so breathlessly and tenderly by James Potter elicited her own soft, acknowledging moan. Her fingers gripped his neck tighter and her lips parted wider to allow his tongue access to hers. She felt one of his hands clutch at her hip as the other fisted in her hair, and she wrapped her free arm around his waist and tugged him more firmly against her. She wanted nothing more than to keep James as close as possible in every way she could manage for this minute they had alone.

His hands, his lips, the soft brush of his fingertips and slight scrape of the calluses there, the warmth that emanated from his body and seeped into hers – Lily wasn't going to feel any of these things for weeks. She wouldn't turn around to catch him looking at her in that way that gave her goosebumps; his hand wouldn't catch hers, his lips wouldn't press against her wrist that way that made her stomach erupt with butterflies. He wasn't going to make so happy that she laughed, or so frustrated that she threatened him with her wand for the thousandth time, or feel anything but an unequaled and unfixable longing. And of course she couldn't tell him any of these things; it was too much, too fast, and she couldn't risk it.

"I'm going to miss you," Lily said, surprising herself, the words muffled as they both refused to break the kiss.

"I'm going to miss you too, Lily Evans," James said. A warmth had spread through him at her admission, like he'd been doused in hot water, spreading over his head and streaming down his body. He moved his hand from her hip, his fingers brushing past her ribcage, up her arm and over her shoulder. His thumb stroked her collarbone, and his tongue made one last excursion over hers before he pulled away. "You have no idea."

He kissed her neck, that spot just behind her ear, and he hoped that he wouldn't smell anything else but cinnamon and pomegranate for the rest of this poorly timed break.

"Oh, I don't know." Lily wrapped her arms around his waist, just to hold him there for another moment even though she knew they didn't have the time. "I think I've got a good idea."

She felt his lips curve upwards against her temple. "Well, I supposed I'm used to wanting you when I can't have you," James mused aloud. "Then again, that was before I wore you down, so –"

"I'd say we're both in a rotten boat here," Lily finished for him. She closed her eyes and leaned into his shoulder, wishing that she didn't have to leave, wondering what she'd gotten herself into.

"Damn Christmas," James muttered and held her tighter.

Lily huffed impatiently at the mention of the holiday and agreed. "Damn Christmas."


	17. Betting On Better

_Hello to _**Romionejily**_, _** . **_, _**Jollyme**_, _**nalanele**_, _**Riley S**_, _**CaptainLauraPhantom**_, _**reverie14**_, _**LillyOfTheField**_, _**Al Owyne**_, _**Hanna-Marie**_,_ **Anna King**_,_ **as1111123**_,_ **Qwertyuiopasdfgh**_,_ **aprilx14**_,_ _and _**Untiltheveryend7 **_(_**blonde-bookworm **_on Tumblr; you should follow her if you're there, she posts some great Jily)! _

_**1.) **__Is it possible for me to reply directly to reviews? The thought just occurred to me, so I am very sorry if it is and I just haven't been doing that. I prefer to address reviews in the A/Ns, since that way everyone is privy to any necessary info, but I don't want to seem rude because I have no rude feelings towards any of you because I love you._

_**2.)**__ One reviewer asked if I am planning on continuing the story, to which I'd like to respond with a resounding YES. For those of you who did not see my Tumblr post (_**cokebottleglassesarecool**_), I've decided to turn the fic into a three-parter, so it'll look something like this:_

_All Right, Evans?: Marauders, 6th year  
*Untitled*: Marauders, 7th year  
*Untitled*: First Wizarding war_

_**3.)**__ A very good point was made in another review, and I wanted to address it: I do apologize if it came off sounding like I have a negative opinion of Slytherin House as a whole, since that's not the case. The good guy/bad guy theme has been discussed here and there throughout the fic, but I will make sure to put a more direct focus on it once the students return to Hogwarts._

_**4.)**__ In response to everyone's reviews, follows, favorites… Can I just, like, marry all of you? Because I feel like that's the most extreme and therefore only way to properly convey my affection for you. _

_**5.)**__ Now, for the chapter at hand: I decided to use a couple of different writing techniques for certain parts of 17. It just felt right so I went with it, and it was enormous fun to write, really. Hope you like the narrative change of pace (this will probably be the only time I implement it in Part One). _

* * *

**Week One**

Lily lay on her bed, staring up at the ceiling, legs crossed at the ankles and arms stretched over her head. Sunlight streamed through her window but today felt like such a stay-in-bed-and-think-about-James-Potter kind of day. It wasn't like she could talk about it, so thinking it over was her only source of relief. It was something she'd much rather do in private, since she'd already lost count of how many times she'd said "No, Mum, we're just friends."

James sat on his bed, staring at the opposite wall, legs crossed at the ankles and arms behind his head. The sun was setting outside his window and he knew that meant it was just about suppertime, but this evening felt like such a sit-alone-in-your-room-and-think-about-Lily-Evans kind of evening. He'd promised he'd keep it to himself, but having only himself as a confidante wasn't much of a relief, especially since he'd already lost count of how many times he'd said "Shove off, Sirius, we were just talking."

Her sister had been insufferable, too, Lily remembered with a frown. "Do you really think he's the best idea?" Petunia had asked, skepticism dripping off her tongue. "Really, he's so scruffy, and I know Mum thinks it's charming, but you clearly couldn't _take_ him anywhere."

His mother had been driving him crazy, James thought, even though her intentions were sweet. "Have you written to her?" Dorea had asked just about every day. "Really, she's so lovely, and your father and I would be thrilled to have her come stay for the New Year. I don't know what she sees in you, honestly, unless perhaps you actually run a comb through your hair when you're at school."

Lily had tried to stay busy. She went to the shop with her mother, played chess with her father, pretended to be enraptured in the conversation whenever Vernon came for dinner. It worked, for the most part, except for those moments when her mind wandered or late at night when she couldn't fall asleep.

James had tried to stay busy. He helped his mother cook, played Quidditch with Sirius, talked to his father about what was going on at the Ministry in terms of the war. It worked, for the most part, except for those moments when his mind wandered or late at night when he couldn't fall asleep.

_This is so complicated,_ Lily thought during those restless nights. _I wish I could figure it out._

_This could be so simple,_ James thought during those sleepless nights. _I wish she'd realize that._

Lily wrapped herself in James's sweatshirt every night and let the scents of woodsmoke and peppermint comfort her.

James recalled his last kiss with Lily every night and tried to conjure up the scents of pomegranate and cinnamon to satiate him.

Lily missed him and wished she didn't. This whole thing was going too fast.

James missed her like he knew he would. This holiday wasn't going fast enough.

She was dangerously close to being in terrible trouble.

And so was he.

* * *

**Week Two**

"Lily," Violet Evans said as her youngest daughter stumbled into the kitchen Sunday morning.

"Hmmph," Lily grunted, half-asleep, going straight to the fridge.

"Vernon's coming for dinner tonight," Violet told her.

Lily and her father shared a groan.

"Again?" Lily mumbled, her back facing her mother as she dropped bread into the toaster.

"_Again?"_ Ian said, his eyes settling on his wife as he ignored his newspaper.

Violent frowned at her husband. "Ian, he's your son-in-law."

Ian adjusted his newspaper and hid his face behind it. "Not yet, he's not."

"And Lily, he's your brother-in-law."

Lily brought her toast to the table and spread jam over both sides of it. "Not yet, he's not."

Violet sighed heavily. "Honestly, you two, it's Christmas –"

"Oh, right." Lily had forgotten. She leaned forward to give her mother a kiss on the cheek. "Happy Christmas, Mum." She patted her father's hand. "Happy Christmas, Dad."

Ian ruffled his daughter's already sleep-mussed hair. "Happy Christmas, Lil." He looked up from his newspaper again. "Why doesn't _your_ boyfriend come to dinner? I didn't get to meet him."

"He's not my boyfriend, Dad."

"I want to meet him, anyway."

Lily licked jam off her finger. "He laughed at my reaction to Tuney's engagement news."

Ian snorted at the mention of his eldest daughter's impending nuptials. "Laughing was my reaction, too, 'til I realized she wasn't kidding."

"_Ian!"_

"Well, come on, Vi, the idea's rather funny…" Ian said.

"Just not the practice," Lily finished.

Violet sighed again. "Would you two just try and be on your best behavior tonight? For Petunia, at least."

Ian adjusted his newspaper again. "I'm always very well-behaved. Lily's the one who can't stop laughing at the bloke."

"Snoring at him, more like," Lily corrected her father.

"That's worse, Lil, but go on and get yourself in trouble," Ian invited.

Violet looked at her jam-covered daughter imploringly. "Please, Lily, behave tonight, won't you?"

Lily met her mother's gaze. "Of course, Mum."

Violet released a relieved breath. "Thank you."

Lily wiped her hands on a napkin, then rubbed her thumb and forefinger together. "It's just going to cost you, that's all."

* * *

"James," Dorea Potter said as her son dragged his feet into the dining room Sunday morning.

"Hmmph," James grunted, all but entirely asleep, pulling the nearest dish of food towards him.

"Don't forget that the McKinnons are coming for the New Year," Dorea told him. "Have you written to Lily about that yet?"

James groaned. "Not this again," he said.

Charlus shook out his copy of the _Daily Prophet_.

Dorea ignored her husband and frowned at her son. "Well, why not?"

"Mum, she's not my girlfriend." _Yet,_ James thought. "I don't want to bother her."

"An invitation to spend New Year's at a friend's," Charlus said from behind his newspaper, "doesn't sound so bothersome to me."

James flung a spoonful of scrambled eggs at his father. "Happy Christmas to you too, Dad."

Charlus waved his wand and Vanished the eggs before they could strike their target. He ruffled James's naturally untidy hair. "Happy Christmas."

Dorea sighed heavily but said nothing.

"Just write to her," Charlus told his son, his eyes still scanning over the newsprint. "We'd like her to come stay, even if you don't."

"'Course I want her to –"

"James." Charlus put his paper down and regarded his son seriously over the tops of his spectacles. "If you want something, figure out a way to get it."

James dumped a spoonful of jam over his toast. "I've been harassing her for two years. Doesn't work."

"This isn't harassment; it's an invitation."

"You know, I think you're the reason why I'm so rubbish with her."

Charlus snorted at the possibility that he'd set a less-than-charming example for his son to follow. "I think it's because you didn't grow up to be as nice-looking as we'd hoped."

"_Charlus!"_

"Well, come on, Dor, he's really rather funny-looking…" Charlus said.

"I look like you!" James argued with a laugh.

Dorea sighed again. "Would you just write to her? Please, for your poor old mum?"

James met his mother's pleading gaze. "Fine, Mum."

Dorea smiled. "Thank you."

James licked his finger clean of jam. "But it's your fault if she decides she likes me because she sees the house and figures out we're rich."

* * *

There was a tapping at the dining room window. Lily looked around, glad to have a distraction from Vernon Dursley, who had been droning on about his new job for what felt like the entire meal. There was a handsome speckled owl sitting on the windowsill outside, an envelope clamped in its beak.

"That'll be for me," Lily said, hopping up from her seat in such a rush that her chair clattered to the floor. She hastily picked it up and shoved it back into place, knocking it into Petunia's leg in the process.

"Is that –" Vernon blinked a few times, checking his eyesight as he gawked at the bird outside. "Is that an _owl_?"

"It's how they send their post," Petunia said, tight-lipped, annoyed that her sister's oddities had interrupted their perfectly normal Christmas dinner. She'd told Vernon about Lily's condition months ago, but she'd hoped that they'd get through a meal without it coming up in some way or other.

Lily pushed the window open and took the letter from the bird, exchanging it for a pat on its feathery head and a bit of roast beef, which the owl gobbled up. When it was done, it stayed put on the windowsill, blinking politely around the interior of the house and its occupants.

"Er… does it want something else?" Ian asked uncertainly. He was used to strange things happening whenever his youngest daughter was home, but he hadn't quite acclimated to having wild animals flit to and fro in such a manner.

"He's waiting for me to give him a response," Lily said. She ran her thumb under the flap of the envelope, effectively tearing it open. The handwriting was rather untidy and decorated with absentminded embellishments, and it wasn't difficult for her to ascertain whose hand it had come from.

_Happy Christmas, secret girlfriend._

_Mum wanted me to ask you..._

_Well, rather, I wanted to ask you, but I didn't want to bother you, but then Mum was bothering me so much that I thought I'd better go ahead and ask you, anyway. You didn't seem too jazzed about the idea when Marlene brought it up at King's Cross, but I wondered – and Mum wondered – if you'd fancy coming to stay for New Year's? _

_Before you say no, remember that Marlene will be here too, so you don't have to talk to me at all if you don't want to. Even if Marlene wasn't coming, you wouldn't have to talk to me. I could think of a few other things that we could do, and talking would just get in the way, wouldn't it?_

_Oh, bugger. I hope your parents don't read your post._

_That being said, I didn't get to meet your dad. He's not a terribly big bloke, is he? Any chance he's illiterate? Just curious, Evans…_

_Write back soon._

_James; aka Charming, Talented, Handsome, Unbelievably Good Snog  
Unless your dad is nosy and literate, in which case…  
James; aka Awkward, Hopeless, Ugly, Notoriously Awful Snog_

_P.S. Have you been wearing your secret boyfriend's sweatshirt?_

Lily burst out laughing, much to the dismay of her sister and future brother-in-law, which only made her laugh harder (mostly on purpose to annoy them further).

"What is it, Lily?" Violet asked.

"James," Lily said, swallowing her giggles so she could answer her mother. "He wants me to come stay next week. Mar's going to be there, too, but –"

"You can go," Ian said, figuring that's what Lily was getting at. "But only if this James bloke comes to pick you up. I don't care if he's your boyfriend or not; I want to meet the man who makes my kid laugh this hard."

"It's not a terribly difficult thing to do, you know," Lily said, only half-focused on what she was saying as her eyes scanned the letter again.

She really shouldn't go. She thought about the last firewhiskey incident, she thought about what had happened in the snow, what had happened in the corridor and on the train and behind the pillar at King's Cross, all without the help of firewhiskey or any real privacy…

_I could think of a few other things that we could do, and talking would just get in the way, wouldn't it?_

Oh, she really shouldn't go. Just because he made her laugh and feel like she was something special and she missed him – none of those things meant that she should go. Lily chewed on her thumb and read the letter again.

_James; aka Charming, Talented, Handsome, Unbelievably Good Snog _

Oh, Merlin, she was most definitely going to go.

"Right," she said. "I'll write back, then. Can I be excused?"

Violet nodded and Ian waved her away; Lily stuck her arm out for the owl so he could accompany her up to her bedroom. If anything, she would go to the Potters' as a thank-you to James for inadvertently cutting that Christmas dinner short. She knew it was an absurd excuse to give herself, but really she didn't know how much more Vernon Dursley she could take for one evening, so in the end the excuse was good enough for her.

Because she definitely shouldn't go, she thought again, and once again she was ignoring her best interests for the sake of all those things she liked about James Potter.

* * *

There was a tapping on James's bedroom window. He looked around to see Arthur, his owl, waiting serenely on the other side of the glass to be let inside. James grinned as he crossed the room and pushed the window open; he hadn't expected Lily to be so prompt, since this seemed like the sort of thing she'd over-think for hours on end. Oh, she surprised him sometimes, he thought, his grin broadening as he recalled for the hundredth time the way she'd kissed him at King's Cross.

James tossed a couple of Owl Treats in Arthur's direction before settling himself back on his bed. He tore the envelope open to find thin, spidery writing slanting across a neatly folded bit of parchment, a hand he would have recognized even if he didn't know who the letter was from.

_Happy Christmas, and don't call me that._

_You can tell your mum that I'd be happy to come stay for New Year's. As long as you know I'm not doing it because I miss you more terribly than someone who's not your girlfriend should. _

_And you should really watch what you write, you know, or I'll start thinking that you only fancy me because I'm an even more unbelievably good snog than you are. If that's the case, I certainly wouldn't talk to you, much less engage in any other oral activities that you hinted at in your letter._

_On that note, no, my parents don't read my post, and I hope yours don't read yours, either, although I suppose I wouldn't have the same worries as you do. By the way, my dad is a rather big bloke and he's quite literate, and he says that I'm only allowed to come to your house if you pick me up. He'd like to meet you because – boyfriend or not (not, by the way) – he wants to "meet the man who makes my kid laugh this hard." For a little context, I suppose I was obviously pleased about your letter, although I can't imagine why._

_Lily; aka A Better Snog than You  
Unless your parents are nosy, in which case…  
Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Potter (see, James, I told you, I just don't have the same worries as you)._

_P.S. I don't know who my secret boyfriend is supposed to be, but yes, I have, and it's going to reek of femininity when you get it back._

Merlin, she was cheeky… James smiled as he read the letter again. He shook his head at her sarcasm, her go-to defense against his tireless advances.

_Don't call me that._

_I don't know who my secret boyfriend is supposed to be._

Ah, well, James thought as he began to scrawl a reply – he'd see her next week, six o'clock by Floo powder. She was coming to stay, wasn't she? She'd been his friend, been more than his friend when she kissed him, said she was going to miss him over the holiday, wore his sweater, and she was coming to stay.

All of that had to count for something, James thought. He was sure of it.

* * *

**Week Three**

Lily sat in the kitchen, tapping her fingers absently on the tabletop and staring blankly at the wall across from her. Every so often she sighed rather loudly. All the little noises had been grating on Petunia's nerves for the past half an hour.

"Why don't you go wait in the front room?" Petunia snapped as she chopped vegetables for the stew she was making. "That's where he'll come in, isn't it?"

Lily sighed for what Petunia counted to be the fifteenth time. "No," Lily said, "I can't."

Really, she supposed she could, but she didn't want it to seem like she'd been pacing around the front room all evening waiting for James to show up. Besides, she was sort of enjoying how much her presence was bothering her sister.

"Well, then, could you at least _be quiet_?" Petunia requested. She chopped a carrot more violently than was necessary, leaving a nick in the cutting board. She grumbled something indecipherable before saying louder, "Now see what you made me do?"

"What?" Lily dropped the hand she'd been using to hold up her chin and looked over at Petunia. "I didn't make you do anything. I'm only sitting here."

"Sitting there, and breathing –"

"Oh, so sorry to trouble you with my involuntary reflexes."

Petunia scowled and continued slicing vegetables with a more careful hand. "You're such a snot sometimes, you know that?"

"Speaking of, is Vernon coming to dinner tonight?"

"No, he's not. Not that it would concern you, since you're running off to that – that boy's house –"

"Oh, Tuney," Lily sighed, "you haven't even bothered to learn his name, and _I'm_ the snot?"

Petunia ignored the jibe, as she was too annoyed with her sister for what she had insinuated about Vernon's character. "You should really take better care about what you say. Come August, Vernon will be family."

"As if I needed reminding," Lily muttered, and she slumped so low in her chair that her back was resting against the cushion.

She'd heard quite enough wedding talk over the past two weeks, and it had been enough to make her almost physically ill. China patterns this and wedding dresses that and would Mum mind _terribly_ if they sat Granddad Evans away from the Dursleys ("The man's just so uncouth sometimes, I don't think it would do at all").

It wasn't that she wasn't happy for Petunia, Lily had tried to reason with herself to assuage the guilt of being so unsupportive of her only sister, no matter how poorly they got along. It was just that… Well, she supposed she really wasn't all that happy for Petunia, after all. Vernon Dursley wasn't exactly the sort of man you were happy for someone about.

"It's such a short engagement," Lily remarked after deciding that being quiet was boring. "What's the rush?"

"We want to start a family."

_Eurgh._ Lily silenced her gagging noise, but she still felt a certain pressure in the back of her throat. "But why?" she pressed. "Why right now, I mean? Can't it wait until… I don't know, until you're sure you want to marry him?"

Petunia stopped chopping long enough to toss Lily a dirty look over her shoulder. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

If it were possible, Lily inched even further down her seat to avoid getting shot with the darts Petunia's eyes were throwing at her. "Just a thought, that's all."

"Keep your thoughts to yourself." Petunia went back to her vegetables then, and proceeded to act as though her sister didn't exist at all.

Lily sighed for the sixteenth time that evening and looked at the clock, which had just struck six. _Good timing, _she thought as she listened to the rhythmic sounds of the knife slicing through vegetable and bumping against cutting board. _Any minute now, surely…_

As the words were forming in her mind, Lily heard a distinct _whooshing_ sound, followed by a slight _thump_, a few coughs, and a "Evans, I do hope this is your place, otherwise I'm sure I've found myself in a bit of trouble –"

Lily slid herself entirely out of her chair, bounded up on the balls of her feet, and ran into the front room, skidding to a stop when she saw a soot-covered James Potter standing in front of her fireplace. His face relaxed into a smile when he saw her.

"Oh, good," he said. "I got ashes in my mouth when I left, thought I might have overshot my destination a bit –"

Lily didn't give him a chance to continue babbling after that, as she resumed her run and leapt into his soot-stained arms, nearly knocking them both over with the force of her hug. She'd known she missed him, she'd been able to admit at least that much to herself. But it was difficult to realize just how much you'd been missing someone until they're in front of you again, and suddenly you don't know how you could have done without them for so long, even if it hadn't been very long at all.

"Well, hello to you, too, Evans," James said, and he matched her ferocious grip with his own; perhaps his was even stronger, since he'd been missing her for much longer than she'd been missing him. "Have a good Christmas?"

"Betting on a better New Year," Lily answered, and James felt like his heart would burst. This definitely, _definitely_ had to count for something. He pressed his lips to the crook of her neck, and he would have gone further, too, if right at that very moment her father hadn't walked into the room.

Ian Evans stopped dead in his tracks and lifted a skeptical eyebrow at his daughter, who had just hopped off the boy with the untidy hair, her arms winding around her back innocently as a blush crept over her blush-ready skin.

"Dad, this is James Potter," Lily said before her father could get the first word. "James Potter, Ian Evans. So. I'll just go get my stuff, then."

Ian put a hand on her shoulder as she made to move past him and muttered, "Not your boyfriend, huh?"

"Not my boyfriend," Lily affirmed before slipping through the doorway and leaving her father and her not-a-boyfriend alone.

"Nice to meet you, sir," James said, extending a hand for Ian to shake. For the love of all that was mischievous and Quidditch and other things James liked, Lily hadn't been joking – Ian Evans _was_ a big bloke. He and James were within an inch of each other's considerable heights, but Ian was built like a bear and James was something more like a broomstick. James wasn't overly fond of the position this put him in.

"Likewise," Ian said, enveloping James's hand in his. "So you, er, you're in Lily's year, then?"

James nodded. "Sixth year. Gryffindor as well."

"Right," Ian said, wracking his brain as he tried to remember if Lily had told him this or not, but really he couldn't recall hearing about James Potter. His wife had mentioned him, perhaps, but Lily wasn't the sort to discuss boys with her father; then again, Ian supposed that most sixteen-year-old girls were that sort. "You play any sports, then? Lily talks about one – _Quidditch_, I think? – quite a bit."

"Yeah, I'm on the Gryffindor team," James said, latching on to this easy topic of conversation. "Captain, actually, and Chaser."

"Chaser?" Ian tried to picture it from what Lily had told him, but she got so excitable and she talked so fast when it came to the sport that it was difficult for him to follow. "That's like a forward in football, isn't it?"

James's smile fell slightly. "What's – what's football?"

Ian's brow furrowed. "You don't know football?"

"Well, with all due respect, sir, you don't know Quidditch."

It took a split second – long enough for James to sorely wish he could put his foot in his smart mouth just to shut himself up – but Ian threw back his head and laughed so heartily that James went from regretful to relieved to rather smug (although he was sure to mask that last emotion, as he didn't want to push his luck).

Lily reentered the front room, trunk in tow and a raised eyebrow at her father, who was still laughing. She looked at James, who shrugged modestly, then back to Ian and she said, "What's so funny?"

"I like him," Ian told his daughter, then he clapped a hand on James's shoulder. "I like you, James Potter."

James smiled, relief washing over him once again. "I like you, too, sir."

Violet stuck her head in the doorway then and looked at Lily. "Did you find out what your father was laughing at?"

"James, apparently."

"Oh." Violet smiled at that charmingly scruffy boy who was standing in her front room. "Hello, James, how are you?"

"Good, thanks, Mrs. Evans."

"All right, well, we're off," Lily said loudly. James had successfully won her parents over, as she very well knew he would, so she was ready to cut the small talk and leave before the three of them could fall any more in love with each other. She kissed both her parents on the cheek. "Bye, see you in June. I'll write, you'll write – we've been doing this for years, you know the drill."

"Hold on," Violet said as Lily hastened to make her departure. "Did you say good-bye to your sister?"

"Yeah," Lily assured her. "She threw a knife at me."

Ian guffawed and Violet rolled her eyes at both of them. "Honestly, you two. Ian, don't _encourage_ her –"

"Oh, Vi, I'm only laughing now because I won't have a chance until Vernon comes over again –"

"_Ian!"_

"Don't mind them," Lily said to James as they stood in front of the fireplace. "They'll go on like this forever if you let them. Floo powder?"

James extracted a small drawstring bag from his pocket, opened it, and held it out for her. "Ladies first."

Lily took a pinch of the sparkling green powder between her fingertips. "Where to?"

"Er – try 'the Potters' house.'"

Lily frowned at him. "What do you mean, _try_?"

"Well…" James felt a blush creep up his neck. He'd never been one to humbly gloss over his parentage and its privileges, but somehow, with Lily looking at him so suspiciously and expectantly, he felt rather sheepish about the whole thing. But he didn't want her to get lost between grates, so he set his embarrassment aside enough to mutter, "All right. Try 'Potter manor,' then."

Lily lifted an eyebrow as she turned to face the mouth of the fireplace. "Well, well, looks like I bagged a rich one," she said, tossing James a smile over her shoulder as she tossed her Floo powder into the grate. The fire sprang up, bright and dancing and emerald green, and she stepped into it and said clearly, "Potter manor," and the flames whisked her away.

She landed painfully on her hands and knees on a stone hearth, her trunk toppling to the floor beside her. A large, square-palmed hand presented itself and a voice above her said, "Nice entrance, love. Astonishingly graceful."

Lily scowled up at the Sirius's smirking face but she took the hand he offered, anyway. "Floo powder's not exactly my go-to travel source," she said as Sirius helped her to her feet. "I'd like to see you properly navigate the Underground, or perhaps swing yourself off a motorbike."

"I don't think I'd much fancy the Underground," Sirius said, thinking of what he'd learned about it in Muggle Studies, "but a motorbike seems like a novel idea. With a few tweaks, anyway, as _driving_ seems like a rather dull way to go."

"Oh, yes, extraordinarily dull," Lily said, although she hadn't bothered getting her license so she couldn't say for sure. She was looking around the drawing room now in something of a daze; the ceiling was high, the windows long, and the furnishings exquisite, and she supposed the rest of the house – _manor_ – looked the same.

"Impressive, yeah?" Sirius was watching as Lily's eyes roved around the room.

"I'd say so." Lily turned back to face him. "Do you know, James told me to try 'Potter house' when I was about to Floo here?"

Sirius burst out laughing just as the fire behind them shone green and James appeared, stepping easily from the grate like he did this every day. He looked warily at his laughing friend. "What's so funny now?" he asked, although he was quite sure that he knew.

"Oh, nothing," Sirius said between chuckles. "Just your newfound modesty's a bit hilarious, that's all."

"Shut up," James said to his friend. He picked up Lily's trunk and motioned for her to follow him. "Come on, I'll show you to your room."

"Are you sure it's a room, or do I get an entire wing to myself?" Lily asked, unable to resist. Sirius laughed harder as they left him behind.

"You know, Evans," James said as he led her down the hallway, "I never thought I'd say this, but you're about as bad as Sirius. Much worse than Peter and Remus. Really, I think you and I are on the same level."

Lily laughed. "And what level's that, exactly?"

"I'd say it's about halfway up the prat scale."

"Only half?" Lily said disbelievingly. "Because I was under the impression that you surpassed that scale entirely."

James shook his head. "There's that cheek again," he said, stopping at a door at the end of the hall, "and this is your room."

He pushed the door open and bowed Lily inside. She rolled her eyes and shoved him as she entered, missing his smile as she took in the bedroom. It was large (of course), high-ceilinged (naturally), expensively furnished (obviously), with wall-length windows (why not?), and an expansive double bed (who needed that much space to sleep?). It was, in a word, lovely, but Lily felt suddenly out of place. She turned to look at James, who was leaning against the doorframe, watching her.

"This is –" Lily paused and swept an arm out, trying to convey her thoughts – "a lot."

James smiled. "My parents had a lot of time to collect things before I happened. I think they woke up one day and realized that they forgot to have a kid to leave those things to when they died."

"Your parents aren't old, though."

"Age-wise, yeah they are." James pushed himself off the doorframe and advanced into the room, one corner of his mouth twitching up when he caught Lily taking a step back. "Physically, mentally, emotionally, not so much. Think they've got too much energy to just up and die anytime soon."

"Uh-huh." Lily found that she couldn't think of much else to say, not now that she was alone with James, not now that he was standing so close and that peppermint-and-woodsmoke scent was washing over her much more noticeably than when she'd only been wearing his sweatshirt to bed…

He was much too close now, Lily thought, and she took another step back, running right into the bed, so now she was trapped between that and James. He had two fingers under her chin, and she was looking up into those brilliant hazel eyes and he was looking down into those startlingly green ones and her heart was pounding in her chest and his heart was hammering in his and God, she loved the way he touched her and Merlin, he loved the feel of her skin against his.

"So," Lily said, scrambling desperately to keep her head even though she knew it was too late, "should we – I mean, I've seen my room, and – maybe, I don't know, I should go say hello to your parents, or –"

"Lily," James said over her incoherent babbling. "Lily, shut up for a second."

She swallowed. "Okay."

All at once James bent his head and Lily stood on her toes and their lips came together for the first time in weeks, and they both felt a sense of relief, of wholeness in that sweet simple touch as their lips moved over each other – top over bottom, bottom over top, one lip caught between two, tongues brushing, the kiss deepening ever so slightly as James moved to catch Lily's hips in his hands and her body molded into his. Lily could feel the edge of the bed right against the back of her knees, and all she had to do was sit down, slide her body back over the mattress and let his body slide over hers –

"James!" a voice called from somewhere outside the bubble they had formed around themselves. "Sirius! The McKinnons are here!"

And then the voice was followed by the sound of footsteps pounding up stairs, rushing rushing rushing, and James pressed his lips once more – hurriedly, firmly – against Lily's before he pulled away and their eyes locked and he mouthed "Later" just as Marlene came crashing into the room.

"Thank _Merlin_," Marlene said when her eyes found Lily, "you're here. Or rather, thank Dorea's unfaltering hospitality and the fact that you're so effortlessly charming."

"McKinnon, you wound me," Sirius said as he appeared in the doorway behind her. "The way you go on, you'd think that you didn't want to spend any time with me and James at all."

"Well, I don't," Marlene quipped, tossing him a beatifically sarcastic smile, "so you'd think right."

"Ouch." Sirius watched as Marlene flounced into the room and hopped onto Lily's mattress, bouncing her way around it. "You've got six whole hours to warm up to me, McKinnon –"

"Ha!" Marlene bounced higher on the bed. "Six hours isn't _nearly_ enough time to convince myself to engage in a midnight snog fest with you."

"We'll see." Sirius winked at her before turning to James. "Your mum wants our help in the kitchen. Don't know what for, really; you know we only ever give the house-elves a panic attack whenever we're in there."

"Er – right." At the mention of house-elves, James glanced at Lily to gauge her reaction, but she only raised her eyes to the ceiling like she hadn't expected anything less. "See you lot at dinner, then."

When they were gone, Lily groaned and flopped backwards on the bed, staring up at the canopy and the occasional shot of Marlene as she continued to bounce.

"Pretty outrageous, isn't it?" Marlene said, talking about the house.

"Sure is," Lily said, thinking about James.

"The Potters are loaded," Marlene went on, "mostly because they both come from really old Wizarding families that accrued gold the way a goblin hoards treasure. Plus Charlus is pretty high up in the Ministry, head of the Auror office and all that."

"Really?" That was a new bit of information. "James only said his dad was an Auror, not that he headed the whole department."

"Yeah, well, James has been getting a lot more modest lately," Marlene said. She ceased her jumping and dropped herself onto the bed next to Lily. "Think it's got something to do with the way you shouted at him about what a big show-off he was last year."

Lily's face flushed at the idea that James Potter changed his attitude just because of something she'd said. "Oh, I doubt that, Mar."

"Suit yourself." Marlene shrugged. "Hey, have you heard from Alice at all?"

"No, have you?"

"Not directly, no. But my mum works with Alice's dad, and he said that Fabian and Gideon came home for Christmas. Frank, too. Guess they all looked a bit worse for wear."

"Really?" Lily said again, concerned this time, turning her face to look at Marlene. "What happened?"

"Dunno." A dark look had crossed Marlene's face. "They wouldn't say much, and as they were all in one relatively healthy piece, nobody pushed it. Alice was just glad to see them; doesn't surprise me, what with the way she reacted on the train."

Lily cringed a bit at the memory of their brokenhearted friend. "It can't be easy for her."

"No," Marlene agreed, "but you know she'll jump into it just as quick as the rest of us when we leave Hogwarts, too."

"Yeah." Lily was sure of that, just as sure as she was about joining the fight herself. Things might be hard, but it was no easier for anyone who sat and watched and waited for news about who was dead. "I'm a bit impatient to get started myself, honestly."

Marlene nodded vigorously. "Don't I know it. I'm itching for a real fight, not this rubbish we've got going on with those Slytherin berks –"

"They're not all like that," Lily reprimanded gently, thinking of the fear that was so ever-present in Regulus Black's eyes.

"I know," Marlene said, and she was thinking of the same thing, "but Bellatrix and those tossers don't exactly make a good case for the rest of the House. The only one worse than that lot is Jorkins, and she's only worse because I hate her so much."

"You and everyone else," Lily said. She thought of the run-in she'd had with Bertha on their last night at Hogwarts, and for a second she was dying to tell Marlene about it. But she couldn't, not without telling Marlene the whole story – the James part of the story, the part that she wasn't ready to talk about because she didn't know how to feel about it yet.

Or perhaps she just didn't like how she felt about it, because after all who really _likes_ feeling giddy and weak-kneed and tongue-tied, and having their stomach explode in butterflies and their mouth dry up and their heart pick up really unhealthy beating patterns? Not Lily Evans, that was for sure. In fact, if there was anything that Lily Evans was one hundred percent, without a doubt sure of, it was that she absolutely, under no circumstances enjoyed the effect that James Potter had on her.

_Which is, of course, why you were so ready-set-go about shagging him right on this bed fifteen minutes ago, _said that unwelcome voice in the back of Lily's mind. _So maybe you're not so one hundred percent, without a doubt, after all._

"Something up with you?" Marlene asked as Lily sighed.

"No, nothing."

Marlene frowned. "You sure?" she pressed. "You've been awfully caught up in your own head lately."

Lily shrugged. "I think I'm just preoccupied. You know, with – with Snape and everything."

That, Lily decided, was true enough; it might not have been the first thing on her mind, but it still wasn't something that had just vanished into thin air. She certainly didn't want to rekindle their friendship – that ship had sailed as soon as the word "Mudblood" had escaped his lips, and it probably should have ended long before then – but there was still something off-putting about everything that had happened between them.

"I'm sorry, Lil," Marlene said, and she meant it. She knew their history, and she knew that Snape was a right big prat in a much worse way than James Potter or Sirius Black had ever been. "I know it's hard, but it's not like he did a complete one-eighty; he was always like that. It just took awhile for it to catch up to _you_."

"Yeah." Lily had said it to Snape herself – he'd always been prejudiced, he just acted like she was an exception when really there were no exceptions when it came to bigotry. It was an all-or-nothing game. "I just – he made me feel like I mattered, I guess, for a little while, back when I was afraid of being a Muggle-born at Hogwarts. Funny that he ended up being the one who made me realize that I _should_ be afraid. I mean, when your friends hate you for the same reason your enemies do, it's hard to feel okay about yourself."

"Your friends don't hate you, Lil," Marlene said, the devotion in her voice fierce and evident. "You've got me and Alice, Fabian, Gideon, Frank – you know we'd lay it all down for you. And now that we've all given up the James Potter vendetta or whatever, you've got him and the boys, too. Merlin knows that James would die for you, and his friends for him, I'll give them that."

Lily felt the color flood her face again; she could take a certain amount of talk about James's feelings for her, but this seemed like too much. "Come on, Mar, he wouldn't –"

"Don't give me that," Marlene was quick to cut her off. "I know you don't pay attention, but it's obvious to the rest of us. I've said it before, Lil, but the way that boy stares…" She shook her head. "He's just really good at staring, we'll leave it at that."

Lily had to chuckle at that. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."

"Yeah, and it's the most ridiculous thing any of us have ever seen," Marlene said. "Do you have any idea how many times he's run into a wall or something because he thought he could walk and stare at the same time?"

"He has not!" Lily was laughing hard now. She curled her legs up into her stomach, wrapping her arms around them, trying to halt the mad stream of giggles issuing from her mouth.

"He has!" Marlene swore, laughing as the memories flooded her mind and Lily's irrepressible laughter flooded the room. "First time it happened was fourth year, right, when you had that growth spurt in the middle of term so none of your clothes fit. Your skirt was terribly short –"

"You said it wasn't that bad!"

"Well, darling, I lied," Marlene admitted, and it felt good to finally come clean after two years. "Most atrociously, I'm afraid, and that was the first time James walked into a wall. His eyes were stuck on your legs, depraved boy that he is, and _bam_, right into the wall. Broke his glasses."

Lily couldn't be bothered to contain her laughter anymore. She rocked from side to side, letting it all spill out.

"That's not even the best one," Marlene told her friend, whose laughter was so contagious that Marlene could hardly breathe herself. "There was this time in fifth year, right after he started asking you out. You were walking across the courtyard, your nose stuck in a book, and he ran after you, shouting, 'Evans – hey, Evans!' and all that. Of course you couldn't be bothered to hear him, so you kept walking and he kept trying to catch up to you. Poor bloke tripped over his own feet, took quite a tumble –"

"Oh my god, stop, Marlene, I can't take anymore –"

"But it's – so – _funny_!" Marlene protested through her mirth. "I don't know how he gets through his coursework; he just looks at you all through class. It's so _sad_, Lily, he just sits there with his head in his hands and stares at you like a puppy who gets kicked all the time and is hoping that today might be the day when he doesn't –"

"Oh no, that's not funny at all!" Lily said but she was still laughing.

Marlene nodded. "Oh yes, it is."

"Merlin, what on earth's so funny up here?"

Lily and Marlene looked up to see James and Sirius standing in the doorway, watching them with bemused expressions, and the girls laughed harder. The boys exchanged a look.

"Mad, they are," Sirius decided.

"It would seem so," James said, amused despite himself. "Listen, if you birds could collect yourselves, dinner's ready."

"Sure you can make it down the stairs without tripping, James?" Marlene asked, and Lily felt like her ribs were about to crack, she was laughing so hard.

James looked back at Sirius. "All right, so maybe they have completely lost it."

In the end, Lily and Marlene found that they could keep themselves composed as long as they didn't meet James's eye. They went down to dinner and only had to excuse themselves three times to giggle silently together in the hall. During the last time, Dorea looked accusingly at the boys.

"What did you do, slip them some firewhiskey?" she wanted to know.

"You wouldn't have to slip a thing to Mar," Isaac McKinnon chimed in. "The number of times she's broken into our liquor cabinet –"

"How did she manage that?" Dorea asked, curiosity overriding her suspicion. "Not by magic, I'm sure; she's not of age yet."

"She had help from Lily," Claire McKinnon said fondly. "Muggle tricks, you know, much more useful than our lot give them credit for. Anyway, Mar couldn't get past the lock until Lily showed her how to use a hairpin properly."

"That so?" James said, smiling as a pink-faced Lily reentered the dining room with Marlene.

Sirius shook his head at the pair of them. "Unbelievable," he said as they took their seats. "I never would have guessed it, not even after that Quidditch match –"

"What Quidditch match?" Charlus interrupted, and he caught the look that passed between his sons. "What did you do?"

"We, uh – we won," James said before promptly stuffing too much food in his mouth to keep himself from saying anything else. His parents didn't need to know about the illegal obtainment of firewhiskey, or their knowledge of secret passageways, or the fact that James was using the family Invisibility Cloak to accomplish these things.

Charlus lifted a dubious eyebrow. "You won _after_ the match?"

"In a manner of speaking," Sirius replied lightly.

Dorea and Charlus shared a sigh but didn't question any further. They'd learned to accept that if they didn't get an owl from the school about it, it probably wasn't that bad.

Later, when the Potters and the McKinnons had retired to the drawing room to do whatever it was that adults did on New Year's Eve, James and Sirius slipped off to the wine cellar, which Dorea had pretended to lock that afternoon. Lily and Marlene were headed upstairs when the boys resurfaced, bottles in hand.

"Come along, then," James said, catching Lily's hand and pulling her up the stairs two at a time. "I know how much you like firewhiskey, Evans –"

"Yeah, and Prongs has to make sure you drink enough of it so you'll kiss him at midnight," Sirius said as he and Marlene took the steps at a more leisurely pace.

Lily shot James a look. "Sounds a lot like coercion to me."

"You don't have to if you don't want," James said. He yanked her hand so she was on the same step as he was and he whispered, "But I'd be willing to bet that you want to."

"Watch it, Potter," Lily threatened, "or I might find myself suddenly remembering why it was so much fun to shout at you instead of snog, no matter how 'unbelievably good' you might be."

James grinned and nudged his bedroom door open, leaving it so Sirius and Marlene could enter once they'd caught up. As soon as they were inside and knowing that they had about ten seconds before the others showed up, Lily pressed her lips quickly to James's and felt his tongue slip momentarily into her mouth. Lily's stomach muscles clenched and a small moan escaped her lips, which sent a jolt of pleasure shooting up James's spine and he kissed her harder.

"No time," Lily said breathlessly, pushing him away just as Sirius and Marlene walked in. "Later," she mouthed.

James felt his nerves scramble desperately in his stomach. Later, he thought as Lily hopped up onto his bed, couldn't come soon enough.

* * *

**Later**

"I haven't had a detention in _ages_," Sirius groaned. He flopped onto his back, swinging his feet into Lily's lap as he did so. "I feel incredibly useless. Imagine how smudgy the trophies have gotten without us polishing them every couple of weeks, Prongs."

"Yeah, I've noticed the dungeons have been looking a bit worse-off, too," James slurred, taking another swig of firewhiskey as he talked so that some of the liquid streamed out of his mouth.

"You're a mess," Lily told him. She swiped her thumb over the drop of firewhiskey that was making slow progress down James's neck.

"Well, that's not going to do, Evans," James said as Lily tried to clean him up. "Now I'm all sticky. You've got to _lick_ it off, see –"

"Oh, Merlin, please don't start licking each other while I'm still here," Marlene remarked distastefully. She took a long draw from the nearly empty mead bottle she'd been working on.

Sirius smirked and poked Marlene in the side. "What's the matter, McKinnon, jealous? You could always lick me –"

"Nobody's licking anybody else!" Lily winked at James and swiped the firewhiskey bottle from him. She made an even bigger mess of herself in the process, and James wasted no time in running his tongue along the side of her neck to clean her up. She felt the heat build low in her stomach but the sensation was short-lived when she remembered that they weren't alone.

"WHAT DID I JUST SAY?" Marlene roared. She chucked the mead cork at James, whose reflexes weren't exactly up to scratch at the moment, so it hit him square in the forehead.

"Ouch, damn it, McKinnon," James said, rubbing his head where the cork had hit. "No need to get so testy."

"No need to get so _touchy_," Marlene countered. "Wait until I'm gone before you start pawing at each other, right?"

Lily flipped a discarded bottle cap at Marlene. "Nobody's pawing!"

"I dunno," Sirius said, and his eyes wandered over Marlene. "I might."

"You're so _subtle_, Black," Marlene said. "A real master of seduction, you are."

"Go on, then," Sirius invited as he checked his watch. "It's almost midnight, give a broke a blake – no, bugger, that's not it. Give a _bloke_ a _break_ – there we go."

James laughed. "You're toasted, Padfoot."

"Prongs, you've got about thirty seconds to convince Evans to mack you," Sirius informed him more loudly than necessary. "I wouldn't waste them telling me things I already know."

"Good point." James turned to Lily, a falsely somber expression on his face. "Evans. Will you make out with me?"

"Ha!" Lily took another drink of firewhiskey, effectively emptying the bottle as Sirius began his countdown.

"Ten!"

"Come on, Evans."

"Nine!"

"Not on your life, Potter."

"Eight!"

"It's not like they'll know anything else is going on." James's voice had lowered to a whisper.

"Seven!"

"You seem to feel rather entitled." Lily's voice had matched James's in volume.

"Six – you hear that, McKinnon? Six seconds."

"Four by now," Marlene corrected Sirius dryly.

"Bugger – three!"

"Evans." James's breath was warm on Lily's ear.

"Two!"

"Potter." Lily turned her face towards his.

"One!"

Lily's lips caught James's in a swift, chaste kiss, lest Sirius and Marlene suspect that anything else was going on. Not that they would have noticed, Lily observed a moment later, since they were preoccupied with their own mouths and hands. Merlin, Marlene was rather grabby…

"Oy!" Lily smacked at Sirius's feet, which were still in her lap. "Would you two quit?"

"No – _nope_." James grabbed Lily's hands. "Let them keep at it. I wasn't finished with you yet."

"You're such a little berk, Potter –"

James cut her off, distracting her as his mouth moved to work at her neck. He didn't care what Sirius or Marlene suspected (as if they were paying attention to anything but their own tongues), and his hand slid over Lily's thigh, his palm rubbing against her jeans. Lily's fingers wrapped around his wrist to stop him, and she used her other hand to push him away.

"Wait until they leave," Lily implored in an undertone.

James released an aggravated breath, but he'd been waiting too long for this to waste time arguing with her. So he threw a pillow at Marlene and Sirius's heads and shouted, "Oy! Quit sucking face long enough to relocate!"

"Blimey, _fine_." Sirius rolled off the bed and offered his arm gallantly to Marlene. "Shall we?"

Marlene rolled her eyes at his dramatized chivalry, but she took his arm anyway and winked at Lily. "Have fun, you two."

As soon as Sirius shut the door behind them, James grabbed Lily's legs and used them as leverage to drag her closer.

"God, I've missed you," he said, pushing one of her sleeves down so he could assault the smooth skin of her shoulder with his lips. "Two weeks is too long. I don't want to do that again."

"James…" Lily felt that thrill shoot up and down her body as his mouth met her skin, but all the same she had to be concerned about the two people who had just left the room. "Maybe we shouldn't let them go off on their own like that."

"I couldn't give a damn about what they do, Evans," James said, his lips moving to work at the spot behind her ear. "I just want to be alone with you."

Lily squirmed a little as one of James's hands trailed up her calf. "You've had a lot to drink tonight, haven't you?" she said as her own head swam with the firewhiskey she'd imbibed.

She felt his lips curve into a smile against her neck. "No more than you."

"Right. James, I am a bit worried –"

James lifted his head to look at her, and Lily's heart began its insistent pounding when she found his gaze steady and blazing and full of… Well, something she'd really like to get a feel for.

"Lily," he said, his voice measured, his breathing heavy, "two weeks without you is torture. Blimey, I thought it was bad before, but then I got a taste for you and now it's like –"

But Lily didn't find out exactly what it was like, since she'd grabbed the back of his neck and pulled his mouth back down to hers. Who was she kidding? she thought. Marlene was a big girl, and she'd wanted to snog Sirius for ages; she could take care of herself. Besides, Lily had been thinking about doing this all day, and she didn't have any excuse not to indulge that now that she and James had been left alone for an extended period of time.

James's hand crept over Lily's stomach, his fingers clutching her waist and he yanked her down the bed, swinging one of his legs over her so his body was hovering mere inches above hers. He felt the subtle tug of fabric whenever their T-shirts brushed against each other, and his fingers met the warmth of Lily's skin as the back of her shirt rode up, exposing her waist and the curve of her hip bone. His thumb traced the bone, dipping slightly into the waistband of her jeans as it went.

Lily's back arched and her body pressed into James's, her fingers gripping at his hair and she curled one leg around his waist and brought him closer so that he was lying instead of hovering. She felt the obvious hammering of his heart through his chest and she was sure that he could feel hers as it was working just as furiously. When she felt his callused fingers against her skin, her hands loosened their grip on his hair and trailed down the front of his chest, past his thundering heart and down his flat stomach to the hem of his shirt, which she pushed up so she could trace her fingertips over his skin and muscle. Her nails scratched lightly over his ribcage and he moaned into her mouth, his mouth moving more roughly against hers as skin met skin.

James's breath was hot on her skin as his mouth moved to her jaw and down her throat, his lips sucking once, hard, at the pulse point before he moved to her collarbone and repeated the act there. Lily moaned, a deep, reverberating sound that started in the pits of her stomach and moved up into her throat.

"James…" her voice was soft, breathy, and strained.

"Hmmm?" The sound was hummed against her skin as James's lips continued to work at her collarbone. He glanced up at her face and saw that her eyes were half-closed, her lips parted. "You want me to stop?"

Lily shook her head. "No," she said. _Definitely not._ "I just – no. Nothing. Keep going."

James lifted a quizzical eyebrow but the truth was, he didn't want to stop so he wasn't going to press the issue. His lips moved back up her neck, over her jaw and her chin until he found her mouth again. One of his hands gripped the bed sheets and the other tangled with Lily's fingers, clutching her hand as his body moved over hers.

Lily's back arched again, her hips rocking against his in the movement. Her leg tightened around his waist and her free hand gently massaged down his neck and her tongue slid so, so slowly over his and her teeth nipped so, so softly at his bottom lip. James wasn't sure how much more he could take, and when her hips rocked once more against his, he realized he couldn't take anymore without embarrassing himself in the process. He tore his mouth from hers and rolled off her, his breathing heavy as he stared up at the ceiling and desperately tried to compose himself. His fingers were still tangled with Lily's and he squeezed her hand so she knew he hadn't stopped because he wanted to.

Still, though, Lily wasn't sure why he had. She glanced over at him, her chest rising and falling as rapidly as his, and said, "Did I – are you okay?"

"Yup." James nodded, gulping down air like it was water and he was dehydrated. "Yeah. Good. Great. Fantastic, really, just need a second."

They were quiet then, and part of Lily was glad that they had stopped when they did. This was all moving so fast, she thought, and the last thing she needed to do was something she'd regret later because it had happened too soon, too hastily, and she didn't want to regret anything she did with James. The realization hit her hard, and as far as she was concerned, it only made everything more complicated because it proved that this wasn't some flighty snogging impulse; there were feelings, and Lily was suddenly very annoyed with the concept of feelings and all that they implied.

James rolled over onto his side and kissed Lily's forehead. "That was some midnight kiss," he said, his lips moving against her forehead and his breath warm on her skin.

"You could say that again," Lily said, smiling despite her newfound irritation.

"Better than your Christmas, then?"

"Much," Lily said, thinking of her future brother-in-law and the fact that James hadn't been a physical part of that holiday. _No, damn it,_ she told herself as a wave of affection for James overcame her. _That's exactly your problem. Feelings. Stop having them._

She didn't realize it, but her body had tensed and James could tell. His eyes looked concernedly into hers. "Are you all right?"

"I – fine," she lied, her eyes flicking to a spot just past James's shoulder so she didn't have to look at him.

He noticed that, too, and he shifted so that he was once again in her field of vision. "Come on," he said, "what is it?"

Lily's lips pressed together. She wanted to tell him, but at the same time she didn't want to talk about it because then she couldn't figure it out herself, and figuring it out herself was very important to her. She wanted it to be her decision.

But how could she lie to him?

"I just –" Lily sighed, trying to work enough of it out quickly enough so she could explain. "This thing – you and me – it's moving very fast and I – it's just difficult, that's all."

James's brow furrowed. He hadn't considered that; he'd been waiting for so long for this to happen that it felt as though it had always been in the works. He felt as though they'd spent two years dancing around kissing each other, so he hadn't thought twice about the fact that Lily hadn't been participating in the same dance, so to speak. Sure, he'd marveled that it was actually happening now – he could hardly believe his luck – but he didn't over-think it because he hadn't wanted to doubt it.

"I'm sorry," he started to say, but Lily cut him off immediately.

"No, don't be sorry," she told him. "I want to do this. I – well, I'm just trying to catch up with it all. I mean, one second I'm rolling my eyes at you, the next I'm shouting, the next we're friends and you're a very _touchy_ friend, you know, and I find that I actually like that quite a bit, so the next thing I know we're snogging and it's all – it's all very surreal, in a way."

"It's years of unresolved sexual tension."

Lily laughed and shoved him. "I'm serious."

"I know." James smiled, and Lily wondered at the hint of sadness she saw behind it. "So is that – is that why you don't want anybody to know? Because it's too fast?"

"I – yes, I suppose that's part of it," Lily said. She knew there was more to it, but she didn't know what exactly any more of it was. "If we kept it between us for now, is that okay?"

James studied her for a moment. It wasn't that it wasn't okay, he thought; it was just that he wanted to tell people. He wanted to tell everyone. He wanted to stand on top of the Gryffindor table or on the Astronomy tower or somewhere else where everyone would be sure to pay attention, and he wanted to say that Lily Evans liked him back. Then again, he supposed Lily wouldn't go for that, even if she was comfortable with other people knowing about it.

But James didn't say any of that. Instead, he nodded and ran a hand through Lily's hair and he said, "Yeah. Yeah, that's okay."

"Thank you." Lily smiled through the guilt that was settling itself in her stomach. "And it won't go on forever like this, okay? I promise."

She meant it, too. She'd promised Sirius and herself that she wouldn't talk herself out of giving James a chance, and now she couldn't even entertain the thought of breaking that promise. Still, she had to slow it down and work it out without having everyone breathing down her neck.

James returned her smile and stuck out his pinky for her to take. "You swear?"

"Solemnly." Lily linked her little finger with his.

"Oh, my dear Evans…" James shook his head. "I hope you know what it means when you solemnly swear to a Marauder."

"I assume it involves a lot of detentions and tirelessly stalking people on a bewitched piece of parchment."

"You really know how to take something brilliant and deconstruct it so that it's presented in its basest, most deplorable form, you know that?"

Lily's laugh was cut off by her own yawn. James kissed her nose and said, "Time for bed."

"Mmmm…" Lily groaned and stretched. "I'm already in a bed."

"Sleep, then. Time for sleep."

Lily shut her eyes and rolled over so that her back was facing him. "Right. 'Night, then."

James laughed and snuggled up behind her, his arm circling her waist and his hand coming to rest on her stomach. He pressed his lips to her temple. "'Night."

"You're letting me stay?"

"Like I'd kick you out."

Lily flipped over so she was facing him again, and she wrapped her arm around his waist and slipped her leg between the two of his. She kissed the pulse point at his throat and, head still reeling slightly from the firewhiskey and James's touch, she murmured into the front of his T-shirt, "You are quickly becoming absolutely perfect."

James glanced down at her, surprised at what she'd said, his heart becoming so light that he thought it might float right out of his chest. But now Lily's breathing was coming out even and slow, so James supposed she was too far gone to hear anything he said in return.

Besides, James thought as he tightened his hold around her waist and reveled in the way her body heat mingled with his, what he wanted to say might be too much. And when he did say it, he wanted her to hear it, and he didn't want her to think it was too fast.

It was one of those things, and it had to be perfect, just right, and he thought it would be preferable if she said it back.


	18. The Bertha Jorkins Rumor Mill

_Hello, hello to _**CrescentMoon12**_, _**jacquidarling**_, _**prongs4evr**_, _**syruptitiously**_, and _**RazamaTazz**_! Happy to have you join me._

**BeccaxoRupert** _recently had surgery – I don't know the details, but I hope you're recovering nicely and I'm sending good thoughts your way! Positive vibes and all that, you know, and we'll go ahead and dedicate this chapter to you (although there's probably no surgical significance here, but still, you deserve a chapter)._

_About this chapter, then… I'm not sure how I feel about it, but it was the best way to put this plot point in motion, and it's an important point to make so it had to happen somehow. We'll be getting into some heavy stuff in the next couple of chapters, too, so I figured this would be some welcome fluff before I delve into pain and tragedy and severe angst and all that. So enjoy this while you can._

* * *

**Friday, 12:13 P.M. **

It had been relatively easy to forget just how bad things were getting at Hogwarts, but the first week of the new term was happy to provide Lily with the reality check she needed. By the time the week was over, Lily had begun to think she'd been better off at home.

It wasn't so much the Mudblood thing that was bothering her now, she thought absently as she made her way through the corridors. The slur had lost its impact for the most part; it could only be used so often before Lily felt like it didn't really mean anything anymore. But "Mudblood" wasn't the only name she was being called, as other insults found their way to her ears as she made her way through the castle.

"Slag."

"Tramp."

"Which boyfriend are you off to snog today, Evans?"

Lily ignored it for the most part; she kept walking and left the retaliatory scowls to Alice and Marlene, who had taken to flanking her everywhere she went so she wouldn't have to deal with the harassment alone.

Lily knew that she'd been stupid to think that Bertha would just let their run-in go; in fact, it seemed that Bertha had spent her holiday sending owls to anyone who would care, telling them about Lily Evans and her snogging shenanigans with Amos Diggory, a conclusion that Lily had known all too well that Bertha would come to. She'd denied it and pushed it to the back of her mind, but part of her had known that it would come back to haunt her. Of course, once that had been successfully discussed by all interested parties, someone had let slip to Bertha that Lily and James had their moment in the snow during the last Hogsmeade weekend, too.

"Potter _and_ Diggory, then," Bertha said to her at lunch one day. "Anyone else you're slagging about with, Evans?"

"Shove off, Jorkins, unless you want more cerebral damage," Marlene snapped at her.

Bertha's smirk fell at the mention of the last hex Marlene had hit her with, and she scurried off to the Hufflepuff table to avoid further injury.

"I don't even get where she comes up with these mad ideas," Marlene said. She looked at Lily. "I mean, I get the James thing – people have been taking bets on you two for ages – but what's this Diggory rubbish about?"

"I dunno," Lily muttered, staring down at her plate but not planning on doing anything with the food there.

She figured it was safe enough to avoid any theories about where Bertha had gotten the idea about Diggory; the rumor mill had distorted the story so much that Lily doubted her friends would find out the truth. That suited her just fine, since she wasn't ready to take her relationship with James public (if it was a relationship at all), and she'd have to if she wanted to debunk anything Bertha said.

Lily stabbed at her uneaten steak-and-kidney pie with her fork and scowled. She certainly wasn't going to let _Bertha Jorkins_ dictate how and when and why she made her decisions.

"Don't let her get to you, Lil," Alice said from her seat across the table. "Bertha's awful to everyone."

"Yeah, well, she just so happened to pick _me_ to be awful to this week," Lily grumbled. She looked imploringly around at her friends. "What is it about me that makes people think, 'Oh, hey, let's make her life an absolute living hell'?"

"They're just trying to wind you up," Alice told her.

"Yeah," Marlene agreed, "and don't take this the wrong way, but you're an easy target. You're Muggle-born and short-tempered, which is fun for these tossers because they run the risk of stirring up their lame existence by getting you to hex them. Or getting me to do it, or Alice, or any of the boys –"

"And now the _boys_ are becoming the problem," Lily said, thinking of Bertha's big mouth spouting big rumors.

"Well, yeah," Marlene said, "but my point still stands."

Alice nodded. "Exactly. And you know they've got to be jealous, too."

"_Jealous?"_ Lily echoed derisively. It was difficult for her to believe that anyone could be jealous of her at this juncture in her life.

"Yes," Alice said, refusing to be deterred from her point. "Lily, look – you're a Muggle-born and you've got more skill than plenty of the purebloods, and that makes them ashamed and it scares them. Take someone like Mulciber, right, he's probably wondering what the hell he's in for, if more Muggle-borns are as good with a wand as you are. You're the type he's supposed to be going after once he joins up with Voldemort."

"Right!" Marlene slammed her hand on the table enthusiastically; the possibilities associated with Alice's point flooded her mind, and they were absolutely _wicked_. "Can you imagine one of those idiots having to report to their boss that they couldn't complete their mission because a dirty little Muggle-born got the best of them? Ha! I'd pay to see that."

Lily brightened a bit at the picture her friends were painting, but she couldn't rid herself of every last bad feeling that she'd succumbed to over the past week. It was one thing to be called a Mudblood; it might have been an awful thing to be called, but to some extent it was true – she _was_ a Muggle-born, and people had decided to punish her for it. No matter how much she detested it, she'd been dealing with it for years and was somewhat desensitized. After all, when she left Hogwarts, she was going to fight, she was going to do something about that prejudice, and that was enough to help her get through it while she was still in school.

But the things that Bertha had started… Lily didn't know how to go about those rumors. They weren't true and she wasn't ready to prove that, because that meant she'd have to tell everyone who she was really snogging.

_Which is nobody's damn business,_ Lily thought with another scowl and stab at her food.

Alice reached across the table and put her hand over Lily's to stop her from massacring anymore of her uneaten lunch. Lily looked up at her.

"You know it's not just your wandwork they're jealous of, right?" Alice said. Her voice was soft and soothing, and her eyes were filled with an odd combination of concern and determination. She hated seeing Lily like this, and she was going to make her understand why the rest of them were just a bunch of nutters.

"No?" Lily had a hard enough time believing that anyone was envious of her for one reason, let alone multiple ones. "What is it, then? They all want Bellatrix to give them big ugly scars, too?"

"Oh, it's not that bad, Lil," Marlene said. She moved Lily's hair away from her neck to look at the mark, which had been reduced to a pale line. "Look, I can hardly see it, and you're still gorgeous –"

"Don't let Bertha hear you say that, or she'll start thinking I'm snogging you, too."

Marlene smirked. "That'd shake things up, wouldn't it? You know, I could always make sure Bertha happens upon me and Black the next time we fancy a visit to a broom cupboard."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Like that would be news to anyone," she said. "Now shut up, the pair of you, because this time _I'm_ trying to say something important."

Both Lily and Marlene's eyebrows shot up in surprise at Alice's tone. As a rule, Alice Prewett was sweet and even-tempered, so when she did something like snap at her friends or set a Slytherin's hair on fire, it was for a good reason, but that didn't mean anyone was used to it happening.

"Thank you," Alice said as her friends fell silent. "Now, as I was saying… Lily, all these girls – the ones calling you names because of some stupid rumor Bertha's started – they're doing it because they're jealous. Even if they don't think it's true that you're snogging Diggory, they all know that James Potter's been after you forever and it drives them crazy and now they have an excuse to say something about it."

Lily frowned. There was a strange sensation stirring in her stomach, like something was clenching at her insides and twisting, twisting… James Potter and other girls wasn't a combination Lily was particularly fond of.

"I don't –" she started to say, but she wasn't sure where she was going with the words. It didn't matter, though, since Alice cut her off.

"James is smart and good-looking and great at Quidditch," Alice said. "That's about all it takes for some people, you know? And they all think you're mad for not jumping at the opportunity to go out with him, and they're bitter because he doesn't want to go out with them instead. Calling you names boosts their self-esteem because teenagers are terrible, awful people, and I for one will be quite glad when we're all old enough to get over ourselves."

Marlene blinked a few times before turning to Lily. "She's got such a talent for getting her point across while simultaneously making me feel ashamed."

"What are you ashamed about?" Alice wanted to know. "You're not the one calling Lily a slag because a boy has a crush on her."

"Yeah, but I'm one of those self-indulgent little berks you alluded to," Marlene pointed out carelessly. "Anyway, my narcissism aside, we've got Charms in about ten minutes; I'll sulk about my terrible awfulness later."

The girls left the table, and Lily wasn't sure if she felt better or worse after the conversation they'd had. Somehow she felt just about the same, which didn't do much for her mood. It didn't help, either, when they were making their way through the entrance hall and a voice behind them called, "Evans! Wait up a sec."

Lily turned to see Amos Diggory coming out of the Great Hall, making a beeline straight for her. She frowned; this couldn't be good.

She looked around at Alice and Marlene, both of whom were eyeing Amos skeptically. "I'll catch up with you," she muttered to them as Amos approached.

"You sure?" Marlene looked Amos up and down appraisingly, sizing him up like she'd never met him before. The fact was that Amos had been the one to issue her several detentions over the past two years; all because of that time she used a Permanent Sticking Charm to attach a wad of chewed gum to his forehead. Madam Pomfrey had gotten it off just fine, so Marlene never knew what Amos was so wound-up about. "Afternoon, Diggory."

"McKinnon." Amos nodded at her. "Staying out of trouble?"

Marlene snorted. "Hardly."

"We'll see you in Charms, Lily," Alice said, taking hold of Marlene's arm and steering her away. "Make it quick, though, don't want to be late."

When the two had disappeared down the hall, Lily turned to face Amos, trying to put a stopper on the dread that was building slowly inside of her. "What's – er – what's up?"

"Oh – well –" Amos rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly sheepish. "I – well, I've heard a bit of talk this week, I'm sure you know what I mean –"

"Right," Lily said, her annoyance flaring. This was not what she needed right now. "What about it?"

"Well, it's a load of tosh and all," Amos said quickly, dropping his hand. "After all, _I_ know we weren't snogging in that corridor, but it's like talking to a wall every time I deny it to someone. They all just think I'm trying to cover for you or I don't want to get on the wrong side of Potter –"

"Right, Amos," Lily interrupted. She didn't understand what he was babbling on about, or rather why he was bothering. "Look, sorry, but is this terribly important? I've got class –"

"Oh, yeah, sorry." Amos's hand went to the back of his neck again. "Well, look, I figured since everyone's already on about me and you, I thought that maybe – well, if you'd like to go out sometime. I was wondering if you'd like to go out sometime, I mean."

Lily stared at him. It was impossible that she could have heard him correctly. "What?" she said. "Are you – are you seriously asking me out?"

"Er…" Amos spread his hands in an _aw-shucks_ sort of way. "Yeah."

"Is this a joke?"

"What?" It was Amos's turn to be confused. "No, of course it's not. I just thought that, if people already thought that we –"

"So you want to go out with me because it's convenient, then?" Lily said. This was unbelievable, and it was going to make prefect meetings unbearable, but Lily couldn't bring herself to worry about that now that her temper had been so successfully piqued. "Or maybe you think I'm a sure thing? Easy?"

"Oh, come on," Amos said, wondering if he was supposed to laugh or not. "I'm just asking for a date, that's all."

"Well, _why?_" Lily demanded. She resisted the urge to stamp her foot; she didn't know what it was about insufferable boys making her want to resort to temper tantrums, but it was happening far too often lately.

Amos blinked down at her; he hadn't given much thought to a reason, just that he'd wanted to do it. "Because, erm…" He shrugged. "Why not?"

Lily repressed the urge to groan. Instead, she shook her head and said, "I'll be late for Charms. I have to go."

And before Amos could say anything else, Lily had turned on her heel and hurried off, fuming all the way to Flitwick's class.

"Late, Miss Evans," the tiny professor piped up as she entered the room.

"Sorry, Professor," Lily said, taking a seat between Alice and Marlene. "Slight prefect emergency; won't happen again."

When Flitwick had strolled off to observe the progress of other students' Flame-Freezing Charms, Alice and Marlene ignored their candles and turned to Lily.

"All right, so what did that pompous egomaniac _really_ want?" Marlene asked.

"Well, I can't be sure –" Lily rifled through her bag for her wand – "but I _think_ he wanted me to kill him."

"I'm intrigued," Marlene said. "Please, go on."

"Ugh!" Lily slammed her Charms book on the table and tore through the pages for the chapter on Flame-Freezing.

Alice looked at her with that old concern in her eyes. "Lily…?"

"He asked me out," Lily told them, "because _'why not?'_ – that was his reason. Because everyone already thinks we're sneaking around, and _'why not?'. _God, I have had it with this place…"

"_What?"_ Alice's jaw dropped.

Lily frowned and she felt like that was the only expression she'd be able to muster until the end of time. "Yeah, that's what I said."

"Oh, that's so gross," Marlene said. She waved her wand sloppily at the flame on her candle, which proceeded to hop off its wick and around the table. "Damn it –"

"_Aguamenti!"_ Lily doused the flame before relighting Marlene's candle. "And I know. I turned him down, obviously, which means I'll probably get double patrol duty now."

"He would, wouldn't he?" Marlene shook her head. "Good-looking son-of-a –"

"_Miss_ McKinnon!" Flitwick squeaked from behind them, making the girls jump. "A little less language and a little more spell work, please…"

* * *

**Sunday, 6:42 A.M.**

Things didn't get better for Lily as the weekend wore on. It had come to her very surprised attention that Amos Diggory wasn't the only one who thought it would be easy to cop off with Lily Evans; by the time Saturday evening rolled around, she'd been propositioned a dozen times by a dozen different boys. It wasn't that she'd never been asked out before by someone besides James, but her popularity had certainly skyrocketed since Bertha's rumor had circulated.

"Has everyone _completely lost their bloody minds_?" she demanded of Alice and Marlene as they sat in front of the fire early Sunday morning while everyone else was still asleep. "They're all mad. All of them. The whole bloody lot of them."

"I know, love," Alice said, patting Lily's knee sympathetically.

"I hate caring about this at all," Lily went on. She flopped her head against the back of her chair and stared up at the ceiling. "There's so much more to worry about, isn't there? And here I am, whining because boys are idiots –"

"Oh, don't feel bad about that," Marlene assured her. "Boys will always be idiots and it's always going to piss us off, war or not. Actually, I rather prefer things this way; makes everything feel normal."

Lily scowled up at the ceiling. "So glad I could be of service."

"You know that's not what I meant."

"Yeah." Lily sighed.

"Speaking of idiots, though…" Marlene's eyes flickered to the portrait hole as it was pushed open. "This should make you feel better, Lil."

Lily looked around at the portrait hole to see James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus clamber through, looking exhausted but overall pleased about something.

"Where have you lot been?" Alice asked curiously as the four boys stumbled tiredly towards them.

"Oh, just causing trouble, you know." Sirius yawned hugely and collapsed on the couch with his head in Marlene's lap. "Morning, McKinnon. Fancy a snog?"

Marlene smacked him. "Dream on. You've got terrible morning breath."

"He's rather ugly, too, isn't he?" James observed as he took Lily's hands and pulled her up from her chair.

"James –" Lily began, irritated, but James simply took her seat and pulled her into his lap.

"No need to get snippy," he told her, dropping a discreet kiss on the back of her neck. He hadn't had the chance to kiss her properly since they'd gotten back to school, just a hurried peck here and there when they had two seconds alone. He couldn't deny that the whole thing was rather thrilling, but his lack of patience wasn't a friend to him in this situation.

"Evans, darling, give him a good kick for me, why don't you?" Sirius proposed. "Stupid git…"

As James had sat her sideways so that her legs were hanging over the arm of the chair, Lily found it difficult to follow through on Sirius's suggestion, so she said, "We'll get him later."

"I look forward to it." James winked at her, and that's when Lily noticed the cut just above his eyebrow. It was a small scratch, but it was bleeding steadily nonetheless.

"What happened?" she asked, pointing at the cut.

"Huh?" James lifted his hand to the spot her eyes were fixed on. "Oh, that. It's nothing."

Lily wasn't buying it; the Marauders weren't capable of _nothing_, as James had just implied. "What sort of trouble were you causing, exactly?"

"It's nothing, Evans, really." James pressed his sleeve against the cut to stem the bleeding, hoping that would be enough for her to give it a rest.

"Yeah," Peter said from where he lay on the floor, "Prongs is just clumsy, that's all."

"Notoriously clumsy," Sirius added.

"Trips over his own feet, he does," Remus said.

At the mention of James tripping, Lily and Marlene looked at each other and burst out laughing. Alice, who knew the story well enough and was glad to see Lily laugh again after the week she'd had, couldn't help a smile. The boys exchanged a look.

"See, this is what we were telling you about," Sirius said to Remus and Peter. "These birds, they're mad; they'll laugh at anything."

"Anything to do with you lot, anyway," Marlene told him when she was done laughing. She ruffled his hair. "Anyone fancy a spot of breakfast? I'm starved."

Peter yawned and said, "Merlin, you're as bad as Padfoot."

"I think you mean as _brilliant_," Sirius corrected him. "Staying up all night gives me quite an appetite, I'll tell you."

"Might as well go, while we're up," Remus said. The morning after a full moon had a tendency to make him famished as well. He stood and stretched out his back muscles, which were always a little stiff post-transformation. "You coming?" he asked, looking pointedly at Lily and James as the others made their way to the portrait hole.

"Sure, we'll catch up," James said, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. "I just need a minute."

"If you say so." Remus smiled slightly and made to follow the rest of them on their way to the Great Hall.

As soon as the portrait hole swung shut, Lily's mouth was on James's. She'd been just as aware of their lack of proper snogging as he was, and after all the undue stress of that week, she felt like she'd earned an uninterrupted few minutes.

"Mmmm…" James sighed against Lily's mouth, his hands rubbing up and down her arms. "You know," he said when her lips moved to his neck, "I really hate not being able to do this in front of everyone."

"You're such a show-off, Potter," Lily remarked, her breath hot on his skin.

"Not what I meant." James shifted, his hands moving to Lily's legs and adjusting them until she was straddling him. His hands ran over her thighs in long, rhythmic strokes. "It's just so hard to wait around 'til everyone's gone. They might as well know they're half-right about all the rubbish they've been saying."

"Don't you start on me now," Lily warned, her mouth still working its way down his neck, her hands moving across his chest. "You sound like Amos –"

"Sorry?" James opened his eyes and moved his head so he could look at her. "What about Diggory?"

Lily frowned, annoyed that James was fixating on that instead of letting her kiss him. "Right," she said. "When he asked me out –"

"Diggory asked you out?"

"Yes." Lily leaned back and dropped her hands from James's chest. "The other day, before Charms –"

"Why didn't you tell me?" James was frowning right back at her, his hands slack on her thighs.

"Quit interrupting me. I'm telling you now."

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"Does it matter?"

"_Yes."_ James shifted again, which he decided wasn't his best move when it brought Lily closer to him. Usually that was the objective, but not now when he was annoyed with her. "You're supposed to tell me when some bloke asks you out. You're my – my –"

Lily's eyes narrowed. "I'm your what?"

"Well – not _mine_, exactly –" James stuttered a bit, inwardly cursing his poor choice of words. "But for Merlin's sake, Lily, we're _something_, aren't we? I don't want some prat thinking he's got a shot with you."

"Some prat besides you, you mean?"

James had to smile at that. "Exactly," he said. "You know I'm a great jealous blighter, and I'm not mad at you or anything. It's just –" James paused, trying to figure out how to get his point across properly. "Can you understand why I'd want you to tell me?"

"I suppose…" Lily thought about what Alice had said on Friday, about James and other girls, and how that had made her feel. She sighed and leaned her forehead against James's. "All right, yes, I get it. For the record, though, I said no. To all of them."

"All of them?" James said, lifting an eyebrow.

"Well, apparently the rumor that I'm a big fat slag has really increased my sex appeal," Lily explained irritably.

"Hmmmm." James furrowed his brow and pressed his lips together. _Damn Bertha Jorkins…_

He'd heard the rumors all week, of course, but he'd laughed them off for the most part; the very notion that Lily Evans would be toying around with multiple boys was so absurd, James couldn't believe that anyone would buy it. He hadn't thought it would bother her, either, but apparently he'd been mistaken.

Lily was toying with the buttons on his shirt now, not meeting his eye. James tipped her chin up so she'd look at him; he'd learned that something was really bothering her whenever he had to resort to this action.

"Hey," he said softly, his free hand rubbing soothing circles across her lower back, "are you okay?"

She shrugged. "I'm tired," she said, and for some reason she felt like she was going to cry.

James heard the strain in her voice, saw the unnatural brightness in her eyes. "Do you want to skip breakfast?"

Lily nodded and her eyes dropped back down because she felt that if she kept looking at him, she was definitely going to cry.

"Do you want to lay down?"

"Yeah." Lily swung her legs off of him and stepped from the chair. "Could you tell Alice and Marlene that I'll see them later to work on McGonagall's essay?"

James shook his head. "No can do. I'm staying with you."

Lily felt a wave of gratitude, but she had to protest, anyway. "Oh, James, you don't have to –"

"I know." James took her hand and led her up the staircase to the boys' dormitory. "Hope you don't mind the mess, but as I'm not allowed in the girls' dorm…"

Lily smiled as James pushed the door open and led her inside. "I'll just avoid looking at the floor, yeah?" she suggested.

"No, that won't do; you'd trip over something." James rubbed his chin, pretending to think, then shrugged. "Well, I suppose it's the only way –"

He leaned down and scooped Lily into his arms; she gave a shout of surprise and laughed.

"This is mad."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that," James said conversationally as he carried her over to his bed. "Really, I think it's one of the sanest things I've done in awhile."

As soon as he'd laid Lily down on the bed and settled himself next to her, James wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close. He kissed the top of her head, closing his eyes and allowing her comforting scent to overcome him. Now that he had an idea of how terrible she'd been feeling the past week, he felt irreparably guilty as a consequence, and he had no idea how to fix it for either of them.

"James," Lily said, her voice muffled against the front of his shirt.

"Hmm?"

"Are you going to tell me what you lot were up to all night?" Lily felt his lips curve into a smile against her forehead.

"Not a chance, love," he said. It was, after all, Remus's story to tell, and that was only if he ever felt compelled to do so. James couldn't betray that secret, not even for Lily.

"Hmmph." Lily couldn't find the energy to be anymore irritated than that sigh would allow, so she let herself go to James's comforting arms and the prospect of a couple of hours of not having to worry about Bertha or Amos or anything else. She fell asleep, feeling a little more reassured, and she found that a little was just enough.

James lay awake next to her, rubbing her back and stroking her hair, trying to offer some modicum of comfort to make up for everything she'd been dealing with. He knew she couldn't be happy about so many blokes asking her out; she certainly hadn't been pleased with him the past couple of years. And if she was right, if they were only asking because she'd obtained this underserved reputation… James tightened his grip around her waist. He supposed he'd be hexing a lot more of his fellow students now.

As James lay and wondered how he could convince Lily to give him the names of those who'd already approached her, the dormitory door swung open and the rest of the Marauders strode in.

"_There_ you are!" Sirius said exasperatedly as his eyes fell on James. "We – oh."

He'd just caught sight of Lily. He crossed his arms and tapped his foot impatiently at James. "Well," he said. "Well, well, well…"

Peter whistled. Remus rolled his eyes and said, "Shove off, both of you."

"She's just sleeping," James told them, making sure to keep his voice low so she could continue doing so. "Tough week."

Sirius quit tapping his foot and nodded. He wasn't deaf or otherwise unable to figure out what everybody had been whispering about Lily Evans. They were all bonkers, of course, but Sirius understood how they might get on Lily's nerves. After all, he'd been subjected to plenty of nasty remarks when he'd lived at home and even though it was all nonsense and he hated his family, anyway, it was nevertheless an emotional rollercoaster that he hadn't been equipped to deal with. He imagined Lily's problem was similar.

"All right," he said. "Well, your sleeping arrangements aside, I'm headed to Hogsmeade later this afternoon. Care to join?"

James shook his head. "I'm right exhausted, mate," he said. "Think I'll sleep all day. What are you going to Hogsmeade for?"

"Andromeda wrote me." Sirius held up the letter that had been delivered to him at breakfast. "You know she got herself blasted off the family tree when she married Ted, so she wants to bond over our mutual disownment. Can I borrow the Cloak?"

"Sure," James said and nodded towards the end of his bed. "It's in my trunk."

"Fantastic." Sirius strode across the room and kicked James's trunk open, rifling through it until he found the length of silvery cloth.

"Blimey, Padfoot, could you make any more noise?" Remus remarked sarcastically, hopping onto his own bed and nearly sighing at how wonderful it felt to lay down. "You'll wake Lily up."

"That wouldn't wake her up," Sirius said. He grinned mischievously, and James shot him a warning look.

"Don't do whatever it is you're thinking about doing," James said.

Sirius blinked innocently at him. "Me?" he said in a falsely sweet voice. "Oh, Prongs, I would never."

"Never what, exactly?" Peter wanted to know as he fell onto his bed.

"I'm glad you asked, Wormtail," Sirius said. "Allow me to demonstrate –"

"Padfoot, I swear –"

But it was too late for James to finish his threat; Sirius had taken a running leap and landed square on top of James and Lily, his unanticipated weight knocking the wind out of them and rousing Lily.

"Oy!" she yelled, punching Sirius in the chest. "Get _off_, you incredible oaf!"

"Aw, come on, Evans," Sirius said with another roguish grin, "I only wanted to cuddle."

Lily pushed at his chest. "Get – off – you – ridiculous – moron –"

Sirius pouted down at the two of them as they struggled against his weight. "That's not very nice."

"You're a real twat, Padfoot," James growled, giving his friend a good enough kick to send him falling over the side of the bed. "Ha!"

"Aw, cripes, Prongs, that was harsh –"

"Bite me." James rolled over and caught Lily in his grip again.

Sirius hopped up and flung himself across his own mattress. "Were you talking to me or to Evans?" he asked, grinning at his own cleverness.

James considered the question for a moment before answering. "Both, I suppose, but in very different contexts – ouch!"

He looked disapprovingly down at Lily, who had pinched him to stop him from talking. It was bad enough that they were so often caught in compromising positions, she thought, but James had a habit of making it increasingly suspicious.

"Only joking," he muttered, burying his face in the gap between her neck and shoulder, nipping at her earlobe as he went.

Lily sighed and closed her eyes again. She was too tired to argue or leave, and the truth was she didn't particularly want to sleep without James; it was much easier to clear her head and relax when he was there. So for just a moment, she was going to stay put despite the fact that the others were there, because staying put was what she needed.

A few minutes later, when the Marauders had fallen quiet and asleep after having another sleepless full moon, James nudged Lily's forehead with his nose.

"Hmm?" Lily looked up at him through tired eyes.

"I was just thinking," James began, choosing his words carefully. "You know, the boys wouldn't tell anyone if we told them about –"

Lily pressed her fingers against James's lips to quiet him, but he kissed them instead of taking the hint. "Please?" he whispered.

"James…" Lily felt her heart melt as he looked at her with those bright, imploring eyes, and his lips continued to kiss her fingertips. She wanted to cave, but she couldn't, not now, not after the week she'd had; she wasn't in the right mindset to make this decision. "You promised."

James sighed. "Yeah," he said, and he knew he couldn't break it. "Yeah, I did. So does that mean you'll get cross with me if I shoot a nice healthy jinx at Diggory?"

"Why don't you just beat him at Quidditch again instead?"

"We're playing Slytherin next."

Lily released a long breath, sending some strands of her dancing over her face. James smiled.

"All right," he said, "I'll keep my temper to myself."

As Lily offered him a small smile, though, James knew he would be able to do no such thing. And as he smiled back at her, Lily knew she'd react the same way if any of those other girls Alice mentioned pulled a Diggory. She was beginning to realize how badly it hurt to have jealousy gnaw at you, and she had a new respect for how long James had been dealing with it. Still, though, she didn't think it was going to do either of them any good.

Lily sighed again. "We're in a load of trouble here, aren't we?"

James kissed her nose. "Oh, Evans," he said, pulling her close and closing his eyes, "that's old news. I've been in trouble for years."

* * *

**A/N:** _Well, there you have it; hope this chapter was good enough to keep your interest. Stick with me, because we've got some major stuff coming up._

_Just so you know what to expect from the next chapter: 19 will be separated into three segments, from the interchanging POVs of Sirius, Remus, and Peter. Somewhere down the line I will do a similar chapter for Alice and Marlene, but I haven't decided which one yet. I might also toy with some other narrative styles. If you have any suggestions or something you'd like to see, shoot me a message here or on Tumblr at_ **cokebottleglassesarecool**_, and I'll see what I can do._

_Much love – K._


	19. A Marauder's Monologue

_Hi there to _**accio-happiness**_,_** ArturiusRex8**_,_** chelen14s**_,_** thehomosapiens**_, and_** AntaraC**_! I was also very glad to hear that _**BeccaxoRupert **_is recovering nicely from her surgery – keep up that recovery, love! Still sending good vibes your way._

_One reviewer asked if there was a specific time of day I update. Usually what ends up happening is that I post a chapter between 2 – 6 A.M. (Eastern time); it fluctuates, of course, but this seems to be the norm as far as I can tell. _

_Quick note, in case anyone missed the one I posted a few chapters ago concerning this: I realize that I'd categorized the Black sisters wrong age-wise. The correct order is Bellatrix, Andromeda, Narcissa; I slipped up, so here Andromeda is the oldest, already finished with Hogwarts and married to Ted Tonks. That's totally my bad, but this ended up working better for my fic, anyway, so c'est la vie and all that._

_ALSO, totally unrelated to this chapter but I didn't want to forget to tell you: Some chapters ago, I said in an A/N that I was fairly certain that Molly Weasley was younger than the Marauders Era kids. Cue buzzer. She was older, as is suggested in GoF when JKR mentions that the Whomping Willow was planted after Molly left Hogwarts (and we all know that the Willow was planted for Remus, so that's that). _

_All right, so that's everything, then. Go forth and feel! _

* * *

**Sunday, 1:00 P.M.**

"You're _late_!"

Those were the words with which Andromeda Tonks chose to greet her cousin. She was sitting in the Three Broomsticks, tapping her foot impatiently as Sirius came through the door like the ball of energy he was, the bell swinging and tinkling madly above his head.

"Hello to you, too, dear cousin," Sirius returned. "And I'm not that late –"

"Half an hour," Andromeda informed him, tapping the face of her watch for emphasis.

"Ah, well." Sirius slid into the seat across from her. "You know you can never rely on a Black."

"Are we allowed to call ourselves that anymore?" Andromeda wanted to know. "Really, I only took Ted's name because I thought we weren't allowed to be Blacks now that we've so disgraced the family."

Sirius laughed. "Hey, I say do whatever makes them angrier with us."

"Damn. I should have hyphenated my name, then." Andromeda took a sip of her gillywater. "Regardless, it's right impressive of us, disgracing the family name. I mean, it's an _old_ name – hundreds, thousands of years of good pureblood tradition, and we kicked it right in the face."

Sirius signaled for Rosmerta to bring him a butterbeer. "Is that what you said in that letter you left your parents, then?" he asked Andromeda. "From what I've heard, they were right hacked; no wonder."

"Ha!" Andromeda scoffed at the mention of her parents. "At least I left a note. Last I heard, you ran off in the middle of the night for no reason aside from your desire to break your mother's heart."

"Let's not get started on mothers – thanks, Rosmerta." Sirius shot the barmaid a wink when she put his drink in front of him.

"I don't know how you lot manage to sneak your way to the village whenever you like," Rosmerta said, shaking her head. "What do you do, charm your way past any professors who might stop you?"

"Seems like a reasonable conclusion," Sirius said. "You're not going to tell on us, are you?"

Rosmerta snorted. "Not as long as you're paying me, I'm not."

"Ahhh…" Sirius dug in his pocket for a few Galleons. "You run a tough bargain, Rose."

"Business, love," Rosmerta told him with a smile as she pocketed the money and walked back to the bar, leaving the two castaway Blacks alone.

"So is that why you were so late?" Andromeda looked at her cousin with an expression of pride that he'd grown up to be such a troublemaker. "Had to sneak out, did you?"

"Nah," Sirius said. With the Cloak and the map on his side, sneaking out of the castle was hardly a chore. "I was asleep."

She rolled her eyes. "Lazy."

"Very."

"So." Andromeda rested her arms on the tabletop and leaned forward. "Tell me what's going on at school. Skip the academia, though; I've been through that already and I'll tell you, I don't care to go through it again."

Sirius took a long draw of butterbeer, wondering where he should begin. "Well," he said, deciding it was best not to dance around the subject, "your sisters have been a right nightmare."

"Seriously," Andromeda said, "tell me something I don't know."

"Slytherins, you're all wacked."

"Hey now," Andromeda protested, taking his butterbeer cork and flicking it at him. "I was in Slytherin, you know, and Ted. Ambition, determination, cleverness…" Andromeda ticked the qualities off on her fingers. "Don't be so quick to judge, my love, or I'll start accusing all the Gryffindors of being show-boating lunatics with their heads up their asses."

"Ouch." Sirius pretended to flinch, but he got the message nonetheless. "Point taken. _Our_ family, though –"

"Oh, yes, them." Andromeda nodded. "Bunch of tossers, they are. What have they done now?"

"They've got Regulus to join their little Death Eater gang," Sirius told her, his playful manner disappearing in an instant.

A similar dark look passed over Andromeda's face at the news. "Reg's only fourteen."

"Yeah, I know." Did he ever. "We had a row about it. Haven't spoken since."

Andromeda shook her head sadly. "It's happening everywhere," she said. "Me and Ted, we're not on the front lines or anything, but you don't need to be to know that everything's a mess."

"I can't say if it's better or worse or the same at Hogwarts," Sirius said, "but it's getting pretty rotten there, too. Bellatrix cursed a Muggle-born right into the hospital wing."

"She did, did she?" Andromeda hadn't expected anything less from that particular sister. "Who was it?"

"Lily Evans."

"Lily Evans." Andromeda screwed up her face in thought. "I know that name."

"You should." Sirius took another swig of butterbeer. "She's the one James's been going on about for years."

Andromeda snapped her fingers triumphantly. "Right, that's it! Has he gotten anywhere with her yet?"

"Sort of?" Sirius wasn't really sure what was going on between his friend and the girl he'd fancied ever since he had a grasp of what it meant to fancy someone. He was sure there was something; he just hadn't put his finger on it yet. "She's warming up to him, at least."

"Glad to hear it," Andromeda said. Really, it was about time. "Sorry to hear that Bella's such a bint, though."

"Nothing we didn't know," Sirius said with a shrug. "Anyway, we got her back. Well, Alice Prewett did, anyway; set her hair on fire."

"Ha!" Andromeda laughed. She knew what Bella was like about her hair. "So is that what Hogwarts is like now? Pureblood vs. blood traitor? Eye for an eye?"

"Guess so." Sirius flicked the butterbeer cork so it spun frantically around. "We're getting a head start on what we'll be doing after school, I guess."

A slight frown line appeared between Andromeda's finely drawn eyebrows. "What are you on about?"

"The front lines, 'Dromeda," Sirius elucidated. "I can't _not_ get out there and do something about this; when Hogwarts is done, I'll get my shot."

"You'll be right up against our family."

"I've been up against them for years."

"Yeah, I know, Sirius, and I'm right there with you," Andromeda assured him, a little impatient now because she wasn't sure that he understood. "But this is different. It's not you having a row with your brother or ditching Grimmauld Place. It's real fighting. It's torture and murder."

Sirius dragged a hand through his hair, only to have it fall back in its usual, elegant disarray. "I get it," he said. "I do. I know it's not going to be easy – nobody's given me the impression that it would be – but that doesn't mean I shouldn't do it. If you could see what it's like, just at school…"

Sirius shook his head, thinking of the way things were falling apart. He thought of Regulus, how he'd gotten himself into something there was no way out of. He thought of Frank and Fabian and Gideon, already caught in the middle of the war before they'd even left school; he thought of Alice, broken-hearted over the danger they were in. He thought of Marlene – fiery and determined and unflinchingly loyal, just like they all were.

He thought of Remus, who they all knew would be asked to do dangerous things when they joined Dumbledore's fight against Voldemort, things that the rest of them weren't suited for. He thought of Peter, who they'd be looking out for at every turn, just to make sure he didn't slip up enough to end up dead. He thought of James and his insane urge to play the hero, and how that urge could backfire, especially if Lily was around; James couldn't help himself when it came to Lily. And then Sirius thought of Lily, stuck in the hospital wing, drained from the pressure she was under, her eyes becoming blanker with every day, with every step she took down a corridor filled with people who hated her for no reason.

Andromeda saw the myriad of emotions pass over Sirius's face – loathing, desperation, determination – and she could take a pretty good guess about where his head was at. Maybe he understood more than she'd given him credit for, she thought as she leaned across the table and took her cousin's hands in hers.

"Hey," she said, bringing him back to the here and now, "I get it. It's a mad, mad world, my love. And if I know anything about the lot of you, it's that you're going to run off to climb mountains and slay dragons and take the shots so your friends don't have to. In the end, you're just as mad as everybody else, only you're going to do some good with it."

Sirius smiled at that. Maybe it was cheesy, but Andromeda had always had a way of compartmentalizing in precisely the right way.

"Besides," she continued, "I'd join you, if it weren't for… Well."

Andromeda leaned back in her seat and patted her flat stomach.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "I've got no clue what that means, 'Dromeda."

"Should've figured as much," she said with a laugh. "I'll spare you the details, cousin, so suffice it to say that Ted and I weren't keen on waiting to start a family."

"I don't – oh!" Sirius's eyes widened as the realization dawned on him. "You – damn, 'Dromeda, congratulations! Tell me you're naming it after me."

Andromeda continued to laugh. "If it's a boy, you've got it," she promised. "If it's a girl, though, I was thinking 'Nymphadora.' What do you think?"

Sirius stared at her. "You're – you're not serious, are you?"

"What?"

"_Nymphadora?"_ Sirius repeated. "Come off it; that's just mean!"

"What?" Andromeda said again as Sirius laughed. "No, it's not! I think it's charming."

"I think you're out of it."

Andromeda stared at her cousin, who seemed to be enjoying this much more than the situation warranted, but after a moment she couldn't help herself and she laughed with him.

It was, Sirius would think later, a really lovely way to pretend that everything was normal, and that nothing hurt quite as bad as it really did, or as much as it eventually would.

* * *

Remus sat alone in the library, hidden among bookshelves as he scratched out his latest Transfiguration essay. He'd slept through the morning and into the afternoon, and he would have stayed in bed for the rest of the day if it wasn't for his homework. He was never more tired than the day after a full moon, when he'd stayed up all night and his emotions were exhausted and his muscles sore, but he couldn't shrug off his schoolwork.

He'd left the dormitory with Sirius when the latter was on his way to Hogsmeade, leaving Peter behind to sleep and James and Lily to… Well, to do whatever it was they were doing.

Remus smiled slightly as he checked a fact in his Transfiguration book. He wouldn't say anything, of course, but it was clear to him that there was something going on between his friend and his fellow prefect. They thought they were so clever… Remus shook his head and scribbled out another paragraph.

He did feel bad for Lily, though, he thought as he continued working. He'd heard the rumors just as well as anybody else had, and they were so off-the-mark, so undeserved; she had enough to be going on with without Bertha Jorkins's help. Remus knew what it was like to be an outcast, and to some extent Lily had it worse because everybody knew – or thought they knew – her secrets and her flaws and her weaknesses. Remus, at least, could be content in the fact that nobody knew about his lycanthropy unless he wanted them to.

Well… A frown crossed his face then. That wasn't necessarily true, since Snape's suspicions had finally been confirmed just a couple of months ago. Remus wouldn't hold it against Sirius anymore, but he still felt that twitch of irritation every time Snape smirked knowingly at him from across a classroom.

Remus sighed and crossed out a sentence he'd botched while his mind had wandered. He supposed plenty of Voldemort's gang would figure it out soon enough, so it had only been a matter of time before Snape knew, too. There was Fenrir Greyback to take into account, for one thing, and Remus guessed that he'd be crossing enemy lines once school was out and he joined Dumbledore's ranks to fight in the war.

Still though, having Severus Snape breathe down your neck at every turn was unsettling to say the least. Remus scratched his nose with his quill and wondered how Lily had been putting up with it for so long.

As Remus continued with his work and his wondering, the chair across from him was suddenly occupied, and he had to resist the urge to say "Speak of the devil" aloud.

"Lupin," a curt voice said.

"Severus," Remus greeted, not bothering to look up from his essay.

"You've been avoiding me."

Remus snorted. "Hardly," he said, although he most certainly had been avoiding him, ever since James warned him of Snape's intentions that day at King's Cross. "What's it to you, anyway? Last I checked, we were all caught up in some feud or other. I mean –" Remus paused to adjust his parchment – "it's either we're Charming your food or you're harassing our friends or we're cursing each other. So if I was avoiding you, well, could you blame me?"

Snape scowled at his flippancy. Lupin, Potter, Black, Pettigrew – they were all so insufferably arrogant; they didn't take anything seriously, everything was one big joke to be laughed off. _Well,_ he thought, _we'll see how easy it is for them to laugh it off when they're dodging Killing Curses in a year's time…_

"I've been assigned to request your assistance," Snape said, the rancor in his tone blatant.

Remus looked up at him then, eyes full of a sort of bored disbelief; it was an odd feeling, but it was the only way Remus could think of to describe it. "You're not serious," he said flatly.

"Quite." Snape knew it had been a lost cause, and quite frankly he was glad of it; as if Remus Lupin would be of any real use to Voldemort. "I can see that it's a no, then?"

"I'm afraid so," Remus said, going back to his essay. "I'll be a bit caught up in fighting against you lot, won't I? And I've never been much for double-crossing; it's difficult to keep all those lies in order. Really, I don't know how you managed it with Lily for as long as you did –"

"Don't talk to me about that dirty Mudblood," Snape spat venomously.

Remus sighed and looked up once more from his work (would he ever get anything done like this?), pulling his wand casually from his pocket as he did so. "Oh, Snape," he said as if he didn't really want to hex him, "you should learn to hold your tongue, don't you think?"

Snape smirked but something else flashed in his eyes – something Remus couldn't quite place – and he said, "I'm sure she'd be thrilled to hear 'Mudblood' again, wouldn't she? I'm sure 'slag' has gotten rather tiresome, or perhaps she's too busy shagging Potter _and_ Diggory to notice –"

"Using the Cruciatus on her wasn't enough for you, was it?" Remus snarled, his usually even temper flaring and a few sparks flying unprovoked from his wand. "Tell me, Snape, what's it going to take for you to just leave her alone?"

"You know," Snape said, his eyes flashing again, "I don't know who you and Potter think you are, barking orders like that, but it might behoove you to know that I don't take orders from you."

"So take a hint, then," Remus suggested. "She doesn't want anything to do with you."

Snape didn't say anything to that; he merely shot Remus one last contemptuous look and shoved back from the table, stood, and stalked off. _So they were all best mates, now, were they?_ he fumed silently. _Fine._ _Let Potter toss her around, use her, and maybe she'd come to her senses when he got bored and they all left her behind._

Remus watched as Snape left the library. He shook his head and tried to concentrate his energy on his work, but it was a difficult task when his mind was churning with so many other things. He was beginning to wonder what this war inside of Hogwarts was all about – blood status or jealousy.

Perhaps, Remus thought in the end, it was a little bit of both.

* * *

Peter wandered aimlessly around the castle, arms swinging at his sides as he marveled at his life, an activity he never tired of since there really was so much for him to marvel about.

He was _here_, for one thing. He'd fantasized about coming to Hogwarts ever since he was old enough to understand what it was and what it would mean for him. It wasn't that his home life was terrible or anything, Peter thought as he strolled, but even growing up in a Wizarding household couldn't compare to the grand and sprawling castle.

Besides, Peter continued to reason with himself, his mother wasn't a particularly attentive woman. When his father died years ago, his mother had tuned out for awhile – staring blankly out of windows, forgetting to wash her hair, that sort of thing. When she finally snapped out of it, she was full of life and energy and excitement, but all of that left very little room for patience. The widowed Mrs. Pettigrew wanted to go out and have adventures and _do_ things, and it was all very difficult when she had to drag Peter along for the ride.

_She'll be better off without me after next year,_ Peter thought for the umpteenth time. It didn't make him terribly sad to think such things – unwanted, perhaps, but it wasn't as though he was unwanted in all facets of his life. He had the boys, the Marauders, Moony, Padfoot, and Prongs, and he'd never quite felt that he belonged anywhere until he suddenly belonged with them.

Although… Peter paused at a window looking out onto the grounds, and he stared out of it as he became lost in thought. Things had been changing steadily over the past year, shifting, as things were wont to do. Still, though, Peter felt threatened by the changes.

It wasn't that he disliked Lily, he thought, or that he wasn't happy that she seemed to like James about as much as he liked her. It had been a long time coming, really, but now that it was actually happening, Peter felt that the group's dynamic had been thrown off-kilter. He felt right awful whenever he thought about it like this, but Peter had never been good with change, no matter how good or natural it might be. He wanted things the way he wanted them; it was as simple as that.

He sighed and shook his head. He _had_ to quit acting like this. Lily Evans was a perfectly lovely person, and a right side nicer to him than a lot of people were; and if anyone had good enough reason to not be nice to anybody, it was Lily, considering all the flak she took from everyone. Peter didn't want to be an addition to the laundry list of people who made her feel bad about herself.

Really, he couldn't afford to be one of those people, Peter reminded himself. James certainly wouldn't stand for it, and while there were few things that would make James turn his back on his friends, Lily Evans was definitely most of those things. Maybe that's why Peter felt so threatened by her in the first place – because she would always be James's reason to do anything. She could affect the change that Peter was so afraid of.

_But can I really blame myself?_ he wondered, then shook his head again. No, he couldn't. After all, he'd never been happier than when he was at Hogwarts with his friends, and he didn't want that to change because that meant risking unhappiness.

He should really talk to someone about it, that was for sure. Sirius was out of the question, and Peter wasn't sure that James would be the right way to go, either. He didn't know Lily very well, and he couldn't decide if this was the way to get to know her, or if perhaps his worries would only discourage her from spending time with them; he'd have to think on that. Remus, though… He nodded to himself. Yes, Remus was always the one to go to.

Resolved in this endeavor, Peter sighed happily and put the whole affair out of his mind for the time being. He left the window, his arms swinging contentedly at his sides once more, and continued his purposeless walk through the corridors.

* * *

**A/N:** _All that said and done, I'm just dropping one last note to say that most of this sets up future story developments, so this won't be the last you'll see of these Sirius/Remus/Peter monologues and interactions. Cross my heart. –K._


	20. Four-Letter Words

**Silver Waterflower**_,_** MimbTheHufflepuffGirl**_,_** lovereading5**_,_** Padfooties**_,_** prongsifyme**_,_** liv4volleyball93**_,_** finelinebetween**_,_** Illuminating Glowsticks**_,_** Aqua Romances**_,_** Mia the Potterhead**_,_** duds**_,_** stinakay2425**_,__and_** kew217 **_– hi, and thanks so much for blowing up my inbox with your follows/favorites/reviews! It was quite the lovely explosion (the potential dirtiness of that statement was unintentional). _

_A couple reviews mentioned that it was odd for Ted to have been a Slytherin because he was Muggle-born. I realize that Slytherin the person was pretty anti-Muggle-born, but we're talking thousands of years, so it was bound to happen. I always imagined that's where Ted had been; it was probably a tough road, but from what JKR gave us about Ted, I always thought he was a pretty tough guy. So I was like… Ted, mate, you can do whatever you want. (But I do understand the issue with this, and as always I appreciate your input.)_

_To all of you… Someday I want to buy you pizza, which is pretty much my way of inducting you into my circle of close intimate friends, whether you meant to get in on that or not. But seriously, I'm not kidding about the pizza. Someday. You just wait._

* * *

**Monday, 9:30 P.M.**

"Lily, mind if I have a word?"

As usual when she was faced with the prospect of dealing with Amos Diggory, Lily repressed a heavy sigh. She'd been hoping to get through the entirety of that night's prefects' meeting without having to talk to Amos directly, especially after she caught the smirk on Bertha's face as she left the room.

"You go on ahead," Lily said to Remus, who had been waiting for her. "I'll see you back in the common room."

"If you're sure…" Remus's eyes shifted to Amos, who released an impatient breath.

"For Merlin's sake, I just want to talk to her," Amos said, annoyed with the unnecessary dramatics. "I know Potter's got first dibs, all right?"

Lily was about to angrily retort, but Remus beat her to it. "Well, perhaps," he said thoughtfully, "but it's only because he's not daft enough to say things like that."

Amos sighed again but didn't bother arguing his word choice. "Rounds on Wednesday, Lupin."

Remus nodded. "Sure thing, boss," he said and, with a mock salute, he turned on his heel and disappeared into the corridor outside.

"Right," Amos said, dragging a hand through his hair. The action elicited an involuntary smile from Lily as she thought of who had claimed that action as his token. "Look, the thing is, I'm sorry if I offended you on Friday, when I asked you for a date. I just figured, well, there'd be a lot less talk about it if we actually did it, you know?"

"Sure," Lily said. That was true enough, she supposed, but all the same… "Seems like a bad reason to go out with someone, though."

Amos acknowledged this truth with an inclination of his head. "Yeah, well, what if that wasn't the reason?"

"I still wouldn't have said yes." Lily had decided that honesty was the best policy; she wasn't able to practice this principle enough right now, so she had to take the opportunities as they came.

"Ah. Well. You really – er – know how to get your point across, don't you?"

Lily felt a tad guilty then, despite the undeniable fact that Amos Diggory was too pompous for his own good, too entitled and determined that everyone else recognize that entitlement. She'd felt like his offer for a date had been more of a power play than anything else.

"Sorry," Lily said, shrugging one shoulder and figuring that was the best she could do for him since she wasn't particularly pleased with the way he'd acted. "I'm just… not really in the market for a date or a boyfriend or anything else."

A half-smile crossed Amos's face. "Not to hear Jorkins talk about it."

Lily resisted the urge to whack him upside the head with something heavy. Like a book. Or perhaps a chair.

"Right," she said curtly. "Well, Amos, if that's all…"

But she didn't really care if that was all or not, so instead of waiting for an answer or some other dismissal, Lily mimicked Remus's earlier salute and left the room before she could lose her temper. It was one thing to hex a Slytherin or Bertha Jorkins, but quite another to pull your wand on the Head Boy.

Back in the common room, Lily found it lacking in its usual structure; that is, her usual company was rather spread out at the moment. Alice and Frank sat in a corner, holding hands, Frank whispering something to his girlfriend, and Lily thought perhaps that Alice had been crying again; Peter and Remus were deep in discussion at another table; Sirius and Marlene were nowhere to be seen (although Lily could hazard a guess as to where they'd gone off to); and so that left James, lounging alone in front of the fire, flipping languidly through a book.

Lily flopped down on the couch next to him and saw the hint of a smile on his lips as he continued to flip pages. "Evans."

"Diggory's a git," she said in way of greeting.

"I _know_, love." James flipped about ten pages, so Lily was sure that he wasn't actually reading. "I've told you."

His bored, matter-of-fact tone had Lily glaring at him, but he hardly noticed as he kept his nose stuck resolutely in his book. She waited for him to say something else – anything else, really, after the fuss he made about Amos the other day – but it seemed that he required further prompting.

"Well?" That was the best Lily could do.

The corner of James's mouth definitely twitched then. "Yes?"

"Aren't you – mad? Or something?"

"I'm stark raving something, you bet."

Lily threw a pillow at him. "You get all bent out of shape when he asks me out, but I come storming back to Gryffindor tower and I tell you that he's a git, and you just sit there all –" Lily adopted a deep, mocking voice and waved her hands around a bit – "'Ho-hum, I'm James Potter and I don't have any feelings whatsoever.'"

"Don't be ridiculous." James paused his page-flipping long enough to laugh and throw the pillow back at Lily. "I've got lots of _feelings_ recently; I just haven't been able to do anything about them – you shouldn't wonder why, Evans – and I'm afraid if I free my hands of this book and look at you, I might just have to show you how _unmanageable_ those feelings are getting."

Lily felt her heart leap but she wouldn't give him the satisfaction; she'd much rather insult him. "You're such a –"

"Shush." James reached over and pressed a finger to her lips, his eyes still fixed on his book. "If you'd like, I would be over-the-moon pleased to hex Diggory into the hospital wing at the next available opportunity, along with the rest of those blighters who've asked you out, _if you'd just tell me their names_."

That had been quite a note of frustration for James for the past thirty-six hours or so, ever since Lily had let it slip; she had adamantly refused to tell him about anyone else who'd approached her. She'd said none of them were worth getting detention over, and James had agreed that perhaps _one_ of them wouldn't be, but a round dozen seemed like a worthy cause to him. But Lily hadn't budged and it irked James to no end.

"Hmmm…" Lily's eyes darted around the common room to make sure no one was watching them and, satisfied that they weren't, she flicked her tongue over the finger James still held against her lips. "I'm not telling you a thing."

"That so?" James had looked up at her as soon as her tongue met his skin, his eyes brightening at the contact. Oh, she was good… "Nothing at all?"

"Nope." Lily pressed her lips against his fingertip, her eyes twinkling.

"Are you sure?" James's finger left her lips to trail down the skin of her throat. "For instance, you're not going to tell me that I should meet you on the hidden staircase behind that tapestry of Circe on the third floor in, say, fifteen minutes?"

Lily returned his mischievous grin. "Oh, that's the last thing I'm going to tell you," she said, running a hand casually through his hair as she stood and walked away.

James watched her as she went through the portrait hole, pausing only to toss him a wink over her shoulder. He waited all of thirty seconds to follow her, as this lack of proper snogging was really getting to him; he hadn't been teasing when he said his feelings were becoming unmanageable. It was all he could do on a daily basis not to push her up against the nearest wall and let his lips and tongue and teeth and hands and other mentionable body parts convince her not to give a damn what the rest of the school thought.

As James was making his way (whistling, too, he might add) down the third floor corridor towards that tapestry of Circe, the hidden staircase, and his – _well, all right,_ he thought, _not my anything, just Lily and that's good enough_ – it was to find Lily being steered along the hall towards him, flanked by Sirius and Marlene, both of whom looked much happier than she did.

"Prongs!" Sirius exclaimed upon seeing his friend. "What are you up to?"

"Erm –" James wracked his brains for a moment – "just, ah, looking for you, mate."

"What were you going to do, scour all the broom cupboards in the castle?" Sirius wanted to know with a wink, a gesture that thoroughly annoyed James, considering who the last person had winked at him was and how Sirius was royally screwing that up.

Marlene shot Sirius a look, but there was no doubt that she was just as pleased as he was. "Fancy us running into our best mates like this," she said happily, totally devoid of suspicion. "So glad you were on patrol, Lil," she added, kissing Lily's cheek enthusiastically.

"It's a beautiful world," Sirius sighed and offered his arm to Marlene. "I quite feel like skipping. Care to join me?"

"You know, I'm in a bit of a skipping mood myself," Marlene agreed, hooking her arm with his. The two were off, gallivanting blissfully down the corridor, leaving their friends staring after them with raised eyebrows and notably unsatisfied themselves.

After a moment, James broke the silence. "What the hell?"

"I dunno," Lily said, shaking her head, "but I do believe, really, that they just finished shagging. They're absolutely giddy."

"Shag-induced giddy," James concurred. He tore his eyes from the spot where Sirius and Marlene had disappeared and looked at Lily. "What are the chances they won't notice if we don't show up in the common room after them?"

"Slim to none." Lily sighed, a significantly less happy noise than Sirius's had been. "They're much too pleased with themselves to not want to share the feeling."

"They'd have a better shot at 'sharing the feeling' if they hadn't interrupted us," James grumbled.

Lily nodded. "Before we even got started, too. Ah, well…"

She caught the front of James's shirt in her hand and tugged, her mouth taking his briefly but – _oh, Merlin_ – so sweetly. It was just the same as the rest of their hurried kisses had been, just as teasing and tempting, the softness of Lily's mouth molding to the hard desperation of James's, their tongues tangling once or twice, a quick graze of teeth across lips, and then it was over and they'd both be left on the edge until the next two seconds they'd have alone.

"We have got –" James breathed heavily as he snuck in another kiss – "to figure out a better way to do this."

"I know." Lily pulled away, and she felt drained and dying for more. "I have a feeling it's going to be on a play-by-play sort of basis, though, don't you?"

James groaned miserably. "Yes, I'm afraid so," he said, taking her hand as they made their way down the corridor after their shag-happy friends.

They had just stepped through the portrait hole when Marlene caught Lily's arm and whisked her away, shooting James an insincere apology over her shoulder. Lily smiled at him and he blew her a dramatic kiss, to which she responded by rolling her eyes before disappearing up the staircase to the girls' dorm.

Marlene giggled madly all the way upstairs. "Oh, I can't wait to tell you and Alice…"

"Like you have to tell us anything,"' Lily said, but Marlene's giggling was infectious. "Think we can put the pieces together, Mar."

"Don't ruin my fun," Marlene said as they walked into their dormitory. She caught sight of Alice lying in her bed and she said, "Alice! Good, you're here. Wait 'til – Alice? What's wrong?"

Their smiles fell as they realized that Alice was crying – curled up into a ball in the middle of her bed, face pink and tear-stained, her body shaking with silent sobs. It was enough to break both their hearts a thousand times over.

"Alice?" Lily crawled into bed with her, positioning herself near Alice's feet. "What's wrong, love?"

Alice only cried harder, eyes squeezing shut and tears squeezing out. Marlene followed Lily's example and sat near Alice's head so she could stroke her hair. "Darling," she said, her voice taking on that uncharacteristic softness she always adopted when one of her friends was like this. "Sweetheart, what is it?"

"It's – Frank –" Alice hiccupped painfully.

Lily and Marlene exchanged a worried look before the former said, "What did he do?" and the latter demanded, "He didn't break up with you, did he? I'd like to see him try, really, without getting about half a dozen people on his sorry arse –"

"No, he didn't break up with me," Alice said, opening her eyes. "He's just – he's so _stupid_."

"Naturally." Lily smiled, reassured now that she knew Frank hadn't done something extraordinarily stupid like break her friend's heart. She started rubbing Alice's feet to comfort her. "What happened?"

Alice took a few deep, steadying breaths, allowing her friends' comforts to fill her up so she had the strength to compose herself.

"Well," she said when she was as composed as she was going to get for the time being, "we were in the common room, just talking, and you know how worried I've been about him and Fabian and Gideon. It's so hard to take sometimes. We almost started fighting – I'm just so upset and he doesn't know what to do about it aside from getting out of whatever it is he's doing, and of course I'd never ask any of them to do that. I wouldn't want to. Anyway…"

Alice hiccupped and took another deep breath before continuing. "That's about when I started crying again. I can't help it. And he told me it was going to be okay – he said, 'Alice, I promise. I've got your brothers and they've got me; we're not going to let anything happen to each other.'"

"That doesn't seem so stupid, sweetheart," Marlene said, but Alice shook her head.

"Not that part. I'm not done yet," she said. "I told him he couldn't promise that because he doesn't know, and he said okay, he doesn't know a lot of things, but he knows enough because – because –"

She paused, struggling to find the words even though she knew there weren't any other words aside from the ones her incredibly thick-skulled boyfriend had used. "Because he loves me," she finished finally, and she started crying all over again.

Lily and Marlene looked at each other again; apart from being worried this time, though, they were trying very hard not to laugh.

"Oh, Alice," Lily said, shaking her head and smiling broadly. "That's not stupid at all!"

"Quite the opposite, really," Marlene added.

Alice looked at them, annoyance flashing in her damp eyes because _clearly_ they didn't understand. "We've only been dating a couple of months," she protested.

"But you've known each other for years," Lily reminded her. "Besides, look at Sirius and Marlene – they're not even dating and they're shagging in a broom cupboard."

"_I_ was supposed to tell her that," Marlene said, slightly disappointed.

"I already told you, Mar, there's not much to tell," Lily reminded her. "We're not stupid."

Marlene sighed, resigned to this fact. "Yeah, fine," she said before looking back at Alice, whose head was still in her lap. "Look at Lily and James, too. They're not even dating and they're in love."

Lily glared at her. "Shut up, Marlene," she said, then realized how ridiculous this conversation was getting, so she laughed and continued. "See, Alice, you're doing much better than we are."

Alice blinked a few times, looking from one friend to the other. _Were they serious?_ she wondered. _Well, of course they are, they wouldn't lie to you, despite the fact that they're having a good laugh at your expense…_

"Oh, no," she groaned and buried her face in her pillow. "You're right, aren't you?"

"As per usual," Marlene said happily. "Now what's the matter with you, what are you doing with your face?"

Alice groaned again. "I didn't say it back," she admitted, her voice muffled in the pillowcase. "Not because I don't – I do, of course I do, how could I not? I was just so shocked and – and unsure, so I said 'Thanks.'" She lifted her head up and she looked absolutely mortified. "He said he loves me and I said _thanks_. Merlin."

And her face was hidden once again in her pillow, bemoaning her complete awkwardness as her friends roared with more laughter at her expense.

* * *

After Lily was gone and, taking a cursory look around the common room, James found that his friends must have gone up to their own dorm. Feeling that his evening would have been better spent behind that tapestry, James sighed and made his way upstairs.

When he pushed the door open, it was to find Sirius jumping wildly up and down on his bed, reciting a crude and uncreative chant about how he'd just shagged Marlene McKinnon in a broom closet. Peter and Remus were shaking their heads, the former looking somewhat disheartened and the latter slightly amused.

"Oy, Prongsy!" Sirius greeted his newly arrived friend. "You hear that? I shagged McKinnon."

"Yeah, I reckon the whole tower might've heard," James said, exaggerating the volume at which Sirius had been singing. He walked over to his bed, hitting Sirius around the knees as he went so that Sirius lost his footing and fell face-first onto the mattress.

"You're such a fun-ruiner," Sirius said good-naturedly, flipping onto his back and grinning widely.

James rolled his eyes but couldn't help his own grin. "You don't think that's a bit fast, do you?" he asked as he stretched out on his own bed. "You and McKinnon, I mean. You only just started snogging."

Sirius snorted. "Right, like you'd wait a hot second before trying it with Evans if she ever agrees to go out with you again."

Unable to confirm or deny what Sirius had said, James merely shrugged and tried to keep his smile to himself.

"You two are irreparably love-stricken," Remus noted, torn between exasperation and amusement at the looks on his friends' faces.

"More like shag-stricken." Sirius smirked wickedly.

Remus pulled a face. "No need to be so crude about it."

"Oh, I'm only teasing, Moony," Sirius assured him. "Really, I like McKinnon quite a bit – might even fancy her sometimes. I'm just saying, that bird, she's…" Sirius whistled, long and low, his chest rising and falling slowly with the noise. "Know what I mean?"

"Not quite in the sense that you mean, but yeah," James said.

"Can't say that I'm familiar with the feeling," Remus admitted, unperturbed.

"What about you, Wormtail?" Sirius prompted their silent friend. "You ever fancy a bird so much that you sort of… Hmmm…" He flourished his hands a bit and looked over at James. "Help me out here, mate; you've been infatuated much longer than I have."

James sighed and said, straight-faced and monotonously because he'd been through it so many times in his head that it had become about as involuntary as breathing, "It's like tripping over your own feet all the time, and you get that rush in your stomach when you're just about to hit the ground. But you don't actually hit the ground because you're floating. Because even when she swears she can't stand you, when she's shouting at you or docking points or rejecting you, she's still noticing you. She knows you're there, and she's looking at you, and sometimes she's hexing you but that's okay because _Merlin_, she makes your heart beat fast –"

"Oh, fucking hell," Sirius said loudly, making Remus laugh and James smile crookedly, sheepishly. "I'm sorry I asked. Anyway, Wormtail, I guess it's like that. But it's also straight physical passion, right, and you can't help but push her against a wall or pull her into the nearest broom cupboard and –"

"And forget your head completely?" Peter provided, a little annoyed.

Remus looked at him; they had just had a conversation about this, but in the end Peter had seemed all right with it. Now, though, he looked frustrated and put-off and like he wasn't really all right with it, after all.

Sirius, however, didn't notice. "Sure, like that; s'pose that's as good a way to put it as any."

"That's not what I meant," Peter said.

"Oh?" James and Sirius exchanged a look. "What – er, what'd you mean then?"

Peter sighed and began picking at the chipping wood of his bedpost so he wouldn't have to look at anyone when he explained himself. "It's just, well, everything gets weird when birds are involved," he said self-consciously. "I mean, since when do we sit around talking about how we feel about girls?"

Sirius shrugged. "Since about fourth year. What's the big deal?"

"I dunno." Peter knew Sirius would be the wrong person to talk to about this, so he probably shouldn't have brought it up at all. "I just think the whole thing's a bit rubbish."

"_What_ thing?" James asked, sitting up so he could get a better look at Peter. "Talking about girls, Sirius shagging McKinnon, what? Because honestly, mate, it's all old news; the only difference is that Sirius isn't just sticking his tongue in some bird's mouth –"

"Nice innuendo there, Prongs," Sirius said appreciatively.

"Anytime, Padfoot." James looked back at Peter. "So what is it, exactly?"

"I dunno," Peter said again. "You, mostly. I mean, you've been out of sorts ever since Evans started being friendly."

"'Course I haven't," James countered lamely. "I'm pining, same as always. She's just having a laugh about it now instead of hexing me."

Peter shrugged and continued picking at his bedpost. "If you say so."

"Hey, you're the one who brought it up," James said. He wasn't sure why he was suddenly so irritated with Peter; all he knew was that he wanted Peter to say whatever it was he was thinking without all this cryptic and moody "If you say so" business.

"Yeah, I know." Peter finally looked up at his friends. "I'm not trying to tick anyone off, okay? All I'm saying is that you seem to care a hell of a lot more about making Lily Evans like you than you care about – about keeping things the same between all of us."

James stared at him. "What the _hell_ are you on about?"

"I just told you."

"Look, Peter, if you've got a problem with Lily, you might as well just say it so I can get on with jinxing you –"

"I don't have a problem with Lily!" Peter said hotly. "And in case you haven't noticed, she's not here right now so you don't have to start acting all heroic! Maybe _you're_ my problem, all right? I don't know. All I know is that you give such a damn about her that who knows what you'll do next year, when we're all fighting on Dumbledore's side, if you've got to make the choice between saving her and saving your friends –"

"Are you _mad_?" James demanded, but Peter wasn't listening.

"– because I bet you'd pick her, if you had to," he was saying, on a roll now and unable to stop. "You would, and she doesn't even give a damn about you!"

Silence fell over the room then. Sirius and Remus were both staring, open-mouthed, at Peter, who was pink-faced from irritation and exertion. James simply sat where he was, eyes blank, his heart ramming angrily against his ribcage like it was trying to escape so it could throttle Peter itself.

After several seconds had dragged on so long that they felt like minutes, James spoke. "That's what you think, do you?" he asked. "You think I'm so stupid, that I'd run around after a girl if I didn't think there was a chance she cared?"

"No, that's not –" Peter began, fumbling, but this time it was James who wasn't listening.

"And you think so little of Lily – who you haven't even bothered to get to know, even though she's decided to give us all a shot, and you've got to know what that means to me…" James trailed off. He stood abruptly from his bed and kicked his trunk open, rummaging through it for the Cloak and the map. He didn't want to be there anymore.

"Hell, Peter," he went on as he tossed his belongings around, "you were right there with us when Snape and those gits went after her that night. You were raring to get into a fight. I thought it was because you cared about what was happening to her, but now? I dunno. Maybe you just wanted an excuse to deck a Slytherin in the face."

James wasn't sure if he was overreacting or not, but the very idea that Lily didn't care was gnawing at his insides. He didn't believe it, not for a second, not after everything… But the fact that one of his best mates would be willing to stoop so low as to suggest it, knowing how it would make him feel because how could Peter _not_ know? It was too much for James.

Having found the Cloak and the map, James extracted them and slammed his trunk shut so it rattled ominously. James stalked off toward the door.

"James, don't –" Remus started to protest.

"You know what, Peter," James said, not hearing Remus over the pounding anger in his own head, "maybe you're right. You're not, but let's – for argument's sake – say that you are."

He was at the door then, his fingers closed around the handle, and he turned to look at Peter one more time.

"So, for argument's sake, you're right," James reiterated. "She doesn't care. Fine. Not hard to imagine, I s'pose, considering at one time she probably didn't. But even then, Peter – _even then_ – she never tried to hurt me as much as you did right now."

And with that, James swung the Invisibility Cloak over his shoulders so his friends could no longer see him. Knowing that there was no way to stop him now, they watched in silence as the door swung open and shut again, seemingly of its own accord. They heard footsteps descending the staircase beyond, fading, fading, fading into the distance… and James was gone.

* * *

**A/N:** _No worries, lovelies (if you were worried about what I'm going to say, that is) – there will be more on the Sirius/Marlene and Frank/Alice relationships. I promise you that nothing I do is on a throwaway basis (not intentionally, anyway). And, teaser: Peter and Remus will get in on some romance, too. Not yet, though; I've got rather a lot on my plate with this fic at the moment. But they'll get their shots, cross my heart._

_Let me know what you think of all this, if you'd like to share! And I'll see you for Chapter 21 (more Quidditch coming your way)! –K. _


	21. It Depends

_Hello and thank you for joining me and everybody who's reading, _**LexingtonAveryPotter**_,_** freakingenius**_,_** Michael4HPGW**_,_** Just Another Muggle In Panem**_,_** 247**_,_** emmyawarded**_,_** kelseyPJHP1997**_, _**Morfinafina**_,_ **auburn addicted**_,_ _and_** HumeraPotterHead212**_! Thanks to everyone – new and old – who reviewed as well!_

_I know I've said this before, but since this is another Quidditch chapter, I wanted to reiterate: I know it's a common misconception, but James Potter played Chaser, not Seeker as is suggested by the PS/SS film and the fact that he plays with a Snitch in OotP. JKR has stated in interviews that he played Chaser; it should be somewhere on Harry Potter Wiki, if you'd like to check. _

_Some other things you'll read in this chapter will be making a reappearance in upcoming ones (pretty much everything in the Potions scene; that's not just there for the fluff and drama factors)._

_Think that's about all I had to say, so here's Chapter 21! –K._

* * *

The rest of the week was either absolutely brilliant or an absolute train wreck, depending on who you asked.

If you asked Frank or Alice, for instance, they were at the height of absolutely brilliant. By Tuesday morning, Alice had apologized for saying thank you and Frank had said that it was all right, it was really rather polite, but he didn't get much time to babble as such because Alice told him to shut up because she loved him, too, and then they were snogging outside the Great Hall.

If you asked Fabian and Gideon, they'd tell you to quit asking stupid questions and get out of the way so they could properly hex their best friend off their sister's face.

If you asked Marlene, she was pleased to say that she'd skived off four classes by Wednesday afternoon so she and Sirius could rendezvous (because saying "rendezvous" was much classier than saying "shag"). The third floor broom cupboard, the trophy room, and a secret passageway under some humpbacked witch now held a very special place in Marlene's heart (or her hormones, depending).

Depending on which day you asked Sirius, he would say pretty much the same thing as Marlene. If you asked him on other days, though, he was on the train that was heading toward a wreck, considering the fact that two of his mates still weren't speaking to each other.

Remus felt more or less the same way, if you asked him, only his train's brakes had already failed because he didn't have anyone to shag to take his mind off the fact that two of his mates still weren't speaking to each other.

If you asked Lily, she'd probably snap at you because her train's brakes had failed and the engine had spontaneously combusted. It had been a long time since she had patience to deal with the insults – Mudblood, slag, bint, two-timing tramp (a somewhat failed attempt at alliteration, she thought), "Hey, Evans, does the carpet match the drapes, or should I ask Diggory?" (_Unnecessarily vulgar,_ Lily mused as she turned the offender's bag into a particularly merciless canary), "Hey, Evans, are you looking for a third?" (_Not likely,_ Lily thought and she said so right after slapping whatever-his-name-was straight in the face). It didn't help that she still hadn't gotten a moment alone with James.

James, who – if you asked – was riding shotgun on the train that was tumbling toward an unfinished track. By the time dinner on Thursday had rolled around, he'd lost Gryffindor fifty points for all the times he'd gotten caught cursing one of the blighters who kept harassing his – his – fine, just Lily. Whatever she was to him, he still hadn't gotten more than two seconds alone with her and it. Was. Killing. Him. Partly because it was always killing him, and partly because he needed to reconfirm that Lily did care, after what Peter had said. Peter was wrong, James knew that, but that didn't stop the words from haunting him. He still wasn't speaking to Peter.

And if you were so inclined to ask Peter, his train had already flipped over and exploded in a burst of flame and smoke and unadulterated guilt. No matter how much he tried to apologize, to say he didn't mean it, James wouldn't hear it or even do Peter the courtesy of meeting his eye. And depending on what day you asked him, sometimes Peter didn't want to bother apologizing anymore because this was the sort of thing that he'd been talking about; even fifth-year James wouldn't have held a grudge about this for as long as sixth-year James was. So maybe Peter had been wrong for saying what he said, but in the end he had been at least a little bit right.

If you didn't ask any of them and instead chose to observe their behavior from an objective point of view, well, you would be just as confused as they were about what to do about their friends' – or their own (depending on who you asked) – train wrecks.

In the end, it was probably best if you figured out who to ask.

* * *

**Thursday, 9:02 A.M.**

Slughorn stood at the front of the classroom, next to a large cauldron of something that must have been very potent, since he had placed a cover on top of it. The students were eyeing it warily, especially the ones near the front of the room where the mysterious cauldron was sitting. It didn't settle their nerves to know that class had started two solid minutes ago, and Hogwarts teachers weren't exactly known for their lack of promptness.

Marlene, who was sitting just to the left of the cauldron with Lily and Alice, finally spoke up: "Okay, sir, I understand the appeal of suspense, but what's in there?"

"Well, I'm glad you asked, Miss McKinnon," Slughorn said jovially, bouncing a little on the balls of his feet. He'd always been one for theatrics. "This, my dear, is a very strong – _powerful_, really – and potentially very dangerous little concoction."

"Oh, yeah?" Sirius, who was sitting behind the girls with James and Remus (Peter having opted out of class due to sheer discouragement), stood on his toes to get a better look.

"Indeed." Slughorn nodded but didn't say anything else.

Marlene rolled her eyes at Lily, who smiled; she had personally always enjoyed Slughorn when he was so over-the-top about his lessons.

"_Sir,"_ Marlene said, and her impatience couldn't be mistaken.

Slughorn chuckled. "Yes, quite right, Miss McKinnon, I'll get on with it," he said, not needing Marlene to say anymore. His short fingers moved to the cauldron's cover and he continued, "But I think I'll let the potion do the talking."

He lifted the lid with a flourish, and everyone in the room felt suddenly warm and giddy. Their hearts were skipping, their heads were oddly light, and their noses were tingling with the alluring aroma that was wafting out of the cauldron and through their brain stems to drug the cells that abided there.

"_Amortentia," _Slughorn sighed. "I thought, since we're three weeks from Valentine's Day, now was as good a time as any to start studying it. Can anyone tell me what _Amortentia_ is? Miss Evans, perhaps?"

"It's – ah – it's –" Lily knew what it was, knew it like the back of her hand, but at the moment she was finding it rather difficult to concentrate. Her head was fuzzy and her toes were tingling and she had the most insane urge to just start laughing. A giggle escaped and she clapped a hand over her mouth, breathing deeply, but that was a bad idea; the potion's aroma filled up her senses completely.

"I'm sorry, Professor," she said, and giggled again (a bit madly this time). "It – ah – for Merlin's sake, it smells fantastic."

A few of the Gryffindors laughed and even the Slytherins, who weren't about to be amused by something Lily Evans said, had to nod their heads in agreement.

Slughorn chuckled again. "Right you are, Miss Evans," he said, "and I see that you're a bit too distracted to give us the definition. Quite understandable."

Lily laughed loudly and covered her mouth again.

"_Amortentia _is wizardkind's strongest love potion to date," Slughorn went on as if his students had the mentality to pay full attention. "It releases every scent that you personally find most attractive. So, naturally, it smells differently to everyone. For instance, Mr. Potter, what do you smell?"

"I – uh –" James shook his head, trying to clear it of the overpowering scents, but it was no good. "Broom polish, I suppose, and pipe smoke and – ah – cinnamon, pomegranate –"

Lily's hand fell away from her mouth as she laughed harder; she always washed her hair with pomegranate shampoo. James smiled as he watched her double over with hysteria, and he was hard-pressed to keep himself from doing the same. If Lily Evans's laugh was a scent, James was sure that's what _Amortentia_ would smell like.

"My dear Miss Evans –"

"I'm sorry, Professor." Lily wiped the tears from her eyes, but any further apology was cut off by Narcissa Black's voice from across the room.

"Go on, Potter," she invited. "What else is it you smell? Dirty blood, perhaps?"

The Slytherins laughed and James was brought down from his lightheadedness long enough to retort, "What about you lot? Go on, tell us, we're all dying to know what Voldemort reeks of –"

"Enough." Slughorn frowned at the class; there was nothing like an age-old feud to spoil an otherwise pleasant lesson. "Ten points from Slytherin and Gryffindor. Now if we could direct our attention back to the subject at hand. Miss Evans, if you could compose yourself long enough to answer…"

"Yes, of course." Narcissa's comment had been enough to sober Lily up a bit. "It's – well, there's that vanilla tinge that comes with old books. And smoke, definitely, and peppermint –"

"Hang on a tick." Sirius leaned over and made a production of sniffing James. "Professor, I think Evans is smelling liquefied James Potter."

Lily didn't join the rest of the Gryffindors in their laughter; she groaned inwardly, dreading what the Slytherins would make of the comment. She made a mental note to jinx Sirius at the next available opportunity.

She turned around to scowl at him. "Bet it smells the same to you, if that's the case."

The Gryffindors shared a collective _"Ooooooh,"_ Alice and Marlene laughed, and Sirius smirked.

"Jealous, Evans?" he teased. "And it doesn't, by the way; I smell cleaning supplies."

He winked at Marlene, who was then just as overcome with giggles as Lily. James and Remus shared an exasperated groan at their friend.

The remainder of the period passed in a similar fashion, with people bursting into fits of laughter and sighing and feeling generally heart-as-light-as-air giddy and unable to focus on anything Slughorn said.

James, for instance, didn't bother taking notes as he found himself more distracted than usual by the back of Lily's head. The way the deep dark crimson of it caught the candlelight, the way it was releasing the subtle scent of pomegranate, the way he knew that when she turned around he'd see her face – the bright green eyes and that always-on-the-verge-of-laughing mouth and all those other things that made him salivate and he wasn't the least bit ashamed to admit it.

Lily caught sight of him out of the corner of her eye a few times, his head leaning against his hand, eyes glazed over, a dreamy smile on his face…

"Stop it," she muttered, glancing back at him, trying not to smile so as not to encourage him.

But his smile widened nonetheless and he nudged her chair with his foot. "Stop _what_?"

Lily crumpled up a piece of parchment and threw it at him. "Stop looking at me."

"You're so full of yourself, Evans," James scoffed, throwing the parchment back at her, "and you call me arrogant."

"Don't throw things at me –" The parchment went flying back at James's head.

"You started it –" It hit Lily in the face.

"Because you were staring at me –" It bounced off James's chest.

"I'm always staring at you –" Lily caught the parchment and whipped it at his face.

"_Miss_ Evans, _Mr._ Potter!" Slughorn said loudly from where he sat at his desk. "Am I going to have to separate you two, or are you going to start acting your age?"

"I think you're going to have to separate them from the rest of the class, really," Sirius piped up before Lily or James could apologize. "There's a nice broom cupboard right out in the corridor, we won't be able to hear a thing –"

"That's quite enough, Mr. Black," Slughorn interrupted as both Lily and James chucked their quills at Sirius. "And _you two_, not everything is a projectile! Don't make me put you in detention."

Across the room, Snape scowled but kept his eyes on his notes. Of course Slughorn would never _dream_ of putting his favorite student in detention, and as long as James Potter was making her laugh and act so completely thick, well, he'd be forgiven as well.

"Enough to make you sick, isn't it?" Narcissa muttered from her seat beside Snape.

"What is?" he asked, pretending not to know what Narcissa was talking about, but of course he knew. With his miserable luck, what else could it be?

"Potter and Evans, obviously," she hissed. "I don't know what he's on about, sullying a perfectly good pureblood name like that. He doesn't even care, does he?"

"Seems to be a trend with most of those Gryffindor purebloods," Snape remarked more coolly than he felt. "Look at your cousin, McKinnon, the Prewetts – all pureblood, all mudding up the title. Although I suppose two of the Prewetts are Ravenclaw, but you understand my point."

Narcissa nodded, chewing absently at the end of her quill as she watched the Gryffindors across the room. That was the sort of thing Lucius had been talking about, she thought; that's why she had to get involved, to help put a little dignity back into blood status. If she had continued to sit idly by while all the other purebloods stooped to Potter's level, well, then she was just as bad as they were. Things had their place, and there was no sense in disrupting that order.

"Hmmm." Narcissa's lips were pursed as she went back to her notes. She remembered Bellatrix saying something about the recent recruitment of the Carrows… Perhaps now was the time to put their loyalty to the test.

* * *

**Saturday, 9:45 A.M.**

"You coming to the match?"

Peter shook his head, choosing to stare up at the ceiling instead of looking at Remus. "I don't think James wants me there."

"Come on," Remus cajoled uselessly. "Don't worry about it, Peter, just come to the match and maybe –"

"Maybe what?" Peter said, his voice flat. "James'll have a sudden change of heart? Fat chance. He'll look at me, he'll look at Lily, and his mind will be made up from there."

Remus frowned but Peter didn't see it. "That's not fair, mate."

"Yeah." Peter sighed; it was a heavy, rather painful motion, getting caught in his chest before it finally exhaled. "I don't feel much up to going. I'll just… see you later, to work on that Potions stuff I missed."

"Yeah, all right." Remus knew it was no good, no matter how much he hoped things would fix themselves, so he left Peter on his own and made his way out of Gryffindor tower.

He had to admit, Remus thought as he walked, that he was losing his patience with his bickering friends. After all, if he could forgive Sirius for that untoward attempt at "pranking" Snape, then he thought Peter and James should be able to get passed this. But then, James had never been the forgiving type when it came to Lily; he'd made that obvious, even if he didn't realize it himself. And now that there was something actually going on between them – Remus was sure of it – he expected that James's devotion to her would only increase. It was to be expected, and it was even admirable in its own way, Remus had to admit; he just wished they could all quit fighting amongst themselves. There was enough fighting going on without them being at each other's throats.

These thoughts carried Remus all the way through the castle and across the snowy grounds to the Quidditch pitch. He found the rest of the group already in the stands, bundled up against the cold and waiting anxiously for the match to begin.

"Peter's not coming, then?" Sirius asked from his seat between Lily and Marlene.

Remus shook his head as he sat behind him next to Gideon. "Said he wasn't feeling up to it."

"Who's not up for Quidditch?" Lily asked, a little incredulously.

"Peter, apparently," Fabian said from Lily's other side.

"Don't get _clever_," Lily told him, then continued her rather impassioned speech. "I mean, it's just… you know, it's _Quidditch_. Come hell or high water, famine or flu, death or dismemberment, you're _always_ up for Quidditch."

Sirius blinked at her. "You're bloody insane. Mental. You know that?"

Alice, who was sitting behind them, laughed. "When it comes to Quidditch, you bet she is."

"She's insatiable," Gideon added. "We played two-on-two with her and Alice last summer, remember, Fabian? She nearly knocked my teeth out."

"I did not," Lily protested, although she was quite sure she had done just that.

"Does James know about this?" Sirius demanded.

Marlene groaned. "Oh, _don't_ go blab to him about it," she begged. "As if he needs another reason to be sickeningly in love with her."

"_You_ think it's bad?" Sirius said, turning to her. "We're the ones who've got to listen to him mutter about her in his sleep every night."

Marlene wrinkled her nose. "Are you serious?"

"In more ways than one," he replied, smirking at his own play on words.

"Ugh!" Lily smacked him. "Worst joke."

Sirius turned back to the annoyed redhead on his right. "Aw, come on, it's not –"

"Worst. Joke. Ever."

"I second that," Remus said.

"Third and fourth," Fabian and Gideon agreed in unison.

"I'm really too polite to say," Alice said, paying special attention to smoothing out her wrinkle-free skirt.

"I'm not saying a word, either," Marlene agreed. She winked at Sirius. "I don't want you getting cross with me; I need you for things."

Everyone except Sirius groaned in disgust.

"Perfect timing," Fabian said as the Gryffindor and Slytherin teams came striding up to the middle of the pitch. "I've had about enough of all this romance talk from you lot; it's enough to make me sick."

"Come sickness or scabies –"

"ENOUGH, EVANS."

Down on the pitch, James and Frank were in serious discussion about the match they were about to begin.

"You know Macnair's a piece of work," Frank was saying. "If I didn't hate the prat so much, I'd say it was understandable. You know he was supposed to be out of here three years ago, but he's bloody stupid, spends more time torturing mice and whatever else instead of studying. Dunno why they bother letting him stay."

"His parents are rich as hell," James muttered so as not to be overheard. "You know the school governors aren't going to say no to a bit of gold, especially when it comes from an old pureblood name. They've got enough trouble from that sort as it is, what with Dumbledore's mad idea that Muggle-borns are equal human beings and all."

Frank nodded. "Too right. Anyway, I wouldn't put it past him to shoot an unprovoked Bludger Raiff's way, and you know how Raiff is –"

"I'm _right here_, you know," Raiff Okerley huffed from behind them. "Don't get your knickers in a twist, I'll be a good boy as long as their Seeker doesn't tail me all match like that Hufflepuff tosser did."

"I'd watch out for the Carrows, too," Oliver said. "They're thick as bricks, but they know how to play dirty. Bet that's the only reason Macnair let Alecto on the team; you know they never let girls on."

"Good-for-nothing, sodding bleeders," Sarah muttered. Oliver patted her consolingly on the shoulder.

"Captains!" Madam Hooch shouted from where she stood a few feet away. Both James and Macnair looked up from the huddles they were having with their teams. "While we're still young, please."

"Aww, mum, you can't be anymore than twenty-seven," Raiff called.

Madam Hooch shot him a look and said, "Watch it, Okerley, or I'll see to it that you're benched for the rest of the season." She turned back to the Captains, who now stood in front of her. "Shake hands."

James was sure that Macnair had decided breaking his fingers would be more beneficial than merely shaking hands like a civilized human being, but he refused to flinch. This match was going to be quick and it was going to be ugly, that much was clear.

"Mount your brooms," Madam Hooch said, whistle between her teeth. "And –"

The sound of the whistle screeched over the frozen air, accompanied by the cheers of the crowd and Bertha Jorkins's infamous commentary.

"And the teams are off," her booming voice traveled over the stands. "Gryffindor versus Slytherin, always a favorite, but I have to say it's a shame that Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff took place _before_ Lily Evans's rumored trysts began –"

"Bloody hell!" Lily was about to jump out of her seat and make her way to the commentator's booth, wand at the ready, but Fabian and Sirius got a firm grip on her upper arms.

"No need to fuel the fire, now," Fabian said bracingly. "Don't worry, lovely, we'll get that jumped-up little thing as soon as the match is over."

"Come boils or Bertha Jorkins," Gideon recited, patting Lily on the head.

Up in the air, Frank and Cam were doing their best to reassure James about Bertha's comments, while simultaneously getting their hands on the Quaffle.

"She's only trying to get attention!" Frank told him.

"Don't let her get under your skin!" Cam shouted seriously. "We don't have time for your bad temper, Captain –"

"I've got it, I've got it!" James shouted back, but he was fuming all the same. If Jorkins kept this up, he might have to borrow one of his Beaters' bats and take a detour to the commentator's booth and clock her over the head with it.

Figuring he might as well win the match before taking care of Bertha Jorkins, James turned his broom and swooped between Amycus Carrow and Marcus Wort, intercepting the Quaffle in the process.

"Potter with the Quaffle," Bertha announced to the crowd. "Incidentally, Potter is one of Evans's recent conquests –"

"HOW IS THAT INCIDENTAL?" Lily raged amongst the titters of the crowd. "COMMENTATE ON THE _MATCH_, YOU –"

Sirius slapped a hand over her mouth. "Save it for the Slytherins, eh – oh, Evans, that's disgusting," he added, pulling a face and removing his hand after Lily purposefully slobbered all over it. He wiped it on her face.

"You're on my list, Black," Lily snapped, "right after Jorkins."

Back on the pitch and in the air, James's prediction of an ugly game had quickly become reality. The score was tied ten-ten now, but the players were fighting so violently that it might as well have been the final stretch in a timed match. Sarah and Alecto were beating Bludgers at each other like they were the only two on the pitch, and they had both sustained a fantastic bloody nose; Terrence Rowle had nearly knocked Frank off his broom in order to gain possession of the Quaffle; and Raiff, fed up with Neil Hodge's blocking techniques, had feigned to the left and Hodge was nearly knocked out as he crashed into the stands.

"Nothing like a good ol' feud to get the juices flowing, eh?" Frank called to James as he threw him the Quaffle.

"You got it!" James laughed, but the mirth was short-lived as Macnair's Bludger hit him straight in the face, snapping his glasses and his nose and making him lose the Quaffle, which – fortunately enough – was caught by Cam, who had been flying just below him.

The crowd was torn between groaning and cheering over James's injury; as was the theme of that week, it depended on who you asked.

"You want a time-out?" Frank called.

"No!" James shouted thickly through the blood. "Don't want to give them time to strategize! Follow Cam, and I'll get this fixed!"

Frank sped up the pitch behind Cam, and James followed, pausing when he reached the front row of the stands where his friends were sitting.

"That's a good look for you, kid," Gideon remarked.

"Shut up." James turned to Lily. "Mind fixing me up, Evans?"

Lily didn't hesitate; she pulled out her wand and mended his nose with an _"Episkey"_ and his glasses with a _"Reparo."_

"Thanks." James swiped at the dried blood on his face and grinned. "How about a kiss, too, you know, for the emotional damage?"

"_James Potter!"_ Lily pointed her wand right back at his nose. "Stop flirting with me _right now_ and go win this match, or so help me, Merlin, I will break your nose all over again!"

James laughed again but didn't waste any time; he pulled his broom around just as Cam swerved around the Slytherin Keeper and sunk Gryffindor's second goal.

"That's twenty-ten to Gryffindor!" Bertha announced to the tumultuous crowd. "Good news for Potter, whose dismal leadership skills allowed him a few seconds to flirt while his teammates took the blows –"

"_Have you seen my face?"_ James bellowed as he flew past her, catching the Quaffle Cam tossed up in his direction.

Bertha ignored the blood caked under James's nose and around his mouth as she continued talking into the megaphone. "The Gryffindor team has always been a bit self-preoccupied, of course," she remarked. "It's quite a feat that they manage to play a decent game at all."

"Jorkins is such a _twat_!" Oliver growled, aiming the next Bludger at the commentator's booth but hitting one of the Slytherin Chasers instead. "Oh, bollocks, well, close enough…"

As the match and the injuries progressed, Slytheirn gained the lead at forty-twenty when Rowle rammed so hard into Joyce at the Gryffindor goalposts that she fell off her broom, catching the handle at the last second. The Gryffindors in the crowd booed wildly and while the point still stood, Madam Hooch offered Gryffindor a penalty shot for "unnecessary aggression" on Slytherin's part. Frank took the shot, looping and dodging and spinning around the opposing Keeper and bringing the score to forty-thirty, to the great delight of more than half the crowd.

"Now if only he wasn't dating our sister –" Gideon paused to whistle – "I could really get on board with this Longbottom fellow!"

"You've been on board with him since you were six!" Alice yelled at her brother.

"Yeah, well, I dunno any six-year-olds who try snogging their mate's sister –"

"Oh, hell!" Lily's shout interrupted Fabian and Gideon's teasing. She'd leapt from her seat, leaning over the edge of the stands, her eyes on the field. "James just got knocked off his broom."

"_What?"_ Alice said, looking over Marlene's shoulder to get a better look.

"Bludger from Macnair," Remus told her as the crowd around them exploded. "Right to the back, totally unprovoked; James didn't even have the Quaffle."

"Dirty, rotten, filthy _cheats_!" Lily shouted, tugging so hard on the ends of her scarf that she was practically choking herself. Not wanting to arise too much suspicion from their friends, Lily channeled her worry for James into fury at the Slytherins. "Oy! HOOCH! Penalty shot!"

Down on the brittle, frozen ground, James moaned and tried to sit up, but a sharp pain shot up and down his spine and prevented him from doing anything but keeping flat on his stomach. Merlin, Circe, Agrippa, there was about a hundred percent chance that his back was broken…

Just as James was about to pass out from the pain, though, he heard the shrill and unmistakable sound of Madam Hooch's whistle, signaling the end of the match. There was the sound of feet hitting the ground, echoing oddly in James's head since one of his ears was pressed against the earth, and then –

"We won!" Raiff was cheering just above him. "We won, we won, I got that thick-headed Hodge to fall for my feint _again_. Think I gave him a right good concussion, I did, and _I got the Snitch_!"

"Brilliant." James breathed a sigh of relief, and another jolt of agony shot across his back. "Now will someone please get me to the hospital wing?"

"Oh – right –" Raiff turned to someone behind him who James couldn't see from his position. "Oy! Little help over here!"

And then James was being lifted to his feet, arms lifted so that one lay over Remus's shoulders and the other over Sirius's.

"Wicked match, mate," Sirius said as they walked back up to the castle, the rest of the team and the crowd milling around them. "Wanted to congratulate Frank on that penalty shot – fantastic move – but I think Alice's got that taken care of."

"Get off your high horse," Marlene told him. "They're in _love_."

"Oh, well, if it's _luuuurve_ –"

"You know," Marlene said loudly over the boys' sniggers, "it occurs to me that you might be a bit too immature for relationship talk. Love, snogging, _shagging_ –"

"Whoa, now." Sirius looked over his shoulder. "Hey, Evans, you mind taking my place here? Seems like I've got to whisk McKinnon off to show her just how _mature_ I am."

"If it stops you from making poor innuendos, yeah," Lily said, and James felt his heart skip despite the pain radiating through his body when he found Lily's small shoulders taking the place of Sirius's broad ones.

"Well, hey, Evans," James said with a lopsided grin. "Thought you'd already run off. What were you doing back there?"

Lily rolled her eyes, wondering what kind of effect that Bludger had had on his brain. "Just checking out your bum, you know, those Quidditch trousers do you _wonders_ –"

Remus laughed loudly at the blush that flamed across James's face. "Lily, I'll bet you a weeks' worth of patrol duties that you're the only one who can make James this self-conscious."

"Like I'd take that bet. I'm clearly the only one who can make him go redder than my hair." Lily tweaked James's nose affectionately and laughed at him the rest of the way to the hospital wing.

Once there, Madam Pomfrey squawked at James's appearance. "Right troublesome sport, Quidditch," she noted as she ushered James, Lily, and Remus over to a bed. "Wait here, Potter, while I go fetch some pain-killing potion, although I suspect you've built up an immunity to it by now…"

"You going to be all right?" Remus asked as Madam Pomfrey disappeared.

"Yeah, fine." James hissed out a breath between clenched teeth, trying to block out the worst of the pain. "You can go on ahead."

"See you in the common room, then," Remus said, and he left the wing to go fill Peter in on the details of the match, and to give Lily and James a moment alone. He figured they could use it.

Before they could get it, though, Madam Pomfrey came bustling back up the ward, a bottle of bright purple potion in one hand and her wand ready in the other. She siphoned the blood away from James's face and asked, "So what is it? Fractured spine?"

"Hell if I know, miss," James said. "Bludger straight to the back, though, so odds are something like that."

"Mmhmm." Madam Pomfrey waved her wand over James's back a few times, muttering incoherent healing spells. When she was done, she handed the potion to Lily. "Miss Evans, see to it that he downs the whole thing. Then I want you _out_, my dear, as Potter will need to rest up before I let him leave."

"Aye, aye, cap'n." Lily saluted Madam Pomfrey as the nurse once again made her way to her office. She unstoppered the bottle, which released a puff of smoke and a low hissing noise, and held it up to James's lips. "Come on, then, open wide."

James shook his head and pressed his lips tightly together. Lily sighed and threatened, "Don't make me call Pomfrey back here."

"I'll cut you a deal, then," James said, opening his lips just enough to get the words out. "Give me that kiss I asked you for earlier, and I'll take my potion like the obedient little berk I am just for you."

Lily grinned and caught his chin in her fingers the way he so often did with her. "You're such a wanker, Potter," she said, her voice quiet and teasing as her breath danced across James's lips.

"That's exactly what a lad likes to here right before his secret girlfriend kisses him."

"Don't call me that," Lily said.

Half a second later her mouth was on his, gently coaxing his lips apart, her tongue just as teasing as her voice had a moment ago. James's hand slid across her stomach until it reached her waist, his fingers digging into her sweatshirt so intimately that she could swear she felt the warmth from his fingertips on her naked skin. James felt the crackling electricity between them, felt it in her touch and through her clothes and on her lips, on her tongue, in the way her teeth nipped at his bottom lip and the way her free hand clutched at his neck, just beneath his ear.

He kissed her harder, nudging her lips further apart and delving his tongue deeper with hers. At that tantalizingly sweet provocation, Lily's mouth moved more urgently against his, knowing that she only had another second or two to keep this going, wishing that she could stretch the time into hours, and determined to figure out a way to do just that. _Sooner rather than later, preferably_, she thought as James's fingers rubbed teasingly over the waistband of her skirt.

"All right." Lily pulled her mouth away and replaced it with the bottle of potion. "Time to make good on your promise."

James grinned, his heart still skipping around happily from the force of Lily's kiss. "Cheers," he said, and allowed the purple liquid to burn trails through his mouth and down his throat.

"Blech. Disgusting," he decided when he'd finished. He pushed himself over the mattress and settled back against the pillows. He yawned. "You going to hang 'round here with me?"

"If only Pomfrey wouldn't have my head." Lily ruffled James's hair and he caught her hand, kissing her soundly on the inside of her wrist and grinning when he saw how it made her face flush pink. "I'll see you later."

James waited until Lily had almost reached the end of the ward before calling after her, "Hey, Evans!"

She turned on her heel to look at him, still making her way towards the door, and James was reminded of the first time she'd agreed to accompany him and the boys to Hogsmeade. He smiled. "Were you really checking me out?"

Lily rolled her eyes but couldn't help the goofy grin that nearly split her face in two. "Every chance I get, Potter," she told him, and then she was gone.

So if you happened to ask James Potter how his week was by the time Lily left him in the hospital wing on Saturday, he would tell you that he'd never had better. And then he would fall asleep, the shadow of a smile imprinted on his lips.

* * *

**6:18 P.M.**

After moaning for a good twenty minutes about how he was fine and in fact he'd never felt better and "For Merlin's sake, woman, it's not as if I was on death's doorstep; it was only a Bludger," James was finally released from the hospital wing. He wasn't exactly fine, of course – his back still ached like hell – but he'd be damned if Pomfrey would keep him prisoner in the hospital wing all night, not after that kiss Lily had given him just a few hours ago.

When he climbed through the portrait hole, his eyes scanned the common room and found Lily, Sirius, and Remus all grouped around the fire, reading and lounging and double-checking class notes. He made his way toward them and collapsed on the floor in front of the couch.

"Damn Bludgers," he said in way of greeting, voice muffled against the carpet. "My back is killing me."

Unperturbed by his sore back, Lily propped her bare feet up on it and continued to read her book. "Didn't Pomfrey fix it?" she asked, eyes scanning the pages and one of her feet rubbing lightly down James's spine.

"Yeah, but it's still a mess. Mmmm…" James sighed and buried his head in one of his arm as Lily's feet continued their ministrations up and down his back; he allowed himself to sink into the slight pressure and the relief it provided his tense muscles.

Lily smirked at his appreciative response. She pressed her foot more firmly into his back, kneading the muscles with her toes. James groaned loudly.

Sirius, meanwhile, made a noise of mock disgust. "Get a room."

"I like the way you think, Padfoot." James turned his head to look up at Lily. "What do you say, Evans?"

Lily kept her eyes on her book, stomach squirming happily as she said, "Bite me, Potter."

James grinned wolfishly. "Gladly."

Sirius laughed, Remus rolled his eyes and tried not to join him, and Lily kicked James in the side and ceased the back rub.

"Aw, don't stop, Evans –"

"A room!" Sirius exclaimed. "Get one!"

Lily snapped her book shut and slipped her shoes on. "You're all terribly distracting," she informed the group rather dryly, like she hadn't expected anything less and she didn't really care. "I'm going to the library."

She shot a brief but meaningful look at James as she stood up. "Perhaps you'll all have stopped being so basic by the time I get back."

"Don't hold your breath!" Sirius called after her as she left through the portrait hole.

James kicked him. "I'm starting to think that you only want us to 'get a room' so you can live vicariously through us."

Sirius released his signature bark-like laugh. "Right, Prongs, but I think I'm doing just fine with McKinnon. I just want you two to get on with it already."

"Same," Remus said (although he felt as if his own suspicions were more or less confirmed).

_Well, if that's what they want…_ James sat up, stretched, and said, "Think I'll pop down to the kitchens. Anyone care to join me?" He crossed his fingers that they wouldn't.

"I told Peter we'd work out that _Amortentia_ theory for Slughorn," Remus said.

"Kitchens are too far," Sirius said with a yawn. "But I wouldn't say no if you wanted to bring me something back."

"I'll think about it," James said, figuring he'd end up forgetting if what he had planned worked out for him. "See you lot in a bit."

James made his way to the library, fighting the urge to whistle as he went. He didn't want to seem too pleased with himself, or else Lily might call off that evening's tryst. Or perhaps not, James thought as he recalled the way she'd kissed him in the hospital wing. Grinning at the memory, James checked the map so he could ascertain where exactly Lily was in the library; he didn't want to waste any time. He found her little black dot roaming through the Restricted Section. James's grin broadened and he shook his head. _Cheeky little thing…_

Not wanting to attract the attention of Madam Pince, James pulled the Invisibility Cloak from an inside pocket of his robes and threw it over himself before entering the library. He silently thanked Merlin that Saturday was such a slow study day, which assured a mostly empty library (but, of course, Lily had probably thought of that, too). James stepped over the rope that marked off the Restricted Section and wandered deep into the high shelves, keeping his steps light and his breathing quiet.

He found Lily at the far wall, at the last row of shelves in the library. She was standing there, flipping idly through one of the tomes, one of her legs bent slightly as she held most of her weight on the other. She shifted feet and replaced the book she'd been perusing, standing on her tiptoes to read the titles on a higher shelf, and her skirt hitched up ever so slightly…

James crept up behind her, still covered by the Cloak, and whispered, "Don't scream."

Lily clapped a hand over her mouth and spun around, eyes wide as they scoured the near-darkness for the source of the whisper.

"James?" she said in an undertone of her own.

James lifted up the cloak just enough so she could get a look at him. "Evening, love," he greeted her with a cocky half-smile.

"What…" Lily reached out and tugged gently at the fabric around him, gasping in shock as she did so. "Is this an _Invisibility Cloak_?"

"Well, yeah –"

"Where did you get this?" she asked, completely blown away.

"It's –"

Lily smacked him upside the head, coming to her senses; she didn't care how rare and wonderful the Cloak was, since he'd used it to terrify her. "You scared the hell out of me!" she whispered furiously. "James Potter, I swear I am going to –"

James stopped her mid-threat, his mouth catching hers and cutting her voice short (and her breath, too, if Lily was honest with herself). His hands found her waist and he pulled her roughly to him, covering her with the Cloak as well so they'd be safe from any late-night studiers who might happen upon them. He pushed her against the bookshelf, his mouth swallowing her soft moan as his body pressed insistently into hers. Merlin, it felt like ages since he'd last been able to kiss her, to touch her, without worrying about people or time or damn Berth Jorkins and her big mouth…

Lily's arms were around his neck, her fingers tangled in his hair. Her tongue stroked over his and she arched her back, causing James to groan as her body fit into his so smoothly, so effortlessly. James pushed one of his legs between hers, and Lily felt the heat spread over and below her stomach, driving her so achingly insane…

"James," she breathed as his mouth left hers to explore the naked expanse of her neck.

"Hmmm?" he hummed against her neck, and she could feel the sound reverberate up and down her body, from her head to the tips of her fingers and toes. His teeth nipped and lips sucked at the sensitive area behind her ear. His hands worked their way beneath her sweater, callused fingertips massaging the overheated skin just above her waistband.

James moved his mouth from her neck to her jaw and between open-mouthed kisses he murmured, "Were you going to say something, secret girlfriend?"

"Don't –" Lily started to protest but instead she found herself being distracted by her own sharp intake of breath as one of James's hands slid down her thigh and up her skirt.

"Don't?" James smirked and paused his hand's progression up her thigh. His palm pressed into her skin, his fingertips caressed and rubbed and probed, but he didn't move anymore than that. His breath was hot as his mouth hovered just above hers and he whispered, "You want me to stop?"

"Uh-uh." Lily shook her head and tugged him closer so she could kiss his neck. "Just _don't call me that_."

"What would you prefer?" James asked, his heart ramming itself against his ribcage in giddy excitement as Lily's open mouth trailed hot and heady kisses over his skin. His hand resumed its journey up her leg, fingers still rubbing and pressing and teasing. "Love? Light of my life? Or something like an admission – Lily-Evans-is-a-better-snog-than-me?"

Lily bit his shoulder and he sucked in a breath. "My name would do just fine," she told him, "but right now your moans are sounding rather nice as well."

James turned his face to halt her wandering lips with his; the way her mouth roved up and down his skin was driving him crazy and as much as he'd love to drown himself in such madness, he wanted to keep this going longer, because who knew when they'd get another chance to sneak off like this? His hand was still creeping up her thigh, his touch becoming more insistent with every centimeter of new flesh he encountered. His fingers lingered over the spot between her legs, and with one soft brush he felt her muscles tighten and her body stiffen and her lips pause against his.

He pulled away just enough so he could talk, his lips still moving against hers as he did so. "Is this okay?" he murmured so softly that Lily could hardly hear him, but the way his fingertips brushed a little more firmly against her confirmed what he wanted to know. She nodded twice, almost imperceptibly, her heart jumping up and down with the butterflies that had just exploded from somewhere a little more south than usual, and her mouth was back on his.

James's fingers were slow but firm against her, against that thin piece of material separating him from actually, really, truly touching her. That material was thin, flimsy, textured beneath his own callus-textured fingertips, and – _oh, Merlin, was that lace?_ James moaned softly, agonizingly, and he deepened the kiss, his tongue shoving and probing into Lily's mouth as his fingers fought their way past that swatch of lace that was in his way.

Lily whimpered at the feel of his rough fingers against her sensitive skin. James paused again. "Okay?" he asked, and the question was strained and breathless and somehow those two syllables were such an alluring tease on Lily's nerves.

"Okay," she assured him, just as strained and breathless. Her hands clutched at his shoulders as his fingers continued to work at her, creeping across and up and down, and then he slipped a finger slowly inside of her.

"Mmm…" Lily broke away from the kiss, unable to concentrate on it as a second finger joined the first. James took the hint and his mouth moved back to her neck, his fingers and lips matching each other in speed and rhythm and Lily felt like she was about to unravel at any second, or maybe she would melt or spontaneously combust, she didn't know, but surely – _surely_ – she wasn't going to walk out of the library in one solid piece…

"Lily…" James murmured her name into her neck, his fingers still working with that slow, steady rhythm. His teeth bit at her skin, lips and tongue soothing and eliciting another one of her soft, irresistible moans. His fingers picked up pace and firmness. His mouth trailed up to her ear and his breath was shallow and warm as he whispered how much he wanted her, right then, right there, at quarter after seven on a Saturday evening against that secluded back wall of the library.

Lily's moan was on the verge of becoming a soft cry and she sighed his name and she couldn't take the pressure anymore, her hands were tangled in her own hair to distract herself from the heat and the nerves and that unavoidable tingle that was almost a shock, it was rocking through her body so fiercely. James's fingers slipped back out of her and his hands clutched her waist so harshly that she was sure she'd bruise – but _Merlin_, what a bruise – and he pushed her so hard against the bookshelf that it shuddered ominously, and his body pushed against hers, his hips thrusting into hers so Lily was sure that James wanted her just as much as he'd murmured in her ear…

And then the light from the burning torches on the ends of the bookshelves was being extinguished. Lily and James broke apart long enough to see the long and severe shadow of Madam Pince as she strode down the aisles, putting out the flames, going through the motions to shut down the library for the night.

"We should go," Lily whispered as Madam Pince's shadow loomed closer to where they stood, invisible, pressed against each other and the bookshelf that served as Lily's back support.

"Yeah…" James bit back the urge to swear and they made their way slowly and quietly through the Restricted Section and out of the library.

When they had put a couple of corridors between themselves and the library, James pulled the Invisibility Cloak off so they could walk more freely. He looked over at Lily and found that her skin was flushed from her neck all the way up to her forehead; her eyes were bright and pupils dilated, and her red hair was mussed and knotted in a few places.

Lily felt his eyes on her and turned to meet his gaze. His hair was messier than usual, his glasses askew, his skin was pink and there was a darkening spot right where her lips had been.

"Oh, bugger." Lily traced a fingertip around the spot and James smiled.

"No worse than yours, I'm sure," he said, pushing her hair over her shoulder to get a better look right under her ear. "Jorkins will have a field day."

"What did she even do before we started snogging?" Lily wanted to know, deciding for the moment that it was the funniest thing her mind could entertain. Under different circumstances – although she couldn't specify how different – she supposed it would be.

"I haven't the slightest idea," James admitted, sliding his hand from her neck and down her arm to intertwine his fingers with hers.

Lily squeezed his hand and quickened her step so that she was walking a little ahead of him, dragging him along after her. She wanted to get back to the common room before anyone caught them wandering around the castle with too-big pupils and guilty smiles on their flushed faces.

"Slow down a sec," James said, tugging her hand until she was in step with him. His mind was made up and he had to ask her – had to, because he wanted to forgive Peter and he wanted to put his paranoia to rest. "I need to ask you something."

"Okay." Lily looked up at him concernedly. "What is it?"

"I…" James dragged his free hand through his hair so it stood more on-end than before. "I know it's a mad question, Lily, but you know – you know I fancy you, right?"

He knew it was a stupid question, but he had to get his thoughts together before he asked the real question, just so she understood how much it meant to him to know.

Lily smiled, a bit puzzled now. "I managed to figure that out, yeah."

"Right." James squeezed her fingers, his thumb rubbing over her knuckles. "So I just – I wanted to know if – well, if you felt the same way. About me."

"Oh." Lily's eyes widened slightly; she hadn't been expecting that, and from the blush flowering over James's face, she knew it had taken a lot for him to ask. She stopped walking so she could have a clear look at him when she told him, so he could have a clear look at her. Hazel eyes met green ones tentatively, nervously, and both their hearts picked up a little speed as they looked at each other.

"Yeah," Lily told him, and she lifted his hand to her lips and kissed his knuckles, which were much bigger than her own. "Imagine that – it's mad, isn't it? – but I fancy you, James Potter. I care about you, and I meant that promise I made to you at New Year's; this sneaking around, it won't last forever. I just need… you know, some time."

She kissed his fingers and looked up at him with a particular kind of earnest, because she heard something in his voice and saw something in his eyes that begged her for the serious, all-cards-on-the-table truth. "I don't want you to ever think that I don't care about you."

A relieved smile broke out across James's face. He'd known it all – he had to have known it – but it was something else to hear her say it. He pressed a kiss to her forehead, his free hand tangling in her hair for just a moment, and he said, "Thank you, secret girlfriend, love, light of my life, better-snog-than-me-Lily-Evans."

They continued their way down the corridor after that. James swung their interlocked hands up to his smiling lips so he could kiss her wrist, and Lily thought about just how much she adored this messy-haired boy with his crooked glasses and lopsided smile.

So, by Saturday night at around eight o'clock, if you asked James Potter, he'd forgotten all about his best mate's accusations and his broken back; and if you asked Lily Evans, she couldn't give less of a damn about what anybody thought. By Saturday night at around eight o'clock, in the middle of a nondescript corridor, for just a moment, their trains quit crashing. They smoldered rather than burned, and they rumbled along their respective tracks, only a little more crookedly than they had been before.

* * *

**A/N:** _Hope everyone dug the sentimental smut thing._ _I realize that there's been a big emphasis on the Lily/James lately, so I'll be switching it up next chapter. Get ready for more duels, war angst, and the inner workings of the up-and-coming Death Eaters in Chapter 22! See you soon!_


	22. Bittersweet

_Hello and thanks for reading (either ARE or my one-shot, "It Happened in a Broom Cupboard"),_** LEMONedCHOCO**_,_** JuleRose**_, _**Sarah1281**_,_** up and coming writer**_, _**brittanymarie68**_, _**victoriam549**_,_** ilovelollipops923**_,_** breezered**_,_** jubi95, KayKat13**_, _**Battousai's Woman**_,_ **Victoria Gryffindor Peverell**_,_ **Isabel-ad**, **HeyMissDeeJay**_,_ **valentyna89**_,_ **natalie1668**_,_ **birdscannotfly**_,_ **Lessa-W**_,_ **You Gave Me Loaded** **Dice**_,_ **JadeZinniaMarchetta**_,_ **mrsCGNJJP**_,_ **extremehpfan**_,_ **Princess Juliet Rose**_,_ **m4caronii**_,_ **ohgloriouspond**_,_ _and_ **Liisupzz**_!__I love everything you guys offer up – thoughts, feels, insights, from one word to however many you've got to say. You're beautiful and I can't wait until the day I can buy you all pizza._

_When you get to the bit where Lily and James are walking back to the castle from Hogsmeade, turn up some "Kiss Me" by Ed Sheeran for a more sensory experience. Really, it might help with the feels; and when I say "help," I mean it will give you more._

From a 2005 interview:  
**MuggleNet:** "How did they get together? [Lily] hated James, from what we've seen."  
**JKR:** "Did she really? You're a woman, you know what I'm saying."  
[Laughter]

* * *

**January 30**

There was an attack.

It was made to look like an accident; it was, after all, all in good fun, just another way to take out a few more Muggles "for the hell of it," as Mulciber said when the students at Hogwarts had received the news at breakfast the morning after. So many of them had subscribed to _The Daily Prophet_ to keep up-to-date on their friends and family at home that the news traveled quickly, even by Hogwarts standards. It was all many of were talking about as they scanned the _Prophet_ and muttered disparaging things under their breath.

Snape kept his eyes fixed on the Gryffindor table. He had a clear view of Lily's face as she looked over Alice Prewett's shoulder, sharp green eyes scanning the front page. After a second or two she had snatched the paper from Alice's hands and was tearing through it for the details (continued on page four). Snape didn't wonder why – the attack had occurred just outside her father's office in London. Ian Evans hadn't been involved; the attack piqued at seven P.M., two hours after Ian had left the building and gone home for the evening. He was safe and sound in his den when that car with a gas leak idled at a stoplight and someone dropped a match (the Muggle newspapers were quite wrong in their theory, as no simple accident could have elicited such destruction). Twelve people were dead, but none of them were Ian Evans.

Snape saw the relief wash over Lily's face as she determined that information for herself, but her hands still shook as she folded the _Prophet_ and shoved it across the table away from her. Marlene McKinnon's back was facing the Slytherin table, but Snape saw her lean forward, presumably to talk to Lily, whose face was growing steadily pink as Marlene talked and Alice rubbed soothing circles over her back. Lily was nodding, her eyes closed; she said something – Snape couldn't tell what, exactly – and a small smile touched her lips, but still there was the unmistakable glisten of a few tears as they slid down her face.

_Some birthday surprise,_ Snape noted privately; the fact that her father had been so close to death was a surefire way to thrust Lily into adulthood and if the tears were any indication, she wasn't handling it very well. Enter James Potter.

_Of course._ Snape's thoughts were derisive as he watched James straddle the seat on Lily's right. His hand was at the back of her neck, fingers kneading away the tension, as he whispered in her ear; Lily's smile widened and her body visibly relaxed under the influence of James's touch and words. Snape didn't think he'd ever get over the sheer shock and betrayal of it all; it simmered somewhere beneath the surface now, but it threatened to boil over every time he saw them together, every time she laughed at him or he placed a hand at the small of her back. Snape wouldn't even think of what he'd walked in on the train before the holidays; he blocked it out, shook it off every time it threatened to emerge.

"What are you scowling at?" Bellatrix's question jerked Snape out of his reverie. He swore at himself; Bellatrix was sitting almost directly across from him, of course she'd be eyeing his every move like a stinking, distrustful hawk.

"Nothing." Snape tore his eyes from the scene at the Gryffindor table; it had been making him rather ill, anyway.

"It's always _nothing_ with you, isn't it?" Bellatrix observed. She had her chin propped up with the heel of one hand, the index finger of the other tracing the rim of her goblet. Her gaze was steady and unblinking on Snape's face, which was scowling again.

"Maybe it's just always _something_ with you," he suggested harshly.

Bellatrix's mouth turned down in a pout. "Worried about your little Mudblood friend?" she guessed. "Don't know why that'd be, but you've always surprised me in the worst ways, _Severus_…"

"Drop it, why don't you?" Snape said. "I did the Cruciatus on her, didn't I? What else do you want?"

"What I want would require a Time-Turner so I could knock some sense into your thick eleven-year-old head."

Snape rolled his eyes. "Let me know when you've managed to get your hands on one, then."

"Don't get short with me," Bellatrix snapped. "You're the one who's responsible for starting that."

"I was also responsible for ending it, if you'll recall." Snape was sure to leave the regret out of his voice as he remembered that day by the lake for the millionth time. "I don't know why you're always on me about it. Are you _bored_, Bellatrix?"

"I am," Avery answered. "Feels like we haven't done anything for ages."

"So do something," Bellatrix said, her voice saturated with impatience. "You don't have to ask permission to curse a Mudblood."

"Right, so then I could hear it from you when you find you've got a problem with something I've already done so it's too late to fix it –"

"Quit being such a useless idiot and you won't have to hear anything from me."

"How Rodolphus can stand you, I'll never – ow!"

Avery's goblet of pumpkin juice exploded, drenching him in the tangy orange liquid that crackled and sizzled from the intensity of Bellatrix's jinx. He shook the sleeves of his robes out, trying to rid himself of the worst of it, all the while spluttering mumbled curses at Bellatrix.

"Watch it," she growled. "I've still got my wand out."

Tired of listening to the accusations and the whining and the bickering, Snape pushed himself away from the table. He pretended he didn't hear Bellatrix when she asked where he was going; he simply kept his eyes trained on the doors to the Great Hall and didn't look back. Avery and Mulciber followed, figuring that perhaps Snape had some grand scheme to assuage their boredom.

"What's so jammed up Snape's arse?" Bellatrix wanted to know when she and her sister were left alone.

Narcissa shrugged. "I think he's just ready to get out of here. And you do get on him a lot about Evans, so that might be it, too."

"Yes, well –"

"I'm not saying you're _wrong_," Narcissa interrupted her sister's protestations. "I'm just saying it might be a contributing factor. Anyway, Bella, I don't much care what Snape's problem is. Have you talked to the Carrows?"

Bellatrix ran her fork along the empty expanse of her plate, creating an unpleasant screeching to accompany her response. "I hate the Carrows. You talk to them."

"Oh, you hate everyone," Narcissa argued. "And they won't listen to me; you have to do it."

"It was your idea," Bellatrix reminded her. "I might not like the twits, but I'm not the one who thinks they need to be tested."

"You thought I needed to be tested!" Narcissa hissed. "And Regulus. That's why we backed you up when you went after Evans, remember? I might not have gotten as many detentions as you did, but I've still got salamander scales stuck under my fingernails from those damned old cauldrons –"

"Well, you took an awful lot of convincing first. And Regulus is young; we had to make sure he was prepared –"

"Ugh!" Narcissa dropped her silverware, letting it clatter against her plate as it fell. "Fine, Bella, I'll talk to the Carrows, since you're suddenly so _trusting_…"

Narcissa stormed away then, following in Snape's footsteps and determinedly ignoring Bellatrix's calls for her to come back. She stalked straight through the Great Hall and out the doors, storing her annoyance with her sister to the back of her mind as she wondered where to first look for the Carrows. It was Saturday, so they certainly wouldn't be in the library. (They wouldn't be in the library any day, really; Narcissa wasn't even sure if they knew how to read.) It was also early on a Saturday, so Narcissa decided that the most likely place they'd be was in their dorms.

She roused Alecto first, then dragged her to the boys' dormitory to kick Amycus out of bed. Narcissa might have been annoyed with Bellatrix at the moment, but she had to agree with her older sister on one point: the Carrows were more trouble than they were likely worth.

"Quit griping," Narcissa told them, trying to assert the sort of authority Bellatrix seemed to naturally exude.

"What d'you expect when you come barging in at nine in the mornin'?" Amycus grumbled, rubbing the tiredness from his eyes. "Whaddaya want, anyway?"

"Some rite of passage or something," provided Alecto, who had demanded the same when Narcissa had ripped her bed hangings open a few minutes ago.

"That's right," Narcissa said. She folded her arms across her chest, willing herself to emanate power or influence or perhaps incite a little fear. _You are in charge; take control._ "You want in, you've got to show us that you mean it."

"'Course we mean it," Amycus said. "What more d'you want?"

Narcissa shot him an obviously fake smile. "That's exactly what I'm about to tell you."

* * *

"I think that we should do something for Lily."

James and Remus looked up from the game of chess they were playing in the middle of James's bed. Peter was sitting on the edge of his mattress, watching the game as it progressed, sitting silently until just a moment ago.

"Yeah?" James said. He and Peter had made amends nearly a week ago, falling easily back into friendship when James sat next to Peter at breakfast and told him that as long as he kept his mouth shut about him and Lily, James would forget the whole thing; Peter nodded and James asked him to pass the salt, and everything was back to normal.

"Yeah." Peter wasn't only making the suggestion to alleviate what was left of his guilt; he'd seen Lily at breakfast that morning, too, and he just didn't think it was right. "I mean, it's her birthday, for one thing; she's seventeen, that's a big deal for us. And the first thing she gets is a scare that her dad's just another casualty so the Death Eaters can have a laugh, and – and that's just off, isn't it?"

James frowned, not at Peter, but at the memory of Lily's worries. It was too close to home, she'd said; it didn't matter that her family was all right today because there were too many tomorrows to worry about for everything to be okay. She wasn't handling her ever-growing pile of pressures very well, and James couldn't blame her; she was practically drowning as it was and now she had her faraway Muggle family to obsess over as well.

"I reckon you're right," he said.

"Who's right?" Sirius called from behind the bathroom door.

Remus raised his eyes to the ceiling as if he were looking for divine guidance. "Merlin, how long does it take to fix your hair?"

"Eternity, if you're me." James grinned and ruffled his irreversibly unkempt hair.

"Sounds about right for Padfoot, too –"

"Sod off, Moony!"

Remus shook his head. "He doesn't tune in for the important bits of the conversation, but _that_ he hears."

The bathroom door swung open and Sirius stuck his head out. "_I_ am the important bit of any conversation, so I don't know what you're on about. Now who's right and what're they right about?"

"Wormtail," James said before Remus and Sirius could start arguing about their hair care regimens again. "Says we should do something for Lily. I'm a right tosser for not thinking of it myself, really, but I s'pose Alice and Marlene will have plans for her."

Sirius shook his head, his expertly coiffed hair moving fluidly with his motions. "Nah, they don't," he said. "McKinnon said something about how they wanted to take her into Hogsmeade tonight, but they dunno how they'd sneak off without getting caught."

There was silence then as Sirius allowed the hilarity of the girls' concern to properly sink in. The four boys exchanged meaningful looks and then their faces cracked into nearly identical grins.

* * *

Lily was staring off into space, her eyes heavy with anxiety-induced exhaustion. She was lying flat on her stomach, her face turned towards Marlene's bed, but all she saw was that empty space and the occasional hallucination that taunted her with images of dead parents and dead Petunia, pale and wide-eyed, blood trickling from the corners of their mouths…

"Lil." Alice's voice was soft, her hands tentative as they rubbed Lily's back. "Sweetheart, relax; everything's all right."

"It's not." Lily's voice was muffled since half her face was buried in her pillow. She felt the tears spring hot and fresh into her eyes again. "Everything's awful and there's nothing I can do about – about any of it."

"Yeah, that's true," Marlene agreed. She rolled off her bed and onto the floor and over to Lily, positioning herself directly in her distraught friend's line of sight. "No sense in torturing yourself over something you can't fix."

"_Several_ things I can't fix."

"So screw 'em all!" Marlene flung her hands up and danced her fingertips over Lily's face. "It's your _birthday_, you big ball of sad! You're seventeen. We should be _celebrating_."

Lily sniffled and swiped a hand over one teary eye. "I'm not in the mood."

Marlene pinched her nose playfully. "That's what firewhiskey's for."

"Mar, you know we can't go anywhere," Alice reminded her. It was a right shame, she thought, but she and Marlene had been over all their options several times, and they just couldn't work out a feasible way to get out of the castle for the evening. They'd even considered going to McGonagall for permission, but they hardly thought she'd condone a night of adolescent debauchery.

But as if they had just uttered a prayer that had been waiting to be answered, there was a loud _bang_ on the other side of the dormitory door.

"Fucking ay!" Marlene and Lily shot up into sitting positions, startled by the sudden racket. Alice turned towards the door. All three of them stared at it, wary of whatever was on the other side of it that had made the noise, but now all was silent.

"I'll get it." Marlene pushed herself off the floor, wand at the ready as she pulled the door open. Lily and Alice craned their necks to see if they could catch a glimpse of whatever it was before Marlene had the chance to hex it senseless, but no hex came. Instead, Marlene bent down and picked something up, there was a crinkle of paper, and silence again.

"What is it, Mar?" Lily asked, wiping her eyes again to find that they were mostly dry now, the _bang_ having frightened most of her misery away.

Marlene spun around, her face split in two by her smile. "It's brilliant, is what it is," she said, crossing the room and tossing the racket-making thing onto Lily's bed. "Have a look at that."

It was just a piece of parchment. Alice and Lily leaned over it, reading the words scrawled across its yellow surface:

_Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs  
Purveyors of no-goodness and mischief  
Inordinately talented and devilishly handsome  
Are proud to present:  
An exercise in sullying our new mates' names by molding them into the same caliber of no-good mischief-makers as MWPP. May Merlin have mercy on our troublesome souls._

_We request your presence in the common room at ten o'clock this evening._

_P.S. Sorry for the noise, but we had to get your attention somehow.  
P.P.S. Wear something pretty.  
P.P.P.S. That last postscript was Sirius, who puts an inconceivable amount of importance in appearance. He spent half an hour on his hair this afternoon. For no reason, since we were holed up in our dormitory.  
P.P.P.P.S. Remus is only jealous because he doesn't have such fantastic hair. (He wants me to tell you that he said I couldn't have this hair, either, if I didn't spend so much time on it, but I am choosing to ignore him because he's a twat.)  
P.(etc.)S. In case you forgot after reading through all the postscripts: Common room, ten o'clock._

"Blimey," Lily said when she had finished reading, "what a waste of parchment."

"And here I was, thinking they just liked to hear themselves talk." Alice shook her head. "They like to see themselves write, too, apparently."

Lily nodded in agreement, her eyes moving over the parchment a second time. "Still brilliant, though."

"Oh, naturally."

* * *

**10:47 P.M.**

It took four trips under the Invisibility Cloak to the statue of the humpbacked witch, but eventually the Marauders, Lily, Alice, Marlene, Frank, and the Prewett brothers had found their way into the Three Broomsticks.

"I don't even want to know," Madam Rosmerta said as the bell above the door jangled and the group came in, pink-faced from the trek and the cold.

"That's a good lass," Gideon said seriously.

"Sure is," Fabian agreed. "We did a number of incriminating things to get in here."

"Virgin sacrifices, mostly," Sirius said.

Madam Rosmerta rolled her eyes but the effect was somewhat lost in her smile. "I've told you before, I don't care what you do as long as you've got the gold and you don't burn my pub down."

"I forgot about that last bit," Remus said thoughtfully. "Isn't that what you said to us on our first trip here, Rose? How our reputation preceded us…"

"And oh, how the mighty have fallen," James sighed as the Marauders made their way to the bar and the others settled around a table. "Thirteen years old and we were at the top of our game. What happened to us?"

"You became a tad less of a liability to everyone you came across," Madam Rosmerta supplied. "So what d'ya lot want, then?"

"Well…" Sirius folded his arms and leaned across the bar towards her. "Couldn't trouble you for something a bit heavier than butterbeer, could we?"

Madam Rosmerta placed her palms on the counter, fingers splayed, and met Sirius's imploring gaze with a dubious one. "Not a chance, handsome."

"Oh, go on, Rose," Peter cajoled (Madam Rosmerta couldn't resist it when Peter cajoled; she thought he was simply too sweet to be refused). "It's Lily's birthday. She's had a rough time of it lately."

Rosmerta pursed her lips and looked over at the table where Lily was sitting. That smile, Rosmerta thought, didn't seem to meet her eyes. She released a breath but didn't say anything to the boys just yet.

"We won't _tell_, Rose," James promised. "Solemnly swear."

She looked at Remus. "Ain't you a prefect?"

He shrugged. "I thought you didn't care what we did so long as we pay you and the pub stays in one piece." He sighed heavily, dramatically, as he allowed his eyes to wander over the Three Broomsticks. "It'd be a right shame if that second bit just… slipped our minds."

"Remus Lupin!" Rosmerta had to shout over James, Sirius, and Peter as they laughed. "Are you _blackmailing_ me?"

"No, no…" Remus dug his hand into his pocket and shook a few coins around so they made obvious noise. "Just saying, is all."

Rosmerta laughed and shook her head. "All right," she said, "you've got me. But don't go off thinking you're clever, you got that? I just think our dear Miss Evans deserves a proper birthday."

An hour later, Lily's smile was meeting her eyes and she felt like she'd never had a birthday more proper than this one.

"No, listen," she was saying as her friends laughed at the drinking game she'd been trying to explain to them. "I swear, it's really good. It's called 'quarters' –"

"What's a quarter again?" Sirius asked. Lily had explained it half a dozen times but Sirius was a little distracted by the hum of drink in his head and the fact that Marlene kept running her hand up and down his thigh.

"It's Ameri – _hiccup_ – can Muggle money." Lily took another drink. "Mum studied abroad when she went to university and she picked it up. The game, I mean."

"_I don't get it,"_ Fabian announced for the third time. "You've got to bounce a coin into a cup. SO WHAT."

"Sounds like a ruddy good way to take somebody's eye out," Gideon said.

Lily burst out laughing and buried her head in her arms, the giggles raking her body, reverberating in her spine. It wasn't that funny, she thought, but it was.

"Maybe with our great big Wizard coins," Marlene said to Gideon. "But I've seen those – what is it? Quarblers? They're not so bad; sort of flimsy, really."

"Idea still sounds bonkers to me," Fabian said, taking a long draw from his bottle. He poked Lily, who was still laughing. "What's it with this kid, eh?"

"Pretty sure she's smashed," deduced Peter, who was swaying slightly in his seat.

"I'm about there, too." Frank yawned and stretched, dropping an arm around Alice's shoulders as he did so. "I'm about ready to head out. Quidditch practice tomorrow, yeah?" he added, looking at James for confirmation.

"'Fraid so," James said with the air of someone who wasn't sorry pretending to be sorry, but not really caring if anyone bought it.

"Shit." Frank pushed back from his chair, dragging Alice's back with him. "You lot ready?"

James shook Lily's shoulder; she'd stopped laughing, but she hadn't come up for air. "You hear that, Lil? Time to go."

Lily smacked his hand away. "I'm sleeping."

"Right." James pulled out the Invisibility Cloak and handed it to Remus. "Here, you take this, I'll take the map. Think I'll take her back up the High Street; dunno if she'd make it through the tunnel without tossing her guts."

"I heard that." Hiccup.

"You need any help?" Remus asked James, who shook his head.

"S'all right, think I can manage her."

"Stop _talking_ about me." Hiccup.

"Mhmm, I'm sure you can," Remus said, a little more loftily than usual since he'd had quite a bit to drink himself. It felt like the right time to take a jab at his mate about whatever was going on between him and Lily.

James shoved him. "Shut up."

The rest of the group ruffled Lily's hair or kissed the little bit of her forehead that was peeking out and told her "happy birthday, love," and then James was left alone to get her up out of her chair and back to the castle.

"All right." James pulled her chair out and got a grip on her arms. "Up you get, Evans, it's time to go to bed."

"Yours or mine?" Lily tripped when James got her standing; he caught her around the waist and decided it was best if it stayed that way.

"Evans, are you hitting on me?"

Lily sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder as he led her out of the Three Broomsticks and into the cold night air. "I don't know, James; just take me home."

"Well, I would, love, but we're not going _home_, we're going to the castle."

Lily groaned. "I hate you."

James kissed her temple. "Nah, you don't."

They walked awhile longer, quiet now, the only sounds the crunch of snow beneath their feet, the rustle of chill wind through bare tree branches, their slow and steady breathing and the occasional sniffle as the cold teased their noses and made them numb. Everything was still and silent and dark, the only light coming from the occasional cottage in soft golden patches thrown across the ground, making the snow explode into a sea of ethereal sparkles.

Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. Rustle. Crunch. Sniffle. Rustle. Rustle. Crunch. Sniffle. Crunch. Sniffle. Rustle. Crunch. Sniffle. Crunch.

And then it started snowing.

"Oh, good," Lily said quietly as she lifted her face up to greet it. "Now I've got a reason to sit down."

"What?" James said, half-laughing as Lily slid out of his hold and collapsed into the snow on her back.

"I've wanted to sit down ever since you made me get up," Lily told him. She stretched her arms over her head and crossed her legs at the ankles, sighing as she stared up at the sky. She could see the gnarled, naked branches of a tree above her, silhouetted against the inky indigo sky, peppered with a thousand million falling, drifting, swirling, twirling, bits of white.

"Aren't you worried about pneumonia?" James teased as he lay down next to her.

Lily laughed – one loud, abrupt burst of laughter that echoed over the still and silent air. "I was never worried about pneumonia," she confessed. "You just make me nervous when you get too close."

"Yeah?" James smiled and turned his head to look at her. Her red hair was a stark contrast to the snow beneath it and falling over it, her cheeks were flushed pink from cold and firewhiskey, her eyes were bright, and there was a shadow of a smile kissing one corner of her mouth.

"Yeah." Lily turned to meet his gaze. His face was pink and eyes were bright and glasses crooked. "I fancy you, remember?" She turned her face back towards the sky. "Don't let it get to your head."

"Oh, but Evans, I think it already has."

Lily moved to smack his chest with one hand, but James caught it and he pressed his lips to the inside of her wrist and she said, "I never should have let you know how much I like that. Your head's inflating all over again."

"Never," James promised as he played with her fingers. Her nails were painted dark blue like the sky and the paint was chipped in a few places. "If that happened, you wouldn't fancy me anymore and I'd be back at square one and I'll tell you something, Evans, and that's that I _hate_ square one."

Lily didn't say anything for a moment and James was beginning to wonder if he'd said something wrong, but then she sighed and said in something of a rush, "I have something to tell you."

"Oh?" James glanced over at her. Snowflakes were sticking to her eyelashes.

"Oh," Lily confirmed. "But don't look at me when I say it."

James moved his gaze back to her chipped blue fingernails.

"Are you looking?"

"No."

"Good."

Silence. Rustle. Rustle. Sniffle.

"Your hands are cold." James brought her hand to his lips and blew warm breath onto her fingertips. "Are you going to tell me?"

Lily opted for another moment of silence. She'd had too much firewhiskey too fast – _oh, it's like a metaphor for James Potter, isn't it?_ – and it was coursing through her veins and misting through her brain, so maybe it wasn't the best time to tell him, or maybe it was. She wasn't sure. All she knew was that she wanted to tell him.

"Lily?" James's lips pressed against each of her fingers.

"I fancied you last year, too."

James turned to look at her so quickly that his neck nearly snapped. He stared at her, hardly aware that his mouth was open, but Lily didn't notice because she was too busy staring resolutely up at the sky, snow gathering over her face that was glowing from the combination of firewhiskey, cold, and a long-harbored confession.

"I'm sorry," James said after a minute, "but I think I might have had a bit of snow lodged in my ear. What was it that you said?"

"You heard me."

"Well, just in case. Perhaps I'm drunker than I thought, so _just in case_..."

Lily turned her face and looked him straight in the eye, and her eyes were so bright, so determined, and she repeated, "I fancied you last year, too."

James rolled over onto his side, sliding a hand over her face to grip the back of her neck and he kissed her, hard, in the middle of an oncoming snowstorm in the middle of the night. Her breath was warm on his mouth, and his on hers, the only heat they were exposed to as their bodies grew numb from cold.

"I asked you out a million times," James murmured as their lips broke apart and came back together. His hand moved down her arm, stroking, fingers caressing. "Why didn't you just say yes?"

"Because I still meant all those things I said," Lily whispered, her palm rubbing over the skin of his neck. "You were arrogant, with your Snitch and your stupid hair –"

"Damn. Remus said you thought my hair was stupid; I thought he was just trying to bug me."

"Oh, shut it."

They had stopped kissing now, but they were still lying on their sides, looking, touching, smiling. James's thumb was rubbing the inside of Lily's elbow, and her fingers were stroking his face and combing back his stupid hair.

"I didn't like the things you did," Lily said after a moment, "but I still liked you. Kept that information to myself, mind you, it was hard enough to find that I fancied you after making such a big deal out of how much you annoyed me. You still do annoy me, though."

"I'm sorry," James said again, "I can't hear you over the sound of how much you fancy me."

"_James."_

"_Lily." _He stood up, pulling her with him, snow coating their backs and dusting their hair. He looked down at her and saw that she was frowning up at him. "What's wrong?"

"You're annoying me again."

James laughed. "I can't seem to help it," he said, a little apologetically. "Would you be less annoyed if I didn't make you walk anymore?"

Lily thought about it for a moment, wondering if she could trust him or if he was going to continue teasing her. "Yes…"

"Okay, good." He turned around so his back was facing her. "Get on."

It was Lily's turn to laugh, but she hopped onto his back, anyway, her arms around his shoulders and legs around his waist. James's hands gripped just above the back of her knees to keep her steady.

"Blimey," Lily said as James walked, "you're freezing."

"Weird, isn't it?" James said seriously. "I mean, it's not as if I just spend fifteen minutes lying in the snow or anything."

"You're doing it again," Lily warned, and she bit his ear; James felt the heat flare up somewhere in the pit of his stomach.

"Don't _do_ that, Evans," he warned now, "or I might just have to throw you right back into the snow."

Lily giggled.

When they returned to the castle and the warm golden glow of the entrance hall, Lily slid off James's back, her feet echoing softly as they hit the stone floor.

"Thank you," she said as James turned to face her. She wrapped her arms around him and held on tight. "For tonight, I mean. You always know how to make me feel better, don't you?"

"Well…" James blushed a little and smiled as he ran his fingers through her hair. "I spend a lot of time thinking about it, you know, but this was Peter's idea."

"Oh." Lily blinked a few times, surprised. Peter had never been rude to her or anything, but he was so quiet around her most of the time; she was never sure that he actually liked her very much. "Well, then, maybe I should be thanking him instead," she said to James as she stood on her toes and brought her mouth a breath away from his.

"Hilarious, Evans," James said flatly, but he was still smiling when he closed the little space between them and kissed her. Their lips were chapped with cold, warming steadily beneath the pressure of the other's. Lily's arms wound around his neck and his around her waist, each pulling the other closer because no one was around and they had nothing to lose for a little while.

That is, until they heard the soft sobbing coming from somewhere behind them. They paused, slowing their breathing, listening, then broke apart and squinted into the shadows of the marble staircase.

"What was that?" Lily asked. She'd already disentangled herself from James and was moving toward the staircase.

"Dunno," James said, a dark look passing over his face as he followed her lead. He stopped her before she could get a foot on the first step. "Hold it," he said, putting a hand on her arm. "Maybe... I'll go first."

Lily gave him an exasperated look. "_Really?"_

"Lily…"

"Fine, fine."

James took the stairs slowly, Lily following behind him, the sobbing growing a little louder the farther they got up the staircase. When they reached the landing, they saw a small shadow hunched in the corner, rocking back and forth, its breathing harsh and staggered. Upon closer inspection, James saw that it was a small girl – definitely a first year – her eyes wide and frenzied, fingers wringing together, tears streaming down her face. Lily saw her, too, and she pushed James aside and crouched down in front of the girl, taking her hands and trying to get her to meet her eye.

"Jenny?" Lily said quietly. "Jenny, it's Lily Evans. Are you all right?"

Jenny breathed in sharply, in, out, in, out. Her face was completely devoid of color. "I don't feel well," she said, voice hoarse.

"Okay. Do you want me to take you to the hospital wing?"

The little girl shook her head furiously. "No, no," she said. "I'm not – not the hospital wing. Can't go to the hospital wing. I'm supposed to… to…"

Lily frowned. "Supposed to what?"

"I don't – don't remember…"

Lily turned to look at James, who was watching the scene with that same dark look on his face. "Go get Professor McGonagall," she mouthed, not wanting Jenny to hear and knowing James would get the message.

He nodded and continued his way up the staircase to the corridor where he knew McGonagall's quarters were. He walked quickly, almost breaking into a run, until he reached the right door. He banged the side of his fist against it repeatedly until it swung upon to reveal a harassed-looking Professor McGonagall, who narrowed her eyes when she saw him.

"Mr. Potter," she said, "do you have any idea what time it is? What on earth –"

"Professor," James cut across her, "something's wrong. We – Lily and I – there's a first-year on the staircase. She looks ill, won't let us take her to the hospital wing; she doesn't seem to know how she got there."

McGonagall was already brushing past James, making her way swiftly down the corridor, James at her heels. When they reached the landing on the marble staircase, Lily was still clutching the girl's hands, whispering soothingly to her, but the girl was still shaking, still rocking, still breathing laboriously…

Lily turned at the sound of their approaching footsteps. "Jenny Jenkins," she said to McGonagall. "First-year Hufflepuff. Muggle-born," she added because she knew it was important. "I can't get her to tell me anything; I don't think she actually knows at all."

"Jenny," McGonagall said, crouching down next to Lily and surprising James, who had never heard their professor use a student's given name before. "Do you know how you got to be in the middle of the staircase at this hour?"

Jenny shook her head.

"Were you having a nightmare? Sleepwalking?"

Another shake.

"Can you tell me _anything_?"

And another.

With Lily's help, McGonagall managed to get Jenny into a standing position. Her legs wobbled beneath her, seemingly unable to support her feeble weight, and McGonagall put an arm around her shoulders to steady her.

"I'm going to take her to Madam Pomfrey," McGonagall told the others. "Thank you for finding her."

"Is she – do you know what's wrong with her?" James asked.

McGonagall shook her head. "I'm afraid I can't say, Potter," she said, but it was clear that she wasn't being completely honest with them.

As they watched McGonagall lead a still-trembling Jenny Jenkins up the remainder of the stairs and disappear along the corridor, James said quietly, "She knows. Wonder why she wouldn't tell us."

"I don't know," Lily said. She felt drained, hollow somehow, and she didn't want to stand in the middle of the staircase anymore. "Come on, no use hanging 'round here. Let's go back to the common room."

"Are you all right?" James asked her as they continued their trek upstairs.

"I don't know," Lily said again. Her legs felt increasingly heavier with every step. "I just… I don't know Jenny very well. She's a first year, she's not even in our House, so I don't have much of an opportunity. But she's a sweet girl, very quiet, but she's nice to everyone, so I don't –"

"Something tells me that whoever did whatever to her doesn't care about how nice she is," James said pointedly.

Lily's frown deepened. "Yes," she said. She slipped her hand into James's and he squeezed her fingers reassuringly, protectively. "I'm afraid that something tells me the exact same thing."


	23. All's Fair

_Just like last time, some of these thanks are for ARE and others are for "It Happened in a Broom Cupboard" (just in case readers of the second ever decide to trek through ARE as well), and I appreciate you all just the same: _**valentyna89**_,_** Whatchoofelloverfor**_,_** wongda**_,_** Unfeeling**_,_** DodgerBaller**_,_ **thewitchisdead**_, _**PoppyU**_,_ **purplebunny97**_,_ **Strawberryfields4evr**_,_ _and _**Riddyk KaeL McFiz**_. Y'all are tops; here's some feels for your trouble…_

* * *

**Tuesday, 10:03 A.M.**

"Are you completely daft?"

"Morning to you, too, Bella."

Bellatrix scowled. She'd been waiting for Narcissa outside of the greenhouse for half an hour, waiting and fuming and trying to contain her impatience as she planned on how to deal with her. But Bellatrix Black had never been one to contain her temper.

"You haven't answered my question," she said.

"I thought it was rhetorical," Narcissa said, adjusting the strap on her bag. She started on the walk back up to the castle, but Bellatrix grabbed her arm, stopping her.

"_What did you do?"_ Bellatrix hissed. "Rather, what did you tell the _Carrows_ to do?"

"What are you –?"

"Don't play games with me, Narcissa!" Bellatrix warned. "I saw those idiots outside of the hospital wing this morning, cackling like they'd done such a top job. Would you care to know who was _in_ the hospital wing?"

"It's just some first-year." Narcissa shrugged. "I told them it didn't matter who, as long as –"

"Dumbledore was in the hospital wing," Bellatrix went on as if Narcissa hadn't been talking at all. "He was sitting at that little Mudblood's bedside, talking to her, trying to figure out what happened. So you tell me right now, Narcissa, _what did you tell the Carrows to do_?"

Narcissa matched her sister's scowl. Who did Bellatrix think she was, confronting her like this? she wondered. Bella had refused point-blank to handle the Carrows herself, so Narcissa had to do it and now Bellatrix had the audacity to complain about the details?

"I thought they could use a challenge," Narcissa said more boldly then she felt (_well, you try having Bellatrix Black breathing down your neck and see you collected you are_). "So I told them to give the Imperius Curse a go."

Bellatrix had to restrain herself from pulling her wand on her own sister. "Are. You. _Mad_," she said, her teeth clenched.

"No. What does it matter? Snape used the Cruciatus –"

"_What does it matter?"_ Bellatrix repeated incredulously. She then tapped a finger against her chin and her whole demeanor was emanating sarcasm. "Well, let's think about it, shall we? I know thinking's not your strong suit, but let's try."

Narcissa's scowl intensified. "There's no need to insult me, Bella –"

"Oh, there's every need," Bellatrix countered, her voice low and dangerous now. "Snape needed to do that curse, you hear me? I didn't trust him, and neither did Rodolphus – and you had better hope Rodolphus doesn't find out about what you orchestrated. And Snape knows how to use the Unforgivable Curses, too, and we all know Evans wasn't going to rat him out, thanks to how full of herself she is. Now let's consider what _you_ did."

"I did what you wouldn't!" Narcissa argued.

Bellatrix held up a hand to silence her sister. "No, Cissy, you didn't. _I_ wouldn't tell the Carrows to use an Unforgivable Curse. _I_ know that they don't have the power or the control to succeed. _I_ wouldn't have left any of the decisions to the Carrows. _I_ wouldn't have let them go off by themselves and try it out. That Hufflepuff wasn't properly Imperiused. She's coming to, and she's going to tell Dumbledore everything."

Narcissa felt some of the color drain from her face, but she wasn't going to give this up without a fight. "Look, I understand that we're in a rather bad place now, but –"

"A rather bad place?" Bellatrix echoed. "That's a right stupid way to put it. _Of course_ we're in a bad place! As soon as that girl comes 'round enough – and you know she will, thanks to your carelessness and Dumbledore's intervention – that old Mudblood-lover will be on our heels and then we're finished, Cissy, you hear me? Finished. If the Carrows are incriminated, it's a straight shot to accusing us."

"That's not going to happen!" Narcissa said, her sudden panic taking over. She had no idea how they were going to get around this. Bellatrix, however, seemed to have an idea.

"You're right," she said, and something blazed in her eyes, something that had Narcissa taking a step back from her sister. "That _isn't_ going to happen. And you're the one who will make sure of it."

* * *

**12:30 P.M.**

Lily didn't go to lunch. She left class and went straight to the hospital wing, sweet-talking her way past Madam Pomfrey so she could get to Jenny Jenkins.

"But ten minutes _only_," the nurse told her. "Miss Jenkins –"

"– needs her rest," Lily finished for her. "Yes, Madam Pomfrey, I _know_."

Madam Pomfrey fixed her with a stern glare, but she pointed down the ward towards Jenny's bed and went to her office, leaving Lily to it.

"Hey, Jenny," Lily said as she took the chair next to the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm all right," Jenny said, and she looked more or less like she was telling the truth. She was sitting up in bed and had more color in her face, at least, but she did look tired. "It's hard to sleep; I'm on edge, I guess. Professor Dumbledore said that's normal."

"Dumbledore?" Lily repeated. "He came to see you?"

Jenny nodded. "He comes every day. He talks to me and asks questions about what – about what happened."

Lily leaned forward slightly in her seat. "What _did_ happen, Jenny?"

"I only remember a little bit," the younger girl admitted. "I went to dinner and then I stopped at the loo before going to the library. And then…" She shrugged. "That's it. I don't even know if I made it to the library."

Lily frowned. She didn't like to think of what could have caused Jenny to act that way, to put her in such a state of unconsciousness and later fear. She wondered who had done it; it was a short suspect list, Lily thought grimly, but a list all the same. She didn't want to say any of this to Jenny, though, in case it worried her even more than she already was. Lily knew what is was like to be in that constant state of anxiety, of fear, and she couldn't bring herself to put that sort of pressure on Jenny just to get closer to solving the mystery.

So instead of pushing further, she asked, "So when's Pomfrey going to let you out of here?"

"I don't know," Jenny said. "Professor Dumbledore says it's best that I stay for awhile."

"Oh." Lily wondered what Dumbledore was on about; whatever it was, though, it couldn't be good. "That's too bad."

Jenny shrugged again. "Not really," she said. "I can still keep up with my classes and I get to sleep in. It's easier to sleep during the day, you know? Everything's more difficult at night."

Lily didn't stay much longer, due to Madam Pomfrey's ten-minute rule and the fact that she was due in Charms soon. She swung her bag over her shoulder and promised Jenny she'd come back to see her soon, then made her way out of the hospital wing and towards Flitwick's class.

When she got there, she walked by her usual seat next to Alice (Marlene was not-so-mysteriously absent, once Lily saw that Sirius was missing, too). "I have to talk to James," she muttered on her way past, and Alice merely nodded. She'd given up trying to figure out what was going on with her friend and James Potter; it was best to simply let events unfold.

Lily reached the last row of desks and dropped her bag next to James, who grinned up at her. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Your charm and good looks," Lily deadpanned as she took the seat.

Remus turned around to look at them. "Lily," he said, "I thought you knew better than to feed his ego."

"Yeah," Peter said, also turning. "Now he's going to be impossible to live with for at least the next week."

"That right?" Lily looked at James, who was fiddling with his quill and pretending not to have heard his friends. "Is that right, James, you brag about me?"

"Incessantly," Remus answered for him. James threw his quill at him and Remus threw it back.

Smirking a little, Lily looked around at Peter. "By the way, I didn't get a chance to thank you for Saturday," she said to him. "James finally owned up and gave you credit."

"Oh." Peter blushed. "It was nothing, really, I just thought… well. You know."

"I do." Lily leaned forward to muss his hair affectionately. "It meant a lot, Peter, really."

Peter blushed some more and muttered something about "Don't mention it," then turned around in his seat as Flitwick began the lesson. James, meanwhile, scooted his seat closer to Lily and whispered, "So what is it, really? Fancied a snog in the middle of class? Evans, you minx."

Lily elbowed him. "I went to see Jenny during lunch," she said, and then she filled James in on the little information she had gathered from the visit.

When she was finished, James frowned a little and said, "If Dumbledore's worried, we should be too, shouldn't we?"

"I guess so? That's what I thought, too." Truthfully, Lily really didn't know what to make of it. She put her elbow on the desk and chewed on her thumb. "I just wish we knew."

"Yeah." James watched her, recognized her agitation, and resolved to take her mind off it. As much as he wanted to figure out what had happened to Jenny Jenkins and make it right, there was no sense in obsessing over it when there was nothing to be done about it right then. _Later_, he thought; they always had later.

So instead of fretting, he glanced down and said, "You look nice today."

"What?" Lily tried not to laugh at his abrupt change of subject. "The thing about uniforms, love, is that we all end up looking the same every day."

James shrugged. "Well, you in particular look pretty every day."

"I thought you said 'nice.'"

"I thought you'd know what I meant."

Lily looked over at him and saw that he was staring at her legs. She smacked him and his eyes moved up – slowly, she might add – to her face. "What was that for?"

"My face is up here," she said, pointing to it in case he needed help figuring it out.

James offered her a lopsided grin. "There's that cheek again, Evans," he said, allowing his gaze to drop back down to her skirt. "But really, I mean it, you should wear black more often; it goes so well with your legs – skin, I mean, of course."

"Shut up, James," Lily said, trying to hide her smile and disregard her butterflies. "I'm taking notes."

James cocked an eyebrow and said seriously, "Yeah, so am I."

Lily ignored him and kept her eyes on her notes. James was not ashamed to admit (to himself, anyway) that he didn't like being ignored, so he casually elbowed his quill off the desk. Lily didn't flinch and James hadn't expected her to; in fact, she continued to concentrate on the blackboard and her parchment. All the better for James. He leaned down to pick up the discarded quill, his hand brushing Lily's calf as he did so (Lily's body stiffened ever so slightly but she pretended not to have noticed his touch). James picked up the quill between his forefinger and thumb and he straightened in his seat, lingering over the motion, sure to graze the tip of the feather along the length of Lily's black-stockinged leg, pausing at the hem of her skirt for a heartbeat, and then he dropped his quill back on the desk and acted as though he hadn't done anything at all.

Flustered and a little annoyed, Lily tore off a piece of parchment, scribbled something on it, and slid it across the desk towards James.

_There's an empty classroom along this corridor, last door on the left._

James grinned and pocketed the parchment. He knew what she meant.

* * *

**2:13 P.M.**

As soon as James closed the door of the empty classroom on the left, he found himself pushed against it, Lily's hands clutching the front of his robes and her mouth tugging at his lips. His eyebrows shot up in surprise, but his arms moved around her waist and his heart pounded just as hard as hers.

"You're a prat," Lily said breathlessly, her lips moving furiously over his – tugging and sucking and pulling and completely intoxicating. She pushed her body into his, sliding upwards as she stood on her toes, slamming James so forcibly into the door that it shuddered in its frame.

"You're right," James readily agreed, his head spinning as Lily pulled away and started undoing his tie and unbuttoning his shirt. His breath was coming in harsh gasps that turned into a low moan as the warm dampness of Lily's mouth met his neck. "I'm an _incredible_ prat, I don't know how you can stand me," he went on, gripping her thighs. Lily's hands moved to his wrists and she guided his hands further up her legs and underneath her skirt.

"I told you," Lily said, and her open mouth slid down his neck and over his collarbone. "It's the charm and the looks. I'm an incredibly physical being," she added, her fingernails grazing down his exposed stomach and making his heart skip against his ribcage. Her lips teased his pulse point and her hands fumbled with his belt buckle. When she'd managed to undo it, her slightly shaking fingers popped the snap of his trousers and tugged at the zipper and she was just about to… _well_… when James's hands moved from her thighs to wrap around her wrists.

Lily pulled her mouth away from his neck and looked up at him. He looked down at her, eyes wide between blinks, confused, trying to clear the cloudiness in his brain.

"What –" he started to say, but his voice was hoarse and he cleared his throat – "what are you, uh, doing?"

"Um…" Lily pressed her lips together and curled her fingers into her palms to keep from touching him again. Perhaps she'd gone too far? "Nothing. I'm doing nothing."

"Are – are you sure?"

"Ahh… no."

James took a moment to process that, then nodded and said "Okay," and then his mouth was back on hers, teeth biting at her lips and tongue plundering her mouth. He pushed her back until she hit the desk at the front of the room. Lily's hands roamed over his chest, more slowly this time as she wondered whether or not she should try working at James's trousers again. She wasn't sure if she was supposed to stop or not, since he'd stopped her in the first place, but then he'd started again, so what was she supposed to do? It was all terribly confusing.

She couldn't deal with the indecision, so she pulled her mouth away from James's and said, "So, do – do you –" She struggled with what to say.

"Hmm?" prompted James, who had moved to the slope of her neck when she'd broken the kiss. Lily swallowed, nervous, and James felt the slight motion of her neck muscles against his lips; he lifted his head to look at her. "What is it?"

"Well, I…" Lily bit her lip, trying to figure out how to phrase it. Finding that she couldn't do so verbally, she curled her fingers into the waistband of his jeans and tugged, hoping he'd get the message. "Do – do you want me to?"

"Oh." James felt his face heat up and his fingers flexed, tightening on her waist. Of course he wanted her to – how many times had he fantasized about it? He'd lost count. He should be chomping at the bit for this, at anything she was willing to give. But there were too many things to think about when it came to him and Lily, and it was just… "If – if you want to."

Lily's eyes shifted downward and her fingers played with his belt loops. "Well, _you_ did, so I thought –"

"It's not an exchange program, Lily," James told her.

"I know that," Lily muttered, feeling stupid now. She knew it wasn't like that, but all the same, she felt as though she wasn't doing enough. She was the one who wanted to keep this a secret and they had to sneak around because of her and it was very hard to sneak around sometimes, so she thought… "I just – I don't know, I'm just trying to – Merlin…" She covered her face with her hands.

James's fingers were at her wrists again, his thumbs stroking over the backs of her hands. "Hey," he said softly, "what's the matter? Lily, come on, don't be embarrassed."

"I think I will be, thanks," Lily said, her voice muffled and miserable as she refused to let James remove her hands from her face. "I was just – ugh." She stamped her foot out of self-frustration. "I just wanted to – to make you feel the way you make me feel, and – damn it, I'm so stupid, I haven't the slightest idea what I'm doing –"

"Lily, please stop." James managed to lower her hands from her face then, and he interlocked his fingers with hers so she couldn't hide behind them again. "You're _not_ stupid, you _do_ know what you're doing, and I don't know what you're talking about because you make me feel incredible."

"Come on, James, that's not what I meant –"

"I know what you meant." James stooped so he could catch her eye because, naturally, she was avoiding his gaze at all costs. "Lily, you drive me crazy, all right? You've been doing it for years and you don't even know it."

Lily was blushing furiously now; she couldn't take it when he started saying things like that. "I hate that you're so perfect sometimes," she muttered at her shoes.

"I'm not in the least bit perfect." James kissed the spot between her eyebrows. "You just bring out the best in me, that's all."

"See, there you go again."

He smiled. "Should've done this last year; maybe I could have gotten you to admit you fancied me sooner."

Lily snorted. "Fat chance."

"There now, I'm not so perfect after all, then."

"Yes, you are." Lily sighed and slid her arms around his waist. She settled her body into his, breathing in those head-dizzying scents of peppermint and woodsmoke (currently touched with a hint of cinnamon that Lily recognized as her own perfume). She shut her eyes against her inexplicable urge to cry; this seemed to be happening a lot lately, and Lily couldn't pinpoint why. Yes, she was having a difficult time of a lot of things, but that didn't mean she had to burst into tears every time she felt something. Her brow furrowed and she sighed again. "You're going to get tired of me."

James frowned and tightened his hold on her. "No, I'm not."

Lily sniffed and felt the prick of tears at the corners of her eyes. _Don't cry, you great big idiot, don't you dare… _"I'm sorry."

"Don't be," James said. He wasn't quite sure what she was talking about or apologizing for, but he couldn't think of any explanation. He heard the strain in her voice – the regret, the fear, the thickness that was only brought on by threatening tears – so he didn't say anything else. He stood there, pressing his lips to the top of her head, rubbing his palms steadily across her back – left, right, left, right – and he hoped that it was all enough to make her feel like she didn't have to cry anymore.

* * *

**Thursday, 4:30 P.M.**

Lily made a stream-of-conscious list of all the reasons why she felt like crawling under the floorboards and never coming out again:

_1. Boys will quit asking me out (because who looks under the floor?).  
2. People will quit looking at me funny.  
3. Perhaps I would never hear the words "Mudblood" or "slag" if I'm under the floor.  
4. James could go out with someone who would actually say she was going out with him (although I suppose I wouldn't like that, but I'd be under the floor so maybe I wouldn't know).  
5. I wouldn't have to do this Transfiguration essay if McGonagall couldn't find me._

"What are you doing, Evans?"

"Nothing." Lily crumpled up the list and stuffed it into her bag so Sirius couldn't get a good look at it. She was a little annoyed at Marlene for having detention (she'd jinxed a platter of eggs to dump itself over Diggory's head that morning and she'd been exceedingly obvious about it); if Marlene had controlled her temper for five seconds, Sirius wouldn't be getting into Lily's business right now.

As it was, though, Marlene _did_ have detention and Alice was in the common room with Frank, so Lily was the only one of them doing homework (due tomorrow) in the library with the Marauders, who seemed to enjoy taking lengthy breaks to tease her.

"You're a rotten liar, Evans," Sirius observed. He leaned his chair back so it was balancing on two legs and regarded her shrewdly. "You're also bad at doing your homework. How much of your essay have you gotten through?"

In lieu of an actual answer, Lily threw a spare quill at him. "How much have you gotten done, then?"

"Pfft. I'm halfway finished." Sirius nodded at his parchment which, sure enough, was glistening with ink and information.

"Oh, shut up," Lily grumbled, going back to her own pitifully blank essay. Transfiguration had never been her best subject. The theories had been increasing in difficulty and decreasing in sense for the past few years, and Lily was hard-pressed to keep up with it all.

"Quit bothering everyone, Padfoot," Peter said as he flipped through his book, scouring the pages for assistance. "How much longer is McKinnon in detention? You need a distraction from taking the mickey out of the rest of us."

"Speak for yourself, Wormtail," James said as he finished off his first roll of parchment. "This stuff is cake."

"You shut up, too," Lily growled at him from across the table. "Anyway, Peter, Marlene's got detention through the weekend. That's what she gets for going after Diggory just because he was annoying her."

"What'd he do?" Peter asked, looking for a little distraction himself if it meant he could procrastinate the essay further.

Lily shrugged one shoulder. "Nothing, actually," she admitted. "Mar said it was because he was looking at me funny during breakfast but, as you can imagine, that wasn't a good enough excuse for him."

"What's that?" James looked up from his work, quill poised and dripping ink over his latest unfinished sentence. "What was he looking at you like?"

"_Funny_, apparently," Remus supplied dully.

James ignored him, his eyes fixed on Lily, who was using the tip of her quill to scratch her nose. "Well?" he said, trying to get her attention. "What was McKinnon on about?"

"Aside from her own personal vendetta?" Lily shuffled through her notes for anything that might help with her homework. "Nothing. She's got a lot of pent-up energy and wanted to take it out on someone."

"Take a note, Evans, and make sure you let McKinnon know that she can always take it out on me –"

"Ugh, Padfoot, _enough_," Remus requested for what felt like the thousandth time. Sirius seemed to have a never-ending supply of innuendos and double entendres and after awhile, it got a bit difficult to take on a daily basis.

James nudged Lily with his toe under the table. "Evans."

Lily kicked him. "Potter."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Gag me."

Peter grinned. "Save it for McKinnon."

Remus coughed pointedly. "Don't encourage him."

They were quiet then; the only sounds to accompany them were quills scratching against parchment, the rustle of pages as they checked their Transfiguration books, and the occasional sniffle from Peter, who was catching a cold.

Despite the relative silence, Lily found that she was having a hard time concentrating; she attributed it to her general frustration with the homework and the fact that she'd left it until the last minute. She was also distracted by the steady sound of James's breathing from across the table, which certainly was enough to distract her since they hadn't had a moment alone since Tuesday.

So instead of continuing with her essay, Lily doodled on a corner of her parchment and toed off one of her shoes. Crossing her fingers that she'd get this right, she slid her foot forward a couple of inches and bumped the toe of James's shoe. He glanced over at her but Lily didn't acknowledge the look; _no need to spoil the fun_, she thought, and she began creeping her foot up his leg. James coughed rather loudly and a grin touched Lily's lips. Her toes nudged his trouser leg up a bit and traced circles over the naked skin of his ankle.

James coughed again and Sirius thumped him on the back. "You all right, mate?" he asked. "You're not catching cold too, are you?"

"No – no, I'm fine," James said. He ruffled his hair a little more than usual and tried to keep his mind on his essay, but there was absolutely _no way_ –

"James?"

The entire table looked up at the sound of the new voice. It belonged to a slight, pretty Ravenclaw sixth-year they all knew vaguely – Gwen McIntyre. Lily frowned and went back to her work, dropping her foot from James's ankle and slipping it back into her shoe.

"Uh – yeah." James glanced at Lily briefly, wondering why she'd stopped what she'd been doing, then looked back at Gwen. "Hey, McIntyre."

"Hey." Gwen smiled a nervous, straight-toothed smile. "Listen, I was wondering, d'you think you could look over my essay for McGonagall? I want to make sure I've got it right, and you're the best in the year, so –"

"Oh." James shrugged like it wasn't a big deal, which it wasn't. He couldn't have noticed the way Lily was gnawing on the inside of her cheek. "Yeah, sure."

"Thanks," Gwen said gratefully, blushing a little as she led James over to where she'd been sitting.

Sirius arched an eyebrow as he watched them walk away. "Well," he said when James and Gwen were settled at the table, "would you look at that…"

"What?" Peter said, looking over to see whatever it was that Sirius was apparently seeing.

"It's nothing, Peter," Remus said. He looked at Lily, who was chewing on her thumb and staring at her parchment like she'd never found anything quite so fascinating before. "Sirius is just being a tool."

"I am not," Sirius said, aghast. "I'm only marveling at our friend's range for good-looking girls."

"She's not that good-looking," Lily grumbled. She hadn't meant to say it out loud, but suddenly she was very annoyed with Sirius and James and the entire female population of Hogwarts. She remembered what Alice had said not too long ago – _James is smart and good-looking and great at Quidditch… They're bitter because he doesn't want to go out with them instead._

Sirius grinned at her. "What's the matter?" he asked. "Jealous of McIntyre, are you?"

"No." Lily scratched her quill so violently against her parchment that she was beginning to tear holes in it. "I'm just saying that you're wrong."

"Mhmm." Sirius turned back to watch James and Gwen, determined to egg Lily on as much as he could. "Oh, look at that, she's laughing."

"Perhaps she's stupid," Lily suggested, still refusing to look up. "Nothing funny about Transfiguration."

"I think it's James that's making her laugh, actually," Sirius observed.

"So she is stupid, then."

"You laugh at him, too."

Lily crumpled up her destroyed parchment. "At least I can get through an essay on my own," she said, even though she knew that was a load of bollocks, considering her current situation.

"I'm just saying, Evans," Sirius said, trying not to laugh at her obvious irritation, "if you're not going to give him a chance even though you _promised_ –"

"What I do isn't any of your business," Lily snapped.

Sirius looked around at her again, jaw slackened in mostly feigned shock. "It is when you pinky swear me!"

Lily snorted and started attacking a fresh piece of parchment. "Oh, please."

"Listen…" Sirius leaned towards her, all business now. "If you want James, take him. Otherwise he's free to do what he wants."

"I know that," Lily said, and she was annoyed with how much she did know that; it had been bugging her for ages but she'd refused to deal with it, privately or otherwise. "That doesn't mean he – you know, that's not to say that I care, but – well, he doesn't fancy her, if that's what you're getting at."

"You don't know that," Sirius said haughtily.

"Shut up, Sirius," Remus intervened. He knew that Sirius was just trying to get on Lily's nerves, knew that Sirius thought the whole thing was a great big joke because of course James didn't even think about fancying anyone besides Lily, but Remus found the whole thing to be in very bad taste, considering his suspicions that he was very sure were true.

Sirius merely shrugged, and they were quiet again. Lily hardly noticed the silence due to the storm raging inside of her head; it wasn't made of words or anything coherent, but it was fierce and deafening and it somehow made her feel ill.

James rejoined their table about five minutes later, and Sirius didn't waste any time. "You know, Prongs, I reckon McIntyre might have a bit of a thing for you," he said lightly, glancing over at Lily to gauge her reaction. "She's rather good-looking, too…"

Lily had heard enough from Sirius Black. She slammed her book shut with more force than was necessary. Her stomach was tied in knots and she felt like if they were to uncurl themselves, she'd be physically, violently ill. In fact, she might be ill if she opened her mouth at all, so she simply shoved her books into her bag and left, not saying a word to any of them as she did so.

James watched her go with a quizzical expression on his face. _What was that about?_

He was about to find out, though. As soon as Lily was out of sight, Remus picked up his Transfiguration textbook and smacked Sirius upside the head with it.

"You – are – such – a – _prick_," Remus snarled, emphasizing each word with another blow to the head.

"Knock it off!" Sirius snatched the book from Remus's hands. "I'm not a prick, either, I was only joking with her!"

"Joking with who?" James asked, but the others ignored him as they proceeded to bicker between themselves.

"She clearly didn't find it very funny!" Remus said.

"It's not my fault if she can't take a joke," Sirius pointed out. "Come on, Moony, she knows I was teasing."

"Yes, I'm quite sure she did," Remus said sarcastically. "That must've been why she just stormed out of here without saying a word to anyone."

James rounded on Sirius. "What did you do?"

Sirius threw his hands in the air. "Merlin, would everyone just lighten up?"

"_What did you do?"_

"He was going on about you and McIntyre," Peter said, just in case Remus and Sirius started arguing again before anyone told James what was going on. "Told Lily to take you if she wanted you, otherwise you could run off and snog anyone you like, or something to that effect."

James groaned. "You didn't," he begged Sirius, although he knew his plea was useless.

"It was just a laugh –"

"You are such a bleeding little –" James ended the insult on another groan, running his hand through his hair. "You ruin everything, you know that?"

"Hmm." Sirius was mostly unaffected by the accusation. "That's rather rude, you know."

"Oh, sod off." James slumped back in his chair, looking across the table at Lily's empty one. Well, he thought, the good news was that she was mad at Sirius this time. She couldn't possibly be angry with him just because his best mate was an idiot. With this rationalization to comfort him, James went back to his essay; he'd let Lily cool off, find her later, and they could spend a happy few minutes abusing Sirius's lame attempts at humor.

Yes, James thought with a small smile, he was sure that he was in the clear.

* * *

**Sometime Around Midnight**

Lily sat alone in the common room, exhausted and ready for bed – _ready for a bloody coma_, she thought a dozen times – but not ready at all because she was still up to her ears in unfinished Transfiguration homework. Unfinished Transfiguration homework that she couldn't even fully concentrate on, since her mind kept wandering to how angry she was at James, and then she felt unreasonable because he hadn't done anything wrong.

_Well, he's still a great stupid prat_, said the little annoyed voice in her head, and Lily found that she'd much rather listen to the voice than to reason.

Across the common room, James smiled as he watched her, totally unaware of how ticked off she was with him. He hadn't been able to sleep and was planning on a trip down to the kitchens when he'd caught sight of Lily sitting in the far corner. She was dressed in sleep shorts and a hooded sweatshirt, her hair piled on top of her head, and she was muttering to herself as she scratched out whatever homework she'd left to the last minute.

He'd looked for her earlier, checking the Marauder's Map periodically, but she'd been in her dorm all evening. James assumed she'd been working or napping; he knew she'd been putting off her Transfiguration and, between worrying about herself and fretting over Jenny Jenkins's condition, she hadn't been sleeping well. She didn't look terribly happy right now, James noted, so he strolled over to her corner with every intention of rectifying that.

"Pulling an all-nighter, I see," he remarked, sitting down on the couch next to her.

Surprised at first that she wasn't as alone as she'd thought, Lily recovered enough to scowl and say, "Go away."

"Bit cranky, aren't we?" James said casually, not at all deterred by her tone or her refusal to look at him.

"I am not _cranky_," Lily snapped. She flipped so violently through her Transfiguration book that she tore a couple of pages in the process. She found the fact she'd been looking for and swore when she saw that she had the whole theory wrong in her essay. She scratched out the paragraph she'd written.

"You _sound_ rather cranky."

"Well, I'm _not_." Lily knew that she was being transparent, but she didn't have the patience to pretend otherwise. She fixed her bungled paragraph, checked the book, and swore again.

James leaned forward to look at her work. "What's the matter?" he asked, trying for soothing instead of teasing now. "Come on, Lily, let me see. I can help –"

"I don't need help," Lily retorted, shifting the parchment so he couldn't see. "Unlike Gwen McIntyre, I am perfectly capable of doing my homework myself."

James stared at her. Is _that_ what her bad mood was all about? he wondered, and he could have kicked himself. And he'd thought he was in the clear; what a misjudgment. "Lily…"

"Go away, James," Lily said again. Her essay was blurry now as tears welled up in her eyes. She stared at it for a moment, but it wouldn't be any good even if she could concentrate on it. "Fucking hell, this is impossible," she said, mostly to herself.

She crumpled the parchment up and tossed it away from her. She pulled the sweatshirt hood over her head and curled up into a ball in the corner of the couch, hoping James would go away so she could bawl her eyes out in peace. Maybe that's all she needed, Lily thought; she kept putting it off, not allowing the tears to flow, but maybe it was what she needed – just a good, long, uninterrupted cry.

But James wasn't having it. He wouldn't make her talk to him, not yet, not while she was tired and crying. He rubbed a hand soothingly up and down her bare leg as he slid to the floor in front of the table, and used his free hand to smooth out her discarded essay.

"This isn't all off, Lil," James assured her as his eyes scanned the parchment and his hand continued to move across her leg. "I can help you with this."

"I don't need your help," Lily repeated, her voice muffled and choked with tears.

James turned to look at her. The hood obscured most of her face, but he could still see tears running down her cheeks, which were turning steadily pinker the longer she cried. He resumed his seat on the couch and tried to coax her up so he could talk to her.

"Come on now, love," he said, his voice low and comforting.

"No." Lily pressed her lips together to stop them from trembling so much. "Go away."

"I'm not going anywhere," James told her, his voice firmer now as he pushed her hood back. Her eyes were heavy with exhaustion and bright with tears that were clamoring to be shed. "Talk to me."

"I don't want to," Lily lied, her eyes staring fixedly at the floor. "I'm mad at you."

Well, that was a start, James thought. He stroked her messy hair. "Why? Because of McIntyre? I was only helping her with her homework because she asked."

Lily didn't say anything. She knew that was what the reasonable side of her had been saying all along, but right now her reasonable side wasn't the loudest voice in her head.

"Lily." James leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her tear-stained cheek. "Come on, is that why you're mad?"

"I don't know," she lied again.

"Is it what Sirius said, then?" James asked, his lips moving to her jaw. "Remus said you might be upset by that –"

"Yeah, well, what does Remus know?" Lily muttered, trying to ignore the way James's mouth was moving across her skin, the way his hand was still working up and down her leg. She was _mad_ at him, for Merlin's sake.

"Seems to have a pretty good understanding of what upsets you," James said against her neck. "I was only helping McIntyre because she asked and it felt rude to say no. Don't be mad."

"You get mad all the time when a bloke so much as looks at me," Lily pointed out, remembering how he'd reacted to Marlene's suspicions about Amos. "I don't know what you expect from me when you go off to flirt with some other girl –"

"I wasn't _flirting_," James protested. He nipped at her earlobe before shifting so he could look down at her. "I was only looking over her essay for McGonagall, that was it."

"Not according to Sirius."

"He was only trying to wind you up."

"Well, it worked."

"Well…" James straightened Lily's legs out so she was laying directly under him instead of curled up in her self-defensive ball. He pressed his lips to her temple, down the side of her face, over her jaw, hovering them just above hers. "Let me _unwind_ you, then."

His mouth took hers, hot and heavy and completely destructive. His lips nudged hers apart so their tongues intertwined and their breath mingled, already shallow and strained.

James fought with the bulky material of her sweatshirt. "I don't like this," he said between kisses, his hands pushing beneath the sweatshirt to explore the expanse of her skin.

"I don't like you helping other girls with their homework," Lily said as the kisses grew deeper, her fingers clutched in his hair.

"I don't like other blokes asking you out," James said as his mouth slid to her neck and his thumb traced her hipbone. "It's just me and you, Lily," he murmured, his teeth grazing her ear before his lips started sucking at the hollow just behind it.

Lily moaned at the suction he was creating at her neck. "It's settled, then," she said, voice strained, her hands moving from his hair to run down his back. "Neither of us will ever talk to anyone else again, ever."

James smirked against her skin. "Deal," he said, voice gruff, his hand moving beneath the hem of her shorts. "No more talking from us right now, either, if you don't mind; I'm rather busy…"

His fingers continued sneaking up into her shorts, his other hand still massaging her hipbone, lips sucking at her neck. Lily moaned again when his fingers found the spot between her legs, rubbing gently, creating a heat, an electrifying friction – Merlin, why had she wasted so much time being angry with him? – and he slipped a finger inside of her.

Lily bit down on her bottom lip as James's fingers moved, building a pressure deep in her stomach, making her muscles tense and breathing ragged. She moved one of her hands to the waistband of his pajama trousers – no snaps or zippers to struggle with now – and then her hand fought past the elastic band and her warm palm and fingers found him, gripping and stroking and she had absolutely no idea what she was doing, but it must be right, somehow, since James was biting her shoulder and moaning and his fingers had picked up pace.

James's face was buried in her neck, teeth latched onto her shoulder as he tried to keep his wits about him, tried to concentrate on Lily and distract himself from what her hand was doing – wonderful, fantastic things. Her body was moving slowly beneath his, her sweatshirt riding up so James's free hand met the heat of her flesh; both of her legs were crossed over one of his, her muscles tense as his fingers wound her body up towards release; her hips rocked against his every time her back arched, bringing her closer but not as close as James would have liked; and her hand, Merlin, her bloody fingers were sure to be the end of him.

"Lily." James whispered her name into her skin. His fingers moved faster, picking up a quick, almost erratic beat against her most sensitive nerves. He ran kisses up and down her neck – up and down, up and down, up and down… He moaned into her skin and muscle and bone, drugged by the scent of her hair, the sound reverberating through both their bodies. "I don't want anybody else. All right?"

Lily nodded, unable to find her voice. James removed his fingers and bound his arms around her waist; Lily extracted her hand from his trousers and wrapped her arms around his neck. He was kissing her again, lips against lips, tongue over tongue; Lily arched her back and James thrust his hips slightly, and she groaned into his mouth, the heat gathering and building and once again James Potter was nudging her closer to the edge of spontaneous combustion.

_Merlin, you're mad about him,_ said that little voice in the back of her head. _Why haven't you done anything about it yet? _

Lily's arms tightened around James's neck and she kissed him harder, her mouth widening and fingers clutching at his hair and her hips meeting his more boldly, more enthusiastically with every motion.

James tore his mouth away from hers suddenly, his breathing coming in short, ragged bursts. He buried his face in her shoulder again and said, "We have to stop."

Lily nodded, her fingers stroking his hair as she attempted to slow her heartbeat and quell the heat that had all but consumed her and made her take things too far, too fast. Her hands caressed down his back, tracing shapes and patterns over the wiry muscles she could feel through his thin nightshirt.

"Fuck." James's oath was barely audible as his lips were once again preoccupied with Lily's neck. "I don't want to stop."

Lily felt the nerves jump up and down in her stomach – thousands of them, millions, all bouncing as if they'd been dropped onto a trampoline that started in her stomach and traveled giddily to her head and ricocheted along her limbs – arms, shoulders, knees, toes, _everywhere _– and every path they blazed was lit with a sizzling trail of fire.

"James," she said as he began tugging at her sweatshirt again.

"Off," he muttered, not listening to her. He tore his lips away from her neck and sat up so he could get a better grip on the material. "This blasted thing, I want it off."

"_James,"_ Lily said again, more insistently this time, as her torso was exposed and James ran his tongue up the line of her stomach. Her nerves bounced higher and blazed hotter and she tried not to moan. "Are you listening to me?"

"I am," he assured her. "I can hear you saying my name very clearly –"

"Perhaps you should listen a bit more closely then." Lily caught his wrists so he'd quit trying to remove her clothes. "Catch your breath for a second, yeah?"

James's hazel eyes blazed and Lily nearly smoldered under the force of their heat. "I'll tell you something, Evans," he said, and his voice was that low growl coming from somewhere deep in his throat, "it's very difficult to catch my breath when I'm lying on top of you."

"Maybe we should switch positions, then," Lily suggested as she tugged her sweatshirt back over her stomach.

"Evans." James fixed her with a dubious stare. "That would hardly help."

Lily bit her lip but didn't respond. To be honest, she didn't know what to say or what she'd do if James started kissing her again; all she knew for sure was that they'd do something too fast. She was always on the verge of doing something too fast with him. It was bad enough that she was overcomplicating things – she could admit that now, but she was still sure that there wasn't anything to be done about it yet because she had her reasons – and she couldn't afford to let those things get worse just because they currently had the most privacy they could hope for.

James guessed a little about the direction her thoughts were headed in. He sighed and rested his forehead against hers so that they had to look at each other cross-eyed.

"Too fast?" he murmured, and Lily nodded. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to do it."

"You're not the only one," Lily told him.

He smiled rather sheepishly. "I did _tell_ you that you drove me crazy, didn't I?" His hand idled its way up her leg. "The things I'd do to you, Evans…"

Lily caught his roaming hand. "We can talk about those things later," she said, and the way she looked at him and the way she gave him one last, lingering kiss told him she meant it. "But right now it's one in the morning and I haven't finished my Transfiguration homework."

"Right." James straightened up, adjusting his shirt as he went, and reached across the table for Lily's wrinkled essay. His eyes scanned the parchment again and his hand rubbed Lily's leg. "I'll do this for you. Go to bed."

"No chance." Lily sat up to snatch her homework out of his hand, but James shoved her gently back down on the couch.

"Sleep here if you'd like," he invited, "but I'm doing this for you. You're exhausted."

"James," Lily said, trying to mask her yawn and failing spectacularly, "you can't just do my homework for me. I won't ever figure it out myself that way."

James tossed Lily's essay back onto the table; he'd have to start from scratch, but if he minded the work he wouldn't have offered to do it. Lily, however, seemed to need some convincing. She was curled in a ball in the corner of the couch again, her hood pulled over her head, and she was glaring at him from shadowed eyes. He scooted closer and wrapped his arms around her, enveloping her in his warmth and his personified reassurance.

"You're not going to figure it out at this hour, not when you're this tired," he informed her. "I'll help you with it later, I promise, but this needs to be done before class and I'm not going to let you worry yourself to tears the rest of the night. It's partly my fault you haven't gotten it done in the first place."

"That's not true." Lily yawned again and closed her eyes. "I should've done it a week ago."

James kissed her forehead. "Nobody does their homework a week ago, Lil."

She mumbled something incoherent and James knew she was halfway asleep already. He waited another couple of minutes, keeping her wrapped in his arms until he was sure that she'd fully succumbed to a much-needed sleep, and then he gently laid her back into her corner and got to work on her essay. Lucky that he was so apt at Transfiguration, he thought as he scribbled out the introduction; one rather complicated and frowned upon little spell, and his handwriting would take on Lily's shape and form and ink-blotted quirks.

_Just a little bit of rule-breaking,_ he reasoned. He glanced over at Lily, curled up, her body rising and falling in a steady rhythm, and he smiled simply because that's what she did to him. Lily Evans was, of course, worth the debauchery.

* * *

**Sometime Around One**

The hospital wing was dark. There was no moon outside the high curtained windows, no gentle shaft of silvery light to offer some relief to the stark cold darkness of the mostly empty ward. Jenny Jenkins shifted restlessly in her half-sleep, haunted by shadows and monsters lurking around every corner, swiping at her ankles and hissing curses like heartbeats.

_Mudblood._

_Mudblood._

_Mudblood._

Before Hogwarts, Jenny hadn't known there was such a thing. Before Hogwarts, Jenny hadn't known that she was special, or that she was different from the other special people – that she was _less_ than the other special people. Before Hogwarts, Jenny Jenkins didn't think there was anything wrong with her at all. But the whispers followed her down the corridors and danced across the misty fog of her nightmares…

_Mudblood._

Jenny had been afraid to come to Hogwarts. Not because she was different from some of the students – she hadn't known that yet – but because she didn't know any of them. She imagined that other Wizarding children knew each other, that they already had established friendships and that Jenny would be hard-pressed to be counted among any circle. She thought it would be a little uncomfortable sometimes, but never had she thought it would be so cruel.

When she had been Sorted into Hufflepuff, a fifth-year girl had smiled at her and asked if she was a Jenkins in the sense of Tabitha Jenkins, who was a prominent member of something called the Wizengamot. Jenny had told her no, that she was a Jenkins in the sense of Barry and Martha Jenkins, a mailman and a florist, and that she didn't actually know what the Wizengamot was.

The girl had said "Oh" – that's it, just "Oh" – and turned to one of her friends and muttered something about why they even bothered to let that sort in, they didn't know a newt from a salamander. Jenny hadn't bothered trying to defend herself; after all, she _didn't_ know a newt from a salamander, so she didn't really have anything to argue. It didn't make her feel very good.

Things hadn't gotten better for Jenny from there.

_More trouble than they're worth._

_Might as well chuck the lot of them._

_Mudblood. Mudblood. Mudblood._

As of late, Jenny had begun to wonder if she really belonged at Hogwarts. Not many people seemed to want her there. Something must be wrong with her.

_Go home. Back where you came from._

_Mudblood._

A cold sweat had broken out across Jenny's face, and she kicked fretfully at her sheets, only managing to tangle herself in them further. She felt like she would be sick, but she wasn't awake enough to rouse herself from bed. She heard a clock chime somewhere in the castle, but she couldn't keep track of the time. She was caught between the waking and the sleeping worlds, dangling from the precipice by sweaty, trembling fingertips, and she wasn't sure which way to lean.

But, in the end, Jenny Jenkins didn't have to be sure, because – in the end – someone else was sure for her.

The clock chimed once and then all was silent.

* * *

**A/N:** _Oh, dear, I hope I didn't go too heavy on the feels. I just edited this and thought to myself: October 31__st__ is looming ever nearer and here I am, being an insensitive twat._

_Well, all's fair in ships and fanfics._

_(Please don't abandon me.) –K. _


	24. Unanticipated

_Hello and welcome and thanks to_** MauraudersMischief**_,_** resurrectedhippo**_,_** gryffindorgirl101**_,_** LilyBean4**_,_** LightMary8**_,_** mrsCGNJJP**_,_** MichikoMichiyo29**_,_** .PeN.2466**_,_** sweeetlike-cinnamon, weasley-and-weasley**_,_** Migyela**_,_ **Avelina Potter**_, _**MeganJeanne**_,_ **zzzzeina**_,_ **WitchyMage**_,_ **theuniqueartistictype**_,_ **shweta040694**_,_ **emorley**_,_ _and_ **xuxu na cerca**_! Also many thanks to Tumblr user_** struttinglikeapotter **_for promoting ARE!_

_Now, another note about a narrative indiscretion: Apparently, Tonks was born in 1973, so I'm a few years off. I don't remember the exact calculations I did that made me determine she was sixteen years younger than the Marauders, but it turns out I was wrong. I am getting a lot less of the canon right than I had originally hoped. Chalk it up to eager-induced carelessness on my part, I suppose._

_Anyway, the reviews gave me the happy creys. Right when my roommate got home from work, too, and he was like… What is wrong with you? And I was like… People are so nice, I can't. So that's how my Monday went. And now here's a chapter – a rather short one, but I've got a lot going on for 25 so I'll pick up the pace again there._

* * *

**Friday **

Marlene hurried into the Great Hall, heart skittering around in her chest as her eyes scanned the Gryffindor table for that shock of red hair she knew so well. She had to find her – _now_ – because if she didn't, someone else would, and the last thing Lily needed was to hear the news from someone who didn't care.

After thirty seconds of panic and wondering if her friends were still up in the girls' dormitory, Marlene found Lily and Alice seated halfway down the table, looking tired but cheerful. Marlene's stomach twisted in knots as she thought of how she was about to ruin that easy, ordinary happiness. She sat down next to Lily and wished she didn't know.

"Hey, Mar," Lily said. "You look a bit off. Something wrong?"

"I have to tell you something," Marlene muttered, and she found it difficult to meet her friend's eye. This was not the kind of news Marlene McKinnon was used to delivering. Marlene McKinnon talked about who she was snogging, or which broom cupboard she'd recently shagged Sirius in, or how funny it was that time it took Amos Diggory an entire afternoon to realize she'd turned his hair green. This – the thing that was on the tip of Marlene's tongue – was not something she was used to saying out loud.

Lily and Alice exchanged a look.

"Okay…" Alice said slowly. She leaned across the table and put a hand over Marlene's to calm her. "What is it?"

Marlene took a deep breath. She had to tell them, and she had to tell them now. "I went to do my detention this morning," she said, her voice strained. "I had hospital wing duty today. I got there and Pomfrey told me I had to go, and you know I wasn't having that; I'd gotten up early and I want to get through these detentions, and I told her so. You know how Pomfrey is, she doesn't like anybody telling her how to run her ward, so we got into a bit of a tiff, and –"

She was talking too fast, tripping over her words so she could say what she had to say and they could get past it. She took a breath to collect herself and continued, "Well, we got rather loud, and then I see McGonagall coming down the ward towards us, and behind her I see Dumbledore. He was standing at a bed at the other end; I couldn't tell what he was doing, exactly, but then McGonagall told me I had to go, too. So I huffed and I said all right but instead I just hung 'round outside the door and listened to what they were saying, and – and –"

"And what, Mar?" Lily had gone a little pale. She didn't like Marlene's uncharacteristically frazzled tone, or the way her eyes were so wide and worried. She didn't like thinking about the person who'd been in the hospital wing, the person Dumbledore had gone to see every day, the person who was sweet and timid and so unfortunately Muggle-born, the person who couldn't remember…

Marlene finally lifted her eyes to lock onto Lily's, and the look was so pitying, so heartbreaking, and Lily didn't really need Marlene to tell her what came after that _and_.

"Jenny's dead."

* * *

The news, of course, traveled quickly, but there was something emotionally detached about the whole thing. People were more concerned about the fact that someone had managed to die within the safety of Hogwarts than they were about _who_ had died. The truth was, no one had really known Jenny Jenkins; she was young, quiet, shy – nice to everyone, but nice didn't really get you noticed the way it should have.

"It's a shame," some people said, and they shook their heads.

"It was bound to happen to her sooner or later," said others. "She was a Muggle-born, after all."

"I just can't believe it happened here," said most of them. "We're supposed to be safe here."

Dumbledore made the announcement at dinner; he was sad and somber and reassuring. It was a terrible loss, he said, a depraved tragedy, the crime would not go uninvestigated or unpunished, and that anyone with information regarding details of Jenny Jenkins's untimely demise should step forward. Of course, though, no one did.

Devoid of their usual cheery twinkle, Dumbledore's eyes scanned the Great Hall and he went on, "In times of war, it is much better to stand together as _people_, than to stand apart as a certain caliber of wizards. All blood looks the same once it has been spilled."

He resumed his seat, allowing the hush that had fallen over the students to be punctuated once again by talk, eventually dissolving completely in the clamor of silverware and speculation.

"I can't believe that's all he's going to say," James said, his eyes still fixed on Dumbledore. "'We're all people.' I mean, come off it, that's really _it_? Isn't anybody going to _do_ something?"

"Of course they are," Frank told him, "but Dumbledore can't just announce his grand plans to the whole school, can he?"

"Yeah, but he's wasting his time with his – his Dumbledore poetry business. Somebody's dead on his watch and he's going on about how we all need to hold hands and accept each other." James stabbed moodily at his dinner, searing a potato with his fork. "Sure as hell doesn't seem like they're doing anything about… well, _anything_."

"That's only because we're stuck here," Sirius said, looking just as annoyed as James. "Once we're out there doing something, it'll be a whole different story. It'll feel like something's happening."

"Someone _died_, right here at Hogwarts, so it seems to me that plenty of things are happening," Lily snapped. She dropped her cutlery onto her plate and pushed it away from her. "They're just not happening to you."

Sirius realized too late that he'd said something that could be misconstrued as wrong. He looked at Lily, half-sympathetic at her plight and half-annoyed because she'd misinterpreted him. "Come on, Evans, you know that's not what I meant."

"Yeah." Lily stared at her plate for another moment before giving up and abandoning her seat. "I'm going to bed."

Alice and Marlene said they'd be along in a bit, and gave her concerned looks and reassuring pats on the arm as she left. Remus looked pointedly at James, but he hardly needed the hint; he was out of his seat and walking briskly after Lily as soon as she had a reasonable head start.

Sirius watched his best mate leave the Great Hall. "Is something going on between those two?"

"Who knows?" Remus shrugged but refused to look up from his dinner. "But you know James – always playing the knight, whether he should or not."

"Yeah…" Sirius turned back to the rest of them. "But it's not just him. I mean, Evans _was_ pretty ticked at me yesterday, wasn't she, after I was kidding with her about James helping McIntyre with that homework."

"Oh, was that what her problem was?" Marlene fixed Sirius with a disapproving stare. She'd wondered what Lily had been so huffy about, but of course it had something to do with James and another girl. "She was in a right bad mood yesterday evening. I should have known it was your fault."

Sirius looked a little affronted. "All I said was that James could fancy whoever he likes –"

"You're so stupid." Alice sighed heavily. _Boys._ "Lily's having a hard enough time admitting to herself that she fancies James; you don't have to call her out on it."

"What's so hard about it?" Sirius demanded. "Two people fancy each other, they should go out. It's not like she doesn't know James would jump off a bridge for her. After all the times she's shot him down and he kept coming back for more, what's she got to be afraid of?"

Alice knew that Sirius was partly right, but she also knew Lily a lot better than he did, so she argued, "It's just another responsibility, and it's the only one she's got control over. She can't help it if everyone thinks she's worthless because she's Muggle-born or if they're all calling her nasty names. She can't stop great big stupid blokes from asking her out –"

"She could if she just went out with James already."

"But she doesn't want him to solve all her problems," Alice countered. "Lily takes care of herself, and it wouldn't be fair for her to go out with James just so everyone else left her alone. That's _wrong_, Sirius, and you know it. She doesn't want to start a relationship under that kind of pressure."

Peter looked impressed. "How d'you know all that?"

"Because we actually think about our friend's feelings," Marlene piped up, shooting Sirius an accusatory look. "If you want James to be happy, then you've got to let Lily be happy first. Otherwise they're going to get together and be miserable about it and it'll have been just a big waste of everybody's time."

Alice nodded in agreement. "And now, all this stuff about Jenny… Lily's not just dealing with grief. She's worried about herself too, and she feels guilty thinking about herself when Jenny's only just died."

"It's a wonder she doesn't explode." Sirius rubbed the back of his neck, feeling pretty guilty himself for having teased her so ruthlessly when it had been the last thing she needed. Sirius liked Lily quite a lot, actually, and he didn't want to be the reason she shut James out. "Guess I should apologize, eh?"

"Don't bother." Marlene shook her head. "I'm sure Gwen McIntyre is the last thing on Lily's mind now. Just don't do it again, or you can go right on ahead and get reacquainted with your left hand."

Sirius grinned at her while the others groaned.

Outside the Great Hall, across the entrance hall and up the marble staircase, James had just about caught up with Lily as she made her way down the corridor.

"Lily, wait up."

She kept walking. "When I said I was going to bed, it wasn't code for 'Let's snog.'"

"A bloke can dream, can't he?" James laughed a little as he fell into step beside her, but stopped immediately when he saw the look on her face. "No, I know that's not what you meant. I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine," Lily said, betrayed by the crack in her voice. "Go back to dinner."

James's hands came down on her shoulders to stop her, and he turned her gently around to face him. He saw the pink tinge of her face and the telltale brightness of her eyes and his heart broke a little along with hers. He looked up and down the corridor – not because he cared if anyone saw, but because he knew she did, and he'd shelf his frustration because now was not the time to deal with it – and leaned down to kiss her. It was soft, lingering, lacking in pressure or lust because all he wanted then was to comfort her, to remind her that he wasn't going anywhere because sometimes things were hard, yeah, but they'd be worse if they were dealt with alone.

"You've got to learn to talk to me," he told her when they broke apart. He tried to take a step back to give her space, but her fingers curled around his wrists and kept him right where he was.

"I know." And she did, and somehow the whole thing made her feel more terrible than everything else she'd been dealing with, everything else that had been going on. "James, you don't have to do this."

"Yeah, I do." James caught the tear that was rolling down Lily's cheek and brushed it away. He didn't really know what she meant when she said _this_, but it didn't matter because he was going to do whatever it was, anyway. It seemed to him that whenever she told him not to do something, it was precisely the something he was supposed to be doing.

He moved one of his hands from her face to grasp her fingers. "Come on," he said, tugging gently, "you can sleep in my bed again. Maybe this time Padfoot will act like a decent human being about it."

Lily was going to protest. She was going to say no, it was okay, she needed some time alone. But the truth was that it wasn't okay and the thought of being alone right then terrified her. She didn't want to lay alone in the darkness of her dormitory, staring up at the ceiling, thinking about what happened to Jenny Jenkins and how it could easily happen to her for the same reason. She didn't want to think about how guilty she felt for thinking about herself right now.

She wanted to be with James, no matter how much she felt like she was messing that up. So instead of saying no, it was okay, she needed some time alone, Lily tightened her fingers in James's and let him lead her back to Gryffindor tower. For just a little while – because she didn't know if she'd get many chances after right now – she was going to pretend that everything was okay.

* * *

Regulus Black couldn't concentrate. He was working on his homework by the dim light of the fireplace in the Slytherin common room. His quill was paused over his parchment, ink dripping from the tip and splattering black against yellow as his mind drew a blank.

He looked over at his cousin, who was reading for Ancient Runes in the chair next to him. He knew he shouldn't try talking to her right now – Bellatrix was positively beastly if you interrupted her Ancient Runes homework – but he couldn't help himself.

"Bella?" he said, his voice quiet and tentative.

She snorted to indicate that he'd caught her attention.

"Why –"

"Don't ask me again, Regulus," Bellatrix said. For the love of Merlin, he'd posed the same question a dozen times already that day, ever since he found out the details about that little waste-of-space Hufflepuff. "I've already told you."

"You haven't!" Regulus protested. He didn't know why it bothered him so much, but if he was going to be involved with the Death Eaters, he thought he had a right to know the who's and how's and why's. Otherwise how would he make those calls for himself when the time came? "All you've said is _because_. _Because_ isn't a reason."

_All right, well, if he wants a lesson, he can have one._ Bellatrix lowered her book and said, "What do you suggest we have done instead?"

Regulus was taken aback by the question, but he collected himself enough to splutter, "Well, I don't really know. Maybe a – a Memory Charm, or –"

"Memory Charms can be broken." Bellatrix snapped her book shut and slid it across the table in front of her. "If Dumbledore can work his way past a poorly executed Imperius Curse, you can bet your broomstick that he can get around a regulation _Obliviate_. You can't trace an _Avada Kedavra_, as much as Dumbledore investigates. Besides," she went on, getting to the real point, "Narcissa needed to be taught a lesson."

"But –"

"Stop with the why's," Bellatrix ordered. "She acted rashly. She didn't use her head. She gave the Carrows too much responsibility and too much benefit-of-the-doubt, neither of which they deserve. Narcissa made the mistake, and Narcissa had to pay the consequences."

"How'd she do it, though?" Regulus had come to the question he really wanted answered. "We learned about the Unforgivable Curses in Defense, and they said only a real powerful wizard can manage them."

"It's not about power," Bellatrix said. "It's about dedication. You have to _want_ to do it – to kill or torture or control. Your desire to fulfill any of those trumps natural ability. The Carrows could have cared less whether or not their Imperius Curse worked, so it didn't. Narcissa had to off that little Mudblood to protect herself and the rest of us, so she managed it. Does that answer your incessant questions?"

Regulus nodded and went back to his ink-blotched homework. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Good." Bellatrix picked up her book and went back to reading.

The clock ticked. Quill scratched against parchment. Pages rustled and turned. The fire crackled in its grate. The clock ticked some more.

"Hey, Bella?"

"_What_, Reg?"

"D'you reckon Sirius will ever come 'round?"

"No, I don't." Bellatrix's tone was clipped at the mention of one of the cast-off Blacks. "We're better off without him."

"Oh." That's what their mother had said, too, right after she blasted Sirius off the family tree. Regulus scribbled another note onto his parchment. "Okay."

And that was the end of that.

* * *

**A/N:** _I know, I know, killing Jenny Jenkins was harsh. But in the end, war is a harsh thing, and I thought it was about time that that was brought to the immediate attention of the characters. This won't be the last you'll hear about it._


	25. The Effects of Amortentia

_Hi, _**Yel-kun 310**_,_** Penciled In**_,_** pensprevail**_,_** LadyParabellum**_,_** Krystal May**_,__and _**Take this to Heart**_! How are we today? Good? Because I might ruin that and I'm sorry, but I gave myself some major feels while writing this. So if I'm doing my job right, you too will be hitting your head against the wall by the time you're done._

_Seriously, you guys, giving me the happy creys. You have no idea. I like fangirl over the reviews, you make me that sort of happy._

* * *

Over the next few days, James increased his tireless efforts to make Lily smile. It was about as difficult as getting her to go out with him in fifth year; that is to say, it was impossible.

It wasn't that she didn't smile at all, because she did. The corners of her lips turned up, her teeth flashed, her eyes crinkled – it was all evidence of someone who was actually, truly happy. But no matter how crinkled the corners of her eyes were, the eyes themselves were blank. The green was flat and glassy and devoid of any feeling. Her smile started and ended on her lips, and it was the saddest thing James had ever seen.

"What do I _do_?" he moaned one night in the common room when Lily was on rounds.

"You could quit whining, for starters," Marlene griped. Really, it was no wonder Lily didn't want to fancy him; he could be such a petulant child sometimes.

James glowered at her before turning to the more sympathetic of the two. _"Alice."_

"Honestly, James, there's nothing you can do," Alice said as bracingly as she could manage. She wouldn't mind hitting him with a _Silencio_, if she were honest with herself. "I know you're trying, but sometimes Lily's just plain inconsolable."

"Remember when she'd just laugh, all the time? She was laughing a week ago." _What a week,_ James thought as the echo of that laughter sounded somewhere in the recesses of his memory. He slumped down in his chair and kicked at the floor. "I just want her to smile and mean it."

"So yank her into a broom cupboard and shag her brains out," Marlene suggested dryly.

As tempting as that was, James shook his head and said, "I don't think that'd work."

"I dunno." Marlene's voice was serious now. "She stares at you a lot more now – doesn't even try to hide it the way she did last year, either."

"That doesn't mean he should go dragging her around the castle for a fifteen-minute shag," Alice interjected before Marlene could give him any more bright ideas. "Really, James, just keep doing what you're doing now. That's all you can do."

"But it's not enough –"

Alice sighed loudly, effectively cutting off the rest of James's sentence. "Yes, well, sometimes 'not enough' is the best that anyone can do," she told him.

And it was awful, Alice thought, and so did Marlene. It was terrible that even their best efforts went so famously to waste. But they both knew that sometimes there were things you couldn't fix, and that no matter how much you liked to pretend, not everything was okay. Some things never were. Unfortunately, neither of them were James Potter, nor could they get through to him. James Potter wasn't used to not getting what he wanted, and what he wanted now was to fix this, no matter how unfixable it was.

* * *

**February 14**

Lily wasn't exactly in the mood for the Slug Club, but she'd never managed to turn down any of Professor Slughorn's ridiculous get-togethers before so she didn't see why today should be any different. She liked Professor Slughorn, of course – she thought he was endearing, a bit socially inept at times, but he always meant well.

No, it wasn't Slughorn that bothered her, Lily thought as she made her way down to the dungeons. It was the _club_ part of it all that was irking her that evening. Amos Diggory, naturally, since he was good-looking and Head Boy and a shoo-in for some influential Ministry job post-Hogwarts; Bertha Jorkins, because she just happened to know so much about so many people, and Slughorn might as well have been a gossipy old woman, he enjoyed Bertha's company so much; Gwen McIntyre (Lily didn't bother suppressing her scowl), because she was pretty and popular and Slughorn always appreciated those who were well-liked. The list went on, but Lily found that she was annoyed enough as it was without thinking about the rest of them.

All in all, Lily didn't feel like being around people, and it just so happened that she'd be surrounded by them, most of whom she didn't like because they thought she was easy or stupid or because they maybe-might-possibly fancy James Potter. What bothered Lily most was that it was the last thing that _really_ bothered her most. _What a waste of time, to worry about something like that…_ She shook her head and worried about it, anyway.

When she entered the dungeon that Slughorn had commandeered for his garishly awful Valentine's Day party, her eyes were assaulted by pink and her nostrils were assaulted by… _Oh, Merlin._ Lily nearly groaned when she saw the simmering cauldron at the front of the room.

_Yes, brilliant, _she thought, rolling her eyes. _Let's leave a giant pot of Amortentia sitting out in a room full of teenagers on one of the most desperate days of the year._

"I need a drink," she muttered to herself.

"Got you covered," said a voice behind her, and she turned to see Fabian and Gideon, both of whom looked like they were going to be sick.

Fabian slipped a flask out of his sleeve and offered it to her. "Really," he said, "d'you think we ever come to one of these things unprepared?"

"You're a lifesaver, you are," Lily said gratefully. She uncorked the flask and took a swig. The oaky taste of mead flowed over her taste buds and down her throat and she felt a little less revolted by the whole affair. "Where's Frank?"

"Took Alice out," Gideon said. "You know, maybe it's just all the love in this room, but suddenly I'm less concerned about what he's going to do with our sister and more envious that he's not stuck here like we are."

"Too right." Fabian caught sight of the cauldron then and balked. "Well, that's a bloody stupid idea."

"Isn't it, though?" Lily took another swig of mead and handed the flask back to Fabian. "What d'you reckon all these Ministry people smell?"

"The blood of their political opponents, I expect," Gideon deadpanned, yet there was something serious in his tone as well. "Damn it, there's Slughorn –"

"Miss Evans!" The professor beamed at his favorite student. "And the Prewetts, so glad you could make it!"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world, sir," Fabian said through a false smile, and he had Gideon both crossed their fingers behind their backs.

"Good, good." Slughorn patted his large stomach happily. "You know, you three, there are a couple of people here I'd like you to meet, if you would be so kind…"

The Prewetts each took hasty pulls from the flask as they followed Slughorn and Lily across the dungeon, passing through knots of fellow students and wreaths of flowers along the way. Lily was never sure if she should be hesitant about Slughorn's introductions or not; he was always so loud about her blood status and how she was such a great surprise in the world of Wizarding academia… Always with the best intentions, she thought, but all the same, his intentions didn't work so well in practice in this case.

"Alastor!" Slughorn boomed as they reached their destination. "Charlus! I've got a few fine students for you to meet here –"

"Lily Evans!" Charlus Potter greeted her with a wide smile and the same sort of bear hug he'd given her during their first meeting at King's Cross. "Lovely to see you, dear."

"And you, sir." Lily felt a wave of relief as Charlus hugged her; it was the same feeling of peace that her own father offered her.

Slughorn blinked a few times at the intimate exchange. "You two are acquainted then, I see?" he asked, looking to Charlus for confirmation.

"Yes, yes!" Charlus beamed and shook Fabian and Gideon's hands. "Lily came to stay for the New Year, and of course I know the Prewett boys…"

"Really?" Slughorn was looking at Lily, who had begun tugging on her earlobe and examining the ceiling as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. The last thing she needed was for Professor Slughorn to start speculating about her love life, although she was sure that he and Bertha Jorkins would have a lovely time of it.

"Indeed," Charlus said, not suspecting a thing. "Boys, you know Alastor, don't you? But Lily – Lily, this is Alastor Moody. He runs the Auror office with me at the Ministry."

Lily felt a nervous flutter in her stomach as a gnarled and scarred hand encased her own in a firm shake. "Of course," she said, her face reddening, "I've heard quite a bit about you, sir, but then who hasn't? I – er – oh bugger, there I go –"

Fabian and Gideon sniggered and she shot them a look. Moody, however, ignored them. He'd known the Prewett brothers long enough to know that they laughed at everything; it had been a long time since he'd felt the need to comment on it.

"Evans, is that right?" Moody growled, looking her over. "Heard quite a bit about you, too."

"You – you have?" Lily was surprised. She tried to think of something she'd done that might have gotten her noticed by one of the most acclaimed Aurors in the Ministry of Magic's history, but truth be told that _Amortentia_ was wreaking havoc on her senses and she couldn't remember much of anything that didn't have to do with old books or her mother's perfume or James Potter.

Moody nodded and jerked a thumb at Charlus. "He's been going on about you for months, at least," Moody informed her. "Nice change of pace from talking about that son of his all the time. Thinks you could do a world of good for James. Mind you, I'm a bit skeptical; that boy's a right big idiot."

Fabian and Gideon burst out laughing, and even Charlus allowed himself a chuckle.

"He's not a bad sort, Charlus," Slughorn assured him. "A bit distractible, perhaps, but he's top of the class at any rate. He should be here now, actually, I wonder what's keeping him."

Lily felt her stomach muscles tighten. She hadn't known Slughorn extended an invitation to James (but of course he had, since Charlus was there, but to be fair Lily hadn't known he would be). _Oh no… _She didn't think she could handle _Amortentia_ and James Potter at the same time.

"Looks like you could use another drink," Fabian muttered in her ear, noting the blush on her face at the mention of their big idiot friend.

Lily turned to face them and took another swig from the flask while the adults behind her talked amongst themselves. "Bloody hell, this is going to be a disaster," she said, mostly to herself, but the Prewetts grinned, anyway. They loved a good show.

Just then did Gwen McIntyre scurry up to Lily's side and she said, all blonde hair and big smile, "Hey, Lily, I've been looking for you. I –"

"Miss McIntyre!" Slughorn cut across her. He pointed from Charlus to Moody and back again. "Have you met? Gwen McIntyre, this is Alastor Moody and Charlus Potter, Auror office."

"Oh – hello." Gwen looked a bit taken aback by the sudden introduction, but she composed herself with another smile and shook their hands. "Potter, did you say? I know your son."

Lily had to force back her gag reflex. "_I know your son…" Please._ Gideon conjured up a glass and filled it with mead, shoving it into Lily's hand for emotional support.

"James seems to know quite a few people, doesn't he?" Charlus glanced at Lily as she tipped the drink into her mouth, and he thought that whoever had the bright idea to make mead and butterbeer the same color was an even bigger idiot than his son.

"I do, don't I?"

Lily jumped, nearly spilling her drink as a thin but lean arm dropped around her shoulders. She looked up to see James, hair windswept, glasses askew, a crooked grin on his face… She felt her knees buckle and she was sure that she would have fallen if his arm hadn't been holding her up. _God damn love potions,_ she thought, and allowed Gideon to inconspicuously tip more mead into her glass.

"Nice of you to join us, son," Charlus said, clapping a hand on James's shoulder. "If you'd gotten here a bit earlier, you could have defended yourself against Moody. As it is, though, we all had a good laugh at your expense instead."

"Well, I'm here to entertain," James said, grinning at his father before turning to Slughorn. "Professor, do you think we could put a cap on that potion? I've been here five minutes and I can hardly think straight."

"Oh, get into the spirit of it, m'boy!" Slughorn said jovially, thumping James on the back and making his glasses slide down the bridge of his nose. "It's all in good fun, isn't it? As long as no one drinks it, of course…"

"Er – Lily?" Gwen said, sidling over to Lily again as James and Slughorn debated the merits of keeping a Love Potion so unattended. "Could I have a word?"

"Right." Lily slid out of James's hold, rolling her eyes when he pouted at her. She and Gwen wandered a few yards away, pausing at the refreshments table and lingering there.

"So," Lily prompted, "what's up?"

Gwen fingered a doily that was sitting on the table, keeping her eyes trained on that rather than on Lily's questioning face. "Well, the thing is… I was wondering something."

Lily waited for her to continue. She thought she knew where this was going, so she took another drink and wished she would have just swiped the whole flask from the Prewetts when she had the chance.

"It's just –" Gwen quit picking at the doily and looked up at her – "you and Potter, you're friends, yeah?"

_And there it is._ Lily sipped at her cup and said, "Yeah. Friends. Right."

"I know he fancies you and everything," Gwen went on, her confidence increasing with every word, "but, seeing as how you're not interested, do you think he might – would he consider going out with someone else?"

Lily shrugged. "S'pose it would depend on the someone," she said, not knowing what else she could say.

"Well – er – I was thinking me," Gwen said with a rather sheepish little smile.

"Right." Lily drained her glass of mead. "I dunno, honestly. We don't really talk about that sort of thing."

"Oh." Gwen's face fell a bit. "Well, do you think – maybe you could ask for me?"

Lily couldn't quite believe she was having this conversation, but of course she was because it had been the one thing that had bothered her most. _How old are we?_ she wanted to say, but she didn't, instead choosing to go with, "Yeah. Maybe. I don't know. I – uh – sorry, Gwen, it's just that this isn't the sort of thing I've got on my mind lately."

"Oh, of course." Gwen's face arranged itself into a sympathetic expression. "I'm sorry, Lily, I forgot all about Jessica –"

"Jenny," Lily corrected her, and suddenly she felt much more than mildly annoyed with Gwen McIntyre. "Her name is Jenny."

"Sorry," Gwen said again. "I didn't really know her or anything."

"Yeah." No one had. "Listen, Gwen, I'm just gonna – I'm gonna go, so I'll see if there's anything I can do for you and I'll let you know."

Gwen smiled at her. "Thanks, Lily, that means a lot."

_Oh, yeah, I bet. _Lily forced a smile and started her way back to the Prewetts and their flask when she was hailed by Amos Diggory, who stepped directly in her path. Lily suppressed her scowl; she had not had enough to drink to deal with this.

"How're you, Evans?" he said, smiling in what Lily supposed he imagined was an appealing way, but right then her head was filled with irritation and mead and peppermint and woodsmoke so she didn't really have time for Amos Diggory's thickly-laid charm.

"Amos, great, hi." Lily offered him the same false smile she'd given Gwen. "Listen, I –"

"Hey, I just wanted to apologize again," Amos said before Lily could come up with a viable excuse for being rude. "I know it's been awhile since I asked you out and all, but you always seem pretty hacked off with me and I figured you might be sore about it."

"I'm not, really," Lily said, and it was true enough that she didn't feel terrible about lying a little bit. "We don't have to talk about it anymore, and I –"

"You look gorgeous, by the way," Amos went on, and Lily thought that perhaps she wasn't the only one reeling from the effects of _Amortentia_. Splendid. "Hope I'm not crossing a line, but you're really fantastic and –"

"LILY." Fabian and Gideon had appeared at her side, and Lily could have kissed them both. "_There_ you are, darling, we were wondering where you'd gone off to."

"Top off your drink, there, love?" Fabian tipped the flask into Lily's empty cup. "Evening, Diggory. Hope you don't mind the intrusion, but James is giving you the eye and trust me, that's one staring contest you don't want to get into –"

"So we figured we'd save you the trouble," Gideon finished, and he caught one of Lily's arms while Fabian caught the other. "We'll just get this pesky thing out of your way and you can get on with the festivities. Cheers," he added as an afterthought, and Fabian lifted the flask in Amos's direction while they marched Lily away.

"Do you have to make such a production of everything?" Lily demanded of them as soon as they were out of earshot.

"Yes, I'm afraid we do," Gideon said sympathetically. "We love a show, you know, but James really was giving Diggory the eye and that'd end up being a bit _too_ showy, don't you think?"

Lily mumbled her assent and allowed them to steer her back to their former company. As soon as they were within range, though, the Prewetts loosened their hold on her only so James could drape his arm back over her shoulders and say, "Well, Lily and I are off, then. I'm having a spot of trouble with the Charms homework and we should really get to that, shouldn't we, Lil?"

"Er – yes, we should," Lily said. She knew very well that they didn't have any Charms homework, but she'd been spurred on by the small but definite squeeze James's fingers administered to her shoulder.

"Make sure to write, won't you?" Charlus said, looking sternly at his son. "At least cause a spot of trouble so the school sends an owl. You know how your mother worries."

"Sure, Dad. I'll flood the prefects' bathroom or something. I'm not even allowed in there, so double whammy, right?"

Charlus smiled. "There's a good lad."

They bid good-bye to the rest of the party and worked their way around the edge of the room, bypassing anyone who might try to talk to them. James's hand slipped down to catch Lily's, guiding her along with him. Usually Lily would object to such a public display, but what with the mead and the _Amortentia_ and the feel of his skin against hers… Well, objecting just wasn't an option.

As soon as they were out of the dungeon and around the corner, James yanked on Lily's hand and pushed her against the stone wall, his mouth devouring hers before she could so much as gasp in surprise. There was no preamble, no teasing touch, just tongue and teeth and the scratch of James's stubble against Lily's skin.

"Merlin, you're like personified love potion," he murmured, breathless, inhaling deeply in the time it took him to change the angle of the kiss. He pulled away from her again, quite suddenly, and Lily was about to protest but then he was pulling her along the corridor again. "Diggory is such a _git_."

"Oh, knock it off. It's not as if I'm interested," Lily admonished, a little breathless from the force of his kiss and her quickened steps as she tried to keep up with him.

"He's interested in you," James reminded her. "That's bad enough."

Lily rolled her eyes, but she couldn't really blame him considering the way she'd responded to Gwen. "Well, on that note, McIntyre wants a date with you."

"That's nice, Evans," James said distractedly, "but I really don't care."

"Such a gentleman." But Lily couldn't help the relief she felt at his dismissal.

"Hardly." James shot her a wolfish grin. "Anyway, I'm rather impatient to get you alone since I snagged some of Slughorn's unattended potion and I thought, hey, sounds like a party."

Lily's mouth dropped open. There were at least a hundred reasons why that was a stupid thing to do, but the one that came out of her mouth was along the lines of "You don't expect me to drink that, do you?"

"'Course I do," James said, like it wasn't a big deal. "See, Evans, the thing about _Amortentia_ is that when you drink it with someone who already fancies you, it's not so much dangerous as it is bloody fantastic."

"I think you're making that up," Lily said skeptically.

"Solemnly swear." James put his free hand to his heart. "I did my research."

"Didn't do your thinking, though, did you?" Lily said, and then, realizing that that didn't quite make sense in context, she elucidated. "Where exactly do you propose we go to act on these oh-so-bloody-fantastic impulses?"

"My dorm's empty. All night."

"You're full of it." Lily was even more disbelieving than before.

"I'm not!" Indeed, it was a full moon and since the boys knew that Charlus was due at the castle, they'd told James to skip out on this one. And it wasn't as though he intended to hang around the Slug Club all night, anyway, not when there was _Amortentia_ to be had and a Lily Evans to make happy. He'd been mulling this over for days and in the end, he figured this was his best shot at giving her a few hours of bliss in otherwise bliss-less circumstances.

"Evans, seriously," James went on, trying to be as charming and convincing as possible while still hurtling down corridors at the speed of light, "d'you think I'd lure you up to my bedroom under the pretense of very dirty thoughts if I suspected for a second that my bunch of idiot mates would barge in on us?"

Lily chewed on her lip. "Well, no, but –"

"So do you want to ride the wave of _Amortentia_ with me or not?"

It took a moment for Lily to respond to that, but in the end she couldn't help her smile and she said, "I can't believe you just said that."

"Yeah, neither can I," James admitted. It had been a stupid thing to say, really. "Think it's best if you found a way to shut me up right about now, don't you?"

"You know I can't resist your sweet-talk, Potter."

Something in Lily's voice had James's heart skipping around in his chest like it wasn't bound by any anatomical restraints. "You won't be able to resist a lot more than that pretty soon," he assured her as he pulled her up the marble staircase.

"When have I ever been able to?"

"Uh, it's called fifth year, also referred to as The Year of Continuous Blows to James Potter's Pride, or – Sirius likes this one – The Year the Giant Squid Got More Action than You."

Lily wrinkled her nose. "That name is more suggestive than I care for it to be."

"Yes, well, it's _Sirius_, love, so I don't know what you expect." They were at the portrait hole now; James gave the password and clambered through, hauling Lily inside after him.

"Your mates are awful, you know," Lily informed him as she allowed herself to be practically dragged upstairs to the boys' dormitory.

"I'll make a note," James said. He kicked the door open, pulled Lily inside, and kicked it shut again. "A to-do list, if you will. Second on the list will be to obtain new, less-raunchy mates. First on the list, though…" He grabbed her face and kissed her hard and quick, then released her and pulled a small vial from his pocket.

Lily cocked an eyebrow at him and she adopted a heavily sarcastic tone when she said, "First on the list is to ride the wave of _Amortentia_?"

James grinned. "Cheeky, but yes."

He took her hand and led her over to his bed, pulling the hangings around them. He knew the boys wouldn't be back until sometime after sunrise, so he and Lily had hours of uninterrupted alone time – _hours_, he thought, and the prospect made him dizzy – but something about closed hangings made the whole thing more intimate, and he wanted to be as close to her as he possibly could, literally and metaphorically and every other kind of _–ally_.

Lily settled herself against the headboard, folding her hands over her stomach and crossing her legs at the ankles. She could feel the butterflies emerging, fluttering, tickling every nerve in her body so she was hyper-sensitive, hyper-aware of every move that James made… He settled himself next to her, and the mattress shifted and the headboard shuddered. His arm brushed hers as he uncorked the vial; there was a pop and a sizzle and a hiss of steam, and then Lily was overwhelmed by the scent of James as it wafted from his skin and from the bottle at once. Everything smelled like woodsmoke and cinnamon and pomegranate and peppermint and Lily was quite sure that they didn't need to drink any of it, but James was quite sure that that was _exactly_ what they needed.

Knowing how much he was supposed to drink, James took the first pull from the vial. The potion tingled its way pleasantly down his throat, settling in his stomach and spreading warmth throughout his body, heat crackling along the edges as the potion simmered and prepared to take hold.

He handed what was left of the potion to Lily. "Here," he said. "Drink the rest. Takes a minute to kick in."

Lily took the bottle, her fingers brushing against his, and James felt that stir in his stomach at the contact. He watched as she put the vial to her lips and tipped it back, and something about the motion was mesmerizing, like it was happening in slow motion, and James was only vaguely aware of the fact that his mouth was open as he stared at her. Lily put her fingers under his chin and pushed upwards to close it.

"Sorry," James muttered, and his eyes shifted away from her grin and down the length of her body. Her dress was strapless so he could unobtrusively see the curve and angle of her shoulder; a line of buttons fastened their way down the front and he felt his muscles tighten and clench as his eyes traveled down her pale, exposed legs. One of them shifted slightly and the skirt of her dress hitched up half an inch and James swallowed, hard, and it was difficult because his throat was suddenly sandpaper-dry.

As soon as James's eyes traveled their way back up to Lily's face, he saw that her pupils were dilated and her face was flushed and he was sure he looked the same. All at once their lips crashed together – no teasing, no pretense, it was all teeth and tongues again. James swung a leg over her and put his hands on her hips and dragged her down the mattress until she was lying flat on her back beneath him. As her arms wound around him, fingers running down his back, her back arched and her body pressed against his, James could hardly believe it and if he wasn't so preoccupied, he would have pinched himself to make sure it was really happening – he was alone with Lily Evans, she was in his bed and he was touching her and she was touching him back and she smelled so good, she was so soft, and she was kissing him as fiercely as he was kissing her and how on this God-forsaken earth had this amazing wonderful brilliant thing happened?

Lily wrapped her legs around his waist and tugged him closer. Even as his tongue ran over hers and his hands ran through her hair and down her body and she felt his heart thumping wildly along with hers, she couldn't get enough. If she had ever needed or wanted or felt his touch more than she did now, she couldn't remember; all she could register was the contrast of his rough hands against her sensitive skin, the delicious scratch of his stubble as he moved his mouth down her neck and over her shoulder to her collarbone. Her fingers tangled in his hair and she'd never realized how soft it was before, and she remembered all those times she'd seen him run his hands through it – even when she was supposed to hate him – and how all she'd ever wanted to do was run her hands through it herself. Whenever she was shouting at him or docking points or hexing him or turning him down for the hundredth time, it was all she could do to keep her hands to herself and now it was so bloody _fantastic_ because keeping her hands to herself was the absolute last thing she had to do.

James's mouth slid from her collarbone down to the first button on her dress and – oh, Merlin, he was undoing it with his tongue, and Lily moaned a little when his breath and his tongue and his stubble made contact with that little bit of newly exposed flesh. James glanced up at her and saw that her eyes were shut and her lips were parted, her breathing coming in fast and shallow gasps. He could hear her heart pounding a little to his right, her left, and he thought his own might burst right out of his chest if he continued touching her, but over his dead body would he _stop_ touching her…

He stopped at the first button and moved his mouth back up her throat to her chin and hovered over her parted lips, feeling her breath as it shuddered out sweet and warm against his own. His mouth brushed against hers as he whispered and told her how long he'd wanted to do this, to be alone with her, for her to want him to do all the things he'd wanted to do for what felt like forever…

"James." Lily curled her fingers in his hair and pulled his head down until their lips were moving against each other again. He tasted like toothpaste and butterbeer and he smelled like smoke and leather and he felt so right. His hands held her hips and his mouth moved over her skin and his tongue undid the buttons on her dress, teeth nipping and stubble scratching, and _why_ had she wasted all that time pretending she didn't want this?

James's mouth was on her stomach now, lips and tongue and teeth moving lower as his hands parted the material of the dress and trailed down to grip her upper thighs, his thumbs pushing into the newly revealed material that hung low on her hips. Lily released a soft whimper as James's breath tickled the edge of the lace. His tongue flicked into it for half a second and he glanced up at her again, eyes steady on her flushed face as his tongue dipped back in, lower, lower, and his thumbs were pulling the material down, slowly in case she wanted him to stop but she didn't so he pulled it down her thighs and over her knees and past her calves over her ankles and discarded it. His mouth moved to her ear and he murmured what he was going to do to her and Lily thought she might unravel right then and there with only his words to topple her over the edge.

And then his mouth was blazing a hot and heady trail down the center of her body and his hands were moving roughly over her thighs to clutch at her hips as that messy head of hair was between her legs and…

"Oh, God." Lily covered her face with her hands and her moan ripped its way through her body like absolutely nothing she'd ever felt before because James's tongue was moving and his lips were sucking and she felt a thousand little explosions in a thousand little corners of her body.

As his mouth worked at her, one of his hands held her hip still and his other was rubbing purposefully up and down her body, from her thigh over her stomach to her ribcage and past her heartbeat and back down again. And all the while his mind was racing about how unbelievable this all was and how completely and totally and irrevocably – _No,_ he told himself firmly as he grazed his short fingernails against Lily's skin. _Don't go there now, Potter, you can't afford to go that far…_

Lily's hands were on his forearms then, and she was hoisting him up and her mouth latched onto his. James groaned and tugged at her hips and Lily could feel the strain against his trousers and she felt her body simmer and spark and flare. Her legs wrapped themselves back around his waist and she flipped their positions so she was on top and in control because finally, she wasn't keeping her hands to herself.

James grinned up at her. "You know, Evans, you could have just asked me to move," he told her. "No need to toss me around –"

"Aren't I supposed to be shutting you up?" Lily asked, and she tugged at his belt buckle.

"Right." James's eyes widened and his Adam's apple bobbed up and down and up and down again. _There was no way… She wasn't…_ His belt whipped out of its loops and was tossed aside. Still, he tried to be reasonable, because love potion and mutual affection aside, she couldn't possibly be doing what he thought she was going to do because he couldn't _possibly_ be that lucky…

Lily's head was spinning. It was the _Amortentia_ and the James Potter and the everything he was doing to her, his touch, his taste, all those things he'd whispered in her ear. The happy little hum in her blood was enough to drown out the nerves. She popped the snap on his trousers and tugged the zipper down and pulled at his belt loops until they were around his ankles and over his feet and James thought that no, she couldn't really be about to do what he thought she was about to do –

But – _oh God_ – she was.

Her mouth was wet and warm and James groaned loudly as it enveloped him. Now this was too much, this was unbelievable, after two years of wanting and wishing and pining and chasing, just for a look or a laugh or a date, and now she was in his bed because she wanted to be and she was doing wonderful incredible amazing things with her mouth. She was beautiful and she was perfect and she wanted him, and it was wonderful amazing brilliant incredible –

"Lily." Her name was hissed out from between his teeth and he clutched at the sheets. "Lily, I –"

She didn't want to pause or stop, so she slid a hand up to one of his and grasped his fingers and squeezed, trying to convey that it was okay, it was fine, she wasn't stopping and he could keep going and…

James stared up at the canopy of his bed, breathing laboriously, his heart stuttering and then resuming its abuse of his ribcage. Lily readjusted his boxers and was kneeling between his legs, buttoning her dress back up, and she grinned at him from behind the hair that had fallen into her eyes.

"Have I successfully shut you up, then?" she wanted to know. "Or are you going to say something else about the wave of _Amortentia_?"

"Give me a moment." James closed his eyes, breathing still coming in ragged gasps through the huge, lopsided grin that was taking over his face. "I'm currently reveling in ecstasy."

"Hmmm…" Lily laid over him and slid her arms around his back, resting her head against his chest. "The effects of _Amortentia_, I presume?"

"Nuh-uh." James kissed the top of her head. "The effects of Lily Evans."

"You're such a twit, Potter."

James lifted his head slightly as he tried to shoot her a reproachful look. "I resent that," he said. "Did you ever say that to the giant squid? I bet you didn't."

Lily pressed her lips against his heartbeat. "No, but I'm not in the giant squid's bed, now, am I?"

"Mmmm…" James ran his hands over her back to squeeze at her waist. He loved the way she felt, the warmth of her body against his, the way her lips brushed against his lips or his neck or his collarbone when she talked. "It's funny how my parents think you're so good for me, since I'm rather sure that's not the case at all."

"I _am_ good for you." Lily kissed the base of his throat. But as the potion wore off, she felt a twinge of guilt; she remembered that she still couldn't make up her mind with how to proceed. She knew what she wanted, but she didn't think it was as easy as just wanting and getting and having.

But she didn't want to think about that right now, so she propped herself up on her elbows and looked at James questioningly. "Speaking of your parents, though, what was your dad doing here?"

James shrugged. "You know how Slughorn is," he said as his fingertips traced circles over her back. "Besides, him and Moody were checking in with Dumbledore about the war and…" James frowned slightly and pushed the hair away from Lily's face. "Well, and Jenny."

"Oh." Lily's face fell and she laid her head back down on James's chest so he couldn't see.

"They don't know anything. Nothing they can do, really."

"Yeah."

James was quiet for a moment, and his caress along her back became more firm, more reassuring. "Are you worried?" he asked, wondering what he'd see in her eyes if she looked at him again.

Lily snorted. "Please, James, I've been worried for years. Now there's just a more pressing need for it."

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you," James said. He tightened his hold on her, burying his face in her hair and inhaling that pomegranate scent and he knew that he meant it.

"Not everything's up to you." But Lily's hold tightened, too. She always felt like he was slipping away, and she knew it was only because she was pushing.

"Yeah, well…" James flipped over so he was lying on top of her, trailing kisses down the slope of her neck. "I care about you."

Lily ran her fingers through his hair. Of course he cared, he cared and it was killing her because no matter how much she cared back, she was a mess and she couldn't convey any of it the right way. And it almost didn't matter how he kissed her or touched her or looked at her, because if she couldn't get it together he was going to slip right through her fingers and she'd have no one to blame but herself.

"You okay?" James had stopped kissing her neck and was looking down at her, brow furrowed in confusion and concern.

Lily fiddled with the collar of his shirt. "I don't know."

"Oh." James pressed his lips together and studied her face, trying to figure out if he'd done something wrong to make her suddenly so reticent. "Did we – did I do something wrong? Was that too fast? I know that – okay, that was a lot, what we just did, but I –"

"James, no." Lily put her fingers to his mouth to stop him from talking. "I wouldn't do anything I didn't want to do, all right?"

James nodded and his fingers curled around her wrist. He kissed her fingers, one by one, hazel eyes boring slowly and steadily into green ones. There was a definite sparkle there now, he thought, but still he could tell something was off. He didn't know what it was or if he could fix it, so he fell back on an old habit.

"Be my girlfriend."

Lily blinked up at him. "James…"

"Please?" he said, and Lily could hardly resist the small pout that formed on his lips and the hopeful glint in his eye.

"That's not fair," she said, half-laughing, but her heart broke a little as once again she denied herself of the thing she wanted, she wanted so badly, and _why_ did she keep doing this to herself?

"You're telling me." James sighed and rolled over so he was lying on his side, one arm around her waist and one of his legs tucked between the two of hers. "But you're right. I know. Just thought I'd try."

"You're relentless." Lily buried her head in his shoulder so he couldn't see how much she was hurting. _Stupid, stupid, stupid,_ she kept thinking, and the mantra played on repeat in her head and she didn't think it would ever stop.

Unaware of what was going on in Lily's head, James said, "Yeah, but if I wasn't, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now." He sighed contentedly and pulled her closer. "In my bed. Post-_Amortentia_ and still feeling the effects of it."

"Am I going to have to shut you up again?" Lily asked, trying not to laugh and failing miserably.

James nuzzled her neck. "Well, I'm not going to tell you no."

Lily smacked him, her annoyance somewhat diluted by the huge yawn that followed. "I'm going to sleep."

"Here, I hope."

"Potter, do you see me moving?"

James smiled and pressed a kiss to her hairline. "No, Evans, I don't."

Lily yawned again and snuggled deeper into his arms. "That's right," she said, and she felt herself drifting off already. "I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

Lily woke up shivering, shaking, cold. Her face was damp with sweat and tears were streaming out of her eyes and for one terrifying moment, she wasn't sure where she was. She reached out her hand and brushed against James's shoulder. Relief swept through her as she realized that she was okay, there was no reason to cry or sweat or shake. She shut her eyes and took a few measured breaths.

When she'd collected herself, when she'd wiped her eyes and decided it was no use trying to remember what had happened to rouse her so abruptly, she swung her legs off the bed and made to leave. She didn't think she'd be better off in her own dorm, but James was asleep and she didn't want to wake him with her fretfulness. It would be a sure thing, too, since Lily was always fidgety when she couldn't fall asleep.

As she was slipping on her shoes and the mattress shifted, she felt the strong curl of fingers as James's hand gripped her wrist.

"Thought you said you weren't going anywhere," he mumbled, voice husky with tiredness.

"Yeah." Lily offered him a weak smile before realizing he probably couldn't see it in the dark. "I just thought I'd – you know, bad dream and all –"

James sat up and leaned over the bed to where his trunk was, flipped it open, and extracted a sweatshirt and a pair of boxers. "Here," he said, tossing them to her. "Put those on and then get back in bed with me."

"James, really, I can just –"

"I don't want you to leave," James said simply.

Lily felt her face redden. She didn't know why, really, considering what had happened just a couple of hours ago. The last thing she should feel around James Potter was embarrassed. She pulled his boxers on and unbuttoned her dress, letting it fall to the floor, and she felt James's warm palm slide up her exposed spine. She shuddered and felt the mattress shift again as James settled himself behind her, his hands spanning her waist and his mouth trailing across her shoulder blades.

"Everything okay?" he murmured against her skin.

Lily nodded. "Just a bad dream, like I said," she said, shoving her arms through the sweatshirt and letting it hang there while James continued his exploration of her back.

"You sure?" James hugged her back to his chest and he kissed her shoulder. She'd seemed so off after… everything… earlier. He hadn't considered that anything could go wrong, but in the end he supposed that maybe not everyone was so comfortable with lowering their inhibitions. Maybe he'd gone too far, even though she said he hadn't and it was okay; it wasn't as if Lily Evans was famous for her communication skills, after all.

So even though it was dark and he wasn't wearing his glasses, he turned her face towards his because maybe she could see him and then she would know that he wasn't trying to take advantage or push her too far. "I know you said it was all right, earlier, but I need to make sure I didn't mess up. I don't want to mess up with you."

"James. Stop. You haven't done anything wrong." Lily couldn't take this, couldn't take James thinking _he_ was the one messing up, thinking that things were his fault when really he was keeping her together. But she couldn't tell him that – she couldn't, and she didn't know why, but right now "just because" was going to have to do. She was tired and confused and she felt a little queasy from whatever nightmare she'd been having, and James's body was pressed against hers and he. Was. So. Bloody. Perfect.

So she didn't say anything. She slid her hand up the side of James's face and she kissed him. She pushed him back onto the mattress and crawled on top of him and all the while she kept her lips on his, moving sure and steady and warm because this was absolutely everything she wanted. James's hands fisted in her hair, tugging her closer, deepening the kiss, and Lily drowned herself in it – the taste, the texture, the warmth, just the entire physical presence of James Potter as he kissed her and touched her and made her feel a thousand things she was afraid of feeling.

James sighed her name against her lips and it was so sweet, so quiet and so full of what couldn't be anything but love, and Lily kissed him harder, feeling for sure that her heart had taken its final blow.

* * *

**A/N:** _I haven't the slightest idea if what I made James say about Amortentia is true. I just did it because of smutty reasons and I figured that was a good enough reason for anybody. I know there's a lot of concentration on the Lily/James relationship, too, but it'll all be coming to a head soon so I need to get these points across now. Anyway, hope you liked it, and I'll see you for Chapter 26 (expect some more Marauder action)! _

_If you've got questions, comments, whatever, and you'd like to chat about them rather than just putting them in a review, I'm totally open and would love to do that. Just message me on Tumblr at _**cokebottleglassesarecool**_ (I'm cool with anons as well, as long as you're nice). I'm usually logged on there, so I can get back to you faster._

_All my affection – K. _


	26. Coping

_Whether you're here because of ARE or It Happened in a Broom Cupboard, hello and thanks to _**Sian-Goodwin**_,_** tweeterslove**_,_** ElleF**_,_** ellesbelles67**_,_** lookingforlyndsey**_,_** PadfootandProngsbromance**_,_** thebrownclown**_,_** smellycat1999**_,_** Ms D Longbottom**_,_** patpattycakes**_,_** Alex Rothmand**_,_** wotsinaname**_,_** CarolMedeiros**_,_** Circus Freaks United**_,_** pimentoplane**_,_** awkwardvoldyhugs**_, and_** Missbooradley**_!_

_I actually don't think I've got any notes to leave for you guys today (it's a bit surreal, to be honest), so I'll just get on with it. So. Here ya go._

* * *

**Lily**

Word had gotten out that Lily had spent New Year's at the Potters' house. Of course Bertha or one of her minions had overheard Charlus at Slughorn's party, and since they'd all been so starved for tales of Lily Evans's debauchery lately, they latched onto this bit of information like the leeches they were. It wouldn't have been so bad, Lily thought – after all, they'd said much worse in the past – but then she had to spend an entire evening with Bertha Jorkins.

After Jenny's death, Dumbledore had mandated that the prefects complete their rounds in pairs, for safety reasons. Usually Lily would have agreed wholeheartedly with such a procedure change, but then the first rotation came around and she was partnered with Bertha, and Lily thought there was really nothing less safe than to leave the two of them alone with their wands for an extended period of time. Not that she would do anything about it, of course, but still Lily thought Dumbledore should have taken her temper and mental stability into consideration.

"What'd Diggory think about you staying over with Potter, hm?" Bertha wanted to know as they walked through the third floor. "He can't have been pleased, can he?"

"I haven't the faintest idea what Diggory thinks about it, nor would I care," Lily said, "seeing as I'm not going out with him."

"Well, yes, but seeing as you're snogging at least two blokes at once –"

"I'm not snogging anyone," Lily lied, and she could taste the faint tang of blood from biting the inside of her cheek so hard.

"Mhmm, I'm sure you're not."

Bertha wasn't the only one Lily had to worry about, either; even her friends had started on her, and that was certainly more than she could take.

"I'm just saying, Lil," Marlene said one night in the common room, "I was a bit preoccupied with Sirius post-New Year's so I didn't really think about what may or may not but probably definitely did happen between you and James after we left that night."

Lily scowled and accidently tore a page of her Charms book. "Why don't you and Jorkins get together, have a nice little chat about what may or may not but probably definitely did happen, then?"

Marlene rolled her eyes. "Don't be like that. I'm only asking."

"And I don't know how many times I've got to tell you, but I'm getting rather sick of it."

"All right," Alice said pointedly as Marlene opened her mouth to retort. "Lily, no one's accusing you of anything –" she ignored Lily's derisive snort – "we just want to know what's going on with you, that's all. If you like James, go out with him. And forgive me, love, but it's sort of obvious that that's exactly what you want."

Lily kept her eyes trained on her book, but she could feel the twists and ties in the pit of her stomach. She didn't understand why everyone insisted on telling her what she wanted, and it didn't matter that they were right, because it wasn't their prerogative and she was tired of all of them acting otherwise. She knew perfectly well what she wanted, but that didn't mean she had to tell any of them. It was all moving too fast, from her feelings to all those things she and James had done with a little help from _Amortentia_.

It wasn't that she hadn't wanted to do those things, Lily thought as she stared blankly at page ninety-seven of her Charms book. All that pent-up hormonal energy that had been festering within her since fifth year had to be dealt with sooner or later, and she was quite glad it had been taken care of so… Well, satisfyingly. Because the fact of the matter was, she did like James and he liked her back so why shouldn't they do all those things they wanted to do?

_Maybe because you can't bring yourself to be his girlfriend? _suggested a nasty little voice in the back of her mind. _Because you can kiss him and touch him and he can put his hands all over you but you won't actually tell anyone about it? Not even your best friends?_

Lily slammed her book shut just as the portrait hole swung open. She glanced up to see the Gryffindor Quidditch team amble in, tired and sore from practice, and she didn't think she could deal with it.

"I'm going to bed," she mumbled just as James and Frank were making their way toward the girls. And without another word or bothering to put her things away, Lily shoved back from the table and made her way upstairs to bed and what would surely be several sleepless hours.

* * *

**James**

He wasn't sure if he was doing something wrong or not, James wondered for what felt like the millionth time. He didn't think he'd figure it out, either, if Lily kept refusing to talk to him about it.

"Are you sure everything's all right?" he'd ask her.

"Yes, for the thousandth time, everything's fine," she'd snap back at him.

"It doesn't seem fine."

"Maybe you're delusional."

"Maybe you're lying."

"I'm _not_." Lily accompanied her protest with a good kick to James's shins the fourth time they had this conversation. "You and me, we're fine, so quit bugging me about it or we won't be."

"You're so twitchy lately," James argued, ignoring the pain that shot up his leg where she'd kicked him. He leaned across the table they were sharing in the library and tired to catch her eye. "Every time I touch you, it seems like something's wrong."

"_Nothing's wrong."_

"Lily, please," James said, and he couldn't keep the desperation out of his voice. "I _know_ there's something, so would you please just tell me what it is?"

Lily looked up from her homework and her eyes looked so tired. "It's the same thing that's always wrong," she told him. "It's Jorkins and Diggory and this whole damn school, all right, but it's not _you_."

"I feel like it is me." James reached across the table to lay a hand over hers and she didn't stop him, and he thought that must be a good thing. "In part, at least. Lily, are you sure that I didn't push you too far when – well, you know."

Lily sighed and turned her hand over so she could interlace their fingers, and James thought that must be a _very_ good thing. "James, I told you," she said, "I didn't do anything that I didn't want to do. It's just –" and she stared at their joined fingers – "it's hard, because I wish I could talk to Alice and Marlene about it."

"Oh." James wasn't quite sure what to say about that; it must be a girl thing, and he wasn't terribly good at girl things. "You could, you know, you could talk to them. I don't mind. And then maybe – then I could talk to the boys, too, yeah? And –"

He stopped talking when she looked at him again and he was reminded of how tired her eyes were. But it was more than exhaustion, that much he could tell, even if he didn't know what the rest of it was.

"Okay," he said, even though she hadn't said anything. He squeezed her fingers and wished he could lean over the table and kiss her, but he knew that would be too much, so for now he settled for touching her hand and hoping that soon doing more wouldn't be too much. She had promised, after all.

* * *

**Sirius**

Hell if he knew what was going on between James and Evans, but he saw the way they were whispering and holding hands in the library, so Sirius was willing to bet that it was something. He didn't think it was much because – _let's face it_ – he wasn't sure what it would take for Evans to actually go through with her pinky swear and give James a chance.

Sirius released an impatient breath and turned back towards Marlene, who he'd been watching study for the past half an hour.

"Are you done yet?" he demanded.

"No," Marlene said, not taking her eyes from her book. "Not all of us can be as naturally clever as you. And stop staring at me, right? You're about as bad as James is with Lily, and in case you didn't know, it makes me gag so I don't find you endearing at all right now."

"But McKinnon, I'm _bored_," Sirius moaned. He dropped his arm on the table and his head followed. "Let's go to the Invisibility Section and shag."

Marlene laughed, one short burst of sound that she stifled when she remembered they were in the library. "You're such a _boy_," she observed cynically.

"Yeah, I reckon that's why you like to shag me in the first place."

Marlene smacked him across the head.

"Ouch." Sirius rubbed at the spot and pouted at her. "Go on, take a study break. You've earned it, and I should know since I've been sitting here like an arse watching you study for ages. We could both use a break. Ten minutes, tops."

"Oh, that's tempting, that is," Marlene said through thinly veined sarcasm. "Ten minutes, it's every bird's dream come true."

He grinned roguishly at her. "Ten minutes with me? Sure is."

"You're gross."

"Yeah," Sirius agreed, "and you're shagging me, so what's that say about you?"

"It screams of desperation."

"That's hot, McKinnon."

She laughed again. "Oh, shut up."

Sirius sighed and folded his arms on the table, resting his chin on top of them, and he allowed his eyes to drift lazily around the library. There was Lily and James, of course, who he'd already seen with their sex eyes and twitchy fingers and utter, complete denial of something going on (on Lily's part, at least).A few tables away from them were Remus and Peter, actually studying, totally undisturbed by an uncomfortable presence in their trousers since it wasn't like they were distracted by the likes of McKinnon (or Evans, as Sirius was sure that James was in a similar position).

But then, more than a few tables away, half obscured by the shadows of a library corner, sat Snape and Regulus, and Sirius forgot all about how good McKinnon's hair smelled. _No-good bunch of dirty Slytherin gits… _He scowled in their direction, nearly growling because sometimes he just couldn't help his inner canine.

Marlene poked him in the side with her quill. "What's up with you? You've got a funny look on your face."

"Nothing," Sirius grumbled, and all the usual playfulness was gone from his voice. "Just my brother, that's all, and Snivellus."

"Ahh…" Marlene glanced over to the place on which Sirius's eyes were fixed. She ran a hand down the tense muscles of his back. "Don't get all riled up. That's just what they want."

"Yeah, well, might as well give them what they ask for," Sirius said, and he fingered his wand.

Marlene's grip as it came around his wrist was like iron, and Sirius was taken aback by how strong she was when she set her mind to it. It wasn't that Marlene McKinnon wasn't a tough bird or anything, but she was a tiny little thing so any physical dominance on her part had always surprised Sirius (and he'd been on the receiving end of a lot of her physical dominance lately).

"Don't even think about it," Marlene warned. "If you start something, I'm not going to defend you when Lily gives you detention, and I won't come to _keep you company_, either."

"How about you keep me company in the Invisibility Section now, then?" Sirius proposed. He didn't want to sit there scowling at his idiot brother; he'd much rather remind himself of how good McKinnon's hair smelled and how physically dominant she could be. He trailed a hand up her leg, taking great care to graze the inside of her thigh with his fingernails.

"You're a lousy cheat, Black."

He grinned at her. "Nah, I just know what you like."

A breath hissed out from between Marlene's teeth and she shoved her books away from her. "Fine," she said, taking Sirius by the shirt collar and dragging him up with her. "God damn it, _fine_, but it's only so you don't start a row or a duel or something, you got that?"

"Loud and clear, McKinnon," Sirius assured her, his grin broadening as she half-led, half-dragged him to the Invisibility Section and pushed him against one of the shelves there.

"You're such a damn git, Black," Marlene said as she tugged down the zipper of his trousers.

"Yeah," Sirius agreed again, "and you're shagging me, so what's that say about you?"

"Oh, shut up."

* * *

**Remus**

"What is it with our mates, d'you think?"

Remus looked up at Peter, who was sitting across from him and looking over to his right, a thoughtful expression on his face.

"A lot of things are with our mates, Wormtail," Remus said, figuring that was the most honest answer.

"Yeah." Peter acknowledged this with a slight nod. "But look, there's Prongs and Evans over there and they were just holding hands a second ago. What's that about?"

Remus glanced past Peter's head to the table where Lily and James sat together. He wasn't at all surprised by what Peter had said; he'd known for awhile that something was going on, ever since James lost his head and took the plunge back in December. Remus wasn't sure how everyone else could be so dense as to think there had only been that one little kiss in the snow, but then he supposed that not everyone paid as much attention as they liked to think. Besides, everyone was so used to Lily turning James down that it only seemed natural. Remus just happened to know better.

"You know how they are," he said in response to Peter's question. He didn't feel the need to be any more specific; when James and Lily felt like coming clean, they would, and they didn't need his help doing it. "One second they're bickering, next second they've got their hands all over each other."

"Isn't that _weird_, though? Since they're not even, you know… together?"

"Neither are Sirius and Marlene," Remus pointed out, nodding in the direction where the two had just disappeared. "You don't think that's weird, do you?"

"Well, no," Peter admitted, "but that's different. I don't know how, but it is."

Remus nodded, forced to agree. "Yeah, I guess stuff with Lily and James is always just different, isn't it?"

"Right," Peter said. "I dunno. It's sort of weird how things are changing. I mean, it's not a bad change, not like how I felt before. But do you ever wonder what it'd be like to feel like that?"

"What do you mean?" Remus asked. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat because he knew exactly what Peter meant and he didn't want to talk about it.

"You know…" Peter waved his hand around a little. "The way they feel. To go out with someone, no matter how loose your interpretation of the word is," he added, thinking of their friends' rather unconventional dating methods.

"Yeah, I, uh, I dunno," Remus muttered uselessly, wishing he could just do his homework and not think about this. But he was scribbling nonsense on his parchment and thinking about it, anyway.

He didn't like to think about fancying anyone – he'd deliberately _not_ fancied anyone for a reason, and he thought it was a good enough reason that he shouldn't have to think about it at all. Because for all his good reason, it was still rubbish and sometimes it hurt and Remus didn't care to dwell on it because that only made it worse. In the end, he couldn't fancy anyone without toying with the idea that he'd eventually have to tell them about his lycanthropy. He couldn't keep it a secret forever, it had been hard enough to tell his friends the truth, and Remus knew that not everyone would be accepting as James, Sirius, and Peter.

And it was rubbish, Remus thought again, and it hurt, but he knew that – in the end – nobody would stick around to love a werewolf.

* * *

**Peter**

"What?" Peter asked, noticing his friend's discomfort. He hadn't meant to upset Remus and he wasn't sure how he'd done it, but he was sure that he had.

"Nothing," Remus said.

But Peter wasn't stupid. "Come on," he prodded. "It was only a question. What, too girly for you or something?"

"Of course not," Remus scoffed. "I just – you know, I don't think about it much. Not because it's _girly_, either, whatever that means."

"Oh." Peter looked back at his book for a moment but he couldn't help his curiosity. "So, what, you've never fancied a girl or anything? Never thought someone was pretty or wanted to take them out or… anything?"

Remus shook his head. "Not really," he said, and he looked terribly uncomfortable now. "I don't really let myself think about it. I think some girls are pretty and nice and everything – I mean, look at Lily. Not that I'd think of doing anything there," he was quick to add. "I'm just saying."

Peter's eyebrows shot up. "Moony," he said, and his voice was hushed and secretive and dying to know what Remus was on about, "you don't fancy her, do you? James'd kill you!"

"No, of course I don't!" Remus said. "I just meant that there are pretty, nice girls and I know that and everything, but it's not like I'd ever do anything about any of them."

"Oh," Peter said again, his brow furrowed in concentration as he tried to work out what Remus meant. "Well, why not? I mean, I get why not Lily, but that's the only girl James likes, so why not any of the other ones?"

"Oh, come on, Peter!" Remus said, and Peter was rather struck by his friend's sudden impatience. "Nobody wants to go out with a werewolf. I wouldn't be able to hide it forever and once I couldn't anymore, who'd hang around? So the whole thing – thinking someone's pretty and taking her out and fancying her – it's not worth it."

Peter didn't say anything. He watched as Remus huffed and went back to his work, pretending to read his book but his eyes stayed still, staring at a spot in the middle of the page. Peter had never had to force himself to ignore feelings the way Remus apparently had; he simply hadn't felt any yet. He was sure he would, and when he did he knew he'd act on the impulse, so he couldn't imagine what it must be like for his friend, who didn't feel good enough to warrant any mutual affection. In fact, Peter thought that was about the most miserable damn thing he'd ever heard.

He went back to his own work, staring at a page, at a sentence, at a word, maybe even at a punctuation mark for all he knew, since he was so caught up in his thoughts. He decided to say something.

"Hey, Remus."

"Yeah?"

"I think someday you'll fancy someone who's worth it," Peter said, and he meant it, and he glanced up in time to see the small smile touching Remus's mouth.

"Thanks, Peter."

Peter nodded, and he figured that was the best he could do.

* * *

**Marlene**

It was three o'clock on a Thursday when Marlene McKinnon went to Dumbledore's office. She'd been sitting down in Transfiguration with Alice and Lily, getting ready for the lesson, when McGonagall told her that the Headmaster needed to see her.

By three-oh-five, Marlene looked back and thought that perhaps she should have known, because McGonagall had looked at her with such a sad and somber and sympathetic expression. But Marlene hadn't really noticed at the time because of course, who ever really thinks this is going to happen to them?

By three-ten the shock had worn off enough for her to cry.

And by three-forty-five she'd made her way – dizzy and shaky and teary-eyed – back to Gryffindor tower, up the spiral staircase, and she collapsed on her four-poster bed, her head buried in her pillow and her tears dampening the pillowcase.

By four-seventeen she was still crying, and she heard the door open, and she felt the extra weight on the mattress as Lily and Alice crawled into bed on either side of her. She felt Alice's delicate and reassuring fingers grip hers, and she felt Lily's steady hands rub soothing lines up and down her back. McGonagall must have told them, she thought, and for some reason that made the tears come faster and thicker and more painful than before.

"What am I going to do?" she asked, her voice strained. Talking hurt, breathing hurt, everything that reminded her that she was alive hurt. How had this happened? How had she gone from sitting down in Transfiguration, laughing with her friends and exchanging a wink with Sirius, to lying facedown on her bed, bawling her eyes out and wishing for a comfort to assuage this pain and knowing that no such comfort existed?

"I don't know, love," Lily said, and her voice was soft and sad and Marlene could tell she was trying not to cry for her sake.

"I'm so sorry, Mar," Alice said, and she kissed the top of Marlene's head.

"I just don't know how this happened," Marlene sobbed. She turned her face out of the pillow and was greeted with a cool rush of air and the concerned eyes of her friends. "I mean, I know _how_ – how could I not? The Dark Mark was right over our house, that's what Dumbledore said, and you know how they like to brag. It's not enough to kill your parents; they've got to taunt you, too. But this isn't supposed to happen, how the hell is this happening?"

Her voice was cut off by more sobs, more tears, and her breath hitched and hurt and it was like a knife through her heart. She felt hollow and drained and yet too full, like she was overflowing, like she was feeling too much and not enough all at once, and she felt unbalanced and unsure and just completely unhuman and everything – _everything_ – hurt.

Marlene was distracted from the pain, though, by the sound of footsteps, followed by a sudden and a very loud crashing sound, a few shouts, a few uninhibited curses. She looked around towards the dormitory door, which her friends had left open in their haste to get to her in her time of need.

"What the bloody hell –" Lily said, her voice heavier than usual. She sniffed loudly and Marlene was sure that she was crying, but she swung her legs off the bed and went to the door. She stuck her head out of it and yelled, "Oy! What are you lot doing down there?"

"Trying to get up there!" a voice yelled back, and Marlene recognized it as Sirius's.

"You know you can't do that. Where have you been the last six years?" Lily demanded. "Good luck getting up the slide."

"Is that a challenge?"

"No, it's an honest good luck."

"It sounds like a challenge!"

Lily sighed and Marlene heard her mutter something about hopeless men or stupid boys or something along those lines, and then she turned to look back towards the bed. "He's an idiot" was all she said.

Marlene gave her a watery smile. "I know, isn't he?"

"I think he wants to see you," Lily said. "I mean, he's trying to be quiet right now, but I can still hear him going on about trying out a broomstick to fly up here, moron that he is –"

"Shut _up_, Evans!" Sirius shouted, loud enough for Alice and Marlene to hear.

"I'm only teasing!" Lily shouted back. She took the slide down to the common room to discourage Sirius from doing something potentially dangerous in his efforts to get upstairs.

Marlene sat up in bed, her throat sore and her stomach aching. "I'll just go down there myself," she said, pushing herself off the mattress. Her legs felt like jelly.

"Are you sure?" Alice was at her side, one hand on her shoulder, eyes full of the same sadness that was pounding its way so painfully through Marlene's body.

"Yeah." Marlene nodded and took a long, deep breath to steady herself enough to walk. "Can't stay up here forever, can I?"

The two girls made their way downstairs. Marlene's grip was tight on the rail as she went, fearing that if she should loosen it, she would fall and not have the energy or even the will to get up again. When they reached the bottom of the staircase, it was to find Lily trying to convince the Marauders that there was no way for them to gain entrance to the girls' dormitories.

"I've told you time and time again, ever since fourth year," Lily was saying, and Marlene noticed that her eyes were damp as well but she was still trying to hide it. Lily had known Isaac and Claire McKinnon well, so Marlene had known that this would be hard for her, too, but still her redheaded friend remained adamant as she tried to reason with the boys. "_You cannot go upstairs_, and it's not only because I know you'll go through our trunks and nick things that shouldn't be nicked, but you literally cannot go up there."

"If you don't want us up there, you've got to quit challenging us," Sirius argued. "Tell me I can't do something, I'm going to do it."

"It's not me that's telling you, it's the founders –"

"What, you're channeling their spirits, are you?" James rapped his knuckles lightly against Lily's forehead. "Hello? Any ghosties in there mind telling us how to get upstairs?"

Lily smacked his hand away. "Don't get clever," she said.

"I can't help it, Evans, you've got to accept me for my natural state of being –"

Alice coughed loudly to announce their presence; it didn't seem like anyone was going to notice otherwise, since they were too busy going at their jokes and their tiff.

"Oh, good." Sirius stepped forward immediately and his arms enveloped Marlene in a tight, protective embrace. "Now your mad friend will stop berating me when I haven't even done anything."

"You were going to do something, to be fair –"

"Sod off, Moony, no one wants your logic," Sirius said, his words muffled slightly against Marlene's hair.

She stood in his arms, her own curled against his chest, her hands balled into fists and her nails biting into her palms; she tried to make her fists tighter, more painful, because physical pain was so much easier to endure right now. She breathed in the oaky scent of Sirius, trying to hold onto something that was real and solid and here, so that way maybe she wouldn't feel so desperate to be somewhere, anywhere, that wasn't here.

"It's going to be okay," Sirius said, just loud enough for only Marlene to hear him. He kissed her hair and held her tighter. "I'm right here, you got that? I'll be right here as long as you need me."

Marlene nodded and shut her eyes against more tears. She couldn't keep crying, it was too exhausting, it was too much. Between the tears and Sirius's words, it was all too much. He'd never been so staid with her before; they'd always been so fun-and-games, and as much as Marlene wanted that, she realized just how much she wanted this, too. This comfort, this assurance, this promise – she needed it, and she was so, so grateful that he'd given it to her, and she hadn't even had to ask. He was just there, right away, and that more than anything made her sure that he would keep being there, just like he said. And after everything – from three-oh-five to four-seventeen to right now, whatever time it was – that was exactly what she needed.

* * *

**Alice**

"Do you ever think about getting married?"

Alice whipped her head around so fast that her neck cricked unpleasantly. She and Frank were sitting in the courtyard, in the cold, on a bench, holding hands and just spending time together and staring off across the frostbitten grounds. And then he was asking her a completely irrelevant question and she was sure that if she had been standing, well, she wouldn't be anymore.

"Er – what? I don't know," she said, rubbing the back of her neck that was now sore. "What – I – _what_, Frank?"

He shrugged, staring at a spot just in front of their feet. "I was only wondering, you know, if you thought about that stuff."

"Not – uh, well, not recently, I haven't." Alice tried to think if she'd ever thought about "that stuff." She wasn't sure, really; ever since she was old enough to start entertaining such ideas, a war had been going on and it didn't feel like the right time to think about something as simple and ordinary as getting married.

"Yeah," Frank said, still staring at the ground. "I mean – I just – I dunno, Alice, sometimes I think about it."

Her throat went dry. "Oh?"

"Oh." Frank smiled a little. "I mean, I'm with you and I love you and sometimes I think about marrying you and I'd really like to, so I thought I'd see if you would, too."

"I –" Alice's head was spinning. _"What?"_

Frank looked up from the spot he'd been staring so fixedly at, and Alice was surprised at the determination in his eyes. Frank was usually so easygoing, so relatively carefree, no matter how serious things were, but right then it looked as though nothing had ever been so life-or-death with him.

"I'm proposing to you, that's what."

Alice stared at him. He smiled.

"Are you surprised?"

"No, Frank," Alice said, unable to help the sarcasm (it was a bad habit she'd picked up from her friends), "every girl expects that her boyfriend of about four months will propose to her. In a completely unorthodox manner, nonetheless."

"Oh." Frank blinked a few times and looked as if he were thinking it over. "Is that it, then? I did it wrong? Okay."

Alice watched as Frank released her hand and stood from the bench, adjusted his robes a little, and got down on one knee in front of her, a ring in his hand, and Alice wondered where he'd been hiding that but she didn't have much time to wonder because Frank was talking again and she felt like she was going to throw up.

"Alice Prewett," he said, and his voice shook a little bit and Alice thought that if she didn't know him so well she wouldn't have noticed, "I'm with you and I love you and I think about being with you all the time. I've known you forever and I'd like to keep that going."

The diamond winked happily up at her and Alice swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. "Where did you get that?"

Frank rolled his eyes and smiled again. "I bought it, you twit. Will you marry me?"

Alice wanted to say yes but she was finding the whole thing rather difficult, so instead she asked, "What do you want to marry a twit for?"

"Because I love you."

"It's a little fast, don't you think?"

"I dunno, yeah, I guess," Frank said, but it didn't look like he cared much about how fast it was. "But there's a war going on and people are dying and I love you and however much time we've got until we die, too, you know, I want to keep loving you right up until the end."

"Oh." Alice didn't know what else to say. The _yes_ was on the tip of her tongue but she couldn't get it out because that diamond was winking up at her and her heart was slamming so hard against her ribcage and how on earth could happy things still happen, it seemed so strange…

"Alice, I don't mean to rush you, love," Frank said, "but my leg's cramping up and I'm beginning to think you're going to turn me down –"

"No." Alice was shaking her head vehemently before she realized that could be misinterpreted. "I mean yes! I mean, I'm not turning you down – oh bugger – I mean yes, I'll marry you, _damn_ it, I –"

But her words were cut short when Frank's mouth crashed against hers. He was still kneeling on the cold stone ground, ring in hand, and he was holding the back of her neck and he was kissing her like Alice wanted him to kiss her for the rest of her life, no matter how long that was because she wanted to keep loving him right up until the end, too.

And it was strange, Alice thought as she kissed him back and Frank slipped the ring on her finger, for two people to fall in love and be so nervous. Right now, it was strange for anything to be funny or easy or wonderful, but then maybe that's why it was so wonderful at all. Things were moving fast and frantic and the world outside was such a mess, so maybe in the end being and living and loving and dying together was the most and the best that anybody could do. And really, all things considered, that was so funny and easy and wonderful and enough.


	27. Ever Fancy Someone You Shouldn't?

_Hello, hello, _**Rawr232**_,_** lavieestdanse**_,_** mememu98**_,_** leafbug**_, _**T-W-S264**_,_ _and _**chaserspirit**_!_

_This chapter title is credited to an episode of Doctor Who. The entire quote is "Ever fancy someone you know you shouldn't?" but I had to cut it down so it would fit in the title box. _

* * *

**March 10; 1:17 P.M.  
Hogsmeade**

"I still can't believe you're engaged," Fabian said, shaking his head.

"Me either," Gideon agreed. He was holding Alice's left hand close to his face, examining the ring. "That Longbottom's a big spender, isn't he?"

Frank gave a modest shrug. "I'm all right."

Gideon snorted and dropped his sister's hand. "Now I know why you always wanted to hang 'round with us," he said. "Just trying to weasel your way into marrying our sister."

"You got it." Frank winked at Alice.

"Ugh," Fabian groaned, but the effect was completely diminished by his wide smile. He looked around the table at the others. "What about you lot? Getting hitched anytime soon?"

"Black and Potter should be announcing their engagement any day now," Marlene remarked. She'd been feeling steadily better over the past few days; nowhere near perfect, of course, but she was taking her time and things were okay.

Everyone laughed except for Sirius, who had his arm slung around the back of Marlene's chair, and he said, "I dunno. I've always thought Remus was more to my taste."

Remus nearly spit out his butterbeer. "Don't say it like that," he requested, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. "It's weird."

"I think it's sweet." Lily pinched Remus's cheek. "You'd have fantastic-looking children."

"That's anatomically impossible, Evans," James drawled, running a hand along her thigh under the table. She kicked him.

"You're just jealous because she implied that Moony and me are better-looking than you are," Sirius jokingly accused his friend.

"Don't know what you're talking about, Padfoot," James said loftily, and he was fingering the back of Lily's knee. "Evans thinks I'm plenty good-looking, don't you, Evans?"

Lily scowled at him, biting back the small sigh of pleasure that was threatening to emerge as his fingers massaged that spot on her leg. "You're so full of it, Potter."

He winked at her. "Don't I know it."

After a few more minutes of easy talk above the table and some definite muscle-clenching beneath it, Lily pushed her chair back and made a vague comment about the bathroom in case anyone noticed she was missing. Her hand brushed against the back of James's neck as she walked away, and a minute later James was struck with a need for the loo as well.

When he went around to the back corridor, though, Lily was nowhere to be found. He poked around a bit, but not even James Potter was gutsy enough to stick his head in the girls' bathroom (_okay, aside from that one time in second year, _James recalled, _but Sirius dared me to do it_). He was just about to give up when he saw the back door was ajar. He lifted one intrigued eyebrow and pushed the door open, stepping outside into the crisp March air, and he was promptly grabbed by his shirt collar and shoved against the wall, the door bouncing back into its frame behind him.

"Blimey, took you long enough," Lily breathed against his neck as her lips assaulted it. "Take you that long to work out the hint?"

"I've always been lousy at subtleties, Evans," James said, his breath hitching as his fingers twined through her long red hair. She nipped at the hollow at the base of his throat and he groaned.

"You have _got_ –" her mouth was sliding up his neck now – "to stop doing things to my legs in public."

"What are you on about?" James's hands slid deliberately to grip at her thighs. "I've never done that before."

"Oh, no?" Her tongue was doing incredible things to the back of his ear. "You don't recall a little incident involving a Charms lesson and your very distractible quill?"

James grinned at the memory. "Right, that," he said, and one of his hands left her leg to grip the back of her neck. "Now that's figured out, enough talking, I think…"

He angled her head so that her mouth was on his. She was soft and velvety, she tasted faintly of butterbeer and cherry lip balm, and the combination alone was enough to send James's head spinning. Both of his hands were in her hair now, clutching at the thick, silky tresses, and he wanted to drown in their softness and their scent. His lips urged hers apart and he ravaged her mouth with his tongue, running it over hers and along the roof of her mouth and across her teeth and flicking over her lips. Everything about her was so unbearably sweet and he wanted her in every single way she'd let him have her.

Lily's hands were at his waist, clutching at the material of his sweater, fingernails biting into the heated skin beneath it. His mouth was rough against hers and she felt drained already, but it was such a delicious sort of drained, like she was spilled water on a countertop and he was the sponge, sucking her up, absorbing her, bringing her right where she was supposed to be, where she belonged. She kissed him back with just as much fervor, urgency, passion – whatever it was that James was giving her, she was giving it back, and she wished she had the courage to do the same outside of their kisses, so then they wouldn't have to be a secret anymore…

"James," she said, breathless when they pulled apart for a moment of air. She didn't know what she wanted to say, her heart was beating so fast and her breath was coming so uneven and her knees were knocking together and her hands were shaking.

"Lily," he said, just as breathless, heart just as frantic, body just as unstable. But he saw something flash behind her eyes and he was put on edge the way he always was whenever he thought something might be wrong. "What is it?"

She shook her head. "Nothing," she said, and that voice in her head was screaming at her to quit being so stupid and scared, but she wasn't listening. She pressed her lips to James's once more. "We should go back, yeah?"

James nodded reluctantly. He wanted to stay here, pinioned between Lily Evans and the brick wall of the alley behind the Three Broomsticks. He wanted to kiss her and talk to her and fix her, whatever it was, if she'd let him. But he knew they didn't have the time, and he resolved to make sure they had the time soon. This had been going on long enough and he was tired of stealing minutes instead of taking hours the way they both wanted to. He was tired of the secrets.

But he didn't say any of that, not now, because now they were stealing minutes and they were running out. So he pressed his slightly parted lips against the inside of her wrist, inhaling her scent and releasing one shuddering breath over her stuttering pulse. He kept his eyes steady on hers and he said, "You're so beautiful, Lily Evans."

Lily blinked, taken aback by his sudden tenderness, the warmth in his eyes that was threatening to make her melt into a puddle at his feet. "And that was so unprecedented, James Potter," she said, wondering at how he could render her breathless with just his words.

He smiled and pulled her back through the door. "Just trying to keep you on your toes, love."

* * *

**9:52 P.M.**

Sirius lounged over the couch in the common room, Marlene curled next to him, staring over his chest and into the dancing, dwindling flames of the fireplace. They'd been lying there like that for awhile, not talking, falling into a companionable silence since the rest of their friends had disappeared: Lily and Remus on rounds, James and Peter to the kitchens, and Frank and Alice had mysteriously vanished hours ago, and none of them bothered to mention it; after all, they had their assumptions about how newly engaged couples liked to spend their time. They thought it was best to just leave the pair of them to it.

"Hey, Sirius?" Marlene said, breaking the silence with the low-voiced prompt.

"Hmm?" Sirius's eyes were closed and his fingers were tracing down Marlene's back.

Marlene propped her chin up on his chest and watched his face. "What you said, a couple of weeks ago, after…" She caught her bottom lip between her teeth once and then released it. "You know."

Sirius opened his eyes and propped his head up so he could look at her. She really was gorgeous, he thought, all big blue eyes, pixie nose, unruly hair, a constant half-smirk on her red lips… "Yeah," he said, "I know."

"Right." Marlene ran her fingers through his just-about-perfect mane of hair. It stuck up for a moment before falling gracefully back into place. "Well, what you said, about – about being there. You didn't have to say that."

It had been bothering her for awhile now. At the time, it had been exactly what she needed, everything she wanted, but she'd begun to wonder if he was only saying it to say it. She'd been vulnerable and he'd wanted to be supportive, so perhaps he had spoken rashly, Marlene thought (worried, really, but she didn't want to admit that).

Sirius frowned. "I know that," he said. "I don't say things unless I want to say them."

"Oh." Marlene stared at his jawline, which probably wasn't the best idea as she quite liked his jawline, but it was better than meeting his questioning gaze. "Well. As long as you wanted to say it, then."

They were quiet again for another minute or two as Sirius worked out what to say to that. When he had it figured out, he didn't waste any time and he said, "I like you, McKinnon."

"Right," she said again, her eyes back on the fireplace. "Figured that's why we were shagging."

"Yeah." Sirius mimicked her earlier motions and pushed his fingers through her tangled mess of hair. "That's true, but I meant that I like you more than just the shagging part of it all."

Marlene felt a little flutter in her stomach and she took a few seconds to compose herself before turning her head to look at him again. "Oh, yeah?" she said, that constant half-smirk expanding into a full one. "Sirius Black fancies me, then?" She released a long, dramatic breath. "So it has come to this."

"So it has," Sirius agreed. They were quiet for another minute, just looking at each other, and then he went on. "So, what, are we like a thing now?"

Marlene quirked an eyebrow at him. "Weren't we always a thing?"

"Hardly," Sirius scoffed. "Weren't you dating that Fenwick bloke from Ravenclaw last term?"

"Hardly," Marlene echoed, rolling her eyes. "I had a long-standing crush and we went for one date, which effectively botched the whole thing because I realized that he's got stupid hair."

"Ah-ha!" Sirius grinned triumphantly. "And Remus keeps getting on me about my hair. Look at that, that's what got you in the end."

"Sure, Black, whatever you say." Smirk still in place, Marlene snuggled her head back into the crook of Sirius's shoulder.

Another minute of silence passed before Sirius spoke again. "So," he said, wanting to get this settled once and for all, "are we a thing or what?"

Marlene chuckled, and the sound reverberated through both their bodies. "Yeah, Sirius," she said, "we're a thing."

His already triumphant smile brightened a bit more at the news. His arms twined around her waist, hands locking behind her back. "Good deal," he said, and he yawned and shut his eyes again.

"You mean that?" Marlene teased.

"Told you, McKinnon," Sirius said on another yawn. "I always say just what I want."

* * *

**Monday, 5:02 P.M.**

Lily and Alice sat together in the courtyard. After lessons had let out, Marlene and Sirius had gone off somewhere to be alone before heading to dinner, so the pair outside figured they had at least another half an hour before they were expected to congregate in the Great Hall. Since Marlene and Sirius were a "thing" now, as they both put it, they'd been taking quite a bit of time away to be alone; Sirius claimed it was so they could shag more, but Marlene rolled her eyes and confided to her friends that they were really talking about their feelings, with the occasional snog in-between.

Out in the courtyard, Lily and Alice had exhausted that topic of conversation. They were both pleased that their friends had made it official. It was nice that so much good news was circulating after such a dark cloud had hovered over Hogwarts, a dark cloud that still lingered but was permeated with a few beams of soft golden light now. And that, they thought, was enough.

"So this is where the magic happened, huh?" Lily said, patting the bench fondly.

Alice smiled. "Sure is," she said, flexing her left hand so the diamond winked merrily up at her, just like it had when Frank proposed. "He was sitting right where you are now."

"Yeah?" Lily smiled, too. Despite the pressure of the past few months, weeks, days, Alice's happiness was contagious and definitely a desirable infection. Lily stood from the bench, twirling a bit on her heel, then knelt on the cold stone ground in front of Alice. "He get down on one knee like this?"

"You bet." Alice giggled at her friend. "He was a bit more impressive, though, what with the ring and all."

"Naturally." Lily rolled off her knee and sank to the ground, leaning her back against Alice's legs. "Plus, him being the great love of your life probably helped, too."

"Yeah, that was the real clincher," Alice said affectionately. She adjusted the hat on Lily's head, noting that it was the only real source of warmth that Lily had prepared herself with, aside from the scarf she had knotted around her neck. "Aren't you cold? You should be wearing a cloak – a jacket, at least."

"I'm fine, _Mum_."

"Hilarious."

"I'll be sure to dress appropriately for the wedding," Lily promised, "since it's during Christmas and all, much colder than March weather."

"You won't have to worry about a cloak then; we're getting married inside," Alice told her. "You won't have to worry about your wardrobe at all, in fact, as it's customary for the bride to pick out the bridesmaids' dresses."

Lily tiled her head back to smile broadly up at her friend. "You serious, Alice? You want me in your wedding?"

"Of course I want you in my wedding!" Alice laughed. "You and Marlene both. Who else?"

"I dunno, I think your brothers would look dashing in periwinkle chiffon –" Lily began, and a sharp burst of laughter cut her off.

"Now _that_," James said as he rounded the corner, "is something I'd like to see."

Alice and Lily smiled at him, and James felt his heart leap when his eyes locked onto those bright green ones. He hadn't wanted to interrupt the two, but he'd been searching the map for some sign of Lily Evans's little black dot since their lessons had ended for the day. She'd been up in her dorm for awhile and the next time he checked, she was out here with Alice. He'd already sworn to himself that he'd talk to her, and they needed to have this conversation today, right now, or he was sure he'd chicken out. And since he didn't feel like he had the time to chicken out anymore, here he was.

"I'll be sure to drop the suggestion to Fabian and Gideon," Alice said. "I don't know that I want to give them the idea, though; they might like the joke and go through with it."

"What d'ya think?" Lily said to James, reaching out and tugging at his pant leg. "I think you and the boys would pull that look off rather well, too."

"In your dreams." A chill wind picked up then, and James grinned down at Lily when she shivered violently, the thin material of her sweater rather useless on a March evening. "You cold, Evans?"

"No." Lily's teeth chattered, giving her away. "All right, I am a bit."

"Such a fibber." James 's clicked his tongue disapprovingly, then offered her his hand and pulled her into a standing position. "Come here."

He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her against his chest. Lily sighed and snaked her arms around his waist, and she shut her eyes against the sound of his heartbeat in her ear. This was nice, she thought. This was right. So why couldn't she just deal with it already?

Alice watched them curiously – the way they held onto each other, the way a smile played at the corners of Lily's lips, the way James ran his fingers along her back and kissed her hair. _Oh, dear…_ Alice bit the inside of her lip and tried not to smile. Finding it impossible, though, she stood and said, "You know, I've really got to get going on that Potions reading. Draught of Living Death, it's really something, isn't it?" She shook her head and walked away, waving as she left. "Bye!"

"Bye!" Lily called after her, and James waved.

They stood in silence for awhile, comfortable in the secluded corner of the courtyard, wind biting at their exposed flesh and warmth radiating between them. This was nice, James thought. This was right. It was time to deal with it. So he breathed in that pomegranate scent of her hair and said, "Hey Evans."

Lily opened one eye. "Hey Potter."

"I've come to a decision."

"Oh?" Lily opened both eyes and looked up at him. "What's that?"

"I'm not going to call you 'secret girlfriend' anymore."

She rolled her eyes and dryly replied, "Brilliant."

"Yeah," James went on, ignoring her cheek. As much as he enjoyed commenting on it, he didn't have time for it right now. He had to get this out because it had been a long time coming and he wasn't sure how much more he could take. "I just, you know, I figured I don't actually like it that much."

Lily frowned slightly. "Is that right?"

"Yeah." James kissed her forehead, his fingers absentmindedly playing with her hair. "I mean, it's sort of exciting – _titillating_, really – but I just don't think it will do."

Lily tilted her head back a little more to get a better look at him, slight frown still in place. "Am I going to like where this is going?"

"Well, love, that depends." James pecked her lightly on the lips, his own parted the minutest amount so she could just taste the peppermint on his breath.

"On…?" Lily caught his bottom lip between hers and sucked gently.

James turned her tease into a quick but deep kiss, from which he pulled away before he could lose his train of thought and he said, "I'm certainly not calling it quits, if that's what you think."

"That's a relief."

"Glad to hear it." And he was, very glad, to know that she didn't want to call it quits, either. James smiled at her, his arms tightening their hold, and he steeled himself for the very hit-or-miss nature of what he was about to say. "So it depends, then, on whether or not you're ready to be my real-life, let's-hold-hands-in-public, shout-it-from-the-top-of-the-Astronomy-Tower-so-everybody-knows girlfriend."

_Of course that's where he had been going with this._ Lily's frown deepened and her heart hammered in her chest and she didn't know what to say. He'd been so good about it lately, she thought they were fine, and now he was springing it on her and she wasn't ready to talk about it.

"James…" She took a step back. She needed space, distance, room to think. "We've talked about this."

"I know." James frowned right back at her, reluctantly letting his arms drop from around her and back to his sides. "And every time we've talked about it, you said this thing we're doing won't last forever. You said we could take the next step eventually, and I just thought that maybe we were there, at eventually."

"I –" Lily's voice caught in her throat and she swallowed. She looked down at her scarf and started fiddling with the fringe to have something to do. "I don't think we are."

That was usually enough to get him to drop it, Lily thought, but James wasn't backing down this time. He'd waited long enough, he thought. He'd given her time and space and whatever she needed, and it was getting really difficult to pretend that they weren't more than friends.

"Why not?" he insisted on an explanation. "Why aren't we there yet?"

"Because." Lily dropped her scarf and looked back at him. "There's so much going on – Jenny, Marlene's parents, Frank and Alice, everybody in this school, it's all too much. I can't deal with everyone."

"Yeah, I know all that," James said, his voice edged with impatience. "What I don't know is what any of it has to do with us. Just me and you, Lily, what's any of that got to do with me and you?"

"It's got everything to do with me and you!" Lily said, louder than she'd intended, but he was pushing and she didn't know what else to do. "I can't deal with everyone, what they'll say about me or to me. It's like I told you months ago – I don't want anybody else's input on this."

James ran both hands through his hair, a sure sign of agitation. "Yeah, but I don't get it," he said, trying hard to keep his voice even but finding it increasingly difficult. "You want to prove that you don't care what they think, like after Bellatrix cursed you and you said you weren't going to hide behind your hair. You remember that? You hold your head high and I love that about you. But when it comes to me and you, you want to keep it a secret."

"This is different," Lily said. She was starting to panic a little and she wasn't sure why. "I can't change what they think about me, because they're sort of right about what I am. I _am_ a Muggle-born and what they say to me, it might be terrible, but they're still right."

"What on earth could anybody say about you if they knew we were together, though?" James wanted to know. "If they all knew you were just with me, wouldn't that _help_?"

_Yes, that's exactly the problem!_ Lily's brain screamed, but she couldn't bring herself to say it because it would bring up too many other things and she was getting too angry to deal with those other things. So she said, "I don't need help!"

"I know that," James snapped, "but you're not making any sense! You said you wanted to keep this between us, because you didn't want anyone else's opinions to become more important than ours; and I was okay with that because it was what you wanted, and – God, Lily, you know I'll do anything for you," he gushed, and for a second his impatience was overshadowed by the desperation in his voice. "But it's like you don't realize that you're still letting everyone else have a say in this, and they don't even know about it. What they could potentially think is still more important than what you think, or what I think, and it is _killing_ me."

Lily felt her heart break a little at his words, at their implication, and that panic started to rise in her throat and she felt sick, so sick. "What do you want me to do?" she said. "It's just how I feel and I don't know how to fix it. I promise, James, I do, that I'll figure it out and we can tell everyone, but right now –"

"What is so wrong about doing it right now?" James demanded, losing his head a little. He took a step forward, closing the space between them, and took her hands and held them tightly in his own. He interlocked their fingers and held on, because he thought that if he let go she'd walk away and he'd really lose her this time, and he couldn't, he just couldn't. "I've been trying to be patient, Lily, I have, but I want to be with you and I want that to be more important to you than what everybody else thinks."

"It is more important," Lily said, and she meant it. She'd never meant anything so much and she didn't know how to tell him that, so she squeezed his hands right back until she felt like her fingers would break. "Come on, James, you've got to know that."

"It's a little hard to know that under the circumstances," James said. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. I feel like everything I do is wrong, like I'm always pushing you, but you don't talk to me so I never know and I keep going and I need you to just talk to me."

"I'm talking to you right now," Lily protested. _This can't be happening_, she kept thinking, and she didn't even know what she meant by that. All she knew was that she was panicking and it was getting harder to contain. "I want to be with you, you know that, I just can't do exactly what you want –"

"Just do what _you_ want," James cut across her. He wanted to shake her, get her to see reason, but he couldn't let go of her hands. "Don't make it about me –"

"_You're_ making it about you!" Lily said. "And it's not as easy as just doing whatever I want. Everything's such a mess right now, and I can't deal with all of it."

James felt the anger flare up in his stomach then. "So, what, I'm just something you deal with, is that it?"

"That's not what I said."

"So what is it, then?" he demanded, and he shook her hands because he couldn't let go of them to shake her. "Don't tell me it has to do with everybody else, don't tell me that there's too much going on, because I'm so _tired_ of that, Lily; I'm sick of you using everybody else as an excuse."

"I'm not –"

"You _are_. Tell me the truth."

James and Lily dropped their hands at the same time, and they both felt the same swooping feeling of loss, of loneliness, and they were both suddenly aware of how cold it was outside.

"I have been telling you the truth, and I haven't been using everybody else as an excuse," Lily argued. It hurt that he'd say that, that he'd suggest she was making things up for whatever reason. "Don't trivialize my feelings that way, just because you don't understand."

Lily's eyes were hard and she was mad, James could tell, and she was looking at him the way she used to look at him – when she shouted at him or rejected him or told him off for being arrogant or a bully or the dozen other names she'd called him in the past. He couldn't deal with that look, couldn't take it, not now, not when they were arguing and he'd let go of her hands and everything felt so close to the edge.

"Don't look at me like that," he said, and he tried to sound more angry than pleading.

"Like what?"

"Like you hate me again."

Lily blinked a few times, willing the tears away, but she knew it wouldn't last; she had to get away from him, just for a little while, so he wouldn't see her break down.

"I don't hate you, James," she said, and her voice was heavy with everything she was feeling and everything she couldn't find the words to say. "I don't and I never did and you _know_ that. And not hating you, that's the whole damn problem."

She turned on her heel then, turned away because she was crying now and she'd be damned if she let James Potter see the effect he had on her. It wasn't fair and it hurt and she didn't know where they would go from here, but Lily walked away, her vision blurry and her body trembling and her heart cracking with every step she took.

James watched her go. He watched her walk away, like he'd been so afraid she'd do, but he didn't go after her. She needed time and he needed space but he didn't want space, he wanted her, but it was too hard and now he'd messed up because she was walking away and he wasn't doing anything about it.

"_Damn_ it." He wheeled around and hit the stone wall with his fist; he felt his bones crack and his skin tear and blood flowed from his knuckles but he didn't care. He hit the wall again and stained it red.

* * *

**Two Days Later**

_Two days,_ James kept telling himself. _It's only been two days. You can't miss her already. _

But he did – God, did he miss her. He'd seen her, of course, in classes and in the corridors and at meals, but somehow seeing her only made missing her worse. He'd watch her laugh and wished he was the one making her laugh; he'd watch her smile and wished she was smiling at him; he'd watch her touch Alice's arm or smack Marlene upside the head with a book and he wanted her to touch him again, wanted her to slap him or kick him or punch him or hex him or _anything_, he didn't care, he just wanted her back any way he could have her, any way she'd take him.

The worst of it was that he was still angry with her – angry that she wouldn't talk to him, angry that she wouldn't get over her stupid obsession with what everyone else thought. He was angry because she was making this so goddamn difficult when all he wanted to do was be with her. It couldn't be that hard for her to do; he knew she wanted it, too.

He was, in short, miserable, and his friends were noticing in a big way. It wasn't hard, considering the fact that Lily, Alice, and Marlene hadn't hung around them much for the past couple of days, despite the fact that things were going so swimmingly with Marlene and Sirius.

"What is _up_ with the two of you, eh?" Sirius asked on the second night. The boys were sprawled around the common room fire. The girls had just come through the portrait hole and after a cursory glance in their direction, Lily had rushed upstairs, Alice and Marlene right behind her.

"I dunno," James said, staring at the girls' staircase. "Reckon she hates my guts again."

"What?" Peter said, looking around at him in surprise. "Come on, Prongs, whatever it is, you'll work it out. I mean, it can't be as bad as it was in December, when you kissed her and –"

"It's worse," James said glumly. "If we're counting it by kisses, I mean, since we've been snogging for 'round about four months now."

Silence settled around the group. James wasn't surprised at the initial reaction and he felt a small weight lift from his shoulders as he finally told his friends what he'd been dying to tell them ever since that first night in the corridor. What he wouldn't give to have that night back, to have any of those nights or afternoons or minutes or seconds…

It was Sirius who broke the quiet with an effective and incredulous _"What?"_

Remus, however, took a different route. "Knew it."

"'Knew it'?" Sirius's head swiveled around to look at him, mouth slightly agape."What do you mean, 'knew it'?"

Remus shrugged. "Just what I said. I knew it."

"And you didn't _share _this information with the class?"

"It was none of your business."

"It was none of your business, either!"

"Yeah, well, I looked away from the mirror long enough to figure it out myself."

"You guys!" Peter shouted, bringing the bickering pair back to attention. He coughed and pointed at James. "Think we've got something a little more important to deal with right now, don't you?"

"Right." Sirius turned back to James. He inhaled slowly, heavily, and his nostrils flared a bit in the motion. "So. You. What the hell?"

James sighed loudly. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before," he said, "but she didn't want anyone to know and I, well, of course it didn't matter to me at first. I was just happy to have her at all, but then…"

James went on, filling his friends in on every little secret he'd kept from them the past four months. It felt good, he thought, to finally spill his guts about this. He was sure that Lily would be furious, but what did it matter right now? She wasn't speaking to him, she hardly even looked at him, and it hurt – it hurt so fucking much, and he had to talk about it because then maybe the hurt would dissipate, and he was desperate for it to go away. As it turned out, though, the more he talked about it, the more it hurt; by the time he was done, he was slumped against the back of the couch and he was spent, wasted, and he'd never felt so terrible than he did at that moment.

"I don't know what to do," he said. "I just – I want her back. I know I never really had her, but it was something and it was good and I want it back."

The other three exchanged looks. They had never seen their friend so distraught before. No matter how many Quidditch matches he'd lost, no matter how many bones he'd broken or how much junk food he'd eaten, no matter how many times Lily Evans turned him down in the past, they had never seen him look so broken or defeated. It seemed that having and then losing Lily Evans was the worst possible pain James Potter could handle, and he wasn't exactly handling it at all.

Before any of them could say anything, James picked up one of his schoolbooks and started ripping pages out of it with a sudden and uncontestable vigor. He tore through the book, ripping and tearing and smashing the pages into pulp and throwing them into the mouth of the fire.

"I can't _believe_ this," he said furiously, and his friends didn't know if he was talking to them or to himself. "I had her – _I fucking had her_ – and I messed it up. We _both_ messed it up. I'm an arse and she's an idiot and I want her back, anyway, and I. Can't. Take. This."

"James." Remus leaned forward and pulled the mangled book from his friend's ravaging hands. "Listen to me."

James met Remus's calm, steady gray gaze. His chest was heaving but he'd hear Remus out, whatever it was, it didn't matter, as long as it distracted him from the pain.

"You need to understand what Alice and Marlene told us a few weeks back," Remus told him. "You weren't there – it was the day we found out that Jenny died, you'd run after Lily – but I can give you the gist of the thing. Lily doesn't want to start a relationship when everything's going to hell, because she thinks she'll be doing it for the wrong reasons. I've told you before, James, a thousand times – she doesn't want a hero. It's an unfair relationship dynamic."

"So why doesn't she just say that?" James demanded as if Remus had all the answers and was deliberately keeping them from him. "It's better than this I-don't-want-anyone-to-know-about-us rubbish."

"Maybe she doesn't know how to say it."

"She would if she just talked to me."

"You're too demanding," Remus said, his patience snapping a little. "You said it yourself – you both ruined it. You want what you want when you want it, and it's the same with Lily, and you both expect the other to acclimate to that. You're both stupid and stubborn and you're clashing because you won't talk to each other, because you both just want the other one to do what _you_ want. It's always been the problem with you two."

"Enter the sexual tension," Sirius offered unhelpfully.

James threw a pillow at him. "Oh, shut up, Padfoot."

* * *

_Two days,_ Lily kept telling herself. _It's only been two days. You can't miss him already. _

But she did and it was awful and infuriating and heartbreaking, and everything was so much harder without him. The taunts, the jeers, the hexes – she couldn't deal with it, with any of it, not when she knew that she couldn't talk to James, couldn't kiss him or touch him or curl up next to him and let him put his arms around her.

It had only been two days, but people noticed that Lily Evans and James Potter weren't hanging around each other like they had been for the past few months, and then everything got worse. There were more names and more giggles and more blokes asking her for a date because they thought she was easy and damaged and vulnerable. She hated it, hated every second of it, and it was more than she could take. She hadn't realized the way she'd needed James before now, and now she just felt stupid and empty and wrong and completely off-balance.

It didn't help when, by the second afternoon, Gwen McIntyre had sought her out and asked what was going on between her and James.

"Nothing's going on," Lily told her, and her heart broke all over again. She was quite sure she needed a whole new one, so she could damage and break and smash it to bits, too, since she seemed to be so good at such self-destruction.

Gwen's nose crinkled a little in confusion. "Oh, well, Bertha –"

"Doesn't know anything," Lily finished for her.

"Huh. Well, if you say so…" Gwen tucked her hair behind one ear and said, "So have you talked to him about me, then?"

That was the last thing Lily needed to hear. It had been two days and she didn't know where she was with James – up, down, hanging, finished, backwards, forwards, diagonal, she didn't know – and now some other girl wanted to know if he'd go out with her. It was the absolute last thing she needed.

"Just ask him yourself, Gwen," Lily muttered and walked away, trying not to imagine how she'd feel if Gwen did what she'd suggested and James said yes.

So by the second night, Lily was in a right state and her friends would have had to be Confunded not to notice.

"Talk to him," Alice said, pinpointing the nature of Lily's problem right away. "I have no idea what's going on between you this time, but you're both miserable and skirting around each other isn't going to help."

Lily didn't say anything. She sat in the middle of her bed, conjuring up plates so she could smash them on the floor. She'd found that breaking things helped, so she threw another one and scattered little china pieces all over the floor.

"You two have to make up," Marlene chimed in. "Seriously, if nothing else, you have to so you can come visit me this summer."

At that, Lily looked up curiously. "What are you on about?"

"Well…" Marlene rolled one shoulder, effectively cracking it. "You know my parents and James's were old friends, so now that… Well, Charlus and Dorea want me to stay with them. They've got room."

"Oh." Lily's latest plate slipped from her fingers and crashed to the floor of its own accord. "Blast it. Mar, I'm so sorry. Here I am, moping about James, and you –"

Marlene shook her head, dismissing Lily's unnecessary apology. "Everybody's got problems, Lil," she said. "My parents, you and James, they're completely separate things; you're allowed to feel bad. At least you can fix this, yeah?"

"I dunno." Lily conjured several plates and smashed them all at once, making her friends cringe at the noise. "I think we both messed up a bit too much this time. I don't even know what's on his mind."

"You, probably," Marlene said, but Lily only shook her head.

Alice leaned forward a little on her bed and looked Lily straight in the eye, but her friend's gaze flicked away after about a second. "Lil," she said softly, "what is it? What happened?"

Lily smashed another plate and sighed heavily. She knew she couldn't keep it from them any longer; she needed someone to talk to, and she didn't have James anymore. If she ever managed to have him again, she'd tell Alice and Marlene, anyway; she would owe him at least that much.

"Remember when James kissed me in December?" she said.

Alice and Marlene exchanged a look. "Yeah…"

"Well." Lily took another breath, deep and steadying, and she threw another plate. "That wasn't the last time –"

"WHAT?" Marlene was on her feet, more animated than she'd been in weeks, and she jumped from her bed onto Lily's, bouncing up and down like a mad rabbit.

"_Marlene!"_

"HOW MANY TIMES, LILY?" Marlene demanded gleefully. She was smacking the top of Lily's head with every bounce. "You've been snogging in broom cupboards, haven't you, just like I said? Ha! I KNEW IT."

"God, Mar, would you sit down?" Lily said, tugging on the leg of Marlene's pants so she fell on the mattress, bouncing and giggling madly. "I don't know how many times, I lost count –"

"You saucy little tart, you –"

"But there haven't been any broom cupboards."

Marlene pouted a bit but recovered quickly. "Where, then?"

Alice shot her a reprimanding look. "Mar, I don't think now's the time –"

"It's all right," Lily assured her. Maybe if she talked about it, it would hurt less. "I know you're both dying to know."

Alice smiled guiltily; it was true, especially since that incident in the courtyard a few days ago when she'd noticed that something must be up for sure. "Well, yeah. If you're sure, go on, then."

"No broom cupboards," Lily reiterated. "There was the corridor, and there would have been behind that tapestry of Circe, Mar, if you and Sirius hadn't been coming back from your first shag –"

"Eeep!" Marlene giggled again.

Lily went on. She told them about the train, behind the pillar at King's Cross, about his bed at home and his bed in the boys' dormitory, the library and the spare classroom down the Charms corridor and the alley behind the Three Broomsticks. She told them about the _Amortentia_, about the night of the Cruciatus Curse incident (leaving out the bit about the actual curse since she didn't think she could deal with anymore outbursts). She told them everything she could think of – the way he took her hand and pressed his lips to the inside of her wrist, the way he whispered in her ear, the way he held her while they slept, the way he kissed her and he meant it, the way she'd worn his sweatshirt every night over the holiday break (and she still had that sweatshirt, she remembered, tucked away in her trunk).

It didn't help ease the hurt, she found, as they talked and laughed and she got that warm fuzzy feeling in her stomach before she remembered that there would be no more corridors or kisses, not if things continued the way they had been the past two days. It was sick, almost, to talk and laugh about something that broke open her heart fresh every morning.

Lily conjured and smashed another plate, and her friends stopped laughing.

* * *

**Midnight**

Lily woke, shuddering and shivering and sweating, just like she had that night in James's bed. But this time, when she reached for him, her fingers merely clawed at the air and she remembered that she was alone. In her dorm, in her bed, and that's how it was always going to be because he was a prat and she was a moron.

She swiped at her damp eyes, furious at herself for crying. Her head was pounding with pain and fear and heartache and something else, something that had been plaguing her for longer than she would care to admit. She wasn't sure how long, precisely, since it had crept up on her and she'd spent a fair amount of time ignoring it. But now, in the darkness and the solitude of her four-poster bed, it burst through her mind like a blinding flash of light, like a thousand fireworks set off at once n the midst of a blackout, and it tore through her like a knife, a sword, blowing her apart like dynamite, ripping her to shreds and blasting her into ashes.

It was her own fault, Lily thought furiously as she crawled from beneath her comforter and towards the end of her bed where her trunk was. She'd worn James's sweatshirt to bed and it still smelled faintly of woodsmoke and peppermint, the scent of him lingering beneath her own. She'd deliberately thought about him as she drifted off to sleep, imagining his arms around her again, his lips on hers, their fingers intertwined, hearts beating rhythmically against one another. She'd remembered him laughing at her, the way he looked at her, the way he made her feel like she mattered in such a big way… She needed to get these thoughts out of her head, and she needed to get them out now.

She rifled through her trunk until she found what she was looking for – spare parchment, a crumpled quill, and a half-used bottle of ink. Lily tore the parchment into scraps, scattering all but one over her bed and onto the floor, it didn't matter where they landed. She splattered ink everywhere in her haste to get the words out of her head. If they were out of her head, then she didn't have to worry about them, didn't have to stew, maybe they would just disappear…

But when she was done – when she looked at those bold, splotchy words, slanted slightly to the right – she knew they weren't going anywhere.

_I think I love James Potter._

* * *

**A/N: **_I PROMISE THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY. OKAY? DON'T LET THE FEELS GET YOU DOWN. BECAUSE I LET THEM GET ME DOWN WHILE I WAS WRITING THIS. IT IS UNPLEASANT. SO YOU GUYS BE HAPPY. I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHY I'M SHOUTING. I'M SORRY. _

_SEE YOU NEXT CHAPTER. –K. _


	28. Ready Or Not

_Hellooooo to_ **greysgrl, I-will-marry-Sirius-Black**_,_** jeka8**_,_** emmawolf**_,_** cgever**_,_** kstanley**_, and_** potterpatrol**_!_

_Quick note because people have been asking… ARE will have 30 chapters. I'll end it with them leaving Hogwarts for the summer holidays, and Part 2 (so far untitled) will pick up there and go through until the end of seventh year. I'll keep the updates as regular as possible throughout the series. _

* * *

_My heart is heavy and my head is tired, so tired of being alone  
So I sat and watched you go  
You know you're making my heart go cold  
It's a feeling I wish that I had never known…  
Give me one more shot, I swear that I love you  
'Cause you're all I'm not, and if you stay  
I'll be there for you when your heart's feeling heavy  
I'll be there for you, so forgive me if you're ready or not…  
– Artist vs. Poet – _

* * *

**Day Eleven  
**

James sat alone outside in the courtyard, in the same secluded corner where Lily had half bled to death, where Frank had proposed to Alice, and where – eleven days ago – James Potter himself had dropped Lily Evans's hands and watched her walk away. He wondered how such a small and inconsequential corner could suddenly hold so much, mean so much, hurt so much… But then he supposed that was Lily Evans in a nutshell, so he also supposed that it made sense.

He'd been doing this a lot lately, walking around and sitting alone in all the places that meant something. He'd skipped Charms twice to sit in the empty classroom on the left. He'd skipped more meals than he could count to sit at the back shelf of the Restricted Section. He went out of his way to walk down the corridor where he'd pushed Lily up against the wall during her rounds. He even sat alone in Hogsmeade one night, all night, leaning against the brick wall of the alleyway where they'd had their last real kiss, and on his way back he lingered too long in the spot where they'd laid in the snow on Lily's birthday. It was difficult to fall asleep in his bed and he'd lay awake, thinking about when Lily would sleep in it with him. His hands were perpetually bloody from punching so many walls; he hardly bothered to clean himself up anymore because he knew it was only a matter of time before he busted his knuckles open again.

So here he was, day eleven, and he was staring at the faint bloodstain that still marred the wall of that corner of the courtyard. He sat there for Merlin knew how long, staring at the wall, not blinking or shifting or shivering in the crisp March air. And all he could think, like it was a drum pounding in his head at an aching and rhythmic pace, was _I want her back. I want her back. I want her back._

He was vaguely aware of footsteps coming around the corner. A shadow passed over the wall and then someone was sitting beside him, but he didn't care; he already knew who it was – more importantly, he knew who it wasn't. He couldn't smell pomegranate or cinnamon and he'd never wanted a good long inhalation of _Amortentia_ in his life. But right now he got this, and he didn't need this. From the corner of his eye he saw Gwen McIntyre fix him with a concerned stare, and if he could have moved he would have left, but he was still mesmerized by his bloodstain on the wall so he didn't go anywhere.

After a moment of waiting for him to acknowledge her, Gwen cleared her throat and spoke. "Are you doing okay, James?" she asked, and she moved to place a hand on his knee.

James didn't know what she was on about, but he shifted away from her immediately. "Don't touch me, all right?" he said, not caring about the sharpness of his voice. "I don't want someone to see and get the wrong idea."

"It could –" Gwen cleared her throat again and dropped her rejected hand into her lap. "Well, it could be the right idea, if you know what I mean."

_Oh, so that's what she was on about._ James was not in the mood.

"I do know what you mean," he said, "but no, it's the wrong idea. It's always going to be the wrong idea and… Well, that's that."

Gwen bristled a bit at the abrupt and harsh rejection, and she jumped to the defensive to heal her bruised ego. "So, what, you're just going to wait around so Lily Evans can turn you down again?"

James raised his eyebrows at the bloodstain. "Yeah, I reckon so."

"There are other girls, you know."

"No, there's not," James said, and he had to fight the urge to laugh at the absurdity of her statement. He didn't want other girls, so there might as well not be any for all he cared.

"There's one right here! I'm a girl who'd actually like to go out with you."

"Well, bully for you, McIntyre, but I'm afraid it takes two to play that game."

"No wonder Lily doesn't want to go out with you," Gwen snapped, having taken enough blows to her pride for one sitting. "You're a complete arse."

"Yeah, seems so." James didn't need to hear this – didn't need some girl propositioning him and then telling him that Lily Evans didn't want him; he knew that well enough himself. He pushed himself off the bench and walked away.

He found himself wandering around the lake, and he wished he had another wall to hit as he passed over the spot where he'd fallen on top of Lily in the snow and this whole stupid mad wonderful exhilarating heart-racing pulse-accelerating thing had started. He dropped himself onto the cold, hard ground, right where it all began, and he stared off across the lake. He let the wind whip at his hair and put color in his face; after a moment, he shut his eyes and buried his face in his arms. And all the while his head pounded and drummed and taunted him ceaselessly: _I want her back. I want her back. I want her back._

* * *

**Day Twelve**

Lily sat in the library, elbows on the table and head in her hands, staring blankly down at the reading she was supposed to be doing, but Lily didn't really care about any of it. She'd found it difficult to care about most things lately. She dropped one of her hands and fingered the piece of parchment in her pocket, the piece of parchment she'd taken to carrying around with her for some reason. It was an awful idea, she knew, to carry around a reminder of her mistake, but then she really did enjoy putting herself through pain, didn't she?

She watched as a few tears splashed against the words of her homework, but she didn't care about that, either. It's not like anyone would see her, sitting alone in a corner, the one farthest from that back shelf of the Restricted Section. She couldn't deal with it, remembering the way she'd felt, caught between the bookshelf and James, the way his hands and lips had roamed over her, the way he'd held her hand on the walk back and she promised him again that the sneaking around wouldn't last forever…

_Well, good job, Evans,_ she thought derisively. _It certainly hadn't lasted forever, and now you're crying in a corner by yourself, thinking about him and wearing his sweatshirt because it's all you've got left._

Lily wiped her eyes with the sleeve of that sweatshirt and wished her brain would just shut up.

As she sat and her pages got blurrier and the ends of her sleeves damper from drying those tears, the chair across from her scraped against the floor and someone took it, leaning it back on its legs, and Lily thought this might be more than she could take.

"Evening," Sirius Black greeted (much too jovially, in Lily's opinion).

"Hi," Lily said, and her voice was hoarse.

Sirius dropped his chair back on all four legs and leaned forward, trying to get a better look at her. "Why so blue?"

Lily glanced up at him. "As if you didn't know."

She was sure that James had told his friends; after all, she'd told hers. It didn't really matter anymore, and Lily supposed that it never really had. She was just being too stupid and scared to notice.

"All right," Sirius said and smiled, "you caught me. I know all about it. What I don't know is why you and James haven't just gotten back to it already."

Lily pushed a hand through her hair, which was up in a messy bun, strands of red sticking out haphazardly every which way. Her face was blotchy and her eyes were red and she didn't care about how she looked. Her insides were such a wreck that she figured she might as well look that way, too.

"Because I'm an idiot and I can't fix this and he hates me?" she guessed flatly.

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard you say," Sirius said. Like there would ever be a way in hell that his best mate would hate Lily Evans. He could have laughed if it weren't for the look on Lily's face, the look that so resembled James's the past few days, the look that was hopeless and convinced that it was over.

"Come on, Evans," Sirius pressed. He hated seeing the two of them like this. "You can fix this, and I know you want to, I recognize that sweatshirt you're wearing."

"Merlin, can't get anything past you, can I, Sirius?" Lily said, a little defensive now.

Sirius grinned lopsidedly at her. "I dunno. You did all right for the past few months, didn't you?"

Lily felt more tears prick at the corners of her eyes and she let them fall. "That's sort of debatable, isn't it?" she said. "I think I did pretty lousy, considering where I've ended up."

"Hey, don't be so hard on yourself." Sirius rested his hand over Lily's in an attempt to console her. Maybe it was because he fancied Marlene, maybe it was because James fancied her or because she fancied him right back, or maybe it was because Sirius genuinely gave a damn about Lily Evans, but it didn't really matter why. He was just tired of everyone being so miserable all the time. "Go talk to him, eh? You don't even have to talk; just shove him in a closet and snog him until he forgets that you two had ever stopped."

A shaky laugh escaped from between Lily's lips and she ran a hand through her hair again. "I don't know what my problem is," she said. "It's just that I'm under so much pressure, you know? I can't get anyone to just leave me alone for five minutes. It's either 'Mudblood' this or 'slag' that, and someone's trying to hex me because of the first thing, or they're asking me out because of the second thing."

And then Lily felt something snap, just a little bit, and she couldn't stop talking. "Then I get upset and then even more upset because I think it's so stupid and I don't want to cry about it but I do because it's just too much," she babbled, tripping over her words in an effort to finally get them out, once and for all. "Maybe you're right, maybe James is right, and it would get better if I just did what I wanted and went out with him already. But what if it doesn't get better, you know? What if I rely on him too much to fix things, and then he can't so I get disappointed and we break up? That's the thing of it – I don't want to go out with him because I don't want to break up with him."

Lily's breath hitched painfully as she said the thing that had been plaguing her for the past four months, that stupid thing that had kept her so scared. "That's so stupid, isn't it?" she said, knowing that it was. "But it got in my head and now I can't get it out."

Sirius surveyed her for a moment, thinking. It was exactly what Remus had said, exactly what Alice and Marlene had explained to them forever and a day ago. It had just taken that long for Lily to say it out loud and here she was, spilling her guts to Sirius Black because she wanted James to know but she couldn't possibly tell him herself.

"That's not stupid, Lily," he said at length, and he meant it.

"It's a bit stupid, really," Lily admitted with a small shrug. "I don't want to lose him so badly that, oh look, I've lost him."

"No, see, _that's_ stupid," Sirius said, taking his hand from hers and pointing a finger at her. "Thinking that you could lose him. You haven't. He's a mess, Lily, and if you just told him what you told me then the two of you could stop being such great big messes. Being apart doesn't look good on either of you."

Lily snorted. "Oh, well, thanks."

"Come off it." Sirius leaned back in his chair and grinned at her. "You're still gorgeous, even when your eyes are as red as your hair. James, though, he's one ugly bloke right now, I actually wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to patch things up with him."

"He couldn't be ugly if he tried," Lily said, not thinking about what was coming out of her mouth. But it didn't matter because it was true. "In that vein, I bet there are plenty of other birds who'd make him feel better than I could."

"Well…" Sirius rolled the word around on his tongue a bit. "You're half-right. McIntyre sort of asked him out yesterday."

"Oh." Lily felt her heart plummet down into her stomach and her fingers twitched violently.

"He told her no," Sirius said, his eyes steady on Lily's face to see what else he could get out of her. "In fact, he was pretty rude to her, from what he told me. As far as other birds go, well, it's more like… _What_ other birds? Know what I mean?"

"Someone else –"

"No, you listen to me, Lily Evans," Sirius said, and his voice was firm now. "I already told you, it's stupid to think you could lose him. As if James Potter and Lily Evans would ever be done with each other. Please." He rolled his eyes. "'Someone else' doesn't even come into the equation. Let's face it, it's not like you two need anyone else to make this more complicated than you've already managed to make it."

She knew Sirius was right, and she was glad for it, in a way. She didn't want anyone else and she didn't want James to, either. Lily's fingers pressed into the parchment in her pocket. It was already creased and well-worn from all the times she'd folded and re-folded it, letting the words bore into her mind so she could deal with them because the feeling certainly wasn't going away.

"Yeah," she said after another moment. "I just… I'm trying to figure out what to do, all right?"

"All right," Sirius agreed with a nod. It was better than that "someone else" business, at least. He leaned forward again and stuck out his pinky. "You gonna go through with it this time?"

Lily hooked her little finger through his. "Solemnly swear," she said, and matched Sirius's grin.

* * *

**Day Thirteen**

She hadn't meant to do it, Lily thought again. She hadn't. She knew she was angry and frustrated and unhappy, but she'd thought that she at least had her normal mental faculties in order. Her conversation with Sirius the night before had helped, too, she'd thought. But then she went and did the thing she hadn't meant to do and she realized that nothing would have helped enough to keep her from doing it.

But it just so happened that Lily had had enough – enough of the taunts and the sniggers and the everything else that everyone threw at her because they could, because they were bored, because they didn't like her because they didn't bother to get to know her or understand or try, and in the end Lily. Just. Snapped.

It was after lessons. Marlene was off with Sirius, and Alice had gone down to the Quidditch pitch to watch the Gryffindor team practice. She'd looked sideways at Lily, cleared her throat, and asked if she wanted to come down, too, but Lily shook her head. She was determined to fix things with James, but she wasn't about to sit and watch him for hours, squirming in her seat and biting her nails as she waited until she could talk to him. So instead, Lily was walking alone over the grounds, through the courtyard, mulling things over and wiling away her time. But, of course, spending time alone wasn't about to pan out very well for Lily Evans.

"Hey, Evans!" called a sneering voice from somewhere behind her, and Lily froze. "Surprised to see you hanging 'round by yourself. Did Potter finally come to his senses, realize he was messing around with a slaggy Mudblood?"

Blood boiling, Lily whipped around, pulling her wand out as she went, and pointed it at the gaggle of Slytherins approaching. Bellatrix, Narcissa, Lestrange, Regulus, Snape… _Brilliant,_ Lily thought, _five on one. _

"Oh, little defensive, aren't we?" Bellatrix smirked. Her wand was out as well.

Narcissa's lips curled into a sneer so like her sister's. "Temper must be shot now that Potter's ditched her."

Lily wasn't in the mood to be verbally abused before the curses started flying, so she aimed her wand at the Black sisters and shouted, _"Expelliarmus!" _

Two wands came soaring towards her; Lily caught them and tossed them aside, her own wand still trained on the group. "What about the rest of you, then?" she said, her anger boiling and flaring and consuming her completely. "Go on, try something, and I'll blast your wands out of your talentless hands, too."

Lestrange glanced at Snape, who was sallow-faced and unsmiling, before he aimed his wand at Lily and began to shout, _"Sectum –"_

"_Protego!" _Lily cut across him, and the force of her Shield Charm caused the Slytherins to take several steps back. Before they could recover themselves completely, Lily turned her wand on Regulus and said, _"Immobulus!"_ and he froze on the spot. Lily was satisfied, as she refused to injure a fourteen-year-old more than that, no matter what a great prat he might turn out to be.

In her distraction to avoid attacking Regulus further, though, Lily was hit with Lestrange's Full Body-Bind. She fell back onto the cold stone, her skull cracking against it, the pain rocketing through her head, and she was reminded of the night Avery and Mulciber had hit her with the spell, the night Snape had used the Cruciatus on her, and it wasn't helping the anger.

Footsteps approached, and Bellatrix kicked Lily's wand away. She bent low to the ground, right at Lily's ear, and she hissed curses and insults and a thousand unimaginably horrid things. Lily felt her fury build. She was sick of this, sick of the harassment and the hatred and the intolerance; she couldn't even walk across the grounds without someone making her life hell, and she was done with it, sick and tired and just so done with all of it. As the jinx wore off, Lily saw that Bellatrix hadn't bothered to retrieve her own wand, and as her muscles regained mobility, she didn't miss her chance. Lily curled her hand into a fist and swung it at the side of Bellatrix's head, effectively knocking her away.

"Why you filthy little –" Bellatrix began, but was cut off as Lily's fist hit her full in the face. She shrieked as a throbbing pain exploded in her eye, but managed to scramble to her feet along with Lily, and – wands forgotten in the heat of furious indignation – her fist caught the Gryffindor's nose. Lily felt the break, felt the blood begin to pour…

"You psychotic –" The insult was on the tip of Lily's tongue but she knew it was a waste of time. She hit Bellatrix in the face again, hitting her undamaged eye, and _Merlin_, it felt good to release her pent-up aggression in such a brutish way. So good, in fact, that she hardly cared when Bellatrix's fingers curled around her throat and squeezed, hard; Lily gasped as it became harder to breathe, but she managed to bring up her leg, fast and hard, kneeing Bellatrix in the lower abdomen, knocking the wind out of her and Bellatrix's hand fell from around her neck. Lily hit her in the head again, but was prevented from doing more damage when she was knocked over, tackled by someone bigger and stronger, and she was on the ground again, her air flow being cut off by the extra weight on her chest that was Rodolphus Lestrange. They'd all seemed to have lost their heads, wands forgotten and abandoned.

"Get – off –" Lily growled, her breath lost once more as Lestrange's thick fingers pressed around her throat and into her windpipe.

"It's about time that you learn some respect," Lestrange hissed back, his breath hot and putrid on her face. "Damn little Mudblood…"

Fueled by anger, Lily brought her leg up again, harder this time, and was satisfied by Lestrange's groan of pain as he rolled off her, cursing her between gasps of pain. She pushed herself off the ground and found her wand, snatching it up just as Narcissa was aiming her own retrieved wand at her face.

"_Furnunculus!"_ Narcissa yelled just as Lily shouted another _"Protego!"_ and Narcissa's curse rebounded, hitting her in the face. The Slytherin yelped in pain as boils burst across her visage.

Lily turned back to Lestrange, who was regaining his composure. She pointed her wand at his face and shouted _"Engorgio!"_ hitting him in the nose with the hex to distract him further.

"Snape!" Bellatrix screeched. "_Do something_, will you?"

"_Silencio!"_ Lily yelled next, having had enough of listening to Bellatrix Black. For good measure, Lily decided she might as well hit her with a _Tarantallegra_, too, and it really was immensely satisfying to watch a silently fuming Bellatrix erratically tap-dance over the cold stone ground of the courtyard. But she couldn't let herself be amused for long, since Snape was on her next, no matter how reluctant he might have been.

"_Confun –"_ Snape began.

"_Conjuctivitis!"_ Lily countered, missing Snape's eye by an inch.

Lily was angry, and Snape still felt bitter and betrayed, and the sparks went flying – spells, hexes and jinxes, curses and countercurses, blazing trails of blue and red and green and gold between them as they furiously slashed their wands through the air. Lily's nose was broken and bleeding freely over her face, and she was sure she felt a black eye forming; two of Snape's teeth had been knocked out and there was a welt forming above an eyebrow. Both of them were marked with scrapes and bruises, and then suddenly Snape was blasted back on his feet and Lily felt an arm catch her waist and pull her back.

"Put me _down_!" she ordered, kicking at her unseen captor.

"No can do," Frank Longbottom said, carrying her away from the Slytherins. "You're in trouble. Some first years saw you and ran off to Dumbledore."

"Aren't you supposed to be at Quidditch?" Lily demanded as she was hauled up the front steps of the castle. "Where's Alice?"

"Got back just in time to see those kids run up to Dumbledore's office," Frank explained, careful not to loosen his hold and glad she'd stopped kicking. "You put them in a right state. Alice went to find Marlene and Sirius – Sirius especially, he's the only one who can calm James down –"

"James?" Lily echoed.

Frank nodded; then, realizing she couldn't see him, said, "Yeah. He'd heard enough. Raiff and Oliver had to practically drag him back to Gryffindor tower. Not that you would've needed the help, since you seemed to do a pretty good number on the lot of them yourself."

Before Lily could bite off a retort, they'd turned a corner to see the headmaster walking briskly towards them. Lily's voice died in her throat, although the anger continued to simmer somewhere in her stomach.

"Good afternoon," Dumbledore said pleasantly as he approached. "Mr. Longbottom, thank you, but you may put Miss Evans down."

"Just trying to restrain her, that's all," Frank said, and he dropped Lily back on her feet. She scowled at him and he grinned. "Merlin, Lily, your face is a wreck."

"Figured as much," Lily muttered. She waved her wand, cracking her nose back into place and siphoning off the blood. "Do I have a black eye?"

"Sure do."

"Brilliant."

"Please, Mr. Longbottom," Dumbledore interjected, "if you would fetch Madam Pomfrey and have her attend to the students in the courtyard…"

Frank nodded once and, with an encouraging slap on Lily's back, disappeared down the corridor.

"Come, Miss Evans." Dumbledore beckoned Lily forward, and she reluctantly followed him to his office, her head spinning all the way there.

When they'd mounted the spiral staircase and walked into the headmaster's office, Dumbledore settled himself behind his desk and indicated for Lily to take the chair on the other side. She did, and Dumbledore waved a hand invitingly and said, "Now, if you could explain what the group of rather frantic-looking first years told me…"

Lily stared bad-temperedly at a spot on Dumbledore's desk. "Not much to explain, sir," she said. "You might as well get on with it. Dock points, put me in detention, strip me of my prefect's title, whatever you like, I don't care."

"I don't intend to do any of those things, Miss Evans," Dumbledore said smoothly, his eyes twinkling over his half-moon spectacles. "I would simply like you to explain what happened and why."

"Why?" Lily repeated incredulously, her eyes moving to meet the blue ones across from her. "What do you mean, _why_? Because I felt like it, how's that?"

Dumbledore offered her a small smile. "I'm afraid that won't do."

"Okay, fine." Lily straightened in her seat, allowing the anger to fill her up again, allowing it to consume her fully so she could garner the courage to explain just exactly _why_ she'd done what she hadn't meant to do. "Excuse me, sir, when I say that I'm pissed. All right? I'm furious, I can't take anymore, it's driving me mad being stuck in here with a load of people who hate me because they feel like it."

That felt good, Lily thought, so she kept going, on a roll now with everything that had been building up inside of her for months, maybe even years. And much like her conversation with Sirius the night before, she'd found that once she started, she couldn't stop.

"I can't concentrate on my work, I can't eat or sleep and I don't even want to do any of those things so there goes my motivation to even try to get through an essay or a meal or a night. I'm terrified for my family, for my friends, for myself. And all I hear, every day, is 'Don't let it get to you, Lil. They're only trying to wind you up. They're not worth it. Just ignore them.' Well, it _is_ getting to me – I'm wound up. Maybe they're not worth it, but I can't ignore it because that's how I land a bunch of them in the hospital wing in one go. And I'm not even sorry!"

Lily paused to allow herself a rather strangled laugh, because she couldn't believe what she'd done and she didn't even feel bad about it. "I'm so sick and tired of everyone telling me how to feel and how to handle things and _I can't take it anymore_."

"Miss Evans," Dumbledore began, but Lily cut him off.

"I mean… Jenny Jenkins is dead," Lily said. She ran an agitated hand through her hair, her heart constricting as she thought about that unfair fate for such a sweet, unassuming little girl. "She was eleven years old, and she's dead. Because she was a Muggle-born – because she was a _Mudblood_, rather, because it was too civil to treat her like a human being! She's dead and everyone wants me to just _deal with_ the people who are responsible for it!"

Dumbledore's eyes narrowed. "And who might that be?"

"Hell if I know!" Lily was up out of her chair now. She kicked it aside and was pacing furiously around the office. It was too small, she decided, too small and constricting and she wanted out, she wanted to breathe and smash things and stew in her anger. "But I'll tell you, Professor, it was because of her blood status. It's no coincidence. I'd bet you anything it was one of those Slytherin wankers in the hospital wing right now – no wonder I'm not sorry! They hate me and everyone like me and I hate them right back."

She kept pacing, fuming, trying to prevent herself from kicking over a desk or another chair. The portraits on the wall were watching her apprehensively, some of them disapproving, others rather amused.

When it was evident that she wasn't about to continue, Dumbledore spoke. "Voldemort and his supporters thrive on hatred, feed on lies, survive on the mentality that they and they alone are superior," he explained, his voice just as calm as Lily's had been heated. "They don't have time to be compassionate, to love. So, in that vein, Miss Evans, don't you think it better to express love?"

Lily stopped pacing and turned to face the old man. She folded her arms across her chest and eyed him tiredly. "I'm running a bit short on love lately, to be honest," she confessed.

"That's a terrible weakness," Dumbledore said, "and the only one Voldemort suffers from."

"He's quite good at spreading discourse, then, isn't he?" Lily observed.

"Indeed."

"That's the point you're trying to make, isn't it?"

Dumbledore gave a little noncommittal nod.

"I'm still angry."

"Rightfully so."

"But you want me to let it go," Lily guessed, knowing that would be a tall order to make of her.

"Not at all," Dumbledore said, surprising her a bit. "I want you to hold onto it. Just remember _why_ you're holding onto it."

Lily rubbed the back of her neck and considered that, but the truth was… "I'm not sure I even know."

Dumbledore offered her a kind smile. "You're angry because you care – you love, perhaps too much, just like the rest of us. You love your family, your friends, you love people you haven't even met – the Muggles and Muggle-borns who are so bombarded with hatred. You love them because they need it, and you're angry because others don't love the way you do."

"Oh." Lily felt a blush creep across her face as the headmaster's words sank in. That was quite something, she thought, and she thought it might be an exaggeration; she wasn't that good, surely. "You're making me out to be some kind of hero."

"Yes," Dumbledore agreed, his eyes twinkling.

Lily's shoulders slumped under the weight of her stress and his praise. "I'm no hero, Professor."

"Oh, Miss Evans –" Dumbledore smiled knowingly at her – "I think you are."

* * *

When Lily descended the steps of the spiral staircase a few minutes later, it was to find James, still in his Quidditch things, leaning against the stone wall across the corridor. He straightened when he saw her, his hand going immediately to rumple at his messy hair.

"All right, Evans?"

Lily's heart leapt into her throat and she couldn't speak. She couldn't move, either, and all in all she was quite sure that her body had just given up. All she could do was stare, and it was making James feel incredibly self-conscious.

"Er…" His hand swiped through his hair again. He took a tentative step forward and his heart slammed against his ribcage, like it was trying to escape and get back to Lily where it belonged. "Are you going to talk to me?"

"Do you –" Lily swallowed painfully – "do you want me to talk to you?"

"Of course I want you to talk to me." James took another step and he was so close to her now, he could reach out and touch her if he wasn't so afraid that she wouldn't want him to. "I always want you to talk to me."

"Right." Lily was still staring, transfixed, at the boy with the messy hair. She hadn't been this close to him in weeks and now that she was, it was taking every last ounce of her exhausted self-control not to launch herself into his arms and never let go. "Right. Yeah. I knew that."

"Yeah." James was staring, too. He'd forgotten what it was like to stare at her so close-up, and he wanted to be closer. He wanted to be closer and he never wanted to watch her walk away again. "That's – ah – quite the shiner you've got there."

Lily's hand went to her eye, touching the tender skin there. "You should've seen me half an hour ago," she said. It was getting easier to talk. "Blood everywhere. Not sure which one of them to blame, either."

"Frank said you got them all pretty good." James smiled hesitantly at her. "Glad to hear it, too."

"Yeah, Frank said you got dragged off by Raiff and Oliver," Lily said, not really thinking about the implications of that. "Well, I mean –"

"Frank said a lot of things, didn't he?" James looked down at his feet and scuffed the toe of his shoe against the floor. "He was right, though. I only just got myself together enough to come down here."

Lily didn't say anything. She couldn't, because James Potter was too bloody perfect and she'd messed up too bloody much and she was supposed to be fixing it, damn it, but she couldn't even talk. She had to, she told herself firmly, so she took a deep breath and she was just opening her mouth when James looked up from his shoes and blurted out the two words that would send her over the edge.

"I'm sorry."

Much to James's horror, Lily's response to his apology was to promptly burst into tears.

"What are you sorry for?" she asked through the tears that she was so well-acquainted with lately. He was here, and he was smiling at her, and he was so close, and his two words had spurred her own to spill out. "You didn't do anything. This whole thing, it's – it's me, and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for this whole stupid thing. James, you mean the world to me all of a sudden and it's so fast and I don't know how to handle it –"

"Stop." James took another step forward, closing the distance between them, and put a hand on each side of her face. His long, lean fingers stroked across her skin and God, it felt like heaven to touch her again. "You don't have to explain it to me. We can do this any way you want." James pressed his lips to her forehead, her temple, her cheek. "I've waited two years, I can wait a little longer. I'm not going anywhere if you aren't."

"I'm not," she said, her fingers curling around his wrists and touching him again was so, so perfect. "But I need to apologize anyway, I do need to explain, I just can't. I'm so sorry and there's no excuse and I don't –"

Her blathering was interrupted by James's mouth. He couldn't wait any longer, he needed her now, and his lips moved over hers with that old fierceness and passion and desperation. He'd missed her so much and she'd missed him right back. Too many hours had passed, too many tears shed, too many sleepless nights and longing looks across a classroom.

Lily kissed him back, hard, and she couldn't believe that she'd messed everything up so badly and now it was getting fixed and she didn't have to cry about it anymore. She wasn't going to be afraid anymore, either, because it was stupid, so stupid, and she only wanted him and it was about time that she treated that like it mattered more than anything else.

Lily pulled back from the kiss and James's grip on her tightened as he pulled her back, all the while shaking his head and he murmured, "Give me another minute."

So she did, her arms slinking around his neck and hugging him closer to her as his tongue danced past her lips. He smelled faintly of sweat and leather and he was so warm and so constant and reassuring… But she pulled away again, because she wasn't done talking and she had to tell him.

"James, wait," she said, half-laughing as he tried to recapture her mouth. "I've still got something to say."

"To hell with that," James said roughly, his hands gripping her hips and tugging her against him. "I don't want to talk. Overrated."

"That is completely contrary to what you said a few minutes ago –"

"Well, I'm an idiot." His mouth was moving over her neck and it was brilliant, so brilliant to be able to do this again. But he wasn't able to do if for long because Lily was pushing him gently away, and he figured that she must really need to finish talking. He sighed and – his hands still firm on her hips because he was never letting her go again – said, "All right. Tell me."

"Okay." Lily's hands slid down to rest against his chest. She could feel his heartbeat through the material of his Quidditch practice shirt and she was sure hers was drumming just as erratically, just as giddily. "You said you'd wait longer, yeah?"

James nodded. "But – er – you should know, I did – I told the boys," he confessed. "I'm sorry, but after we got into that fight, I couldn't _not_ tell them. I never keep secrets from them and then, well, then it was too hard to deal with, and –"

"James, hush." Lily pressed her fingers against his lips and he kissed them. "I know you told them. Sirius came to talk to me in the library yesterday –"

"What –"

"_Quiet."_ Lily fixed him with a threatening stare. "It doesn't matter. It was good, actually, and anyway, I told Alice and Marlene, too."

James's face lit up like a Christmas tree and Lily felt like her heart was about to burst. But in a good way, in a way that she hadn't felt in awhile, and it felt fantastic to have her heart swell beyond its normal proportions again.

"Really?" he said excitedly. He took her wrist and kissed it.

"Really." Lily stood on her toes and pressed her lips to his once more. "Which brings me to my point. James, I don't want to wait anymore."

Silence. Two heartbeats. Beat, beat, beat. Then…

"What?"

"You heard me," Lily said.

"Yeah, I know, but…" James shook his head, trying to clear it, to make sure he'd be able to process what she was telling him. "Say it again, more slowly."

Lily smiled. "I. Don't. Want. To. Wait. Any. More. Got it now?"

"Reckon I do, yeah." But then James took a step back, his hands sliding up to massage her shoulders. "But I've got to ask you something, right, and I don't want to hear another damn word about the giant squid."

"Okay," Lily said on a laugh. She knew what he was going to say, and she was going to make good on her solemnly swear this time. She couldn't wait to finally give him the answer she'd wanted to give him a thousand times before. "Shoot."

James rumpled his hair up purposefully and he grinned at her.

"Go out with me, Evans?"

* * *

**A/N:** _I TOLD YOU GUYS IT WOULD BE OKAY. YOU'RE WELCOME._ _Actually,_ _this chapter turned out quite differently than expected. I meant to draw everything out just a tad longer, but then I was writing and it all just kept coming out and I'd already deleted about three pages so at some point I was like FINE. WHATEVER. GET BACK TOGETHER NOW IF YOU MUST. In that vein, yeah, okay, I'm off-canon by a few months, but I bet you're all a lot happier now than you were after 27, aren't you?_

_Yeah. That's what I thought._

_:) – K. _


	29. More

**Jennywren13**_,_** KayKat13**_,_** KisstheRain14**_,_** patpattycakes**_,_** unknown106**_,_** jamespotteriloveyou**_,_** rayreis14**_,_ **maryloumoriarty**_,_** unknown106**_,_ **Eve1980 **_– Hiiii. :D and more thanks to those of you who read/reviewed "It Happened in a Broom Cupboard" (if you ever go through ARE, anyway, this is my demonstration of gratitude towards those of you who read the oneshot)._

_Also a quick thanks to _**CarolMedeiros**_, who is working on a Portuguese translation of ARE. It's totally rad that the fic has gotten enough traffic that someone was like, "Hey, you know what? This needs to happen in another language, too." Seriously, I'm flattered and humbled and giddy and everything, so thank you for that._

_Thank you EVERYONE for your reviews – you're lovely and hilarious and my apologies to the guest reviewer who wants me to have their babies because I just cannot bring myself to give birth. I will, however, totally adopt a kid with you and teach them my fanfiction-y ways, so hit me up for details on that._

_This chapter title is in honor of _**nacho5**_'s tireless reviews, all of which go something along the lines of "MOAR." (I was going to spell the title like that, but it made me laugh way too hard so I had to compromise.) _

_*mwah!* – K. _

* * *

**March 27**

It was just after sunrise, and Lily was creeping up the steps to the boys' dormitory. She toed the door open and flinched when it creaked, but once inside it was quite clear that the Marauders could have slept through a nuclear blast, if the volume of their combined snoring was any indication.

Bloody hell, they were loud. Lily had to stifle a giggle as she made her way across the room to James's bed; she wriggled her way behind the bed hangings and muttered a _"Muffliato,"_ just in case there was a long enough break in the snoring for any of the boys to hear something incriminating. James was lying on his stomach, half of his face buried in his pillow, mouth slightly open as he slept, one of his arms dangling over the side of the mattress. Lily grinned and kicked her shoes off, then swung one leg over his hips and settled herself over his tailbone; she ruffled his hair and kissed his neck, sliding her hands firmly down his back, then up again, and down, putting more pressure in every touch, waiting for her ministrations to rouse him.

"Mmm…" James muttered and smacked his lips lightly once or twice. His hanging hand reached up to rub one of his eyes and he sighed deeply.

"Happy birthday." Lily pressed her lips to the back of his neck again, lingering over it this time.

James sighed again and rolled over, his hands moving to grip at her hips to keep her where she was. His eyes were half-open and blurry from tiredness, but he smiled lazily up at her nonetheless. "Sneaky thing, aren't you?" he observed softly, his voice only just waking up along with him.

Lily waved her hands a bit and she offered him a ridiculous grin. "Surprise."

"You think you're clever." James's fingers were kneading into her skin and Lily felt those oh-so-familiar tingles zigzag through her body; she didn't think she'd ever get used to them and, honestly, she liked it better that way. He tugged at her hips a little to bring her closer. "Now come here."

Lily didn't need telling twice. She leaned down, catching James's bottom lip between the two of hers. He tasted slightly dry, a faint hint of last night's toothpaste lingering on his breath; the burst of minty freshness from Lily's mouth sent cool chills dancing across James's tongue. Keeping their lips locked together, sliding and sucking and pulling, Lily slid her legs back, lowering herself so she was lying across James's chest, and his arms locked around her waist. Her fingers curled against his heartbeat, which was quickening with every second and every little bit of the slow, deepening kiss.

"And I was about to be cross with you for getting me up at dawn…" James nipped at her bottom lip. One of his hands trailed up her back to tangle in her hair. "Talk about a surprise."

Lily pressed her body purposefully against his. "I could leave, if you'd like."

"Uh-uh." James dipped his head to kiss her neck. "I was _about_ to be cross, and then I had a moment of clarity."

"Oh?" One of Lily's eyebrows quirked. "And what was that?"

"Well…" James rolled over so that Lily was trapped beneath him and the sheets tangled around them and tied them together. He was pressing long, lazy kisses up her neck as he spoke. "At first I thought, blimey, bloody hell, for the love of Merlin, there is absolutely nothing that could entice me to get up with the sun. And then my reasonable side kicked in and said, 'James Potter, are you _daft_? Your absurdly gorgeous girlfriend's got her hands all over you and all you can think about is going back to sleep? You tosser.'"

Lily laughed and the sound reverberated in her throat, tickling James's lips. "That's quite a speech," she said, running her fingers through his hair.

"What can I say?" James was trailing his mouth along her jaw. "You bring out the poet in me."

"Oh, yes." Lily giggled as James's tongue flicked teasing little kisses over her skin. "Let me tell you about all the poets who romanticize bloody hell's and tossers."

"It's my birthday," James reminded her. "Give me a break."

"No chance, Potter." Lily wound her arms around his neck. "If I let you slide now, imagine what you'll be like the rest of the day."

James gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "Insufferable, I'm sure," he said. Another kiss. "You'll start wishing you hadn't given up on the giant squid, after all." And another.

"Says the bloke who didn't want to hear another damn word about the squid." Lily's fingers twined themselves through his hair and kept him in place so she could kiss him longer. James didn't protest the matter further.

One of his hands stayed fisted in her hair, and the other trailed slowly up and down her body – caressing over her shoulder, fingers dancing down her arm, thumb tracing the line of her waist, rubbing at the protrusion of her hip bone, skimming down the curve of her leg… James sighed into the kiss and couldn't believe his ridiculous good luck.

Lily's fingers disentangled themselves from his mess of hair to travel over his torso, tugging at the material of his T-shirt, feeling the heat of his skin sink into her fingertips. Her nails scratched lightly over his chest, grazed past his neck and skimmed over his shoulder blades. She felt his heartbeat so steady and in time with hers, and she thanked her lucky stars that they gave enough of a damn about each other to put the pieces back together.

It had been a simple thing to do, between the two of them. Their friends affirmed that it had been a long time coming and they were all just relieved that it had indeed come, especially considering all of the emotional rollercoasters they'd been forced to ride over the past couple of years. All in all, they were pleased to see both Lily and James at the other end of the misery spectrum.

There were, of course, everyone else's reactions to deal with as well. James realized that Lily had been right to worry. He'd thought it would get easier overall if everyone knew that they were together, but when it was all said and done, the only thing it accomplished was that no one had asked Lily out in the last forty-eight hours or so. While that was a welcome change for both of them, it didn't stop the nasty remarks from everyone else.

Bertha Jorkins was having her regular field day, telling anyone who'd listen that it was clearly a stunt, that Lily had finally had it with the rumors and was using James to deter them. (This made both Lily and James laugh, since fulfilling everyone's expectations had been one of the reasons why they hadn't take their relationship public sooner.) The Slytherins and various other pureblood-minded students sneered at James's obvious disregard for his good Wizarding name. (This was to be expected, they both knew, but still James was issued detention for Transfiguring Mulciber into a cat and Avery into a mouse; later Professor McGonagall awarded Gryffindor fifty points for such advanced spellwork, but she'd made James promise not to tell where the points had come from.) Gwen McIntyre and other faceless girls rolled their eyes and scoffed and remarked on how Lily's uniform fit her so unflatteringly. (This annoyed Lily slightly, but ultimately it was an easy thing to laugh off because it was just so petty that she could hardly believe it.)

There were other circumstances and other reactions, and while they both realized that many of Lily's worries had proven to be true, in the end they agreed that it was worth the harassment. After all, it was much easier for Lily to deal with when James had her fingers so firmly twined with his, and overall she couldn't give a damn about what anyone else said when James was making her feel like she was so much more important than all that. And as far as James was concerned, he was just happy to be able to kiss her in public now; for all the times she rolled her eyes or laughed and pushed his face away when he tried it, the fact was that Lily kissed him back more than she shoved him – a lot more.

So on the ungodly early morning of March twenty-seventh, when the _Muffliato_ charm had worn off and Sirius Black ripped the bed hangings open on his giggling and love-struck friends, James merely buried his face in Lily's shoulder and they laughed harder.

"Good god." Sirius mimed gagging at the pair of them before turning his attention to a stirring Remus and Peter. "Please tell me that McKinnon and I are easier to live with."

"Dunno," Remus said, rubbing his eyes.

"Yeah." Peter yawned. "At least Prongs and Lily've got the good sense to charm the bed hangings before they get started."

"I still maintain that we _did_ charm the bed hangings last weekend," Sirius argued for the fourteenth time in the past several days. "It's just that the power of our passion knows no bounds."

"Sure, sure." Peter waved a dismissive hand. "And the power of your passion is absolutely terrifying, by the way; I'm scarred for life."

Everyone laughed except Sirius, who looked positively offended by Peter's announcement. "_That_ scarred you for life? _Really?_" he said disbelievingly. "I'll show you scarring…"

He picked up James's glasses from the bedside table, put them on, and ruffled up his hair as much as he could, all the while saying, "Oh, hey, Evans, I'm James Potter and I'm desperate for your love." He shoved James off of Lily and started tickling her, and her shouts of laughter were accompanied by his continued narration: "I'm going to put my hands all over you in public and make everyone else in the vicinity wildly uncomfortable because I looooove you and it's not obvious enough without me manhandling you every five seconds."

"Sirius – _quit_ –" Lily was breathless with laughter but couldn't fight him off, not since James was sitting behind her head and was holding her wrists so she couldn't escape. "James, you're such a lousy – boyfriend – let _go_ –"

"Can't, love, sorry," James apologized with a grin that completely negated said apology.

"I – hate you –"

"Nah, you don't," Sirius supplied, still tickling her. "Because I'm James Potter and you looooove me right back."

"I – _don't_ –"

"Oh, yes, you do!" Sirius argued. "Say it – say it, Evans, or James's gonna let me tickle you _all day_."

Still laughing despite herself, Lily tried her best to shoot James an imploring, upside-down look, which he returned with a pitying look of his own.

"Padfoot's right," he said gravely, although it was once again clear that he wasn't sorry at all. "Say it, or succumb to a tickle-induced demise."

Lily whimpered but the pathetic sound was drowned out in another peal of laughter as Sirius's fingers danced over her bare toes. She was pink-faced and breathless and she felt like her lungs were going to implode from their lack of proper, regulated oxygen, but she most certainly wasn't going to give in. No, she'd already decided that when she told James Potter that she loved him, it was going to mean something; it was going to be important and it was going to matter and it wouldn't just be to get her out of being mercilessly tickled. That would be pathetic, she told herself as she gasped for air and tears streamed out of her eyes. And Lily Evans was _not_ pathetic.

"I'd give in if I were you, Lily," Remus said seriously as he dug through his trunk for a clean shirt. Now that the rest of them were fully awake, there was no use trying to get any more sleep. "You don't have to mean it, in any case; none of us would blame you."

"No –" Lily tried to jerk her wrists free of James's hold, but he was much stronger than she was and Sirius kept going at her feet. "I – want – to mean it –"

James's grip slackened a little and he stared down at his pink-faced, bright-eyed, uncontrollably giggling girlfriend. She didn't just imply what he thought she'd implied… did she? _Well, James-y boy, that's the trouble with implications, _pointed out a small voice in the back of his head. _Never know when you're right._

Well, James decided, whether it was right or wrong, the implication was good enough for him.

"All right, Padfoot, she's had enough –"

"No way!"

"_Yes_ way."

"Prongs, you are just a few tickles away from having the girl of your dreams confess her undying affection for you, and you say she's had enough?" Sirius scoffed. "I think not."

James dropped Lily's hands and lunged across the mattress, tackling Sirius to the floor, and Lily felt a rush of relief as a normal oxygen flow returned to her body. James and Sirius were still grappling on the floor – "Toss my glasses over there, would you? Don't break them, you twat" – and Lily glanced over at Remus, who had his head tilted to one side and was watching her curiously.

"What?" she said, even though she was quite sure she knew just exactly _what_.

Remus smiled. "Nothing."

Lily narrowed her eyes at him and his smile only widened before he grabbed his clean clothes and went into the bathroom to change. She sighed and directed her gaze at Peter. "How long do they usually keep this sort of thing up?" she wanted to know, nodding in James and Sirius's general direction.

Peter grinned and rolled his eyes a bit. "You've been around long enough to take a pretty good guess, I think," he said. "Stick around for a bit and it'll become a sixth sense."

"Yeah?" Lily grinned back at him. "Well, I've always wanted to acquire a rather worthless new sense, so looks like I'm stuck here."

"You bet you are." James had leapt up from his wrestling match with Sirius and dove back across the bed, enveloping Lily in his arms and planting kisses all over her face. Lily laughed again and swung her arms around his neck, hands running over his back as the breath was once again stolen from her lungs, only this time she didn't mind so much. She could give up standard inhale, exhale, so long as it meant she was stuck with James Potter.

* * *

It had been about two days, and considering the last two years and – more specifically – the past few months, James figured he'd earned some perpetual, heart-as-light-as-air giddiness, and he was milking it for all it was worth (for the record, he thought it was worth quite a lot; more than he could put a number on, that was for sure).

So during one of McGonagall's reviews for the exams that were looming ever nearer, James hooked his ankle around one of the legs of Lily's chair and yanked sharply so she was sitting right in front of him. He saw her twitch, like she was going to say something but thought better of it, and he smiled and leaned forward and whispered, "All right, Evans?"

She turned her head slightly and offered him a sardonic smile. "Well, I _was_ –"

"No need to spit fire, love."

Lily tried not to smile for real. "What do you want, Potter?"

"Just fancied a chat with my girlfriend," James said, his breath warm as it tickled her ear. "Wait, you _are_ my girlfriend, aren't you?" He exchanged a grin with Sirius. "Go on, Evans, tell me again –"

"Oh, Merlin." Marlene looked around to roll her eyes at James. "Give it a rest, why don't you?"

"That's very rude, McKinnon," Sirius noted, jabbing Marlene in the back with the tip of his quill. "Prongs is just trying to talk to his girlfriend."

"Right, thank you, Padfoot." James snuck a quick kiss to the spot right behind Lily's ear. "My girlfriend, who I can kiss in public now because she fancies me and she wants everybody to know."

Lily laughed. "You are so warped in the head."

James smiled. "Said my girlfriend."

There was a loud and pointed cough from the front of the classroom, and they turned their attention back to Professor McGonagall, who was surveying them sternly over the tops of her square spectacles.

"It seems to have been established," she began in an oddly strained voice, "that Miss Evans is your girlfriend, Mr. Potter. What I have yet to deduce is whether or not you've got a grasp of your examination material."

Sirius and several other students sniggered loudly, but James would not be discouraged.

"Ah, well…" James grinned and flicked his wand. "I could always make Avery and Mulciber play cat-and-mouse again, if you'd like. Would that satisfy the parameters of your deduction, Professor?"

McGonagall's nostrils flared a bit and several people could have sworn she was fighting a smile. It was true that she couldn't very well argue with one of her top students, but that didn't mean she was going to allow him to make her laugh. So instead of lecturing further, McGonagall simply turned back to the blackboard and said, "I am trying to teach a class, Mr. Potter; flirt on your own time."

James winked at Lily and pushed her seat back into place.

* * *

**April 13**

Snape wasn't eating. He'd found that he lost his appetite a lot more whenever he happened to look over at the Gryffindor table, and his eyes couldn't seem to help themselves from straying.

It had only been a few weeks since the public displays of affection had started, but he'd had quite enough of seeing James Potter and Lily Evans fawn over each other. It was like they couldn't go five minutes without touching, like they were each other's oxygen source, like it was a matter of life-or-death if they didn't stick their tongues down each other's throats in front of the whole bloody school at every available opportunity, and there was _always_ an available opportunity.

It made him sick.

At meals, in class, in the corridors… Snape couldn't seem to shake them, and his eyes strayed at the most inopportune times: When Lily stood on her toes to run her fingers through Potter's hair. When she'd berate him about something, and he'd cut her off mid-sentence or threat or reprimand by pressing his lips to hers, and she actually _fell_ for the feeble attempt to distract her from her annoyance. During breaks Snape seemed to always round the wrong corner, and there they were, at the other end of the corridor or the courtyard, and Lily was up against a wall and Potter was kissing her neck. A couple of times when he'd been leaving the library, he'd caught sight of them during Lily's rounds, down the next corridor, and Potter would catch her hand and spin her around and then they'd be dancing to no music at all, but Snape could swear he heard Potter sing off-key and Lily would laugh. It was when they were holding hands, at breakfast when she smeared jam on his nose, in the library when she'd smack him upside the head with a book, in class when his hand would run over her thigh and he'd grin and she'd chew on her lip and that faint pink blush would blossom over her face…

It all made him fucking sick.

But he watched them, anyway.

They were at the Gryffindor table, and they were sitting with their friends, and they were all so unnecessarily, undeservedly happy. Snape's stomach churned as he thought of it, as he listened to their loud and raucous laughter and watched their smiles and their touches – friendly, intimate, playful – and he wondered what they had to be so happy about, what _anyone_ had to be so happy about. Who had room for happiness, who had time for it? Didn't they know what they were in for, what was waiting for them, or were they all just so blissfully ignorant that they forgot about the war unless someone was dead or tortured or cursed or harassed?

He watched them and wondered what the hell it was they cared about, if it wasn't themselves, if it wasn't what was waiting for them on the other side. They'd find out soon enough, Snape figured every time he thought of this. They'd find out the hard way, through injury and betrayal and loss and grief and perhaps even death, all because they were too stupid and prideful and above it all and consequently unprepared. They'd find out, Snape knew, and they wouldn't like the way they did. And maybe then Lily would realize what a waste of time it had all been – the kisses, the touches, the dancing down empty, torch-lit corridors in the middle of the night. Maybe then she would realize that she'd made a mistake.

Snape watched as Lily laughed at Potter, and his heart sank and he wondered if he really believed anything he'd just told himself.

* * *

**May 3**

A warm breeze danced across the treetops, ruffling the leaves of the beech tree by the lake that James sat under. He had his Transfiguration book propped open in his lap because he and Lily had come outside to _study_, and then she'd abandoned him for the lake. She'd rolled up the legs of her trousers and was standing in the water, looking off across the expanse of the glittering blue surface, arms hugging her waist, fingers digging into her sides. The wind tugged at her red hair and she tucked it behind an ear just so the breeze could tease it out again. James wondered what she was thinking about.

"Oy, Evans!" he called once he'd given her a good quarter of an hour to herself. "We're supposed to be _studying_!"

She turned her head so that she was looking at him over one shoulder. He could see the little grin on her face when she called back, "Sod off, Potter."

James lifted an eyebrow even though she'd already looked back at the water. _Well, if that's how she wants to play it…_ James set his book aside, stood, rolled up his own pant legs, and made a mad dash towards her. He caught her around the waist before she knew what was happening and spun her around, making her dizzy with the movement and the apprehension that he was about to toss her fully-clothed into the depths of the lake.

"James!" She smacked at his arms but his grip wasn't loosening. "I swear, I will break up with you –"

"Nope." James spun her once more before he purposely lost his balance and they fell into the grass. "You said you were stuck with me, remember?" he reminded her and kissed her nose. "Thought that was my birthday present."

"You sure know how to hold a grudge, don't you?" Lily pushed his glasses to the top of his head so they wouldn't get in the way when she kissed him properly. "What'd I ever do to you, hmmm?"

"Oh, I think you know," James said teasingly.

Lily frowned. She knew he was joking, but the fact was that she _did_ know, because she had done something. Or rather, she hadn't done something; she'd put their relationship off for months, and she was still acclimating to the wonderful truth that he'd given her a second shot at it.

Despite the fact that his glasses weren't perched in front of his eyes, James still noticed her frown. "Don't get like that, Lil," he said, knowing where her mind was headed because they'd had this conversation more than once since she'd told him she didn't want to wait anymore. "You say I can hold a grudge, but you're rather good at holding them against yourself."

"Yeah." Lily fiddled with the buttons on his shirt, just to have something to do with her hands. "I just… you know, I told you once that I never wanted you to think that I didn't care about you. And I made you feel like that, and it doesn't matter that it's all fixed now because I did the exact thing I swore I wouldn't, and –"

James kissed her. He hated that she felt guilty, hated that something to do with him was making her feel bad when she got enough of that as it was. He wanted to take care of her – he wanted to make her feel good and whole and right, not like she'd done something wrong, because it didn't matter to him how they got together or how long it took or anything, just so long as the end result was the same. And he wasn't going to forget what she had let slip when Sirius had so viciously tickled her, how she wouldn't give into the teasing, I-love-you-James-Potter bait because when she said it, she wanted to mean it.

Lily's hands clutched his shoulders and she kissed him back. She felt awful about what she'd done, no matter that it had all led to the same place, anyway. She never wanted him to feel like she didn't care, or that she hadn't cared at some point, because he'd done so much to show how mad he was about her and she felt like she had some catching up to do.

When they broke apart, James propped himself up on his elbows and tugged at the ends of her hair and he said, "I know you're sorry, but you never made me feel like you didn't care. I'm much too arrogant for that sort of thing."

"I don't like to break my promises," Lily told him. She tapped his glasses a couple of times until they'd settled themselves back on the bridge of his nose. "I just feel like the whole time, you know, I was dragging things out and I was making you wait for no real reason. I treated you like… I don't know. Like you weren't important."

"Evans." James offered her a crooked little smile. "You think too little of yourself. It was a mess, all right, I'll admit, but it was a fantastic mess in its way, because I don't care what got us here. I don't. I told you, I just want to be with you, and the rest of it can go straight to hell, yeah?"

"Yeah…" Lily was quiet for a moment, and then all of a sudden she hit James in the chest so hard that she knocked the wind out of him and he rolled off her, coughing harshly. Lily sat up and glared at him accusingly like he'd been the one to punch out her lungs. "You're such a _twit_, Potter."

"Yeah." James coughed again. "You've mentioned that before, so what the hell was that for?"

"_You."_ Lily was tugging at her hair herself now. "You're just so… _ugh_. James Potter. It's ridiculous."

James finished hacking and rolled onto his side, leaned up on one arm, and regarded her inquisitively. "You are so terribly uninformative."

"I'm sorry, but I can't _help_ it," Lily huffed impatiently, shooting him another accusatory look like everything was his fault and he must know it. "You get me so flustered, all the time, you know, you make me lose my temper, it's no wonder I was always shouting at you before, I'm always trying to distract myself from how bloody ridiculously _James Potter_ you are, so I've got to verbally or physically assault you…"

James was grinning now, wide and arrogant and showing off all his teeth. She scowled at him and said, "Don't look at me like that, you stupid blighter."

"I'm sorry," James laughed. He sounded about halfway sincere, but Lily imagined he was bluffing most of it. "But now I'm the one who can't help it." He sat up straight and put his arm around Lily's shoulders, pulling her flush against his side and kissing her temple. "Do you hear yourself when you talk to me?"

Lily shrugged. "Not really," she admitted, resting her head against his chest. "I imagine it's highly unpleasant."

"Hmmm. To the contrary…" James tipped Lily's chin up so he could kiss her again. It was long and sweet and draining in that way that made Lily melt all over again. One of his hands held her chin and the other stroked over her neck; she gripped the front of his shirt and let her other hand lay against his jean-clad thigh. Their hands and their mouths and their mingled breath was warm, deep in the way they drowned in it, submerging themselves so far that they forgot everything else, lost everything else but the sensation of each other's lips and fingertips, heartbeats and peppermint and pomegranate, and the ever-lingering knowledge that this was actually happening.

So, lost as they were, they couldn't have noticed anyone else on the grounds as the sun began to dip its way past the horizon, blazing orange and streaking pink and gold across the otherwise periwinkle sky.

Severus Snape saw them from a considerable distance, but it was so like his eyes to stray these days; he wasn't surprised to see them there, by the lake, by the beech tree… He supposed it was fitting. Where else would they be, really? Right where it all began, Snape was sure. Because for all of Lily's _arrogant-toerag_'s and _I'd-rather-go-out-with-the-giant-squid_'s and _you-make-me-sick_'s, look where she was now.

It wasn't even about the lake or the beech tree, Snape thought – although that did add a fine cherry to the top of a fine year – but she was with Potter. She was in his arms and leaning into his kiss. She was wearing her heart so obviously on her sleeve and Snape was sure that was an unsafe place for her to keep it. Because it didn't matter how much James Potter fancied her; he'd never be good enough, never be right for her, so how could she possibly and so readily toss it all away for him?

Snape felt the betrayal simmering dangerously close to the edge again. It was all so impossible, so unfeasible, and it made him sick to watch them together, to see her happy with him.

His head ached and his stomach churned as he watched. Potter took her hand and pulled her to her feet. He spun her around and she laughed, wrapping an arm around his neck and lacing the fingers of her free hand through his. He caught her waist and held her close. And they were spinning, twirling, dancing like they did in the dim lights of the corridors in the middle of the night. The sun was setting, bleeding red through the sky, and Lily's heart was on her sleeve, and Potter's fingers had moved to caress her wrist. He spun them around once more, and then he leaned his forehead against hers and their pace slowed until they were just swaying, the slight waves of the lake lapping around their bare feet and ankles. Their arms wrapped around each other fully and Snape couldn't tell from this distance, but he was sure that Lily's eyes were closed, sure that Potter was whispering to her, sure that none of this could end in anything less than heartache. Snape tore his eyes from the scene and he made his way back up to the castle; for once his eyes wouldn't stray, and he refused to look back because it was too hard, because he was beginning to think that he really didn't believe a damn thing he told himself. But it didn't really matter anymore, did it?

The sky was still bleeding and Lily and James stayed by the lake, swaying, touching, whispering, water dancing over their bare feet and ankles, and everything smelled like woodsmoke and cinnamon.

* * *

**A/N: **_Yeah, for the record, I did the "Nah, you don't" thing on purpose again BECAUSE I CAN and my fingers just sort of typed it and I dunno, I haven't slept yet so everything feels weird right now. ANYWAY. _

_So I realize that this chapter is, like, fluffy as hell – you know, I actually don't know what that's supposed to mean, but you get it. It's all actually really important in framing their relationship within the story, and it's important to settle into since their relationship will continue to be the central focus. We'll get a little more serious next chapter, and things are gonna get cray (ugh, can't believe I typed that) come 7__th__ year. SO. THAT IS ALL I WILL SAY ABOUT THAT._

_I really hope this was enough to tide you guys over for a few days. The Mothers are coming to visit me and the roommate this weekend, so we'll be rather busy for the next couple of 24-hour periods. But just one more chapter of ARE, and we'll be onto Part 2! Can you feel the excitement? Because I'm totally ready-set-go about Part 2; just wait for it, you guys, I am stoked._

_See you in a few days! –K._


	30. Let's Talk

_Hello and thanks to ARE newcomers: _**Jennywren13**_,_** jane29jeng**_,_** AngelofLight95**_,_** TheMockTurtle**_,_** ihearttheo.c**_,_** iluv2bcrazee**_,_** fergie218**_,_** ohprongs**_,_** LRobinson95**_,_** Tinfoil2010**_,_** piahutch**_,_** live4dance**_,_** Aoife mc**_,_** starlight564**_,_** AineRose**_,_** vasymollo**_,_** .916**_,_** EmilyRae92**_,_** SnapsB**_,_** Lover or Hater**_,_ **she was the** **book thief**_,_ **MyMessyLittleRaindrops**_, and _**MaDDii-LeiGh316**_!_

_More hellos and thanks to those who enjoyed my one-shots ("It Happened In a Broom Cupboard" and "Why Don't You Make Me?"); in the event that you ever stumble your way through ARE, I want you to see this and know that I love and appreciate you: _**apla-xamogelase**_,_** camweasley**_,_** fitzwilliamherondale**_,_** obliviate-dreams**_,_** dancechik15**_,_** resurrectedhippo**_,_** Shann-x-x**_,_** BatKate**_,_** avelasco10**_,_** xheyitslilyevans**_,_** KisstheRain14**_,_** thewitchisdead**_,_** SweetLittleAngel09**_,_** starrdreamlove**_,_** petrichors**_,_** theuniqueartistictype**_, _**Queen Grapefruit**_,_ **Nynette Vafareil**_,_ **FREEZEiceFREEZE**_,_ _and _**siriustwilighter**_!_

_Further thanks, props, thumbs-up and high-fives to_ **BeccaxoRupert **_for sending me prompts so I could finish this damnable chapter!_

* * *

**The Last Day**

James straddled the bench next to Lily at breakfast. "Evans."

Lily kept her eyes on her eggs and tried not to smile. "Potter."

James ran his hand back and forth over her thigh. "Go out with me."

Lily raised her eyebrows at her plate. "Hate to break it to you, Potter, but I'm already going out with you."

James pinched her. "I mean out-out."

Lily smacked his pinching hand and his fingers latched over hers. "Where do you propose we go on this out-out?"

James pushed her hair back and kissed the still-visible scar on her neck. "Nowhere special, but I won't see you for awhile and I'd like to spend some time alone with you before we leave tomorrow."

Lily squirmed a bit in her seat as James's breath tickled her skin. It was true that they hadn't been able to spend too much time together lately; between their friends, exams, Lily's prefect duties, and James's end-of-the-year Quidditch mania, there hadn't been many hours left in the day for them to be alone. And it would be weeks until James came to visit her during the holidays, and Lily wasn't looking forward to those empty weeks too much. She was looking forward to being with her family again, of course, but… this was James she was thinking about here, and that made a difference.

"Okay." Lily turned her head to meet James's smile. "What time?"

"Eight o'clock." James trailed his lips over her cheek. "Now kiss me so I can go pack."

"You haven't packed yet?" Lily sighed heavily.

"I've been busy."

"With what?"

"Well, right now, trying to get you to shut up and kiss me…"

Lily rolled her eyes, leaned in, mumbled something about him being a tosser, and began to give him a chaste peck on the lips, but of course a chaste peck on the lips was never what James Potter meant when he talked about kissing her. It didn't matter that they were in the middle of breakfast in the Great Hall; if anything, that only seemed to spur the intensity of his mouth on hers. One of his hands gripped the back of her neck while the other inched further up her leg, fingertips tracing circles along her thigh. Lily's hand was caught in the hair at the nape of his neck, holding him in place so she could continue kissing him back just as thoroughly, because after all a chaste peck on the lips was never what she meant when she talked about kissing him, either.

They were, however, interrupted as an arm swung around each of their shoulders and Sirius Black shoved his meddlesome head between their faces.

"Morning, kids," he said with a grin as he noticed James's flushed face and Lily's over-bright eyes. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

"Shove off, Padfoot," James growled, pushing his friend away and grabbing Lily's face to continue, relieved when she happily reciprocated.

"Oh, _come on_!" Sirius exclaimed, half-exasperated, half-amused. "Moony made me come down here so I could drag you upstairs. Your shit's all over the place, my shit's all over the place, and he can't find any of his shit because of all our aforementioned shit. So would you please detach your face from Evans's before Moony comes down here and curses it off?"

James whimpered a little into Lily's mouth and pulled away a second later. _"Fine,"_ he sighed at Sirius and swung his legs over the bench. He looked at Lily again. "I'll see you at eight."

She nodded, a bit too winded from the force of the kiss to speak just yet. James grinned and leaned down to press his lips against her temple and whisper so suggestively into her ear that Lily was sure she wouldn't find her voice for the rest of the day. She noted his triumphant look as he left the hall with Sirius, then shook her head and went back to her cold eggs.

_Stupid prat, _she thought, but she couldn't stop her smile anymore.

* * *

Upstairs in the boys' dormitory, Sirius folded a shirt and looked at James. "You and Evans are pretty hot and heavy, aren't you?" he observed loftily, a wicked gleam in his dark eyes.

James threw a shoe at him. "Said the bloke who's been crazy-shagging McKinnon for the past four months."

"Yeah, but I don't shag her where everybody can see –"

"Not that you've got a problem with everybody hearing, though," Remus pointed out, and the shoe was thrown at him next.

Peter and James laughed, and the latter said, "Moony's got a point. Besides, I'm not shagging her, right? Just snogging. In front of everyone. Because I can."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say, mate, but you were practically undressing her at breakfast."

"_What?"_ Peter gawked at James.

"I was not!" James protested, and he crawled under his bed to rummage for forgotten belongings. "I'm not that basic, you know. Besides, you really think I'd do anything that let a bunch of wankers get a good look at my girlfriend in any state of undress? As if."

"Bet you don't want to get hit with a Lily Evans hex, either," Remus said.

"Right. That, too." James nodded vehemently as he surfaced with a sock and a few spare quills. "She's always smacking me whenever I get too handsy in public. Could you imagine what she'd do to me if I tried to take off her shirt?"

"Let you, is what I imagine," Sirius remarked with a raised eyebrow. "I'm just a third-party observer, Prongs, but it seems to me like Evans's got to hold herself back from taking your shirt off, too."

James couldn't help the blush that was steadily reddening his face, but he tried to hide it by busying himself with his trunk. "You're off it."

Sirius barked out a laugh. "What's the matter?" he asked, noticing his friend's discomfort. "Embarrassed by your lack of conquest, are you?"

That made James look up. "Shut up," he said, lobbing a book at Sirius's head, satisfied when he heard the _thud_ that meant he'd made contact. "Lily's not a conquest, she's my girlfriend, so keep that shit to yourself."

"No need to get so sensitive," Sirius mumbled, rubbing his head. He tossed the book onto James's mattress. "I didn't mean it like that."

"I'm not going to shag her just because you think she wants me to."

"Hey, you're the one who wants to spend all this alone time with her tonight, so –"

"Have you got a problem with that?" James rounded on Sirius, his face pink with annoyance rather than embarrassment now. "Is it such a big deal that I want to spend time with her before I don't get to see her for weeks?"

"No," Sirius said, and he meant it. "I don't have a problem with that and it's not a big deal. I mean, don't be stupid, you know I'm crazy about Evans. I just meant that, well, I thought that maybe that's what you were going to try with her, seeing as how you're both so… affectionate."

"Because I _like_ her," James said, his annoyance dissipating as Sirius explained himself. "You all know I'm mad about her – everybody knows. It's like… every day I wake up and I remember that she said yes, and it's still so unbelievable that she lets me touch her and kiss her, and that she wants me to. You know?"

James ran a hand through his hair, feeling a bit stupid as he walked his friends through how he felt about Lily Evans. He was sure they knew; they'd had two years' experience with this sort of thing, but there was something different about it because now it was happening, it was real, and what they were talking about was an actual possibility. Touching and kissing and shagging weren't just fantasies anymore, but James wasn't sure that he wanted to talk about that last one with the boys. That was between him and Lily, and while he was sure he'd jump up and down on his bed just like Sirius had after his first night with Marlene, right now James and Lily hadn't even talked about it. It didn't feel right to have this conversation with his friends before he had it with her.

Naturally, Remus was the one to catch onto this. "You don't have to explain it to us," he told James. "We know how you feel, and I'd bet anything that Lily would curse Padfoot black-and-blue if she could hear him right now."

"Good point as always, Moony," Sirius agreed. "Anyway, Prongs, you know I didn't mean anything bad by what I said, yeah? I just…" He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling equally as self-conscious as James. "You're my best mate. Just wanted to know what was going on with you."

James looked up at his friend. Sirius looked about as flustered as James felt, and he didn't wonder why. Being friends went uncommented on for the most part; they didn't talk about talking, they just did it, but now they were talking about it and it was a struggle because they weren't used to it.

"Yeah." James nodded. "I know. I just, you know, I don't want to cheapen it, I guess. Because I haven't talked to her about it yet. I mean, we'll be snogging and all and eventually we… Well, I dunno, we have to stop because…" Bugger, this was impossible. James pretended to search for more things under his bed. "You know what I'm getting at."

"Sure." Sirius did know, although he hadn't had to wait so long with McKinnon. By the six or seventh time they'd snogged and were about to stop, well, they'd just found an empty broom cupboard instead. But things with James and Lily had always been more complicated than an empty broom cupboard. Mostly because they were a couple of insane idiots in love, but Sirius decided not to say that out loud.

"So," Peter said to break the ensuing silence, "are you going to – er – talk to her about it, then?"

"I dunno." James crawled out from under his bed and tossed the book he'd thrown at Sirius into his trunk. "Eventually, I guess, but I don't think tonight's a good time."

Sirius shrugged. "As good as ever," he said, then looked at Remus. "Moony, you're good at this stuff, so what d'you reckon?"

Remus dropped a folded pile of trousers into his trunk and said, "I don't know why you always think I'm the one to ask. Not like I've gone out with anyone."

"Yeah, but you _know_," Peter agreed with Sirius. "You get it. Girls, I mean."

"It's not like it's hard," Remus scoffed. "Talking to your girlfriend about something is just like talking to your mates about it. She's a person too, you know."

"'Course she is," James said. "Not like I'd want to shag a lamp or something."

"Ah-_ha_!" Sirius pointed a triumphant finger at James while the others sniggered. "So you admit it, then! You want to shag her!"

James gave him an odd look. "Obviously," he said. "I mean, has the fact that my girlfriend is bloody gorgeous completely escaped your notice?"

"Somewhat, yeah," Sirius admitted. "But it's mostly because I'm not likely to comment on it, since I know you and what's good for my well-being."

Remus laughed and said, "Right, same goes for nearly everyone else. We're all rather fond of keeping our appendages intact."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm a great jealous blighter," James said over the sounds of his friends' chuckling. "I get it. Can we get on with packing, then?"

"Sure thing, mate," Sirius said, collecting himself. "Don't want to make you miss your big date. Or is this one a not-a-date, too?"

James grinned broadly at the memory. "Nope," he said, and he felt his heart expand with the pure, unadulterated euphoria of it all. "This one's for real."

It was still a bit unbelievable to him, James thought as he rummaged through his drawers and tossed things into his trunk. It probably always would be. In its own way, Lily Evans saying yes was harder to get over than Lily Evans saying no. But that, James thought with another smile, was definitely something he could live with.

* * *

"So," Marlene said from her lounging position on her bed, "you gonna shag your boyfriend tonight or what?"

"What?" Lily said, half-laughing, looking up from her book to stare at her friend. "What are you on about?"

Marlene shrugged. "Just wondering if you were going to follow in my footsteps, is all," she said. Her eyes shifted to Alice, who was rearranging her trunk so she could fit everything in it. "Alice's, too, come to think of it…"

"_What?"_ Lily said again, her head whipping around in the other direction. "Alice! Did you –"

"Umm…" Alice's face was a fantastic shade of red as she avoided looking at either of her friends. "Well, yes, I did. But I didn't tell anyone," she was quick to add, and she looked at Marlene despite her slight mortification. "How did you know?"

Marlene snorted. "Please. I can tell the difference between just-snogged and just-shagged hair, and you were all about the latter a week ago."

"Oh." If it were possible, Alice's blush deepened, but she looked rather pleased with herself, too. "Well. You know, I just… Well. It's – we're not going to see each other so much soon, because I'll still be in school and even this summer, you know, he'll be working for Dumbledore, and –"

"Alice," Marlene interrupted her friend's struggling, "you don't have to have a reason to shag your fiancé. It's a perfectly acceptable thing to do."

"Right," Lily agreed. "Might as well do what you want. You're going to marry him, after all, and I hear that shagging is something married people tend to do."

Marlene giggled. "Quite."

Alice gave up on her trunk and collapsed onto Lily's mattress. "Don't laugh at me, you little broom cupboard tart," she said, unable to silence her own laugh as she looked at Marlene.

"Ha!" Marlene got a kick out of that. "Hey, here's the thing… Black's good-looking. I'm good-looking. Might as well, right?"

"Plus you fancy each other," Lily reminded her. "It's a bit cute, really, how the pair of you pretend like it's all hot, carnal physicality when half the time you're snuggling up in the common room, talking about your feelings."

Marlene threw a pillow at her. "Look who's talking!" she said, although she wasn't nearly as incredulous as she was pretending to be. "You and James are _sick_, you know that? Positively vomit-inducing, and not the fantastic glitter sort that I so unfortunately missed back in December. No, the pair of you – don't even get me started."

"What?" Lily said for the third time, and she was beginning to feel like she was terribly clueless about her own relationship. "What's to get started on?"

Marlene stared at her. "You can't be serious," she said flatly.

"I am!"

Lily's friends exchanged smirks. "All right," Marlene said, "I'll tell you. I've said a lot of it before, Lil, but the two of you – Merlin, the way you look at each other is enough to make anybody gag. You're always touching. It's like you're the only two in the room –"

"So?" Lily wasn't sure if she agreed with what Marlene said, but in any case she certainly didn't see anything wrong with it. "What's so bad about that?"

"Nothing," Alice answered. "Mar's just saying, I think, that you and James are just as intimate as anybody else."

"Well, yeah," Lily said. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat and fidgeted with a page in her book. "I mean, it's been a long time coming, that's what everybody says. I care – well, all right, maybe I'm a little over-the-moon about him, and it's just nice to be able to act on that now I've quit being such a tosser about it."

Marlene laughed a little more. "Definitely," she concurred with a firm nod of her head. "It's obvious that the two of you are on the same I-want-to-suck-your-face-off-because-I-love-your-stupid-guts page. That's why I was wondering if you're going to shag him or not."

"Right." Lily felt the blush creeping up on her. "Well, it's – it's not something we've talked about. We could, I suppose, talk about it, I mean, since we've always got to quit snogging by the time he's got my shirt off, and –" She wasn't sure how to continue, but she figured her friends would get it.

"I know what you mean," Alice said, confirming that Lily needn't go on. "But… So is that all the two of you do, then? You snog and –"

"That's not _all_," Lily said. The page she was fiddling with was becoming very wrinkled at this point. "There's… other stuff…"

It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to them about this, just that they hadn't, not really, and Lily thought the whole thing was rather private. But now that they'd touched on the shagging bit of it all, well, perhaps it was time to lay all the details on the table. She'd told them about the snogging and that time in the library and the _Amortentia_, and all those similar instances since she and James had gone public, but she'd been rather vague. Alice and Marlene had caught on well enough that snogging wasn't the end-all, be-all, so Lily hadn't felt the need to be terribly specific. But sod it all now, she thought, and she went through all of it, bit-by-bit, and her friends were silent and attentive until she was finished.

"Well," Marlene said after a couple of minutes of Lily's monologue, "it certainly doesn't sound like he's wanting for much. And if he hasn't been pestering you about going further, he must be pretty okay with what he's getting now."

"Yeah?" Lily hadn't realized how worried she'd been that James was getting bored until she'd said everything out loud. "You don't think he's getting tired of it, then?"

Alice chuckled at that. "As if James Potter would get tired of you, Lil," she said, shaking her head. "Trust me and everybody else who says that. But if you're worried, just ask him; you're supposed to be able to talk about this sort of thing with each other."

"Yeah…" Lily wondered if she'd ever be able to say anything apart from these monosyllabic affirmations. She rubbed the corner of that terribly wrinkled page between her middle finger and thumb. "Maybe we'll talk about it tonight, then."

Marlene shot her a grin. "And then you'll shag him, yeah?"

Lily laughed and threw the book at her. "Oh, shove it, Marlene."

* * *

**8:23 P.M.**

Lily sat across from James in the Three Broomsticks, shaking her head. In fact, she'd been shaking her head at him for about the last half an hour, and James found the whole thing rather fantastically funny.

"You're such a nuisance," she said for the dozenth time. "You and that Cloak and that map… It's no wonder you don't get in trouble more often; I always wondered how you managed to get off with only thirty or so detentions every year, and now I know."

James took a swig of butterbeer. "And you can call me a nuisance all you like, but I'm very glad that you know."

"Oh, yeah?" Lily quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Oh, yeah." James leaned across the table towards her.

Lily felt her heart do that little but insistent flutter when she registered the look in James's eye, and it really was very distracting, especially after the conversation she'd had with her friends earlier. So to avoid the nerves, she made herself laugh and pushed his face and told him that he was ridiculous.

"I know it, love." James grinned and spun his butterbeer cork around the table. He felt especially fidgety this evening, all thanks to his stupid bloody friends and their jokes and their advice… "I just can't help it."

"I've noticed." Lily took a long draw from her own butterbeer to have something to do with her hands and her mouth that didn't involve pouncing on her deliciously handsome, sweet, funny, perfect boyfriend. _Pull yourself together, Evans._ She needed a distraction and she needed it now, because James's fingers were spinning that cork and he kept licking his lips and Lily thought that last bit was especially unfair and she had to stop staring at him like that if she wanted to retain her self-respect.

"I have to talk to you about something," she blurted, and was relieved that the confession sounded much more composed than she felt.

"Oh?" James looked away from the cork and up at her. "Sounds important. You're not breaking up with me, are you?"

Lily could have laughed, but he still had that look in his eye and that wasn't funny at all. "Never," she told him, and James liked the sound of that. "It's – well, you know my sister's getting married this summer."

James nodded. "To Vernon Dursley."

"Right." Lily didn't bother suppressing her eye-roll. "Anyway, I expect Dad will be too busy trying to appease Mum's wishes and cut his laughing down to a minimum, which is going to be bollocks for me, so I thought – and this should be obvious, really, but… d'you want to come? To the wedding."

Lily didn't know why she was blushing so much, but she could feel the heat rising in her face like she'd had the hair dryer on her for too long or something. She'd been with James for months, whether you counted it from December or March, and they were steady and good and everything, so what was she so sheepish about?

"Duh," James said in answer to her question. He covered her twisting fingers with his own fidgety hands. "I expect to see you as much as I can this summer, anyway. Plus your parents adore me. Naturally."

Lily really did laugh this time as he shot her a cheeky grin. "If only I could argue that," she said, thinking of her mother's thrilled response when Lily had written to her to say that James really was her boyfriend now. "As it is, though, I'm going to keep the details to myself so your head doesn't get any bigger than it already is. I don't want you floating away with all that hot air."

"Ouch." James pretended to flinch and started spinning the cork again. "I might have to skip visiting you this month if you're only going to break my heart, you know."

"That's not funny, you git." Lily threw her own cork at him and did not expect to hit him in the face with it. She covered her mouth with her hands. "Oh, Merlin, I'm sorry –"

"Again with the ouch!" James rubbed the spot just above his right eyebrow. "Take your girlfriend out, try to make her laugh, and let the physical assault rain down, eh, is that it?"

"I'm _sorry_!"

"Nuh-uh." James slid his hands off the tabletop when she reached for them. "You're not getting off that easy," he went on as he stood from his seat and relocated to the empty bench space next to her. He caught her earlobe between his teeth and sucked it for about half a second; Lily could already feel herself melting when he said, "Now kiss me or I'll never forgive you."

Lily laughed but it came out shaky as the butterflies erupted in her stomach and traveled up her throat. One of James's hands was running along her lower back and the other moved against her bare thigh. "You're ridiculous," she told him again.

"Oh, that's been established." James lips were moving slowly but purposefully across her face. "You've still got to kiss me."

"That sounds vaguely threatening," Lily noted.

"It should," James said, and his hand moved farther up her thigh. He hoped she didn't notice the way he was shaking.

"Well, that certainly doesn't make me want to kiss you," Lily said. Merlin, it was hot in there…

"I can fix that," James said, his breath warm as it fluttered against her skin and she trembled a bit. His fingers disappeared beneath her skirt.

There was a sharp intake of breath and Lily bit her lip as James's fingertips massaged the skin of her thigh, his lips working at her neck. _Oh god oh shite oh Merlin what what what… _Normally she wouldn't be this out-of-her-mind, but after what Alice and Marlene had said and now that the whole shagging business was on the table and she wasn't going to see James for weeks… _Oh, sod it,_ Lily thought and she turned her head to halt his wandering mouth with hers.

_Bloody hell._ That was all James could think as Lily's lips assaulted his. His heart picked up pace at an alarming rate and he pushed her against the wall of the booth and he moved his fingers teasingly, insistently against the flesh of her thigh and she moaned – _Merlin, the sounds she makes_ – and her hands were already rubbing the tops of his jeans. Her tongue and her fingers were going fiercely at him, much faster than usual; it didn't seem like she needed to warm up this time and that was just fine with James, as he felt like he'd been warming up all day.

His stupid friends and their stupid jokes and their stupid advice, it was all ringing in his head and he tired to drown it out. His mouth widened over Lily's and he pushed himself closer to her so that she was caught firmly between him and the wall and his hands and his tongue and the heat that was crackling between them. He almost didn't care what his stupid friends had said or what he had said or any of it, because now he wanted her and it was beginning to ache a little bit, he wanted her so much.

He tore his mouth from hers but kept it just a breath away. Her half-open eyes were bright and her slightly parted lips were swollen and the breath that was shuddering between them was sweet and ragged and he wanted it dancing over his tongue again.

"Let's get out of here, yeah?" James suggested, voice hushed and hoarse and it sent a thrill up Lily's spine to hear those words in that voice. His fingers were still pushing over her thighs and that look in his eye was even more pronounced, more fierce and blazing, than it had been earlier. Between that and the nerves and the memory of what James had whispered in her ear at breakfast, Lily could only bring herself to nod.

James dropped a few coins on the table and took Lily's hand, pulling her up from her seat and covering them both with the Invisibility Cloak. They left the bar and started along the deserted road outside, making their way to the gates that would lead them back to the castle. Lily's hand stayed encased in James's and they didn't talk much on the way back. There was just the sound of their harsh breathing and heavy footsteps as they hurried down the street, and they felt nothing but the tingles and the nerves and the heat and it was enough to drive them both dizzy with insanity.

When they'd slipped back through the front doors of Hogwarts, James had had enough of the waiting and his pounding heartbeat and shattered nerves; he wasn't going to make it back to Gryffindor tower in this state, that was for sure. So he skirted around the marble staircase and dragged Lily into the nearest broom cupboard. He slammed the door shut a little harder than was necessary and he pushed Lily up against it and let the Cloak fall and pool around their feet.

They were kissing again and neither of them was sure who'd started it this time, but once again there was no preamble. Their lips were parted, their tongues wrestling, their hands groping, swallowing moans and undoing buttons and mussing up hair and they were stepping on each other's toes in their efforts to get closer, to feel more, to satiate their demanding and uncontrollable lust, desire, love, whatever it was, it didn't matter. All they wanted to do was touch and be touched and they were fulfilling that brilliantly.

_We're supposed to talk about this,_ they both kept thinking as they tore at buttons and zippers and bare skin. But every time the thought crossed one of their minds, the other would touch them in just the right spot in just the right way and they'd think, _No, bloody hell, this is good, it's right, we should just keep doing this._

James's trousers were undone and Lily's skirt was hoisted up and they were kissing so hard and he thrust into her – once, twice, and his mouth moved to her neck, three times and they both silently cursed the thin layers of material separating them, and his hands held her hips, four, five times, and Lily's fingernails were digging into his sides and her moan was long and lingering when he thrust a sixth time and she was sure that if that blasted material weren't in the way, it would have been just the right spot. James bit her neck to quiet the gut-wrenching groan that tore through him when he thrust seven, eight times and she moved her hips to meet his, and they knew they were going too fast, knew they had to talk about this, but it was so damn hard to think about anything else but skin and fingertips and pressure and lips and their heartbeats that were thundering and echoing and bouncing off the claustrophobic space of the broom cupboard…

"Shit." James quit moving and he loosened his hold a little on Lily's hips. His breathing was short and ragged and he could tell hers was, too. "Shit. Lily –"

"We've got to talk about this, don't we?" she guessed. It wasn't a difficult thing to guess, since the same thought had been running wildly through her mind whenever she had a momentary flash of sense during that less-than-sensible-but-definitely-holy-Merlin-that-was-good snogging session.

James leaned his forehead against hers and nodded. "Right," he said. "Right. I just – Lily, I want to, I want to right now, but I can't do this with you in a broom closet."

"Right," Lily echoed. "You're right. Not exactly how I pictured it, either."

"Okay." James was glad they were on the same page there. "So then – wait, so you do picture it, then? You – you want to, too?"

Lily glanced pointedly down at her unbuttoned shirt and rumpled skirt. "Well, er… yeah," she said. "Pretty vividly most of the time, if you want the truth."

"Oh, bloody, _fucking_ hell…" James buried his face in her shoulder and tried to steady his breathing, his heart rate, his hands, his whole entire shuddering body. "You can't say things like that when I'm this close to sodding off romance and deciding that the broom closet is good enough."

A nervous giggle escaped from between Lily's chapped lips. "I'm sorry, love; I was only trying to be honest. Besides…" She took a breath, wanting to say it because she was supposed to talk to him, wasn't she? "I just, I want you to know that I want to, too, and I don't want you getting bored with me, and –"

"What?" James lifted his head from the sweet smell of her hair to look, completely befuddled, down at her. "Are you touched in the head?"

"_No,"_ Lily said, a little affronted and it was enough to make her stomp on his foot. "Come on, James, you can't seriously tell me that you're just fine with not – well, with not – _you know_, and – will you stop laughing at me?"

"I'm not laughing!" James lied. He didn't mean to laugh, in any case, so he figured that was close enough. "It's just that, for one thing, you really are daft if you think I'd ever get bored with you. You could _look_ at me and I'd be completely satisfied – how d'you think I got through the last couple of years?"

Lily wrinkled her nose a bit. "If you'd said that to me a year ago, you'd have tentacles growing out of every orifice of your body, you know that, yeah?"

"Oh, I know." James whistled one long, slightly ominous note. "Merlin, do I know. Lucky for me that I kept my mouth shut about it 'til now, or we probably wouldn't be having this conversation at all."

"Hmmm." Lily pressed her lips together and for some reason the motion made James's stomach muscles clench. "I'm not sure I'd go that far. I mean, if you'd physically accosted me before December, I can't say for sure that I wouldn't have reciprocated."

James laughed to quench his resurfaced nerves. He couldn't tell if she was joking or not, but after all the talking and the kissing and the touching and the blood boiling, he'd realized that he was still pressed against her, half-dressed, and they were alone in a broom cupboard and he wouldn't see her for weeks and who knew how often they'd get to be alone then? Even if they did get a few opportunities, the fact that Lily's father would be in the next room was something of a buzzkill.

"So then," he said, and he leaned closer to kiss her again, "as it turns out, you're the ridiculous one, and I think now would be an all right time for you to reciprocate."

Lily's pulse skipped a few rounds and she was sure that couldn't be healthy. "I thought we were supposed to talk –"

"We did talk." James ran his tongue over the line of her throat. "I told you, I'm not about to shag you in a closet. That doesn't mean I'm not going to do other things to you."

"Oh." Lily swallowed, hard, and James grinned as he felt the movement of her throat against his lips. "James –"

"No." James pressed his lips to hers again. "No talking. I'll write you a hundred letters between visits this summer, but I can't do things to you in letters, so right now that sort of takes precedence, don't you think?"

"Well, all right, but –" Lily began, but she stopped when James dropped to his knees and dipped his head beneath her skirt. It was rather difficult to prolong the matter further when his tongue and his fingers were doing whatever it was that made her muscles clench and her heart race and her lungs stop functioning properly and those little stars erupt in front of her eyes, whether or not she managed to keep them open. She didn't quite know what he did, not specifically. All she knew was that it might have made her a little bit crazy and she pulled his hair a lot while it was happening, but he didn't seem to mind; in fact, that seemed to intensity his ministrations, and Lily certainly didn't mind that, either.

It never took her very long to get to where James was always leading her, and Lily clamped down on her bottom lip to keep from being too loud because they were in a broom cupboard, for cripes sakes, it wasn't _that_ private… But then James paused and Lily whimpered and he shook his head out of her skirt to look up at her and he said, "Open your mouth."

Lily's teeth released her lip as she said, _"What?"_

He grinned. "That's better. Now keep it that way, right?"

"James, what –"

"I just like to hear you, that's all," he told her, and went back to what he'd been doing. Lily felt the flame flare in the pits of her stomach again and she thought that had to be one of the most… well, it certainly made the list of Top 10 Sexiest Things James Potter Has Ever Said.

So about a minute later, lack of privacy be damned, Lily kept her mouth open and all James could think about was those brilliant sounds she made. And by the time he'd straightened her skirt out and stood up, she'd pushed him up against the opposite wall of the broom cupboard and her mouth was on his and her hands were tugging at his trousers until they were around his ankles and then _she_ was on _her_ knees. It didn't matter how many times this had happened before, because it still shocked James in the best possible way and he couldn't _believe_ that she thought he'd get bored with her. Oh, bloody hell no, he was never getting tired of her, he thought when he felt her tongue make contact with his skin, when he felt the pull of her mouth and her hands, when the hum from her throat reverberated around him. He ran his fingers through her hair and shut his eyes against the swirling blackness of utter and complete ecstasy that was blinding him and he moaned and he said her name over and over again, and Lily understood what he meant when he said he liked to hear her because Merlin, she liked to hear him, too.

It never took James long, either, and as he was winding down from that ecstasy, he thought that perhaps it was a good thing that they'd stopped and talked about how they shouldn't shag in that broom cupboard. It was a little bit of foolish pride, he knew, but he wanted their first time to last longer than, oh, thirty seconds. He had no idea how to make that happen, and he resolved to figure it out before he attempted to get his girlfriend out of her clothes.

"Oh, bugger…" Lily said, and James looked down to see that she was still on her knees, playing with the zipper of his trousers. "I… might have broken this in my enthusiasm."

"I can't seem to muster up the energy to be annoyed, somehow," James remarked dryly, and Lily rolled her eyes.

"You can, however, muster up the energy to be a sarcastic little berk," she observed. "See if I let you walk away with any of your trousers intact now."

"Somehow can't manage to get annoyed about that, either."

"I bet."

James sighed heavily. "Would you quit being so cheeky and stand up straight? I can't keep talking to you like this; my needs are getting unmanageable again."

"You know," Lily said as she rose, dusting off her skirt as she went, "for someone who's so keen on remarking on my cheek, you're really one to talk."

James bent down to pull his trousers up, taking care to run his tongue over Lily's knee as he did so. "Shut up, Evans."

Lily shot him an incredulous look as she pulled her hair up. "You shut up."

James was adjusting his shirt and noticed that a few of the buttons had gone missing. "You shut up."

"Listen, we keep doing this, eventually one of us is going to say 'Make me,' and then we'll be in a load of trouble," Lily warned. "I swear, that's the most sexually charged thing anyone has ever said."

James thought about that for a moment, then told her to shut up again. Lily stared at him and asked if he thought she was stupid. He said no and kissed the spot between her eyebrows. He picked up the Invisibility Cloak and covered them both in it; it was still early enough that they wouldn't get told off for wandering around the castle, but they'd both lost quite a few buttons in their initial eagerness, so they thought the Cloak would be for the best.

They made their way back to Gryffindor tower, hair a mess and skin flushed and fingers twisted together. James thought about telling her what he'd realized with a gut-wrenching certainty at New Year's, and Lily thought about telling him what she'd written with a heart-crushing pang on that piece of parchment that she still carried around. They stole glances at each other beneath the Cloak, wondering if now was the right time, wondering if any time would be the right time, but it was all too brilliant and confusing and somehow still too new to figure out.

In the end, when they returned to Gryffindor tower, James pulled off the Cloak and they clambered through the portrait hole. They walked to the girls' staircase and James held her and Lily held him back, both soaking up the feeling because they had to go to bed if they wanted to be up in time for the train the next morning. James kissed her hair and Lily kissed his heartbeat and they both decided that now just wasn't the time for anything more than that.

* * *

**9:17 A.M.**

The train compartment was rather cramped. Peter said they weren't really built for ten people, and Sirius told him to shove off because he quite liked having McKinnon on his lap for hours on end. Remus told Sirius to keep it in his pants and Fabian and Gideon were sure to repeat that sentiment to Frank ("I don't care if you're engaged," Fabian said, "that doesn't mean you've got to touch each other"). James grinned and wrapped his arms more securely around Lily's waist and kissed the back of her neck.

"Ugh!" Sirius threw the pair of them a disgusted look. "Knock it off over there, will you? You don't see me and McKinnon going at it."

"Didn't we talk about this yesterday?" Remus reminded him.

Marlene twisted around in Sirius's lap to give him a reprimanding glare. "Talk about _what_, exactly?" she wanted to know.

"Nothing, nothing…" Sirius grinned at her and rubbed her thigh.

"Hey! HEY." James pointed a finger at his mate's offending hand. "You're going at it right now!"

"Oh, please." Sirius snorted. "I could do much worse, Prongs, like suck her face off right in front of you, for instance, see how much you like it."

"You're all disgusting," Gideon piped up. "Now let's talk about something a little more interesting, eh? Like who in the hell Potter's going to recruit for Quidditch next year. Any thoughts?"

James shook his head. "We'll do tryouts 'round the second week of term, I think," he said. "Two Chasers and a Keeper. Most likely scenario is that I'll tear my hair out because everybody sucks so bad. Unless you turn out to be some sort of secret golden boy, _Phillip_," James added, winking at Peter.

"Wonder if the next commentator will bother to actually remark on the match," Peter said. "Any idea who it'll be?"

"No, but it doesn't really matter, does it?" Lily said. "At least Jorkins'll be gone. JUSTICE."

"It's not quite justice, is it?" James said thoughtfully. "I mean, it's not like she got kicked out or anything, she's just done with school."

"Do you _mind_," Lily said rather loudly, "not ruining this for me?"

James dropped his lips to her shoulder, Sirius's smart remarks be damned. "Sorry, darling."

"Bellatrix's out, too," Sirius added gleefully. "And Lestrange. I'm definitely feeling the justice, too, if I do say so myself."

"Right," Remus said, "never mind Avery, Mulciber, Snape, your other cousin…" He trailed off, not wanting to mention Regulus because he thought that would be taking it that one step too far.

"Yeah, point taken." Sirius released a long breath; he didn't need Remus to mention his brother for it to be at the forefront of his mind, because it was always there, no matter what. "But I'll take what I can get. The less Muggle-haters, the better, right?"

Everyone either nodded or mumbled their assent. Lily didn't say anything and James was sure she was thinking about Jenny Jenkins again; they hadn't discussed it much since it happened, but of course it had to be on her mind. James squeezed her a little tighter. After Jenny and the attack on London in January, he hated knowing that he'd be leaving Lily alone for long stretches of time. He knew he couldn't throw himself in front of every hex, every curse, every danger, but he'd feel better if he was at least around to try. No matter how stupid his knight-in-shining-armor antics were, they still put him at ease, and it would be difficult to be at ease when he wasn't close enough to Lily to pull the white horse schtick.

"Okay?" James murmured in her ear, and Lily nodded. She didn't want to talk about it; there wasn't much to say, and she'd much rather start her summer holidays on a cheerier foot than to spill her worries. That could wait, she thought. Right now she wanted everything to be just as okay as she tried to assure James it was; maybe then she could believe it herself, at least a little bit.

"Speaking of that bullshit…" Sirius looked around at Frank and the Prewett brothers. "What are you lot up to now that school's out?"

"Expect Dumbledore will let you know soon enough," Frank replied. He covered Alice's hand reassuringly with one of his own. "We'll still come 'round Hogwarts, though, so don't think you're getting rid of us that easily."

"Not to mention Christmas," Alice added. "At least then we'll have a wedding, a little normalcy for us, which will be a nice change of pace."

"Hear, hear," everyone chanted.

They ended their conversation about the war then. It was too heavy for a day that was supposed to be as light as this – the train ride home for the holidays was no time to fret over danger and prejudice and everything else they spent so much time fretting over. It was too personal now, what with Sirius's brother and Marlene's parents, Lily's blood status, Frank and Fabian and Gideon's involvement in the fight, and everyone else's looming initiation into that same fight. It was an unspoken agreement that they would have plenty of time to worry about all that another day – a dozen days, a hundred, a thousand – so they'd take easy, they'd take happy, for as long as they could. The little happy things made everything else easier to deal with, and they all knew that dealing was something they would get well-acquainted with soon enough.

So they stopped talking about it. Instead, they reminisced about Bertha Jorkins's Quidditch commentary, about that time the Slytherins vomited glitter and that other time Marlene tried to drown Amos Diggory in his scrambled eggs. James spent a happy minute rejoicing in the fact that Diggory wouldn't be around next year, either. They recounted the night that Sirius and Marlene had their first shag and were completely unbearable about it. They talked about that positively brill snowball fight in December. They discussed plans for Frank and Alice's wedding, and Alice put the kibosh on her brothers' hinted-at plot to kidnap Frank and render him impotent. Alice's protests were taken seriously as everyone recalled the time she set Bellatrix's hair on fire, and they had a good laugh about that, too.

By the time the train pulled into Platform 9 ¾ at King's Cross, the mood in that overcrowded compartment wasn't distressed or subdued, but rather bursting with life and overflowing with energy. There were no tears or worries as they dragged their trunks through the train and wheeled them through the barrier into the Muggle world. They hugged and kissed and said good-bye, see you soon. Peter waved as he left the station with his mother; Alice and Frank hurried away for a proper good-bye before Fabian and Gideon could stop them; Remus hugged everyone and promised to write; Sirius and Marlene busied themselves behind a pillar to satiate whatever lust they couldn't contain before they got to the Potters' house; James caught sight of his parents first, and he grabbed Lily's hand and dragged her along to greet them.

"Oh, thank Merlin," Dorea muttered to her husband. She nodded towards their son, who was walking towards them, hand-in-hand with Lily Evans, pulling her along after him. They both had the most ridiculous grins on their faces, and Dorea was quite sure that neither of them even knew they were smiling like that.

"Wonderful," Charlus agreed with a smile as he watched Lily Evans quicken her step to catch up with James. "You know, I thought that perhaps James was delusional when he wrote to tell us that they were actually dating this time…"

Lily caught her foot purposely around James's ankle and he looked at her reproachfully when he nearly tripped, and the older Potters heard Lily say, "Well, if you'd slow down, I wouldn't have to do that."

"You tell him, dear," Dorea said warmly as the two reached them. She enveloped Lily in a hug. "Lovely to see you again. I trust you'll be visiting us this summer?"

"Of course," Lily said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world (which she thought it was, really). "In any case, I'm sure James would _drag_ me over if I were to refuse."

James shrugged as he exchanged a one-armed hug with his father. "You walk too slow."

"You walk too fast."

"Can't help it, Evans; I'm always a man on a mission."

Lily rolled her eyes and James kissed her cheek.

"Well, well, looks like my dear cousin wasn't kidding around…" a new voice said, and the four turned to see Andromeda and Ted Tonks, walking towards them and grinning widely. Andromeda's stomach was considerably larger than it had been when she'd seen Sirius in January, and Ted looked as though there wasn't anything in the world he'd rather be doing than holding his wife's hand.

"Hey, 'Dromeda!" James said, throwing his arms around her in a tight hug. "What wasn't Sirius kidding about? You're huge, by the way, did you know?"

"You know, I did notice that my clothes were becoming a bit snug," Andromeda said seriously. "Oh, and Sirius told me about you two," she added, looking fondly from James to Lily. "He seemed a bit confused at the time, but then he's always been rather slow."

"I heard that!" Sirius roared as he came into view. His face was rather flushed and Marlene's hair was a wreck, but no one bothered commenting because at this point it was just too easy. "And I'll have you know that I'm top of the class with this idiot," he went on, jerking his thumb in James's direction, "so I dunno who you're calling slow."

The group spent a few minutes engaged in affectionate bickering, Sirius and James exchanging smirks every time Andromeda insisted that she'd name her daughter Nymphadora, Marlene and Lily jabbing them in the ribs and hissing at them to quit being such berks.

About five minutes into it, though, Lily happened to catch a glimpse of two people she knew, two people who she hadn't expected to see, hovering around at the next platform. Her heart sank a little and dread took its place.

"Oh, hell," she muttered, only so James could hear.

"What is it?" He followed her gaze and his landed on the blonde girl he'd seen with Lily's mother before the Christmas holidays – her sister, Petunia, and some rather short, round bloke with dark hair and a haughty expression on his mustached face. "Oh, good god. That Vernon Dursley?"

"_Yes,"_ Lily groaned and turned to James with a pleading look in her eyes. "Can I come live with you?"

James grinned at her. "Twist my arm, why don't you?" he teased. "You know I can't say no to you, especially when you're looking at me like that."

Lily sighed and wished she could disappear with him, but she supposed that wouldn't be very thoughtful of her, considering that she was sure her parents still loved her, despite the fact that they'd sent Petunia and Vernon to fetch her from the station. Not that she was going to let this go that easily or anything, but she couldn't very well skip out of home at the drop of a hat; all of her things were there.

"S'pose I should head over there," she said. "Petunia looks a bit put-off already, and I haven't even spoken to her yet…"

Lily bid farewell to the group, administering hugs all around, congratulating Andromeda and Ted, promising the Potters and Marlene that she'd visit soon, and muttering to Sirius that he'd better take good care of her friend when she wasn't around. Sirius linked his pinky with hers and shot her a wink, and that was enough to put Lily's mind at ease until she could see Marlene again herself.

James accompanied her on her way across the station; Lily insisted that he needn't bother, and he insisted just as strongly that it was no trouble at all and he very much wanted to meet Vernon Dursley. Lily chewed on the inside of her cheek to keep herself from making some unpleasant noise or other.

"Hey, Tuney," Lily said, giving her sister a perfunctory hug. "Mum and Dad busy today?"

"Not quite," Petunia said, "but as Vernon and I were coming to London today, anyway, it seemed pointless for them to make the trip as well."

"Ah. Well then." Lily smacked her lips together a bit and decided that perhaps her parents didn't love her so much, after all. "Hello, Vernon. How're you?"

"Fine, fine…" Vernon's mustache blew around a bit and Lily couldn't fathom how her sister put up with it. Scruff was one thing – Lily couldn't deny that, as she quite liked James's scruff and sometimes she even smacked him upside the head when he shaved it off – but that thing hanging over Vernon's mouth was just absurd.

Lily looked away from it to place a hand on James's arm. "Petunia, you remember James?" she said, although she knew her sister had forgotten his name two weeks after she'd met him the first time. "James, this is my sister's fiancé, Vernon Dursley. Vernon, James."

"How d'you do?" James said, and it was obvious to Lily that he was trying not to laugh as he shook the older man's beefy hand. "Heard a lot about you."

"That so?" Vernon was too busy being impressed with himself to notice the way Lily stomped on the scruffy boy's foot. "Think Petunia mentioned you once or twice as well."

"Brilliant." James felt like one of his ribs was about to crack. "Really fantastic. You know, I can't hang 'round long right now, but I'll be coming by in a few weeks to visit. Fancy going out to dinner, the four of us?"

Petunia and Lily looked a bit put-off about the idea, but Vernon Dursley had never been one to skip an opportunity to exert his superiority over someone else, no matter how little they were acquainted. So he agreed, James was thrilled at the opportunity for a good laugh, and the Evans sisters stewed in their own separate trepidation.

Lily managed to shake the engaged couple off after another minute, telling them she'd catch up and meet them at the car in just a bit. When they were out of earshot, she rounded on James. "Do you want me to be cross with you right before I leave?" she demanded.

"Aww." James gave her his most charming smile and wasted no time in slipping his arms around her waist, pulling her close so he could soak up her scent and her feel before he had to let her go for a little while. "Don't be mad. It'll be easier for me to laugh at him during the wedding if I get to know him a bit better first."

Lily wasn't buying it, but it was hard to care when James had his hands on her. "You're such a – a – hmm…" Lily had to think about it, and that only made James's smile widen.

"Can't think of anything, can you?" he said smugly. "Knew you'd run out of clever names to call me one of these days."

"I'll think of something." Lily narrowed her eyes threateningly at him. "Just you wait. I'll think of it and I'll send it in a letter and it'll hurt more than that butterbeer cork I hit you with last night."

"Oh, really?" James quirked an eyebrow at her. "Guess that means we'll just have to find another broom cupboard so you can make it up to me…"

Lily blushed furiously at that particular mention of last night. "You think you've won this one, don't you?" she guessed.

James nodded, smug little grin still plastered on his face. Lily thought he could do with being taken down a peg, so she said, "Don't be so sure." She stood on her toes and grazed her lips over his ear as she whispered into it, giving his suggestive remark from yesterday morning quite the run for its money. She heard James's sharp intake of breath, felt the quickening of his heartbeat and the tightened fingers on her waist, and she was satisfied enough with the effects of her revenge to kiss him good-bye.

"You're such a tease, Evans," he murmured against her lips, sighing deeply as he changed the angle of the kiss. "You can't do that to me."

"Hmm?" Lily slid her hands up and down his chest. "I was under the impression I could do whatever I like to you."

"Evans…"

She smiled against his lips and he thought his heart would burst from just the feel of that upward curve. She was smiling at him, on him, against him, and it was the most brilliant wonderful fantastic thing, and he didn't want to let her go. He remembered the last time he'd let her go and how much it had hurt; granted, this wasn't the same, not at all, but he'd still have to watch her walk away and it was dead awful watching her walk away.

Lily felt the sudden desperation in the kiss, in his touch, and her arms tightened around his neck. "Don't, James," she whispered as their lips broke apart but their bodies stayed together.

"Don't what?" he said, his voice low and gloomy, his eyes heavy as they looked into her own borderline miserable ones.

"Don't worry," she elucidated. "I'll see you in a few weeks. I'm only walking away for a little while, and I'll run right back into your arms as soon as you step out of my fireplace, all right?"

James smiled and his heart skipped a little at her words. "Have you been practicing Legilimency in your spare time?" he joked.

"Nah." She rumpled his hair up and knew that it wouldn't be enough to tie her over until she got to do it again, but she'd have to make do. "Just practicing my James Potter. How'd I do?"

"Marvelously, as always," he assured her. He pressed a long, firm kiss against her forehead. "You perfect, perfect girl; you're always marvelous."

"Oh, shut it." The parchment that was neatly folded in Lily's jeans pocket felt suddenly very heavy and she wasn't sure what to do about it. Surely now wasn't the right time. She had to leave in about thirty seconds; there wasn't enough time to do it at all, so surely it wasn't the _right_ time.

James held her, knowing he didn't have much time left before she had to walk away for a little while. He had to be okay, he knew that, now that she was his and he was hers and that, at least, was something that he didn't have to let go of, ever, not even for a little while. He was sure that was the only thing that would keep him sane for the next few weeks. And he wanted to tell her – wanted to tell her everything – right then and there, but there wasn't time. The car was waiting for her outside, and there just wasn't time. Later, James thought; they'd always have later.

Lily kissed him one last time, lingering over it for as long as she could afford. She felt silly, getting so torn-up about not seeing him for a little while, but she couldn't help it when his lips and his hands clung and he was looking at her with those swirling gold-and-green eyes, imploring her to stay even though they knew she really had to go so her sister wouldn't get annoyed with her. So James told her she was perfect and that he'd see her soon, and Lily told him that he was mad but she'd miss him, anyway. And then he kissed the inside of her wrist and she gave him that look, that smile he'd been waiting so long for. And then he had to watch her walk away, but this time it didn't hurt, not so much, because this time she wasn't really going anywhere; and it didn't pain her so much, either, because this time she knew that soon enough she could turn around and they could pick up right where they left off, no harm, no foul. That was enough.

James slid his hands into his pockets and sighed as he watched her leave the station. He felt an arm drape around his shoulders and he turned his head to see Sirius grinning at him.

"You gonna make it, Prongs?" he asked jokingly.

James laughed a little bit. "Reckon I will," he said. "My unfaltering optimism hasn't failed me yet, has it?"

"Sure hasn't." Sirius shook his head. "If you can get through an estimated total of eighty-seven 'Sod off, Potter's, I think you can make it through a couple of weeks after a good macking session. Which your parents saw, by the way."

"Whoops." James whistled but he didn't look sorry at all. "Five Galleons says Dad tries to give us both The Talk by the end of the week."

"With McKinnon and me living under the same roof?" Sirius shook his head some more. "I give it to the end of the day."

James grinned as he and Sirius exchanged a high-five. "You're on, mate."

"Excellent."

Together, Sirius and James turned away from the entrance of King's Cross to rejoin their family, both thinking that perhaps everything would turn out all right, in the end. Perhaps things would retain these glorious little things that they called normal – kissing and joking and taking bets and laughing – and if they did, then maybe they'd get through all the other bullshit alive, whole, happy… Maybe they'd get through it because they wanted to, they had to, and they weren't going to give that up without a fight. They had too much to lose and no intention of letting any of it go so easily and that, they knew, would be enough to keep them going.

* * *

Late that night, miles away, in a dark little basement of a dark little house, dark little marks were burned into the dark little flesh of dark little people. Too young, too naïve, too jaded by their own personal tragedies, the expectations that were too heavy for their shoulders to carry without collapsing beneath their weight. They needed this, lusted after it, they'd live and they'd die for it, because it was the only thing they had, the only semblance of belonging and purpose.

So in that dark little basement of that dark little house, dark little hearts handed themselves over to be ruled by dark little deeds, deeds that they weren't ready for, deeds that they craved with an unnatural and uncontestable fervor. They fed off the darkness, thrived off the opportunity, and their dark little hearts shriveled up and died, in a dark little basement in a dark little house.

Their arms burned and their hearts shriveled and their souls cracked into dark little pieces. They were just dark little people in a twisted little world, and suddenly everything was a little more dark and a little more dangerous. The only visible thing looming at them from that darkness was a pair of bright red eyes, bright red eyes against a pale white face, and everything was a lot more dark and a lot more dangerous.

But that, in the end, was what these dark little people had craved for all along.

* * *

**A/N:** _OKAY THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT SO READ IT. I MEAN IT. READ THE WHOLE THING. RIGHT NOW. NOT THAT I'LL KNOW IF YOU DO IT OR NOT BUT YOU SHOULD BECAUSE I'M ASKING NICELY. EXCEPT NOT REALLY. I'M SORT OF DEMANDING. AND SHOUTING. BUT I DIGRESS. READ THIS:_

_This is the last chapter of ARE. I will not be updating this fic again; I will be starting the sequel in an entirely new document, so if you want to know immediately when the first chapter is up, you might want to follow me on here. I'll post the link on Tumblr as soon as it's up, so you can keep watch there, too –_ **cokebottleglassesarecool**_._

_Now that's all said and done, I just want to thank everybody again for your follows, favorites, reviews, support, and enthusiasm for this fic. You've really helped to get my creative confidence back on track, and I'm like eternally grateful and indebted to you. In that vein, I will continue to keep updates as regular as possible because it's the least I can do because I LOVE YOU. _

_I'm really stoked to get the sequel going, so expect it soon! I've got a lot of plans for it, but if there's anything in particular you'd like to see, shoot me a message on Tumblr and we'll see if I can make it happen!_

_Love & other things… –K. _


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